SHE COULD DIE HAPPY
two-thousand-and-three
SUNLIGHT FILTERS through open blinds.
She stretches, allowing the mattress to swallow her up as she listens to the cawing of the birds in the distance. How early is it? She can't even remember her alarm going off. Maybe she woke up before it for once, but, oddly enough, she feels entirely rested. She feels better than rested. She could lay in this sun all day, let it wash over her like a cat who cannot be bothered moving from its delicious spot in the window.
Her arms stretch above her head and the duvet falls away from her chest. It's colder than normal. She reaches for it and her hand brushes against bare skin. Her eyes snap open and her head tilts down to see her naked body staring back at her.
Oh, wait.
She takes a quick glance of the room to realise this is not her parent's house. Worse, she knows exactly where this is. There are Luke's dirty dishes in the sink. His shirts hanging on the back of the furniture. Jess' shoes kicked wherever he can reach.
She twists her head to the man laying next to her.
Oh.
It's Luke, one bare arm twisted around her body. He's got a tattoo on his shoulder. She can't quite make out what it's supposed to be, but, without thinking, her finger traces the image staring up at her. His skin is warm beneath her touch.
Luke.
Last night comes rushing back to her.
Luke kissing her in the gazebo. Leading her to his diner. The door slamming shut behind them as he bent her over a table to kiss her, their hands grappling to grab onto one another. Leading her up the stairs, tugging off each other's clothes in the process. His shirt might still be on the staircase. Her shoes definitely are. Leading her into the apartment, promising her that Jess was staying with Rory for the night, the bed creaking under their weight. Her fingers in his hair, his lips tasting every inch of her body, his name falling from her mouth like a whispered prayer.
Seventeen years later and look where they are.
She reaches for the patch of sunlight kissing his cheek and brushes her fingers against the stubble there. How long has she wanted to wake up like this, trapped under his arm, the memories of their sex-filled night replaying over and over in her head.
"Hi."
She burrows closer to him. "Hi to you, too." He smiles and his eyes slowly start to inch open until they're completely focused on her. He leans forward and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. When he pulls back, he props himself up on one arm to lean over her. Her hand, instantly, reaches to trace his jaw. She kissed there. So many times. He turns his head to kiss her wrist.
Oh. She could die happy.
She can't bring herself to speak above a whisper. "So, this is a thing now? Us?"
"Do you want it to be?"
"Do you?"
Luke chuckles and nods. She nods too. Is this what people mean when they say they are so happy they could burst? Because, right now, she's pretty sure her heart is bursting right out of her chest. Her face hurts. Has she really been smiling that much? She can't seem to stop.
This might just be the life she's always dreamed of.
Luke drops back down onto the bed beside her. She nudges his arm so that he'll lift it and she can burrow right into him. He's so warm. She doesn't want to move. She never wants to move. She's never fit anywhere so perfectly before. Two jigsaw pieces who were lost in different boxes, finally getting the chance to slot together again. Let her bask here in the sun and never move again. Rot here, lay her to rest here, let a tree grow from their bodies, roots intertwined.
Luke tugs the duvet up to her shoulder when she notices her shiver. She thanks him, whispering it into his shoulder, finishing it with a kiss to the bone. She could get used to this.
"So, should we tell anyone–"
The door is thrown open. "Luke!" Jess yells, kicking the door shut behind him. He's got his headphones clamped over his ears so he's louder than he needs to be. Her doesn't look up as he heads for the kitchen. "I'm back! I spent the night with Rory. Lorelai made me sleep on the couch! Again."
He tugs his headphones off and lets them sit around his neck, allowing the couple in the bed to hear the far-too-loud Metallica ringing from the speakers. He spins around, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and freezes.
Then, he starts laughing.
"Took you long enough." He turns to grab a Red Bull from the fridge. As he spins back around to face them, he pops it open and downs half a can in the process. Luke huffs.
"That stuff's bad for you. You'll have heart problems before you're 25."
Jess rolls his eyes at his uncle. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. So, how did it happen?" He leans against the kitchen counter. Luke, perpetually annoyed by his nephew, grabs the pillow beneath his head and launches it at him, telling him to get out. Jess doesn't stop laughing as he leaves, muttering something about telling Rory.
They're never getting back to sleep now.
"You want some coffee?"
