⌚ 6:00 AM ON THE DOT
Twenty days into summer camp, and El is still caught off guard when that godforsaken horn blares and shatters her ear drums. Sitting up abruptly as she is thrown out of what little sleep she's had, she hits her head hard against the bottom of top bunk and dread builds up in her throat. Her first thought isn't that she'd probably suffer a mild concussion because of the force of her impact. It's that she probably violently woke Grace up and Grace would finally be pushed over the edge and strangle El to death.
El doesn't like that she's back to being scared of Grace. That's a feeling she hasn't experienced since junior year of high school. To her credit, though, she isn't always scared of Grace. Most of the time (that time being the past day), she's slightly annoyed because of how immature Grace has been acting towards her. There's this small part of her, though, that's just plain sad. (That part is normally supressed along with everything to do with El's mother and Lionel...fuck.)
She's expecting Grace to do one of two things: scream at the top of her lungs (since she's finally been pushed over the edge) or fall off top bunk. It takes four long minutes of dead silence as El waits at the edge of her bed for any signs of these. Realizing there's none, she carefully climbs out of bed and peers at where Grace is supposedly laying.
Except she isn't. Her bed is empty, and she's even made it. That's a change. It unsettles El. Along with how Grace's closet is left slightly ajar and her hairdryer is placed haphazardly on her dresser - the closet is usually shut tight and the hairdryer should be in its drawer, cord wrapped around itself neatly. Not like El notices that or anything.
El hates that she almost feels disappointed - like she wanted to see Grace glaring at her from top bunk. Like she wanted to see Grace. Period.
The disappointment (fine, she kind of is disappointed) only grows when El listens for sounds of trickling water and humming from the bathroom and finds even more silence. And then she feels dumb for trying to hear sounds that she didn't hear in the first place.
Just a faint strawberry aroma floating around the cabin is all that's left of El's cabinmate, along with her bitter thoughts and El is so inexplicably lonely it's pathetic. She'd feel sorry for herself if she wasn't too busy wanting to stab herself in the gut. For being so pathetic.
Did she say that already?
Yes.
Right, El thinks. Her mother's voice makes its way into her subconscious, singing It's going to be a big, big day! over and over again. Is she going insane? Very likely. That's reassuring.
Grace wouldn't have a crush on someone who's mentally unstable. (Actually, El was pretty mentally unstable to begin with...things have just escalated at a rate that El's brain can't handle.) (She should really stop thinking about Grace every five seconds and pairing those thoughts with that certain five letter C-word.)
El strips on her way to the bathroom, dumping her clothes into her laundry bag as she shuts the door. She keeps her eyes off the mirror and thinks that she better sort her shit out, quick. She's scaring herself.
⌚ 10:17 AM
It turns out, all it took El was a nice shower to snap her out of the trance-like state her brain was in. Despite her relief, El was dismayed to realize that since it's the twenty-first day she's spent in this hell-hole (that's only a slight exaggeration), that means it's been three weeks. Exactly. Three. Weeks.
And what happens at the end of every week?
"The Weekly Bonfire Music Jam, people!" Grace's voice booms across the field designated for the Ashes to practice their musical numbers in.
El was previously reassured by the thought of spending an entire day competing in an activity against a Woods cabin to keep everything on her mind well, off her mind. Of course this isn't the case, seeing as El is forced to instead spend her entire day practicing some musical number with Grace breathing down her neck so it's perfect.
"We've chosen a theme for the songs we're singing today," Grace says, gesturing to the other counselors flanking her, Sky, Mari, and Louise. El raises her eyebrows in surprise and peers at Grace from beside Sky. She didn't choose a theme.
Grace ignores her. (El tries to be surprised at this but she ends up supremely unimpressed.) "And that theme is," Grace pauses for dramatic effect, "Throwback."
Oh no.
A giddy air falls upon all the Ashes at the prospect of singing old songs. El hears familiar names - The Beatles, N'Sync, Lionel Richie, Madonna, Abba, among others.
"Exciting, isn't it?" There's a kind of spark to Grace's voice; a spark El hasn't heard for a day (granted, that isn't a long time but it felt like it). She sounds excited and it's very likely she is, with her creative juices flowing and all that. Grace loves the stage and every week is another opportunity to show it.
