Everything seemed hazy to her and Emiko was not fully aware of what was happening. Once it seemed to her that she was awake, and then again that she was in a dream... She tried to speak... to move somehow, but she couldn't. She felt the tremendous weight of her body and was unable to break free from this state - just like in the dream from three days ago... Will she finally fully wake up and end this nightmare? Or maybe that was her final end?
Suddenly she felt someone's cool hand touch her forehead.
"Emiko?" The voice seemed to come from a distance... And although she could hear it, she was unable to react to it. A pleasantly cool hand began to caress her face. "You have a fever."
'...Fever... ahh... yeah...' Though Johan's words began to make sense to her, there was no further reaction of her body. His hand disappeared from her face, allowing the girl to fall back into a dreamland again.
The soft beeping near her head woke her again.
"Thirty-nine and two. It is a high temperature, isn't it?"
'...Will I... possibly... End up like in this dream that I had on the first day here?' Somehow, the thought didn't frighten her in any particular way. Unlike Johan, the young woman knew there was never a real end to the soul. Once it's born, it lives forever in order to develop and gain new experiences in future incarnations. She knew that even if she left this world and crossed over to the other side, she would be able to come back here again... but not as the same person...
Besides, Emiko couldn't remember the last time she was sick. As a child, she often had colds and bronchitis, but that changed later in her teens. After arriving in Germany, she didn't care for herself very much, and yet she didn't develop a cold or any other disease. If now, unexpectedly, has her body decided to make up for it all?
"Does something hurt you?" Johan's hand, surprisingly carefully, touched her shoulder and shook it slightly. The girl still lay motionless. "Emiko... can you hear me?" One of her hands was raised and a pair of soft fingers touched her wrist. "Your pulse is normal."
'As if the pulse... was related to... temperature...' If only she wasn't so overwhelmed with her condition, she would certainly smile. The girl found it strangely amusing - diagnosing her disease by the Monster. 'If only... Onii-chan was here...' The man's hand silently returned to her shoulder, on which he tightened his grip.
"I can get you whatever medicine you need." There was something in his voice that managed to catch her attention, even in her current state. Something that has never been present before... something like a confusion, maybe even... a worry? But did it matter?
'Onii-chan said... that you don't need to... cure a fever... A cold compress is enough...' Emiko felt another shake on her shoulder, only stronger this time. She let out a displeased groan.
"Just... leave..." It took a lot of effort to talk; even pronouncing those two short words had taken an incredible amount of energy from her. Therefore, it seemed highly unprofitable to her.
"No, Emiko. Get yourself together. The day before yesterday, when you drew for me, there was more life in you than today, even yesterday... You disappoint me. You wanted to prove to me that I couldn't break you, am I wrong?" The deliberate mockery in the young man's words, however, didn't manage to fully hide what it hid beneath its surface - a silent helplessness.
'...yeaaah... It doesn't matter to you anyway... I know it...' Young Tenma just wanted to go to sleep and fall asleep... and she might never even wake up again. It didn't matter to her anymore.
"All right. Then I will give you some aspirin. It should at least lower the fever." Johan let go of her arm and after a while his footsteps began to move away from her, and she immersed in silence, fell asleep again.
****
When the young man returned with the medicine and sat down next to her on the bed, Emiko felt as if she had experienced the phenomenon of deja-vu. It looked the same as a situation from three days ago, when she woke up tied up in this room. Even though only seventy-two hours had passed since then, it felt for her as if many, many years had passed.
"Open your mouth. You will feel better." At these words, she just pressed her lips tightly together. She wouldn't let him treat her the same way a second time... not him. "Have at least a little water. You should drink a lot when you have a fever."
"This... I don't know..." She managed to make a sarcastic comment with the last of her strength.
"So? Will you drink a little?" The girl shook her head negatively. Though it was only a slight movement from side to side, she felt as if hundreds of needles were piercing her throat. "Emiko..." She wasn't perfectly sure, but was there a slight... impatience in Johan's voice? "...Does this childish stubbornness give you more control?" She could almost feel his gaze on her face, looking for signs of any her reaction. "Do you really want me to make you do this?" But she still lay unmoved, because his taunts didn't quite mobilize her to fully wake up from the lethargy in which she was now. After a while she heard a soft sigh and the man got up from the bed.