She grins and swings her legs over the side of the bed. "I'll get it." She tugs on his red plaid shirt and her underwear sitting nearby. Luke tries to stop her, reaching for her arm, trying to pull her back into bed, but she waves him off and tells him to stop being silly. She'll get him some tea too. Maybe she can even steal a cake or two.
She pads downstairs, buttoning up his shirt, into the empty diner.
Except it's not.
Her hand grips the curtain that separates the staircase from the diner, staring at everyone who stares back at her. The normal flow of morning traffic is taking up all the space in the diner, digging into pancakes and eggs and bacon. Cesar leans over the kitchen door to wave his spatula at her, grinning. Jess, behind the counter, is still laughing, grin splitting open his face. He waves too. Autumn, pouring coffee all over a table instead of into a mug, stares, slack-jawed.
A presence appears behind her and she feels Luke's warmth on her back before she twists her head to look at him. He's zipping up his jeans. But his eyebrows are furrowed and he's gone back to grumpy him.
"I told you," he whispers in her ear. It sends shivers rolling down her spine. Okay, maybe she doesn't need that coffee just yet. He takes her by the wrist and tugs her back upstairs, leaving behind the explosion of noise in the diner. Their names float up after them.
If they wanted to keep things quiet, they've just failed. She's pretty sure Babette and Miss Patty were in the diner. By the end of the day, everyone in town will know about it.
She pulls out one of the chairs at his kitchen table and falls into it. "They'll hold a town meeting, won't they?" He chuckles and nods, and she watches the muscles in his back move as he reaches up to rummage through his cupboards. "What are you doing?"
"I've got a bag of coffee for Jess in here." He doesn't need to turn around to feel the smile that radiates off of her. He locates it, quickly, and pulls it out, starting to make her coffee before she can argue. "I told you not to go downstairs."
Shelley groans and her head falls back to rest her neck against the back of the chair. From this angle, she can see the mess they've left his apartment in. Their clothes are everywhere. The few cushions on the couch have been misplaced and they've even knocked over a stack of Jess' books. Were they really in such a rush last night?
"I didn't think the diner opened without you."
Luke turns, back resting against his kitchen counter. She sits up again, unable to tear her eyes away from the rolling muscles in his arms as he crosses them over his chest. He's got a little bit of softness around his middle and she can't help but remember last night. Her hands running over his body, feeling every inch, clutching wherever they could. Her lips must have followed. Did she bite him? Oh, God, she did. She can see a faint mark just to the side of his hip.
Her eyes fall back to the table. Luke's head cocks to the side and he smirks, knowing exactly what's running through her mind. The same thing has been running through his. The way her body felt beneath his hands. The way her legs wrapped around his waist. The way her hair looked scattered across his pillow. He could spend every night like that.
"Cesar always opens on a Friday morning. I get to lie in."
"Until when? Seven?"
Luke shrugs, but a hint of redness peeks through his cheeks. She wants to tease him, touch him, make him laugh and blush until the world falls apart around them. She never wants to move.
He pushes a steaming cup of coffee towards her and she wraps her hands around the mug. He pulls out the seat beside her, herbal tea in one hand, and as soon as he sits down gathers up her legs to pull them into his lap. Her heart pounds against her chest. She can feel it in her coffee mug. It gets stronger as he rubs his free thumb against her shin, caressing the skin there, flicking a few freckles that have never strayed.
"I went to Jess' 'employee of the month' thing a couple of nights ago."
"At Walmart?"
He nods, staring down at the tea swimming in his hand. It sloshes against the sides as he lifts it to his mouth to drink. She could lean over and kiss him and he would let her.
"It was... it was fine. I think."
"You think?"
He looks up, denim eyes catching her, and she freezes, coffee sitting on her lips. All last night, she was lost in those eyes, whispering words she's too afraid to say now in the daylight filtering through the blinds. The caress of his hands in places she daren't think about lest it shows on her face.
"It was going well. Until his manager came to talk to me." He lets out a long sigh. "He told me Jess is working 40-45 hours a week."
"That's full time."
He nods, fingers ghosting a line down her leg. Goosebumps follow closely. "Maybe he's pulling double shifts at the weekend."
"Can't be. He's always with Rory. Lorelai asks Olive and I to do stuff with her because she's bored without her." She can't even count how many times she's been to the mall since Jess and Rory started dating. They've run out of things to buy. It's not even fun to try on clothes anymore.