Then the spark is gone and her tone is grave. "You better make sure we win this, okay? We don't want the Woods to win, right?"
The Ashes cry like an army would before battle.
Grace grins, baring her teeth. "That's it."
"So," El says to Cabin A once Grace lets everyone get started on practicing, "have you decided what song we're doing?"
"Yes!" Laura says giddily. El recalls she was the one who suggested they sing Mean for the first Music Jam, and that went extremely well. (El herself may have chosen The Circle of Life...no regrets.) "We were thinking - "
"You were thinking," Bianca says under her breath.
Laura elbows her. "We were thinking Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill."
"And why that song?" El smiles a bit. "That's a bit obscure." She, however, knows the song by heart because, well, she probably knows every female-empowering song by heart.
"She wants to slay the patriarchy," Brittany says. The glint in her eye is scarily similar to Grace's when she's determined. (El doesn't think about how that determined look led to something that she refuses to think about. Why is she even thinking about it? What even is thinking?)
"So do I," El agrees. "Let's slay the patriarchy."
"What's this I hear about slaying the patriarchy?" Grace has her kid-voice (higher pitched, more jolly, slightly less fuck-it) on when she interrupts Cabin A's discussion. "Have you chosen a song?"
"We have indeed." If El sounds dry, that isn't her fault.
"What's the song?" Grace addresses Cabin A and it gets on El's nerves.
Laura tells her. Grace's eyebrows shoot up her forehead. "Th-that's quite risky, isn't it?" This means Grace is doubting Cabin A's abilities to pull off the song and is very worried that they'll lose again because of this.
El smirks. "We can do it though, right girls?"
"Yeah!" Cabin A proclaim.
"The song would probably open some eyes, too," El says. "Maybe a particular counselor will realize how wrong they are about this sort of thing. That's the plan, anyway." Maybe she's trying to spite Grace.
"Okay!" Grace snarls at no one in particular. She's still avoiding eye contact with El. "Do that song!" Then, realizing she's in front of fourteen pre-teen girls, she smiles. "You'll do great," she says stiffly.
"Don't worry!" Sarah, the ten year old clutching at Laura's arm, squeaks. "We will!"
El raises an eyebrow at Grace but the latter has already stormed away.
⌚ 7:07 PM
The greatest discovery El has had today is that Brittany can play the drums. And Maxine can play the electric guitar. And Tiffany can play bass. She found out that they actually know each other outside of camp ("We came here together, duh.") and are a band. Picture this: three thirteen year olds forming a pop-rock band named Spaced Out. El has only been more thrilled a few times.
The reason that El requires people who can play such instruments is because Rebel Girl is a song that requires such instruments. There's really no going a cappella or acoustic on this one. (She got Louise to convince Lionel to break out some old instruments that haven't seen the light of day in years.)
An old set of drums sits on the low stage. El is almost worried that said stage will collapse any moment. But as soon as Lionel takes a step onto it and it creaks under his weight, El wouldn't mind if it did collapse. Which is a horrible way to think. Lionel's old. He has back problems.
(He's her father.)
As he delivers his usual Welcome-to-the-Weekly-Bonfire-Music-Jam-campers! speech, El concentrates on recalling the lyrics of their song.
"And with our first performance of the night, Cabin A!" Lionel's grin is lopsided. El senses that he's trying his hardest to catch her eyes with his own but she isn't letting that happen. "They'll be performing Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill!"
El waits for Maxine and Tiffany to hook up their guitars to the amps on either side of the stage.
"One, two, three, four!" Brittany screams and she starts pounding on the drums.
Tiffany and Maxine join her with their guitars. El feels a sudden rush of adrenaline from the terrified expressions upon the faces of every Woods camper. El bobs her head along with the rhythm of the music. Jumps before Isaac and sends a bunch of dust into his face. "That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood / She's got the hottest trike in town!" She's lucky this part requires only a bit of rhythmic screaming, which she's clearly an expert at.
Isaac backs away slowly, bumping into Will. El's smirk reaches infinitesimal proportions.
