Chapter Nineteen
Elle's POV
If someone had pulled out a crystal ball and said I would spend my afternoon crying because Kaden had said something sweet, I wouldn't have been surprised, considering our current record. But, instead, I pulled up my big girl pants, clambered to my feet and said, again, garnering half a smile from Kaden before he hauled himself to his feet and fell into his stoic, fearless leader façade.
Later, after half an hour of nearly scolding my skin off with the hottest shower of my life and trying not to be disgusted as the water ran brown with dirt and sweat, it was time for dinner. Throughout our tour, dinner had been had with varying shades of success. Most of the time, though, I considered it a victory if no one said a word to me.
It had become a regularity to see Kaden trudging in for dinner after everyone had cleared their plates, his hair pushed back with harrowed fingers. As his eyes hit me from across the room for half a second, his eyes weary and a slight stoop to his shoulders, I could read him so thoroughly it ached.
These past weeks had taken a toll on him, the past twelve months. He hadn't stopped moving for as long as I'd known the truth, preparing to take over the pack, emotionally drained from having to betray every instinct he had built up over the last fourteen years. Sometimes, when he looked at me for the briefest of moments, it was as though he knew he shouldn't. And maybe it was only because I knew now, and I had learned to watch him, that I noticed as those instincts fought to remind him that every interaction we had was dangerous.
He needed a break. He had been in the limelight for twenty-four years, piled with stress after stress, more so than any other potential Alpha because he had done it all with the knowledge that I was his future.
There was no break, though, no vacation time for someone in his position, and the only thing that would lift some of the pressure was time, structure, and me if I ever found the courage to do what he needed.
As it was, Kaden was in a meeting. Despite our promise to hold meetings once we returned from Iter Coronam de Terra, more than a dozen international packs followed us across the Vermiculo lands one at a time for a private meeting. Many, if not all, of these packs, were wary of me, and protocol stated I could not attend meetings concerning other packs.
I kept my head bent, trying not to draw attention to myself as I numbly ate my food, still feeling like I was struggling to draw breath into my lungs, even hours after training. Within five minutes of training, I had decided that I needed to find time to exercise now that I was no longer forced to do P.E. in school. I wouldn't have the lungs to run away from a would-be murderer a second time if I kept slacking off.
'It's ridiculous how much time ABC covers on that pack.'
My ears prickled, and I twitched, willing myself to keep my head down. It wasn't so much the words that registered first, pinging through my head without meaning for a heartbeat too long. It was the venom in their voice. I waited, wanting to see what I was missing before I tried striking a chord, and the two women across from me kept at it, happy to gossip away.
I'd almost thought they'd clued into the fact that I was still sitting with them, waiting for Kaden to show up, when Moira finally scoffed, 'I swear, every time I turn on my T.V., it's all they're talking about.'
Moira was a stout, sturdy woman with a face of sharp angles and sun-tinged skin. She was gorgeous when she wasn't scowling, but she'd hardly lifted her brows out of a frown since greeting me at the door when we'd arrived. I'd wanted to like her, and I was really trying to force myself to pretend I did, but it was difficult when everything out of her mouth was shadowed with a thin film of distrust and dislike.
'It would make sense if they hadn't tried to kill someone,' both their eyes slid towards me, and it didn't take a genius to know my first guess when Nona had started on this tirade had been right. 'But they made their bed. It's time to lie in it.'
'They're still fighting for their land.' Moira spat. Her eyes were a greedy shade of green. There had been talk, for months, about the land being split between the remaining packs around the Umbra territory. With our territory backing into the largest proportion of land, we had the biggest claim, but the Viridi pack wasn't happy with it.
I decided I was done. Moira had already made her mind up, so what point was I making by staying quiet? 'Wouldn't you fight for your land when someone threatened to pull it out from under you?'
Nona had the dignity to look sheepish. Moira's expression must have been stuck in a scowl because she spun those piercing eyes my way and snarled, 'It is not the same, what do you know?'
I swallowed, pinching the skin around my wrist and forcing myself not to cower at her glare, 'I know what it's like to lose somewhere I felt safe. Aucteraden is meant to be neutral territory, and I was meant to be safe, but it didn't stop what happened. I also know what it's like to have someone I trust betray me, which has happened to many people.'
Moira looked like she wanted to repeat herself, but she chose to keep her mouth stamped shut.
I looked at both women and couldn't find any anger, only a sense of sadness at what they refused to believe. 'Do you trust Kaden to make choices that benefit you? Do you trust him to lay his life before yours, to protect you and ensure he does everything he can to keep you well-fed and able to enjoy the life you've grown accustomed to?'
