"He is okay, just unconscious.
The exhaustion and emotional pressure must have taken a toll on his mental health so his body decided to shut down for much needed rest."
Wei Wuxian informed Jingyi while he checked Sizhui over. Sizhui was lying in his bed, the covers drawn to his chest and forehead ribbon on the bedside table while Jingyi hovered near the bed anxiously.
"So, Sizhui will be okay?"
"Yes."
Hearing this, Jingyi sighed in relief.
He had been really scared when Sizhui didn't respond to his calls.
"He scared me for a second. Phew.."
"Jingyi." Uh-oh. Jingyi knew that tone.
It was the tone Wei qianbe reserved for when he was questioning someone and wanted answers.
"...yes Wei qianbe...."
"What happened?" Ah, he was in trouble. Wei qianbe scarcely used that voice on anyone but Jingyi had seen him use that tone enough times to understand when the person being spoken to was in immediate danger.
It was his turn this time.
...ahh-ahhhhhaaah-hhaahh...nothing Wei qianbe! Why do you ask?"
"You will have better luck at lying to Zewu-Jun kid. Speak up, why is Sizhui unconscious?" meaning no luck at all.
".....we talked...?"
"And?"
"Sizhui might have been a bit down, so I suggested a drink? It was the Lotus wine you were telling me about!"
He hurried to add, but the suspicious look on Wei qianbe's face did not lift.
In fact, a second later, Wei qianbe glared at him, his voice so loud Jingyi was sure the noise level was unacceptable even in Lotus Pier.
"Sizhui drank lotus wine?!"
"No! I mean yes-no, no, Wei qianbe-I-I did. Sizhui didn't drink a drop! I swear!"
He shrank back at the glare placed on him. Really Wei qianbe was scary.
How could those snobby sect leaders not get scared was beyond him.
Any man in his right mind would flee the scene when faced with such a hard stare.
"..."
"Really Wei qianbe, I swear!"
"Lans don't swear kid, try pledging next time..." okay, that didn't help.
Times like these he hoped Wei qianbe didn't know the rules of Cloud Recesses.
After a few more questions and glares, Jingyi was finally ready to pass out.
"Fine, I am not going to ask anything else for now. Go back to your room and sleep."
When Jingyi still didn't move, Wei Wuxian snorted, waving him away.
"I will let you know as soon as Sizhui wakes, okay? Now go."
Satisfied and thankful for the dismissal, Jingyi took one last glance at his unconscious friend before bowing his retreat.
Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian gazed at his son; stroking the soft face.
What made you so stressed A Yuan, my little radish? Don't worry, Lan Zhan will be up and about soon.
In the silence of the room, where he knew no one would know, Wei Wuxian whispered: "He will wake up, or I will make him."
*
***********
After Lan Wangji woke up and was sitting for more time, Sizhui had faired but he still spent most of his time hugging Lan Wangji or hovering nearby; and Wei Wuxian was both overflowing with fondness and buzzing with worry seeing this.
After all, Sizhui's state wasn't normal.
If he continued to suppress his emotions, Wei Wuxian was afraid the boy would collapse under the pressure.
*******
The fall of a dynasty is no small event. It's something which is marked in history, the start of a new rule, the rise of a new power.
The fall of Wang dynasty was much the same.
People talked and soon the neighbouring kingdom got wind of how the entire palace was massacred in a day, of sun hiding behind clouds, the rule of darkness on the land as the entire sky turned pitch-black with resentment.
The wind carried the words over distance, and soon a missive was sent to three places: Yiling, Gusu, Yunmeng.
*******
"The Emperor of West seeks audience with the demon of Yiling. He requests Jiang zhongzhu's aid in defeating the being. The Kingdom of West will forever be indebted to Yunmeng Jiang for their help."
Jiang Wanyin doesn't know whether he should be bemused or angry.
Just as everything started to look good, another problem has to knock his door. Just great. He doesn't know how in the whole world did the King of West managed to locate Wei Wuxian or the 'demon of Yiling' as the messenger says while thinking said demon would listen to a mere missive.
He is just thinking about kicking the man out for the blatant disrespect he has shown in front of him (like eyeing the Lotus Discussion Hall with disdain and speaking like he was talking to some wall and not a Sect leader) when Wei Wuxian shows up.