Laura sings the next verse from the stage, "That girl she holds her head up so high / I think I want to be her best friend, yeah..."
Then, Cabin A explodes. "Rebel girl, rebel girl / Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world! Rebel girl, rebel girl / I think I want to take you home / I want to try on your clothes..."
El joins them on the stage, amazed at how she suddenly doesn't feel like a lanky nineteen year old among her cabin. She figures she should feel at least a bit embarrassed at how she's jumping around with them. Instead, she doesn't really find any fucks to give.
"When she talks, I hear the revolution / In her hips, there's revolutions!" Sophie's voice is sharp and sweet.
"When she walks, the revolution's coming / In her kiss, I taste the revolution!" Bianca has her arm around Laura and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. Laura giggles. A few boys hiss in disgust, while others let out hormonal whoops. Lionel looks a bit uneasy.
As they sing the chorus again, El catches sight of Grace bobbing her head slightly. El tries not to grin too wide.
"That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood," El rhythmic-screams. "I got news for you..."
"She is!" Cabin A screeches in unison.
A few more verses and he song ends, with fifteen girls tired, sweaty and glowing with pride. This time the entire camp erupts in applause and El knows the grin on her face is probably the goofiest she's ever worn. It doesn't matter, though. It feels like she's witnessed the hardest party of her life...and it was with a bunch of pre-teen girls. More so, they're clapping at female empowerment, Ashes and Woods alike. El has only been more thrilled a few times.
"Great job!" Lionel suddenly appears beside El and raises a hand to pat her on the back. She quickly evades it. "N-next, we have Cabin F!"
El high-fives every member of Cabin A as they exit the stage. The grin she's sporting shows no signs of wearing off. She sits beside Louise, who hands her a stick and a bag of marshmallows. "You did so good," she tells El.
"Thanks." El's face is nearly tearing open. Her heart is still racing. Feeling satisfied is honestly so much better than moping around; why doesn't she feel satisfied more often? Because there's more to mope about. Nope! El thinks. Not tonight!
Cabin F sings Bad by Michael Jackson, which scandalizes Lionel, since the first lyric is literally, "Your butt is mine." Aside from Isaac being himself (wagging his butt around, being overly sexy so he's crossing over into creepy), the performance is fine and El doesn't find one thing misogynistic about it.
It seems like tonight will be a good one.
⌚ 8:14 PM
It's a usual occurrence for El to speak too soon. Such is the case now, since when Cabin E, Grace's cabin performs Somebody To Love by Queen. Grace sits at the foot of the stage, head bowed. Cabin E stand at the center of the stage, bunched together like a choir, their heads bowed as well.
El keeps on roasting marshmallows and stacking them onto graham crackers and chocolate; two can play at the ignoring game.
Cabin E starts humming and of course they're going a cappella again, Grace is clearly the master of a cappella. No surprise there.
"Can..." Grace's not rings clear through her bowed head. El pokes a marshmallow rather violently.
"Anybody find me..." four girls sing. "Somebody to...love?"
Grace's head comes up, her hands clutch the stage. "Each morning I get up I die a little / Can barely stand on my feet..." El snorts at how accurate that is, considering Grace falls off her bunk quite often. "Take a look in the mirror and cry / Lord what you're doing to me?"
Another girl takes it up from there. "I have spent all my years in believing you / But I just can't get no relief / Lord!"
"Somebody, somebody / Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
El finds it easier to roast her marshmallows after that. (That's not because Grace doesn't sing any of the following stanza or anything...shut up.)
"He works hard..." El is happy Grace didn't change the pronoun on this one, unlike the other songs she's been singing. Yeah, El did notice that but she didn't think much of it. Stupid.
" Everyday - I try and I try and I try - / But everybody wants to put me down," Grace rises and circles the campfire. The look in her eye is pure madness. "They say I'm goin' crazy / They say I got a lot of water in my brain / Got no common sense / I got nobody left to believe / Yeah - yeah yeah yeah!"
"Somebody - somebody / Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
The other girl sings the next stanza, "Got no feel, I got no rhythm / I just keep losing my beat / I'm okay, I'm alright / Ain't gonna face no defeat / I just gotta get out of this prison cell...