'Yeaah, go away... Go away and leave me alone...' Even though she knew it was a child-worthy behavior, she didn't regret it. She actually wanted to stop breathing, only to be able to prove to him that he was wrong and that his plan wouldn't go as he wished. It felt like this might be her last act of resistance before...
On the other hand, however, as soon as she stopped feeling his presence close to her, a crushing sensation filled her chest. Maybe the truth was completely different? Maybe since Johan has done and said what he wanted so far, he just doesn't need her anymore?
Being so lost in gloomy thoughts, she suddenly felt a cold and wet piece of cloth against her forehead, at which she groaned. Feeling this chill on her forehead, however, turned out to be extremely pleasant as it began to push the nausea away and gently clear her thoughts.
"Well, Emiko. Let's make a deal."
'Let's make... a deal?' She definitely didn't expect such words from a man standing nearby. Usually it was either as he wanted it or not at all.
"I will reveal to you some information which I believe will reassure you. In return, you will let me take care of yourself. Okay?" The young woman tried to shrug, but didn't quite manage to make the gesture. What would the Monster have to say to make it meaningful to her...? "Do you remember your brother and my sister Nina standing on the stage on the day the library was burning?" Emiko's breath stopped slightly. "They both managed to survive." She felt an inexpressible relief that spread over her numb body. "Aah, I knew it would make you feel better. I can see the relief written on your face."
The cloth from her burning forehead was removed, only to be replaced after a few seconds by a new one, icy cold. The man's hand rested in her hair.
"You see? You don't need to worry about them anymore." The girl narrowed her eyes, undeniably stunned by this confession. Was it just her imagination, or was there really a slight trembling in Johan's seemingly cheerful voice? She felt something squeezed her in the area of her heart.
"Drink some water and take an aspirin." With no little effort, she tilted her head a little so that she could look directly at his face, and to her real surprise... his eyes said a lot. A lot.
There was a real concern in them... something she had never expected to experience from him...
She felt her heart beat a little faster and for a long moment she stared into his eyes as if looking for additional confirmation in them... something more. It was for some reason they say, that the eyes are a mirror to the soul... Just a day ago she found in them a large part of the truth about him...
"Is it really... brother..." Her condition still made it difficult for her to speak.
"Do not worry." Johan's fingers gently caressed her cheek. "You know I prefer to play with people's minds by reminding them of the truth, instead of lying?" She knew it all too well. "Will you finally start to be reasonable?"
"...Hn..." She couldn't get it all. How could this monster do the most frightening things without any remorse, and now be able to touch her with a feeling that was so innocent as to almost bordering on devotion? As she was thinking about it, the young man unexpectedly said something that broke the rest of her resistance. It was just one word, but the first time it wasn't spoken with irony.
"Please?"
Emiko gave up. All right. Either way, it always ended up that the young man had what he wanted... except maybe a few things from his early childhood that he was deprived of.
One of his hands was on her back to help her sit up, and the other was holding a glass. The girl began to drink the water in slow sips and continued until she emptied it to the bottom. Even with her eyes half closed, she could still sense his presence, at the same time feeling something unfamiliar... and warm within her. It took all her willpower to resist the overwhelming urge to lean against him...
So she quickly began to lie back down... Suddenly realizing that her head hadn't fallen against the pillow, but against his hand, which was tangled in her hair. The other hand, on the other hand, rested lightly on her stomach.
"Well, that wasn't too hard, was it?" The girl felt a completely unjustified feeling of comfort, despite the fact that her head was now resting on the lap of probably the most dangerous psychopath of recent times... Was it sure he gave her only an ordinary aspirin? Or maybe it was some pill with god-knows-what composition?
Johan lightly ran his fingers through her hair, speaking softly, almost in a whisper, and it was by far the most pleasant feeling she had ever experienced.
"Aah, my dear Emiko..." The man began, but the girl was still not able to think clearly enough due to the fever. "I remember the way you touched me."