He is once again wearing the weimao hat with the black Cape on and Jiang Wanyin debates just hurling everything in the waters and be done with it.
It's Wei Wuxian who decides for him.
Before Jiang Wanyin could stop him, pitch-black tendrils shot towards the foolish man, wrapping around his arms loosely. The man stops speaking, his whole body rigid as his eyes slowly lock onto the teasing swirls of smoke before giving a shrill cry.
" Tell that king of yours that the Yiling Patriarch wishes he at least lives till the visit."
Wei Wuxian pats the stunned man on his shoulder once, before going away. Belatedly, Jiang Cheng notices the man goes limp after his brother's touch, nodding once before going away with a perfect bow. Jiang Cheng is stunned.
"Jiang Cheng, hey, what happened?"
"Wei Wuxian! What did you do to him?"
"Me? Nothing. Just some precautionary steps."
Before Jiang Cheng can ask him about those precautionary steps, Wei Wuxian slips away and remains like that for the whole day.
*********
"Long live the emperor! The son of Heaven, Huangshang has arrived!"
Watching the hall of people kowtow to him, Li LongGuang smiled with satisfaction. His life was truly blessed; both sons ready to assist in ruling, his kingdom at peace and defences strong, the astrologer's prediction of a new light only heightening his happiness.
"Rise."
The court starts and Li LongGuang notes that the hall is a bit quiet.
Perhaps Dao er was planning something? Might as well enjoy the peace while he can.
Snap. The light suddenly vanishes from the hall, a sudden disappearance.
In it's place, ominous and oppressing darkness fills the air, seeping into thudding hearts and scared minds.
An abrupt silence, a loud absence- even his arm guard which is made of gold and studded with gems-supposed to glitter in dark doesn't seem visible.
A strong gust of wind perhaps?
But he didn't feel anything.
The candles and lamps probably ran out of oil and wax, but not all of them could run out of it at the same time. Someone was bound to notice.
Speaking with a confidence he didn't feel in himself, Li LongGuang tried to assure the others.
"Don't worry everyone. Must have been the work of someone trying to mess with me. Probably Dao er, you know my son's quite fond of these...."
Still, his son wouldn't stage such a prank on him while the court was going on. Also, wasn't the darkness a bit too much for a hall which had numerous entries for sunlight?
Then who? The answer to his question came in the form of the feel of cool metal on the back of his neck, with each hair of his body rising in silent alert. Suddenly, as if the candles and lamps had never gone out, the room was illuminated in full intensity.
And there it was. Li LongGuang didn't know what the entity was but that absolutely couldn't be humane.
In the middle of his court, swaying like tall grass in open meadows but black as midnight and consisting of slippery smoke was a being with two red glowing beads staring at him, gazing at him as if searching his soul.
This is the last day I breathe.
The thought came sudden and unbidden in his mind, with a certainty which shook him. The press of cold metal was still there but when Li LongGuang looked towards the side, there was only black smoke; sharp as blade and poised with intent-but smoke nonetheless.
Before he could so much as open his mouth, the figure shifted, smoke dispersing to give way to a tall and foreboding figure. The man, as was evident from the sharp features, stared at him and said:
"Die."
***********
When Nie Huaisang suggested a failsafe, Wei Wuxian had not anticipated the time and brain it would consume, neither had he guessed the possibility of said failsafe to be acted upon later. Quite later.
He had thought the plan was there in case something happened to Lan Zhan, so that they could minimise the damage and help the Lan brothers escape before things escalated. But no.
Nie Huaisang had schemed for Wei Wuxian to act only after Lan Zhan was hurt, after he was bedridden again with the chances of him waking up being so slim, even Lan Zhanshi didn't know for sure. So it went without saying that Wei Wuxian was angry.
No, he was furious and nothing could tell him to stop while he marched towards his destination to deliver some much needed result of said failsafe.
Nie Huaisang, it seemed was quite eager to walk to his death himself because the Nie Sect Leader had just arrived at the Lotus Pier; and wow.
Wei Wuxian had never thought he would feel inclined to murder his friend, for real; but the man asked for it.
The Nie Sect Leader shrieks as soon as he spots the other, making a poor attempt at hiding behind the Jiang Sect Leader who sidesteps as soon as Wei Wuxian approaches him.
