It was the middle of the day, a snowy day to be exact. It's the end of November after all. I didn't have anything to do but look at the letter that was sent to me. It was sent to me yesterday, a birthday invite from Masen. He's turning 15. I can't believe time has passed by so fast. His life changed for the better. He went from a street kid in a gang to a straight-A student. I'm very proud of him as we all are. Yesterday I looked up the place where the party was going to be held, it was at some fancy hotel an hour away from here. That meant Tyler was the one paying for all of this of course.
I sighed.
I honestly don't want to go because of him but I'm going anyway for Masen and only Masen.
It feels like forever since I saw Tyler and spoke to him. He obviously hasn't gone back on what he said and I won't go back on my word either. We don't get involved with each other's lives anymore and that's for the best. Things will be especially awkward after what I heard happen between him and Grace. She told me she ran away to New York to see Andy. She found him but she knew it was a super dangerous move and that's why she didn't call me right away when it all happened. She came back safe and sound the night after she left. I understood her rage for Tyler at that moment and at the same time, I could understand Tyler's indifference toward Andy. I'm not sure if they will clear the air anytime soon, I think it's best if they let it go for a bit.
Grace was invited to the party too but won't be attending, I understand why. She did send him a gift. I hope Masen won't be sad about her not showing up. I know Josh will come up with some excuse.
Speaking of Josh, he should be here any minute to pick me up.
I got up from bed and threw on my jacket before grabbing Masen's present. I decided to go outside to wait even though it's freezing and still snowing. I didn't have to wait long, Josh pulled up into my driveway a few minutes later.
I got into his car, it was nice and warm.
"Your car is super toasty, I don't want to leave", I said.
"Heated seats are worth the investment."
"Really, they heat up, wow! My parents aren't into all that modern stuff, they like simple things."
"Well, enjoy yourself because this is going to be a long ride. Mind staying up there for a few days too, it looks like we are going to get a really bad storm the day after."
"Really, I didn't hear about that. Aw man, if I would have known, I would have brought clothes and stuff."
"Don't worry, you're covered."
"O-Oh...well thank you."
Josh backed out of the driveway and was off. He took glances at his phone's GPS to make sure he was going the right way.
"Is everyone else already there", I asked.
"I'm not sure yet. They are at least making their way over."
"I just hope everyone makes it over safely. I hate snow and I do not want to drive in it."
We sat in silence for a moment, listing to jazz playing over the radio. The perfect music for a beautiful snowfall.
"Hey, Sarina?"
I looked at him.
"Hm?"
His eyes were still on the road.
"You know me and how I can't keep things inside, especially all that has happened. You know he's going to be over there, right?"
I looked into my lap.
"Yeah...but this is Masen's birthday party so I'm going because of Masen, that's it."
"I know, I know and this isn't the best time to bring up what's going on between you two or Grace but...ah...I don't know. Things now just suck. I can tell it's taken a toll on him."
"No it hasn't, work has taken a toll on him."
"I beg to differ. I can tell but he won't admit it. I can't even try to bring up this conversation around him. Look...I'm sorry for talking about this. It's been eating at me and, it's not my place nor my business so...you can do what you want but I still think doing something about it is better than doing nothing. I mean, if you two want to really end things, you guys need to make it official. You know?"
"I...I guess so."
"Sorry for ruining the mood", he said.
"No, you didn't Josh. It's okay", I said as I looked up at him.
I enjoyed the long drive anyway. I considered what he told me but, I feel fine where I stand and I don't have any intention of doing anything about it. I know Tyler. I know him well enough that he won't do anything about it either.
Finally, after over an hour because of the snow, we made it to the hotel.
"How much does a one bedroom cost here, like a million", I asked as I got out the car.
Josh chuckled.
"I don't know, I never paid to stay at one. Not my taste anyway."
"Not mine either but knowing Masen, he would go overboard like this if he's not the one paying for it."
"Smart kid. Come on, let's go inside before we freeze our asses off out here."
I followed Josh inside. He went up to the front desk to check in. We were told the party was up on the top floor, the whole suite is up there. Also, they told us that we each had our own rooms for the nights we are staying over.
I was trying to calculate in my head how much all of that cost.
"Earth to Sarina", Josh called out, waving his hand in my face.
"I know that's crazy but don't think about it too much. It's all free so enjoy."
"O-Oh, yeah..."
I followed Josh into the elevator until we arrived at the top floor, once we stepped out I froze. Josh turned around as he couldn't feel my presence behind him anymore.
"Hey, what's wrong", he asked.
I looked up at him.
"N-Nothing...I'm just...nervous about giving my gift to Masen...I hope he likes it..."
He knew that was all a lie but he didn't question me.
"I'm sure he'll like it."
I continued on walking until we were inside the suite. It was pretty much a whole house, a very expensive house. As I looked around, I could see everyone was here...except...
"Sarina!"
I turned to see Masen happily approaching me.
"What did you get me?"
Josh slapped him across the head.
"Ow!"
"That's not how you greet your guest you spoiled little—"
"I was just joking around, calm down!"
I laughed.
He could see I wasn't upset at all.
"You'll have to wait to find out", I said.
"Thank you Sarina, and thank you for coming, I'm super happy."
I could see how happy he was. He came from not having a true family and friends to having all of this.
"I wouldn't have missed this for the world Masen."
His face lit up even more. He gave me a tight hug like the young teenager he is despite him being taller than me.
"I hope I didn't go overboard with the party, Tyler said I could do whatever I wanted", he said as he backed off from the hug.