'...TOUCHED YOU...?'
"During my faint in the library I was unable to move, but I could hear and feel everything that was happening around me. You held my head so gently as you washed my face with a damp handkerchief... As carefully as if I were something incredibly fragile. And then the way you stroked my cheek... I wasn't fully awake, but I remember. Your hands were so-"
"Jo... han! Please..." The young woman curled up, feeling the sweat begin to pour out of her body, and it was by no means a sign of falling fever. Emiko almost wished the man had tried to hurt or humiliate her again. Had he come to the conclusion that he had done enough damage to her? Or maybe he wanted to take advantage of her current state? Anyway, she almost started praying for cruelty instead of receiving this outright incredible adoration. She could handle anything, literally anything, just not THIS, not those immediate romantic moves on his part. The girl tried to pull away, but Johan held her tight. He held her in his ARMS...
"How funny, Emiko. You are so embarrassed even though I am telling you all this."
"...It's not..." She couldn't express her feelings. She still felt incredibly heavy clouds in her head, covering her mind. 'Johan... At least once, ever... did you feel loved?'
"Ah yes, I almost forgot." Despite the obvious mockery in his voice, Kenzo's sister felt a wave of sadness within her.
'All your foster families... all the times they tried to show you love and kindness...'
"Even though all your brothers are doctors, you always take care of yourself anyway, so you do not need anyone to look after you, do you?"
'...Were you not able to accept it? Did you punish them for what seemed so absurd to you? You were hurting yourself at the same time...'
"Of course you don't need this, do you?" The young man's fingers tenderly stroking her cheek left no doubt what he meant when he said 'this' and Emiko with a sigh, felt her head turning slightly and lean against his hand against her... No. It wasn't against her will anymore. She wished and even begged for it to last as long as possible.
Staying in his grip and the gentle touch of his hand, the girl finally began to understand the meaning of the puzzle, which she had been trying desperately to solve for over two years. Each piece of it showed nothing but this blue, immeasurable ocean...
'Just simply dying isn't good enough for you... No... You are meticulous and you must erase your every step on the Earth that you have stepped on before...'
"Your fever seems to be going down." The relief in that voice sounded sincere. "You should go to sleep." Almost immediately she felt her eyelids grow heavy, and one part of her, the one that still wanted to deny everything, wanted nothing more than to fall asleep forever. And to die here in his arms... that would be the pure perfection.
However, the greater part of it, the one that seemed to grow from second to second in her, wanted to end the puzzle and thus help her brother end his suffering. Go back to everyday life... and everyday worries. Just thinking about it, she smiled slightly.
"You see, you are smiling..."
'Johan... for all these years you... you idiot... why did you not... maybe I could... I could do something...'
"Now sleep."
'...Is there anything I could do... for you...?'
After that last thought, Emiko leaned on his shoulder and not even a moment passed when she went straight to the land of dreams.
****
The girl was sleeping, and the Monster tried to sit still, taking care not to wake her up. Even though her fever had dropped a few hours earlier, he hadn't moved. The young woman needed a rest now, especially as it was time for her to act. Either way, it was going to be interesting.
Emiko...
The monster has often tried to imagine what it would be like to not only have a name, but a name made up of symbols that mean something. The two letters in the surname Tenma meant the "heaven/ paradise" and a "horse". Paradise... Didn't Emiko at the top of the university rooftop say something about a Paradise that she would like to create for another human someday?
But Emiko was just another weak human being... like all the rest. The monster saw it all too well.
They all followed him too willingly and were willing to do many things in return for the privilege of being guided by someone who had no doubts. By someone who could break their indecision entirely and show them true freedom from assigning and questioning different values in life, freedom to create and destroy, life and death...
Even Junkers pleaded for his life to be spared when he realized that death was the only and ultimate form of his atonement. Even Emiko already understood that death could be a salvation, but she wasn't going to be able to escape so easily.
"...hn... Jo... han..." The girl moved slightly while still asleep, and one loose strand of hair fell over her eyes. The monster pushed it away, frowning his brows, delicately scratching an unfamiliar pattern on her cheek with one finger...