"Jiang Xiong! Don't leave me!"
Jiang Wanyin does an excellent job of tuning him out, feigning deafness.
"Nie. Huaisang."
"Aaaahhhhh...Wei-Wei Xiong-Aaaaaaaaahhhh....Listen to me!"
*
************
"Ah..aiyah! It hurts...hurts, hurts!"
"Either stop squirming or I will use the needles."
"......"
After he is patched up, Nie Huaisang wonders if an early retreat would be wise when his furious friend enters the room.
"Nie~Xiong~"
"Aaahh...Wei Xiong! H-how, how are you?!"
But before Nie Huaisang could die early, the Lan healer came to his rescue.
"Wei gonzi, Wangji was asking for you. You better go talk to him."
When Wei Wuxian didn't react, Lan Zhanshi stood in front of him, speaking firmly.
"A-Zhan is asking for you. Go."
Like a puppet whose strings has been cut, Wei Wuxian deflates, his anger disappearing faster than passing of a storm. Instead, he looks hopeful- like a child who is excited and nervous at the same time.
"Lan...Zhan asked for me?"
"Mn."
At Lan Zhanshi's confirmation, he lights up before skipping away towards his new destination. Nie Huaisang releases the breathe he had been holding; when Wei Wuxian turns at the threshold and narrows his eyes at the dark robed sect leader. Those grey orbs flash red.
Nie Huaisang gulps.
Why is it always him?
*************
Somehow, the Nie sect leader makes it out of the Lotus Pier without an early death. He is informed of his saviour by the Jiang Sect Leader when the Nie entourage is just about to board the boat.
"You are lucky he was awake at that time or else."
Nie Huaisang bows and leaves without knowing what or else is or could have been. The waters of Yunmeng are silent but safe, though only for those who know where not to tread.
Some waters are better left alone, some boundaries rather not tested.
He is thankful for being able to return to Qinghze with all his senses and body parts working. That's the highest degree of mercy he could have hoped for.
He won't try to stir the pot.
♤*******♤
Jiang Cheng confront his brother as soon as the coast is clear of any signs of murder. He finds Wei Wuxian standing outside Lan Wangji's room, raising his hand to the door and then retreating it just as quickly. Truly, his brother is a moron.
"Wei Wuxian!"
Wei Wuxian spun around at his name being called, shushing Jiang Cheng while frantically eyeing the door.
The Jiang Sect Leader eyes the door for a second, before raising an eyebrow in question.
"He is resting Jiang Cheng! Lower your volume." Seriously?
Jiang Wanyin looked at his brother like the other had grown a second head. Now he needed to lower his volume just because Lan Wangji was resting? Also, he wasn't shouting. Lan Wangji could handle that.
He tells Wei Wuxian as much, to which the latter answered with a glare.
"He is not a fragile person Wei Wuxian! A bit of volume won't hurt him!"
"I know that! But can you please lower you volume Jiang Cheng, for God's same he is sleeping!"
"Good, then he can wake up and hammer some sense in that empty brain of yours." Jiang Cheng retorted, opening the door before his brother could stop him. But as soon as the duo stepped inside the room, they heard a splash and turned to find a half naked Lan Wangji standing there with a shocked Lan Zhanshi.
To say that the Lan siblings were shocked would be an understatement. Lan Zhanshi hurried to hurl a robe on her brother along with a "What are you two doing here?!"
"NOTHING!"
Wei Wuxian ran outside with Jiang Cheng at his side, only stopping once they were a good distance away from the healer's pavillion. The brothers panted, red in the face from embarrassment.
"What the hell was that Jiang Cheng?"
"Why are you asking me? Go and ask Lan Wangji!"
"You could have knocked at least!"
"Oh, and what about you?"
"I was trying to stop you-"
"Well next time, try harder."
"You-"
Jiang Cheng lunged at his brother, tackling him into the pond. Both brothers resurfaced with a gasp, Wei Wuxian laughing at the state they were in. Jiang Cheng would have to change his robes before he could go anywhere and his hair was wet. Nice.
"Jiang Cheng! Hah, what was that ?"
When the purple robed sect leader refused to answer him, Wei Wuxian whined, before smirking at him.