Grace joins her as they belt out the next note: "Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!"
"Find me somebody to love / Find me somebody to love..."
El looks up from the s'more she just made to see Grace standing above her, looking her straight in the eye. El finds that Grace's gaze burns right through her corneas, but at the same time, it's impossible to look away. "Find me somebody to love / Find me somebody to love / Find me somebody to love," she sings, pleading.
Gulping, El finally looks away. She tries to keep the burning in her face at the minimum. Her hands are covered in chocolate.
She hears disappointment in Grace's voice as she lets out a few notes, though that doesn't make it any less impressive. Grace walks away and El sees from the corner of her eye that she's doing that goddamn hair-whipping thing again. Why does she have to be so attractive? Why can't El answer her question?
"Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
⌚ 10:20 PM
El really should learn how not to give into peer pressure.
After Finn's cabin's atrocious performance of Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley, Lionel declared the Ashes as the night's winners and he told everyone to get to bed, now! He left the counselors to clean up the mess (not without trying to get El to talk to him, which she expertly avoided, of course) and here they are.
Isaac has taken his shirt off and threw it onto the moist wood of the pier. So maybe Isaac's muscles are toned and firm. Maybe he's actually attractive. Too bad everything that comes out of his mouth is shit.
Soon, all nine counselors are in only their underwear. The tenth, El, is too horrified to move.
To her own credit, she doesn't give into peer pressure right away...she needs a bit of convincing and - in some cases - blackmail first. So when Isaac first suggested they go skinny dipping, El was not okay with that.
He tries to convince her that they did this last year as well, and El really shouldn't be worried. That makes it even worse. That means they've already seen each other naked and it must have been glorious. What they haven't seen is the mess that El is under the clothes. Seeing her in a bikini was one thing. For one thing, no one saw her unshaved crotch. Come to think of it, she hasn't shaved her legs in three days.
Not a good time to be parading around naked.
Now, Isaac has shed his boxers and El catches a glimpse of that gigantic five inch penis before he jumps into the lake.
"Water's great, guys!" Isaac is shivering.
El hangs back by a tree as the other counselors strip and get into the water. Despite her better judgment, she checks them out, which is totally inappropriate but whatever. Finn resembles an Olympian, with his golden skin and majestic butt. (El never thought those two words would ever come together, but Finn is an exception.) Louise resembles a mermaid, her turquoise hair cascading down her pale front, leaving little to the imagination. Will gives El a thumbs up, and El tries to keep her eyes on his face. His collarbones could cut stone, though.
"C'mon, El!" Isaac waves at her from the water. "Don't be a spoilsport!"
"Who even says that?" El barks. Grace says that. Whilst sucking Finn's face off.
Speak of the devil, Grace is the only one left with her underwear on. She doesn't seem intent on getting into the lake, sitting at the edge of the pier with her legs hanging off.
El considers making a break for it and possibly getting sufficient sleep for once. But she sees how much of a blast they're having, and El's legs overtake her brain, leading her to the lake.
"About time, girl!" Sky hollers. She grins at El but the latter finds herself transfixed at Sky's chest. God, she's a mess of hormones, isn't she?
"Take your clothes off." Luke wiggles his eyebrows.
El snorts. "I'll pass." (Just wait, she'll give into the peer pressure any moment now.)
"You're ruining the fun," Jason says.
"Trust me, you won't have any fun once you get a load of this." El gestures to herself.
Grace scoffs, still looking straight in front of her. El rolls her eyes.
"And you, too, Grace!" Finn calls. "Don't be such a tease!"
El is sick. Vomit is literally on its way up her throat and her stomach is churning more of it up her digestive tract. Grace, on the other hand, is smirking. "I'm not the only tease here."
(This is it. This is when El gives in. All it took was Grace indirectly burning her ass.)
"You know what?" El taunts no one specifically. She rises and kicks off her boots. Peels her socks off her feet. Pulls her shorts down her legs and silently thanks god that she decided to wear plain underwear today.
Isaac whistles and El flips him the bird.