This automatic growth of hair on the head or grass even in a sun-scorched desert... Spring returning every year, after the whole world has survived the winter... It was something that fascinated him for a long time - that in some inexplicable way, life seemed to persistently continue, all the time, after all...
It was true that Emiko and Dr. Tenma showed with their behavior things that were difficult for him to fully understand. Even after several days in her presence and his thorough investigation, some matters still remained unclear. One of those problems was the way his false name sounded through her mouth every time she was saying it; the Monster felt as if it echoed in a vast, deep valley. It wasn't a very common name. However, after meeting Dr. Tenma first, and then with Emiko on the patio and on the top of the university rooftop, after hearing it spoken by her, he realized that he's going to be a "Johan" to the very end.
Another mystery was, why Emiko and Dr. Tenma hadn't been able to kill him before, even though all he was doing was making it easier for them. The right time, the atmosphere... everything was just perfect. Dr. Tenma had even managed to shoot Roberto just moments before, and Emiko had a lot of determination... so why?
As soon as their eyes met above all these flames, he clearly noticed all the pain and despair in them, and at the same time self-confidence and the meaning of all life so enormous that it couldn't be destroyed, even by the natural counterweight. It was all against the logic. Emiko, who preferred to finish this case by herself instead of her brother, without even telling him that she had come here especially for him...
Looking into her eyes made the Monster feel. It was so regrettable that he didn't hesitate to take her and imprison her. Of course, Emiko was special in her own way, just like Dr. Tenma, who saved his life - she also helped him without hesitation when he became completely defenseless. Therefore, she was never supposed to get so close to him, because...
But looking at her sleeping face was so...
A monster has never had a favorite color, favorite food or favorite song. Now, however, he understood what it was like to have something favorite for himself, something that he never got bored of looking at or touching...
But it didn't matter now.
And yet... looking at the sleeping girl's face, the Monster wanted to be... someone else for the first time? Something else? No, not exactly. For the first time, he just wanted to exist.
****
It was already dark outside when Emiko woke up feeling the lack of any doubts within herself. Her fever had dropped completely, and she lay there in the darkness, trying to move. Suddenly she realized something - she wasn't tied up again. She slowly sat up in bed.
You could hear footsteps in the kitchen that seemed familiar to her... The girl clenched her jaw and fists on her lap. Familiar footsteps... She had the impression that although the chain that held her was removed, another, invisible but definitely stronger, wrapped itself around her, binding her with what seemed to last until the end of her days. Johan didn't leave her free for no reason. Johan...
She couldn't hold back the tears that were trying so hard to come out. She understood that she would never be able to throw him out of her heart, but she could take him beyond his own reach of feelings, away from everyone, make him harmoniously connect his dark, inner world in which he didn't exist from the very beginning, with the world external... to wake up again those emotions that life meticulously was killing and killed in him for all these years...
After their last conversations and looking straight into his blues two days earlier, when she finally managed to see directly into his soul, she realized that it was inexorably headed for its own downfall.
Johan's soul was like a falling star soaring through the sky, only to crumble to dust at the end of its path. Young Tenma couldn't come to terms with that thought; that killing him was the only thing she and her brother could do for him. Something only they could do for him...
She heard his footsteps heading towards the room where she was staying. She sat there motionless, feeling as if she were in some kind of trance, in some far corner of the universe. At the same time, however, she remained extremely careful, even though she still felt weak from the recent fever. She wiped away her tears and looked again at the bouquet of white roses in a vase on the bedside table, litted by the moonlight from outside the window; they're somehow still fresh and fragrant, as if they had just been placed there.
Emiko knew she couldn't do it, kill him with her own hands, as Johan had planned. At the same time, she wasn't afraid of it. Previously, she had known it would simply happen, to save her brother, but it didn't matter anymore and it felt like an incredibly distant thought now. As if it had happened in another life, of a completely different person. She felt nothing but an overwhelming feeling of sadness that she had never experienced so much in her life. Even if it appeared before, she would always turn it into a determination, empathy, and even a harder work on changing something in her life. That's all she has been doing... until now.