Oh no. He knew that smirk, the sign of impending mischief and his misery.
"Wei Wuxian-" splash.
Jiang Wanyin spluttered, shaking his wet head while Wei Wuxian cackled. Well, if his brother could do this, he could too. He looked at the black robed cultivator, laughing without any worry before splashing his laughing brother, who looked shocked at being splashed. Hah, two can play the game.
Soon a war started and splashes of water could be seen in the pond.
They spent the afternoon in the pond, swimming and splashing each other.
It's been so long since they all relaxed. Jiang Cheng in particular couldn't remember the last time he had laughed and had fun with his brother without any worry in the world.
In Wei Wuxian's previous life?
Before the Sun-Shot campaign?
Before they were forced to shoulder responsibilities too big and heavy for them to handle? Before they were forced to choose between heart and head?
To watch and grieve without a chance to act? Before they grew up and were sent to Cloud Recesses for their studies?
How much they all have lost, not only in the form of family and home but times which were snatched long before the war started. Long before they were forced to stand and survive, only to watch their beloveds die.
"It's been long."
"Hmm." They don't speak much, content to simply lay side by side and catch their breathe. Jiang Wanyin feels like he could sleep just here, his body tired in a way it hasn't been for a long time. It feels good to be exhausted like this. He could just close his eyes and sleep will come to him, here under the stars with his brother beside him.
They do manage to go inside and change, for their body needs food and Jiang Cheng isn't fond of practising inedia when there's food right within his reach. He drags a whining and kicking Wei Wuxian by the scruff of his robes, forcing him to eat.
But as soon as they sir down for the meal, Wei Wuxian notices how the servants look like they have seen a ghost, all white knuckled and pale.
He turns to one of them, blinking when the poor soul startles so hard she drops the pot in her hand.
"Aah!"
"Jiejie! Are you okay? Sorry for giving you a shock." He doesn't notice, but the woman is still trembling like a leaf as she gathers the remains from the floor alongside him.
"Wei Wuxian! Stop this right now."
"Jiang Cheng, I spooked her so it's only right that I help her."
Jiang Cheng sighs, a weary thing before waving for more servants to clean up the mess.
"You fool, they can see you!"
"Of course they can see me-see...see me?" as if dunked with cold water, Wei Wuxian whipped his head towards his brother who nodded grimly. What the hell. Just what he needed.
"Leave once you are done and don't gossip about this if you value your life." The servants bowed, scared out of their wits.
"Y-yes Zhongzhu."
They scurried away soon after, probably relieved to flee the scene.
Wei Wuxian sighed, slumping in his seat. He knew the people feared him still, knew the dread they had hidden in their heart but their reactions still astound him.
What he didn't know though, was that the servants were half scared and half smitten.
Wei Wuxian had taken one look at the trembling maid and thought he saw fear but he had completely overlooked the blushing faces and stuttering mess the girl was due to his proximity.
He thought it to be freight but instead, for her it was a sight.
His brother was the most oblivious fool in the world, Jiang Cheng had to give him that. The spell had made him grow till he aged appropriately and now the thirty something Wei Wuxian was the epitome of sharp features and built muscles. The night and dawn training were doing his muscles good.
Jiang Cheng was itching to spar with his shixiong again, perhaps tomorrow morning.
"That was bad. I seriously didn't think they would be this scared, or like I knew; the reason I was wearing the illusion in the first place.
It's not pretty to wake up and stick a talisman to your body just before you go out because people will run away. But still....I am not scary! Jiang Cheng, why can't you tell your people that?"
"Can't agree more. You can try though, see if they listen to you.
I had to yell at them for a week before, remember? Just after you performed the ritual? It was a chaos." Jiang Wanyin shuddered, he didn't want to deal with a bunch of stuttering and blushing servants again who were so busy trying to ogle his brother that half the times the chores had to be done again. It was a complete mess.
"Well, I am handsome. But heavens above, is this a headache? Looks like Nie Huaisang did a good job spreading those ugly portraits in the beginning. Would have been a pain to escape the crowd."
"You are a moron. And egoistic. Those people need to get their wits together or I will be throwing them out. I don't have the patience to deal with them all the time."
"Aiyah Jiang Cheng~ so my dear shidi agrees that his brother is handsome, Mn? Aww...Chengcheng, you have blessed this old man's heart!"