"Maybe he's getting up early on weekday mornings to do a shift before class."
"Have you seen him do that?"
Luke sighs again and shakes his head. She doesn't suggest what she thinks is going on, because knowing Luke, he already has the same idea. Jess isn't going to school. No matter what promises he made to his uncle this time around, the chance to make the money to get out of this town has trumped that and nothing can hold him back. That one-way ticket out of here has his name scrawled over it. She knows that feeling well. One day, you'll look around you and see the big city and you'll forget all about that little town that was privy to all your most formative years and biggest secrets.
Jess deserves the chance to get out of here.
"Just don't do anything stupid."
Luke huffs out a laugh and squeezes her knee. He uses the opportunity to tug her closer until she's falling out of her chair and onto his lap, legs awkwardly hanging on either side of him. He allows her the grace to fix her posture before his hands grip her hips and pull her as close as she can possibly get, mouths inches away from one another, eyes so close it's hard to look at both at the same time.
When he blinks, she can feel his eyelashes tickle her cheeks.
"You ready for round two?"
She giggles, playing with a few strands of hair at the back of his neck. "More like round five after last night." Luke smirks. His hands run around her thighs to grip the underside. His fingers dig right into the flesh and if she wasn't so caught up in his gaze, she'd watch them touch her.
When he lifts her, it is so natural.
His lips find hers to start a slow kiss, just soft enough that it barely grazes, and then, as her back hits the bed, it deepens. He moans something into her mouth she can't make out. She can barely make out anything over the blood rushing through her ears. His touch is amplified by a million and sets fire rushing across her body as his hands roam wherever they can reach.
He stops kissing her to kneel by the side of the bed. She can't look away, holding herself up by her elbows, captivated by his smile as he slowly tugs off her underwear. They inch further down her legs. Every inch grows slower the further down he goes. His breath is hot on her thighs and she itches to rub them together and trap him there.
They're interrupted by banging on the door.
"Uncle Luke!" Jess keeps knocking and they freeze, heads whipping over to the sound. "It's an emergency!"
Luke drops his head onto Shelley's knees and mumbles a few curse words before letting his nephew know he'll be right down. Jess' feet thunder against the stairs. After a few moments, Luke straightens again and lets Shelley see the apology written all over his face.
"I'll help, if you'd like."
"I would."
They get ready together, Luke buttoning up another flannel from his wardrobe while Shelley hunts for her favourite brown pants that she wore the first time she saw Luke again after sixteen years. They rush downstairs together, hand-in-hand, to see Jess arguing with Lorelai and Sookie, both of whom are holding bags from Doose's. Outside in the street are a whole bunch of people. Shelley faintly recognises two of them as the Poes from last night. Are these the guests from the Independence Inn?
"What's going on?" Luke splits up the fight, having to let go of Shelley's hand to get in the middle of it.
Sookie tries to barge past him and into the kitchen, but he catches her by the arm to stop her. She spins back around to face him, eyes settling into a vicious glare. "We're trying to do Phase Two."
"Phase Two of what?"
"We're in luck," interrupts Lorelai, barging right past Luke and setting her groceries down on the counter. "Lots of empty spaces. Come in and take some seats." The guests from the inn trickle into the diner, a flow of commotion following them, and Shelley is pushed behind the counter. Sookie, already behind the counter, is setting up shop and her eyes land on her cousin.
"What are you doing here?" Before she can answer, Sookie's eyes drop down to the shirt tucked into her pants. Her eyes narrow at the sight. "Since when did you wear plaid?" And then, as if everything slots into place, her gaze flickers from Shelley's shirt over to Luke's and back again. Back and forth. Back and forth. "Is that Luke's? Are you wearing – Oh my god! You slept with Luke!"
The commotion squeals to a stop. Luke had been begging Lorelai for answers about the fire – the Independence Inn had burnt down and she was unwilling to go into too much detail – while she was trying to take charge of all the guests that had been unhoused overnight.
"Sookie, please–"
"You slept with each other?" Lorelai's eyes track Shelley's half-hearted ponytail and the few hickeys peeking out from the neck of the shirt. Luke has turned bright pink at the attention now on him. "What about Nicole?"
"We broke up."
Sookie and Lorelai share a look and fight hard to suppress their smiles. Thankfully, for now, they're forced to be more worried about providing for their guests than the newly-formed couple most of Stars Hollow have been waiting seventeen years to happen.