Finally, Johan's footsteps approached the door, but stopped there for one long moment, and the young woman had no doubt that he knew what was slowly but inexorably coming. However, there was enough time for both of them to prepare for it. The girl, however, felt that her heart was starting to accelerate. What if the man changed his mind and decided to leave? Or maybe he had a gun with him? Or maybe...
The door opened and Johan walked slowly into the room, lighting a small lamp standing on the dresser.
"I am leaving tomorrow, do you remember? And you will join me later." The young man stared at the ceiling, a dreamy smile on his lips. "Then you..." She shook her head slightly, still feeling the remnants of the sleepy state she had been in before.
"After all of this... do you really think that... that I could ever..."
"Well, if not..." His smile turned cold and dangerous. "Dr. Tenma will have to do the rest. But even if he fails... Then know that you two will be responsible for the things that I am going to do. How much more will you be able to handle, Emiko?" She looked into his calm face and didn't even have words to mention, nothing to say that she could say in a human language. She wondered if his face was so desperately familiar to her, because he was completely at ease in her presence? Or maybe because with her he was just himself?
"There are other ways, Johan..." She whispered. "You can still... unite with justice and-"
"Emiko." She hadn't expected him to respond favorably to her offer, but the mixture of contempt and disappointment in his voice that had previously driven her mad... now it managed to hurt her. The girl gritted her teeth because she didn't like this discovery.
"Yes, Johan?"
"Justice... You don't lack intelligence. How can you walk along the streets of this or other city and talk about justice..." The young man, still standing by the wall, began to stare at something plunged into the darkness through the glass of the window. "How can you look at a society where some have to sell their bodies to survive and others have the resources to buy them? You call it justice? How can you face abandoned children who don't even know what life is? This is justice? How can a mother... choose between her children and call it justice? This is what you want me to give up to, huh, Emiko Tenma?"
The girl swallowed, because although she understood most of the man's references, the last one had a different effect on her. Something in his voice made it too painful to hear. This monologue was like a zealous plea for a better life, for society, but Johan's words resounded with icy contempt. As if he never wanted to fix and forgive it, but destroy and burn it. There was nothing to be done about it, but... maybe... maybe it could be stopped somehow?
A ridiculous thought appeared in Emiko's head, which she spoke aloud before she could stop it.
"Would you stop with this if I was with you?"
She bit her lip immediately after saying those words, but it was too late. She began to stare at his almost angelic face in unimaginable shock, inside preparing for the worst criticism. This time, however, it was fully deserved. The young woman couldn't believe she had said... that she had suggested... It was mindless and ridiculous, even though just a moment ago it seemed like a good thing to say. Of course, Johan could laugh at her for showing such weakness... But to her great surprise, the expression on his face was far from mockery or irony. The girl, still thoughtful, was staring at the deep ocean in his eyes, in which you could read some kind of melancholy...
"Are you ready for such a sacrifice?" There was something moving about it, that one word 'sacrifice' could make her heart beat faster that rose to her throat and stopped there, and her stomach clenched in agony. At this moment, possibly at the most important moment in her life, a moment that could change something in her life... The young woman was unable to say anything or even breathe. She was staring helplessly at those beautiful blue eyes of his, while trying to look at him completely, to truly look at him. She opened her mouth to say something that would be appropriate...
But it was too late for that. The criticism and mockery she had been waiting for finally began to emerge from his face.
"Well, I am not interested in talking about hypothetical assumptions." Emiko wanted to protest and do something... say something, but Johan prevented her from doing so. "Please don't say anything more."
It was, however, an unnecessary command. The girl's eyes filled with tears again and began to run down her face, one by one. This time she couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't stand it, got up from the bed and walked over to him to hug him. He, on the other hand, froze as the young woman hugged him with all her strength to her breast and began to cry even harder... but he didn't push her away.
Though Emiko was unable to speak, she was fully aware that she had just missed the opportunity she had been fighting for and for so long; when his life was completely in her hands. She could handcuff him and take him to the police, or kill him... or save him. And what did she do? She lost it.
As the next minutes passed, the girl continued to hold onto him until she cried out completely and the tears dried up on her cheeks.