"Stop acting like a child. You are not three years old anymore!"
"Xianxian is three years old!" Wei Wuxian grinned, jutting out his lower lip and looking like an upset kid.
"YOU-"
"Me! Who else? Ayi-ayiah-"
"Come back here, right now! Wei Wuxian! I will show you just how old you are, why are you running-"
They eat the food cold. After numerous bawling eyes and drunk discussions, finally the duo are at ease to banter; often bringing old jokes in between.
It still hurts sometimes, when either of them remembers anything related to Jiang Yanli- be it a dream at night, sentence from one of their conversations, a place in Lotus Pier all three spent time at or the few mornings spent in a silent part of the residence: both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng pretended not to notice when their eyes shone, glistening with memories and pain of ghosts.
♤*********♤
"Go."
"No"
"..."
"...."
"Wei Wuxian"
"Jiang Cheeeennnngggg"
"Stop acting like a child and go talk to him. For heaven's sake, you are acting like Grandmaster Lan told you to copy rules."
"Well copying rules is easier than this. I can do that with my eyes closed."
"Only because you copied them throughout your stay in Cloud Recesses."
"Hey! That's not true! Lan Zhan only supervised me for three months and I was there till the end of the year."
"....so if you remember how many times your Lan Zhan made you copy those rules, go talk." Oh, Jiang Cheng was going to remember that piece of information. Future blackmail materials were rare.
"Nope."
"Why?"
"No"
"I asked-"
"Still no" OK, first thing he needed to somehow throw his brother in a room with Lan Wangji in it and make sure they talked. Blackmail will have to wait. With a patience he did not feel, Jiang Wanyin stared at his stubborn brother who for a lack of activities, had his eyes focused on his sword.
He had been doing that, Jiang Cheng had seen him stroking and admiring Suibian like Wei Wuxian couldn't believe the sword was there, straped to his belt at his waist; as if it was his first time wielding the sword once again. Maybe it was strange; the absence of his first spiritual weapon for more than an year must have left an impression - like he wasn't meant for the sword ever again. Like Wei Wuxian had peace with the fact that he would never be touching Suibian again or feel the sword thrum with energy in his hand as he fought alongside Jiang Cheng or anyone else he chose to.
Perhaps his brother had made peace with that, before he met his Grandmaster and got a solution, a bleak hope that maybe someday he could wield the sword again, could use his spiritual energy like any normal cultivator, could have the chance to cultivate to immortality if given the chance and choice.
Neither of them had hoped for much, because the immortal had warned Wei Wuxian about everything which could go wrong. But Jiang Cheng knew that his brother could do it; fiercely believed that if anyone could complete the ritual and achieve the impossible then it would have to be his brother.
No one else was so brash, pure, brave and selfless, like Wei Wuxian was; everything the ritual asked for.
And they did it. When Jiang Cheng heard the blast and the light, standing outside with his heart in throat and not knowing whether his brother had survived the process; then seeing the man lying in the courtyard and recognising him as his brother: that moment right then had been nerve wracking.
He felt like he could combust, like he could burst and scream and qi deviate and yet some adrenaline would still be there in his body, tethering him at the edge.
Carrying his brother while trying to control his tears which did escape his eyes, for Jiang Cheng wasn't trying that hard to stop them- to waiting outside the healer's pavillion and brimming with anxiety, he had hoped for just one thing.
'Please, don't take him away from me now. I will not be able to withstand it. I lost him once, I can't lose him again.'
Perhaps the gods listened to him for once as Wei Wuxian not only healed but managed to stabilise his core without any risk and was now sweeping the floor with all the disciples who took him up in sparring everyday.
But right now, Jiang Cheng really wanted his brother to act like the adult he was and have a heart to heart conversation with Lan Wangji which, the later was not accepting.
"What is it in the world that you cannot talk to him? He is an injured man for God's sake and its not like Lan Wangji will ever dream of hurting you, so what is you problem?"
"That's the problem, Jiang Cheng."
Wei Wuxian sighed.
At Jiang Cheng's incredulous look, Wei Wuxian explained:
"Lan Zhan will try not to hurt me and take all the blame himself.
He will think that he probably owes you too, don't look at me like that.