Moira snorted, 'Of course. He made a vow.'
I waited for Nona to nod, a forced jagged flick of her chin, before continuing. 'So is it possible that the people of the Umbra pack also trusted their Alpha family to do the same for them? Is it to be believed that the entire pack conspired against me and that an entire pack knew and not a word got out until everything was over?' I steepled my fingers with a deep inhale, trying to calm the racing thoughts within my mind. 'If given a chance, do you think they would have chosen this outcome?' My tone was getting tighter, but it still wasn't anger that coated my words. 'Would they have wished to be without their Alpha family, minds thrown loose in the wind?'
I gave them a moment to ponder, but when neither seemed to agree or disagree, I continued, 'Would you not then cling to the only familiar thing you have left when the entire world is filled with comments like yours? Is it hard to believe they may feel uncomfortable joining a pack that spoke about theirs as though everyone in it was scum? The people who wronged me, not you, are dead. They paid for the wrongs of their son, whose mind was already fraying after the loss of his true soulmate. They've had their lives pried open against their will. Have they not been through enough?'
Moira shifted her shoulders, her scowl dropping into a more thoughtful frown. 'If they really are innocent, why haven't they sought refuge with other packs?'
I nodded, acknowledging her point, 'It's hard to know for sure,' I admitted, a little deflated after my speech. 'Perhaps their connection to the land is too strong. I know many of these families can trace their ancestors to before the treaty, and it can be hard to give up what is familiar. Perhaps they do not want to. Maybe it is too hard. Maybe you are right, and they are scared to be caught. Or maybe no one has bothered to ask?'
I might have said something that caused new ideas to rewire through their brains, but their thoughtful expressions disappeared as quickly as they crossed their features.
Instead, both women were on alert, with shoulders twisted high as they stared at the open door.
Kaden stalked into the room, a far cry from the man who usually made his way to the dining room at night. He came to me first, smoothing a hand over my hair as he leaned down, pressing his lips to the crown of my head. Then with a pointed look across to the two women, he declared, voice strained, 'You may go now.'
The women shot to their feet, scurrying away from us as if he had declared he'd brought a grenade into the room, twisting to look over their shoulders just before they disappeared down the hall to throw one last furrowed brow my way.
They were still too close for me to ask if it had been a magic trick, but I did sigh, tension raining from me in intermittent bursts. Kaden cupped my cheek with one hand, and I leaned into it, soaking up his warmth. 'How was your meeting?'
He sighed, leaning back on the table, his fingers trailing away. He had one leg tucked between mine, and even though my heart thundered at the thought, I didn't flinch or move away. 'Same as it always is. A basic pissing contest to see who can get the furthest. The Spiritus pack doesn't want anything to change. They want to continue to welcome our warriors but are hesitant to renegotiate the terms.'
'When was the contract signed?' I asked, suddenly finding myself with an itch in my fingers, desperate to reach out and touch him. I felt my fingers creeping forward, fighting an internal battle about whether I should.
'Twenty years ago.'
I blinked at him, confusion crinkling my brow, 'Surely both sides could benefit from a renegotiation, especially one that happened so long ago.'
Kaden shook his head, a heavy sigh ripped from his lips. 'I cannot imagine what my father was thinking when he signed this one,' he admitted, falling quiet as my fingers slowly landed on his thigh. His eyes flittered over my fingers, his own dropping to brush across them before he looked back at me. 'We've promised to send all our warriors to them in times of war and thirty per cent to investigate and exterminate rogue attacks.'
I felt myself recoil, and I took a moment to understand what he had said. 'That's too many warriors. All? And thirty per cent for a rogue attack! That's nearly a hundred warriors. In what scenario does a rogue, or even a pack, require that many fighters to take them down?'
Kaden chuckled, a soft light filling his eyes, making his face come to life. 'And that's on top of what they already have?' I feared my eyes would pop free with how wide they had gone.
'Well, of course, they don't want to re-sign.' I blurted, halfway distracted by how Kaden's fingers traced over mine. 'I wouldn't either if I knew one of the top packs would send their entire fleet of warriors my way if I ever needed them. So what are we meant to do when they go to war, Kaden? Since we're high stakeholders, do we have a say in what happens? How do we even protect ourselves? We would become the number one target. What better way to take us down than forcing our warriors to cross countries and leave us entirely defenceless.'
Kaden was grinning by the time I'd finished my tirade, and as he leaned forward, tucking some hair behind my left ear, he looked like the weight on his shoulders had started to ease.