Next, her shirt comes off and she folds it neatly, setting it down on top of her shorts. El tries not to fidget under Grace's gaze, trailing lazily up and down her body - the girl really couldn't be more obvious. (El was stupid not to notice this before. This, and well, the other thing concerning a particular camp director.) She tries to stand straight as she unclasps her bra. Shivering at the sudden exposure, her underwear comes off and she's in the water.
"Y-you lied!" El says through gritted teeth. "It's f-fucking freezing!"
Isaac cackles and splashes at her. El makes sure to keep only her shoulders above water. The sensation she's experiencing is new to her, water lapping at her crotch with nothing constricting it. This makes her feel simultaneously exposed and empowered. It feels a lot better than poison ivy, anyway.
She sighs and shuts her eyes, letting her hair get wet. El's eyes flutter open after awhile and they land on Grace's bare body. Her eyes travel upon those familiar curves, her brain connecting each of them with how they felt against El's own body. The worst part - or the best, depending on how you look at things - is Grace's breasts. El admits she's checking them out, yes she's checking Grace's breasts out, fine! But who wouldn't check them out, honestly?
El has made the distinction long ago, between breasts and boobs. Breasts are fuller, more voluptuous, much more appealing than boobs. Boobs are only tiny hills upon one's chest, little peaks that are no contest to breasts. Grace has breasts. El has little boobs. She hates her little boobs.
Grace doesn't even bat an eyelash at El, puffing her chest out (on purpose, clearly) and dives into the water like a goddamn swan. El submerges her face in water in hopes to cool the heat spreading on her cheeks. At least she has the decency to be embarrassed for being a total creep.
"Great, huh?"
El gasps, lifting her head from the water. "W-what the hell...?"
As her vision clears, wet turquoise hair comes into her view. Louise. "Grace. You were totally checking her out."
So much for El keeping the blushing at a minimum. "I was not."
Louise giggles. "Don't worry, dude. Everyone checks her out."
El sinks lower into the water, until her chin touches the surface of the water.
"I should know that of all people."
It dawns on El. "I knew it!" she screeches. "You and Grace - and you - and Grace..."
Louise rolls her eyes. "That's right. How very smart of you, El."
"You were together?" El splutters.
"Yep. She's a fun time, lemme tell ya."
El just thinks how strange it is to hear all this at the specific moment - naked in a lake, with the girl they're talking about swimming laps around Finn a few feet from them. "I - " El turns redder.
"You two'd be cute," Louise says. "That used to piss me off, you know? Ha, that was stupid of me. Grace wasn't good for me, anyway."
El's eyes have gotten progressively wider in the past ten seconds. What's gotten into Louise to come spewing all this out? Whatever it is, it's caught El completely off guard. She isn't even drowning but it feels like water is filling up her lungs.
"But you'd be good for her. Just saying." Louise gives her a smile, and she's beautiful like this: the moonlight bouncing off the lake onto her face, her skin slick with lakewater. El can see what Grace saw in her. (What Grace sees in El, however, is still a mystery.)
"This is weird," is all El says.
Louise shrugs. "I've gone through weirder. You should've been here last year. Isaac started doing the helicopter," she shudders, "it wasn't pretty."
"I heard that!" Isaac says. "I can do that again if you loved it that much, Lou!"
"Fuck off!" Louise sings.
"Isaac, please don't!" Finn pleads. El ignores how he has Grace squealing, riding on his back.They're bros. El has no reason to be jealous. She doesn't even like Finn anymore. He's just too attractive to be a mortal. Grace...she doesn't care about Grace. Nope. Bye.
She really has issues, doesn't she?
Louise turns back to El and grins. She grins back, albeit a bit uneasily, because naked and Grace is her ex-girlfriend and she is very lost what is happening.
El glances down while Louise is laughing at how Sky has just gotten Luke soaking wet and ruined his precious coiffed hair.
Damn it. Breasts.
________________________________________
a/n: another shorty for y'all idek what im doing anymore but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!! i rlly love writing the music jam scenes ngl
im gonna sort out the dedication + multimedia thing (while that isnt here u should rlly google rebel girl itS SUCH A JAM) tomorrow bc wp's new layout is killing me to death
((as always comment pls))