Once he gets the wind of the whole story, its only a matter of time before he puts all the pieces together."
"But I don't understand.
What's there in all this.....that would hurt you? I get the involvement of YunmengJiang's part but...you weren't targeted. He was."
Wei Wuxian shook his head, his gaze distant as he recalled the scene of the palace.
"I didn't tell you before, but there was one more thing.
Just before I killed wangzi and wangfei, Huangshang offered me a proposal.
He said that if it was Lan Wangji for whom I was destroying the royal family, if it was just a cultivator for whom I was apparently offending the son of heavens then...then I could get it.
He said that it was a waste of my power for one man.
One man, like Lan Zhan was any man I was wasting my power for!
He would give me that, he would give me Lan Zhan in exchange of my power....he just asked for time 'to wrap the gift for you Laouzu'; like-as if Lan Zhan isn't a person who has feelings and a soul but an object which they could use for making a deal with me! The Emperor wanted me to stop the destruction of the palace in exchange of giving me Lan Zhan and yet he asked for my power as a part of the deal.
Can you imagine Jiang Cheng?
He was insinuating that I wait for them to decorate Lan Zhan like a doll, to put him in finery like one puts a concubine and give it to me wrapped like a gift.
I couldn't-I couldn't stop after that Jiang Cheng."
"So this whole mess was not only because of that prince's unhealthy obsession with Lan Wangji but also a ploy for the emperor to make you an ally."
"Yeah, something like that...the nighthunt in which Lan Zhan got injured, near Yunmeng's border?
The ghoul there was something the prince had made to impress me. Seriously, I don't know whether to laugh at his lack of brain or feel sorry for the people who worked under him. That man had filled a part of the palace with resentment, he was trying to channel his dead mother's resentment for his purpose! I don't know from where he got that much confidence in him, even I wouldn't touch something so strong and full of yin energy on a sane day."
"Given that you have a sane day."
"Yes...wait, WHAT?! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"
"Nothing, it's just a fact. But that prince really played a long game. So much o that even Huaisang couldn't stand."
"Hm. And really Jiang Cheng, that whole family was sick. I can't believe that man ruled such a big land.
Even now-still I can hear the voices, the maniac gleam in the prince's eyes as he tried to persuade me.
I-I can't Jiang Cheng, I can't. I cannot face Lan Zhan knowing I was the reason he had to suffer so much."
"And you think that Lan Wangji would blame himself for that."
Silence followed his statement.
It went without saying that Wei Wuxian never liked it when people around him got hurt because of him.
The reason why Jiang Wanyin had never told him about his story behind the melted core.
He knew that his brother wouldn't handle the story well, would blame himself somehow and the whole point behind his impending sacrifice was to never let his brother feel like he failed them.
Sadly, fate had other plans and Jiang Cheng had to live with the guilt of never telling his brother about his reason in exact words ever.
Would it change anything now that they were past the stage where both of them were too guilt ridden and mourning to look past the fog of anger and doubt? Would it make his brother believe in himself a little bit, knowing that his shidi believed and loved him just as fiercely as he did? Maybe, maybe not.
But Jiang Wanyin had lived sixteen years with the doubt and apprehension in his heart, and after all these years, the sentiment had made a home in the hollow of his chest- a permanent residence. There was no greater risk than facing his brother's anger and seeing him drown in anguish.
"You do not get to decide that for him."
Wei Wuxian looked up from where he had hung up his head, his posture slouched with inner turmoil.
"Jiang-"
"No. You do not get to decide whether to shield him from the truth or not.
Lan Wangji isn't a child, he is a grown man who can handle his emotions; has done that for his entire life.
If you think that you hiding this piece of information is protecting him then don't. If he blames himself for all this then it's his choice, you cannot force him to let go of his emotions like that."
"But I don't want him to-"
"What? Spiral down in guilt and self hatred? Loose himself to the feeling of despair knowing he was used to target you?"
"How?-"
"You think only you ever faced negative emotions? Did you forget that time when-when A Jie and you were trying to make me speak after Wen Zhuliu melted my core?"
Jiang Cheng breathed heavily, trying to control himself. The memory was foggy, from all his attempts at forgetting it and yet keep it for it was one of the last memories he had of the three of them together, even though he had been bed ridden at that time. When he spoke next, his voice was thick and his eyes shone with unshed tears.