"Everyone's fine." Lorelai motions to her guests piled in behind her. She smiles to ease the tension but it shakes. "The Inn's still standing and we're in Phase Two."
"What is Phase Two?"
Before Lorelai can explain, one of Sookie's kitchen staff leans out of the kitchen door and asks Sookie what to do with all the stuff currently cooking. She tells them to shove it all aside and start doing their own stuff.
"What are you doing?" Luke huffs, pulling off his cap to run his hands across his head. He always gets stressed when there are people mucking about in his diner.
"Making breakfast."
He and Sookie argue about making breakfast in his diner. One of the brown paper bags gets slammed down next to Shelley and she reaches in to steal a red apple, grinning at the fresh taste. She really should get more fruit from Doose's in the morning while it's still fresh. She watches the two argue back and forth with a chuckle. This morning had started off so slow, a singular cloud lazily dancing across a summer sky, and then, all of a sudden, it had exploded into a rain storm they couldn't control.
She'd rather have the tranquillity back.
She reaches out to run her hand over Luke's shoulder and, without looking, his hand shoots up to curl around hers and squeeze it tight. He very quickly presses a kiss to her fingers before dropping her hand and going back to his argument about cracked plates and what not to say to pregnant women. It had moved on from breakfast very fast.
"Are you gonna be this cute all the time?" Lorelai asks from her new spot at the counter. Shelley laughs again and reaches for the nearest coffee mug to make some coffee for her friend, earning a relieved grin in return.
"I believe so. Got seventeen years to make up for."
"Disgusting. I love it."
They laugh together as Shelley pours some coffee for herself. She's not usually allowed behind the counter. Maybe now that they're dating she gets some privileges she never realised she needed. Wait. Dating. Are they dating? Are they messing around and sleeping together? They both want this but what does it mean?
She spins the coffee mug between her hands and watches the liquid swirl inside it.
"We can't be making different stuff at the same time."
"You're right," Lorelai is quick to agree. She pushes herself to her feet and faces the diners. Their heads all swivel towards her, the enigmatic leader, the quick-thinker, the overwhelmingly optimistic presence. "All you people who were here before we invaded. Are you willing to cancel your orders for Sookie's famous blueberry-lemon pancakes, Belgian waffles or banana foster?"
"Sure," agrees a couple in the corner. A few more mutters of agreement follow and Shelley turns to her cousin.
"I'd love some pancakes."
Sookie grins in return and turns to her kitchen staff, patiently awaiting their orders. Just as she shouts orders at them, Shelley slides her arms around Luke's middle and kisses the space between his shoulder blades to make her presence noticeable to him. Over his shoulder, she can just about make out Autumn and Luke helping Rory with the kids who had been staying at the Inn. It looks like some kind of puppet show using socks.
"Shoulda warned me you were this cuddly."
Shelley's grin carves itself into his back muscles. "Would that have stopped you?"
"No way."
They laugh together and he spins around to catch her in his arms, holding her hostage against the counter. His nose dips to rub against hers and she can almost taste his laughter in the air. She doesn't want to move, uncaring about all the eyes on them. She'd come back to Stars Hollow to escape real life, expecting a childhood fantasy to still be at play and that everything would be bigger, brighter, better. But when she'd arrived, she found that time had barely moved on, stuck in a ghost town with an artificial shine and everyone expecting everything to stay the same. But, Luke was here, and Luke was different, and Luke still had the same smile she'd been unable to forget even after all these years. Maybe that's why she stayed after the wedding.
Maybe she knew she'd find belonging in these arms some day.
"Mr Baseball-Cap-Man!"
They spin around to see the kids from the Inn sitting at the counter. Lorelai had left, presumably to take care of Inn business while she could, and Sookie was still barking orders at the top of her lungs. However, there was a stack of heart-shaped pancakes sitting in front of the couple with their names drizzled on it in lemon sauce.
She cuts through the first pancake as one of the kids holds up a sock puppet.
"What do you want?"
"Miss Lorelai said you'd do a sock puppet show for us."
Shelley giggles as Luke snaps at them to go back to their parents. They do, running away with their imaginary tails stuck between their legs. She holds up a little bit of pancake and lets him take a bite.
"You're evil."
"You love that about me, Juliet."
His arm wraps around her waist to tug her closer and, in this moment, she finds bliss.
No more soul-searching needed.