"Because that's exactly how I felt when I got to know about your sacrifice! About how you fooled me yet again and gave up you future because you thought I couldn't survive without a damn golden core! Did you ever think Wei Wuxian, even for a second that if I had known what was supposed to happen I would not have-"
"You were the sect heir! The next sect leader! How could you have commanded a sect without a golden core Jiang Cheng?
How would you have ever wielded Zidian without a golden core?
You would respond to nothing or anyone while you laid there!
You looked broken, like your soul had been sucked out.
Shijie was heartbroken seeing you in the state! What was I supposed to do?
Just sit and watch you loose yourself? That was the only way! You only listened to me once I said about the possibility of your golden core getting back."
"Not at the cost of your own life! I never wished for you to give up so much for me! That's the reason I lost it in the first place!"
Silence.
Wei Wuxian stood there frozen, jaw slack as he stared at his shidi, his brother who was breathing quite heavily. His lashes were wet with tears but the Jiang Sect Leader had yet to shed a tear. With his red face and taut posture, Jiang Cheng looked ready to cry.
As if he had been punched in the gut, Wei Wuxian stuttered:
"W-wha-t-d-do yu-o-me-ea-n-l-oo-st it-in-th-e-fi-irs-tt-pl-aa-ce-?"
When Jiang Wanyin simply sighed in resignation, Wei Wuxian asked again.
"Jiang Cheng? Please...I need to know!"
"And you didn't tell me till your last breath in the first lifetime."
Looking at his brother's pleading and anguished face, Jiang Wanyin turned away, speaking in hushed tone like he was afraid the wind might carry the tale away.
"When you went outside to buy food for us, I followed you. Just as I turned the corner, I saw the Wen soldiers behind you with their swords ready.
It was a spur of the moment decision, I did not have any plan but I was sure."
He turned towards the other, gazing at him with a stubbornness he was known for.
"I do not regret my decision, then and now. I knew you would protect A Jie, keep her safe till the coast was clear or an ally was found. I just didn't think...."
Jiang Cheng looks towards the throne; he is standing near a pillar and from his place, the Lotus Seat made for the Sect Leader, the ruler or the land of lotuses casts an aura around the hall which reminds everyone that the waters of Yunmeng are friendly only till they abide by them.
The Lotus symbolises power and balance, serenity and calm; two of which Jiang Cheng lacks. He lacked it back then too, along with the ability to measure his mental strength.
"I just didn't think how I would live after that. I had prepared myself to die, either by Wen Zhuliu's hands or by the first sword I could pick up from anyone. But then you saved me, you brought me to Yiling, healed me physically and then mentally.
I know I am brash, I know I lacked a gifted core and bright mind like you, I know I can never hope to compete with you when it comes to challenges but know that I never ever wanted you to loose so much because of me."
The tears were flowing freely now, rolling down the hard face like small streams trickling over rocks.
He sees his brother crying, knows he is crying too but now that he has started speaking, it's hard to stop.
"When me and A Jie visited you in Yiling, I knew we could have helped, but we didn't because we were cowards; when I came to the Burial Mounds I was a coward; when I sided with the whole cultivation world against you I was a coward. Sometimes I still feel like a coward.
The motto of our sect, of our Clan is 'Attempt the impossible' and yet I, a descendent of said clan could never understand it as you did. Wei Wuxian, I used to hate you, I still do, but the reason behind that hatred has changed.
In fact, I wouldn't call it hatred now, perhaps envy is better.
You name itself means without envy.
I hate you for that, I hate you because you always prioritise other's wellbeing over others, I hate you because you always think about other's hurt and never yours, I hate you because you won't bat an eye if someone pulled your eyes out but would burn the world if the same were to happen to me, to A Jie, to Sizhui, to Lan Wangji.
Why? Is it so hard to consider yourself for once? Is it so hard to be selfish for once?
Tell me Wei Wuxian! Is it so hard to put yourself first, for once?"
Arms wrapped around him, the embrace warm and comforting and homey and safe and everything Jiang Cheng had always wanted.
He doesn't remember them hugging before. When was the last time they hugged like this? Maybe after his brother woke up in the healer's pavillion after the ritual. He wraps his own arms around the midriff, satisfied and happy to note that no bones are protruding.
"Shh...relax didi. Let it all out." A warm and large palm rubbed his head, just like it used to when they were kids and Wei Wuxian snuck them somewhere after a scolding or beating. The gesture still had the same effect on him as Jiang Wanyin felt himself relaxing slowly.
"Sniff...you are not allowed to harm yourself in any way from now on!
I will break your legs if you do!"
"Hah, and you were talking about all that protecting." Wei Wuxian laughed but Jiang Cheng heard his brother's voice and noticed the wetness in it.
"....it's hard sometimes, no, most of the times. I cannot promise, but......maybe, I can try."
The words were whispered like a secret, something someone would be ashamed of. Jiang Cheng never wanted his brother to be ashamed of his fears.
"You must. It's an order."
"Oh? Is my sect leader ordering me to keep myself safe?" this time, the laugh was only a bit hoarse, an aftereffect of holding back a sob.
"Yes, it's a rule now and if you do not follow then I will ban you from drinking wine or eating lotus seeds for ever."
"Ah, such a hard punishment. I must abide by the rules so that I can drink wine as much as I can!"
"Hm."
**********
Unbeknown to the two brothers, someone had been listening to them. As soon as it was clear that the conversation was over, Lan Zhanshi walked away-she has some things to do.
"So, what do you think?"
Lan Wangji sighed, closing his eyes.
He was resting after the mortifying incident when his Shijie had come. After learning about Wei Ying's thoughts he cannot deny the feeling of hurt. Yes, he is blaming himself even though he doesn't know the full story. Yes, he is having an internal crisis as we talk but still. Wei Ying didn't want him to listen to all that, neither will he want Lan Wangji to hear things he hadn't spoken himself.
"I will wait for him to tell me."
Lan Zhanshi nodded. She knows him and while she might have liked another response, it's not her place. They both needed to talk and she, as an elder sibling could only support him and make sure he doesn't get hurt again.
"Then I apologise. It was rude of me to eavesdrop, forgive me."
"Tangjie..." Lan Zhanshi's hand slipped. She looked at him, her baby cousin, her didi, a grown man who had went through so much. In all her life, this might be one of those times she remembers talking to him. Since opposite genders are separated in Cloud Recesses- Lan Zhanshi, along with others had only met her cousin a handful of times. Sometimes, she wishes those rules would just disappear.
"A Zhan...remember this, it doesn't matter how many rules, how many whips or how many years of seclusion I have to endure but I will always protect you. I stood aside once, I cannot now. Please, let your tangjie have this, mn."
"Okay." They both were stubborn, guilty of having stood silent while their loved ones stood against every principle of the clan, fighting for justice. They have a second chance now and Lan Wangji won't stop his sister if she wishes to stand by him. He knows the pain of being rejected, he won't let her suffer that too.
The many conversations with Xiongzhang regarding Jin GuangYao come to his mind, his brother refusing to listen; adamant in his belief about his sworn-brother. So much that his own brother's word fell on deaf ears.
He remembers his conversation with Wei Ying, the man's rejection when he offered help.
Rejection is a sadistic wound, it heals like a burial. Even after the soil above is plain, one can always dig up the remains. And those remains, hurt. Always.
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I cried while writing Jiang Cheng's inner monologue. 😢 This purple baby has just too many emotions suppressed.....let him be free people.
Also, the fmv at the beginning:
If you pretend that the song is platonic, then you will realise just how nicely it explains the relationship of the Yunmeng duo in a way.
I expecting some votes people, I kept my promise so now I need some votes and comments. Give me that.
Also, I have been putting this off for quite sometime: SORRY I DELETED SOME COMMENTS BY ACCIDENT! I DID NOT MEAN TOO!! 😭
I just wanted to reply to them and then next moment Wattpad was like 'dear you are talking too much, here I will help' and dang. Comment deleted.
Also, due to personal reasons, I have put down updating my other story. I cannot think at all right now. But this one, I am going to finish soon.
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Glossary:
力龍光
Li Long Guang
Meaning: Long -dragon
Guang- light
堂姊 tángjiě = older female cousin on father's side
堂弟 tángdì = younger male cousin on dad's side
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10 April, 2022-24 April, 2022
Published: 24 April, 2022