"Well you deserve it, I don't think it's overboard."
"Good, well, have fun okay?"
"Will do."
He went off to greet the others he invited. It's good to know he doesn't know what's going on with everyone. He's been through a lot anyway so it isn't right to get him involved in other people's messes.
"Sarina."
I looked over, it was Javi.
"I'll leave you two alone", Josh said before he left.
Javi came over and gave me a hug. He didn't go further than that since it wouldn't be appropriate.
"Glad you could make it. Sorry I couldn't pick you up, last minute work stuff."
"That's okay, I understand your busy army life."
We haven't really had time to hang out much after that...intimate day. It was just easier to not talk about it.
"Um so...how have you been", he asked.
"Good. Bored mostly but good."
"That's good. I heard Grace is doing well too."
"Yeah, she said she wants to get back to work, to make some money and occupy her time."
"Yeah, that makes sense."
I could feel some awkward tension in the air.
Ugh!
It's like the universe is telling me to do something about it but I don't want to. I just want to enjoy the party and go home.
"Um...so have you talked to T—"
"No. No...I...I'm just not interested."
"Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to bring that up."
"It's okay Javi", I said with a light smile.
"The party doesn't start for a bit. Do you want to walk around", he asked.
"Where, up here?"
"No, like explore the rest of the hotel."
"And get into all kinds of trouble?"
"Yep."
I giggled.
"You're still my same old Hernandez."
"And I'm not changing."
We left the suite and went into the elevator until we reached the main floor. We walked around for a bit, finding the eating area, entertainment center and all kind of fancy things.
"So...have you thought about...like us lately", he brought up as we walked.
"Such as?"
"You know."
"No, I mean not in a bad way. Things have just been on my mind lately."
"I understand, for us guys, we think about that topic a lot more than you girls I guess."
"Grace is totally different though", I said.
"She certainly is."
We both laughed.
"What I'm trying to get at is, is that something you're interested in doing more often?"
"Like as a part of our contract?"
"Yeah."
I let out a sigh.
"Are you okay? I'm not pressuring you am I? It doesn't matter for me Sarina, I just want to do everything I can to make you happy."
"No Javi, you aren't pressuring me at all. It's just that...I don't know what I want anymore. Also...there's one big thing I have to do and I refuse to do it. I feel like once I get that over with, I'll know what to do with myself...you know?"
"Yeah, I know."
"So, just don't wait up for me when it comes to that. I'll figure things out and—"
I stopped walking. Javi stopped too when he noticed, he then looked in the direction I was looking.
"What do you want me to do", he whispered.
It was Tyler. He stopped in his tracks too when he saw us.
Here is my chance to talk and sort this out but...I can't...I really can't. I took hold of Javi's hand.
Here I go again, using him.
"Just keep walking", I said.
Javi started off forward, I kept up with him, never letting go of his hand. We both kept walking until we passed Tyler. Tyler and I remained facing forward, never looking at each other as we passed, almost touching shoulder to shoulder.
It hurt.
I thought I would be fine not talking to him but I was so wrong. I feel so hurt, as if we've spent a lifetime together and now we are broken up.
After we were out of eyesight from Tyler, Javi stopped walking and looked at me.
"Are you okay", he asked.
I looked at him, I can't lie.
"I don't know..."
Javi looked at his watch.
"The party is going to start soon, I can make an excuse for you so you can have some time to yourself."
I shook my head.
"No, Masen wants me to be there. Today is about him, I don't want to ruin things for him. I'll be okay."
"Okay, let's go back then."
We were back at the suite. Everything was set up, the food was all brought in and the cake stood in the middle, fancy of course.
"Okay everyone, let's gather around and sing to Masen", Remmy said.
Javi guided me over.
We all sang happy birthday to him, enjoying his real first birthday that he always deserved.
"Make a wish Masen", Remmy said.
"Uh...well...everything came true so...I don't have anything to wish for."
Aw! He's going to make me cry!
"Well if that's the case then blow out the candles, I'm sure there will be something you haven't thought of that will come true in the presents. Like a game console", Josh said.
"Really?!"
"I said blow out the candles", Josh said in a flat voice.
Masen quickly did so and then moved over to the presents, he looked them over, wondering which one had the game console in it.
"Hey, hey...don't try to look for something you want! Be happy when you open all of them or I'll take it back to the store."
Masen laughed.
"You know I'm not like that. I'm happy regardless if I get anything or not. Like I said, my wishes already came true."
I smiled. He's one deserving kid.
Masen opened each gift one by one. Thanking each and every person. In the end, he did get the game console from Josh and Josh was very eager to teach him all the latest games out there.
"I guess that's it for presents, now we can move on to cake and food", Remmy said.
"That's not everything", Tyler interrupted to say.
We all looked at him. I was wondering where he was, I guess he was standing off to the side this entire time. Not that I actually care.
Tyler approached Masen and handed him a large envelope.
"Wow, what's this", Masen asked.
"You'll find out when you open it."
Masen quickly and carefully opened it up. He pulled out a legit looking piece of paper.
"Go ahead and read it."
"Um...it says...I Masen hereby accept Tyler Hanson as my...legal guardian on November—"
Masen's head snapped up to look at Tyler when he realized what this was all about. He dropped the paper on the table.
"Really? You...you want to...adopt me?"
"It's only final if you agree and sign the paper. Your last name changes too if that's what you want."
Masen ran over to Tyler, throwing himself at him, forcing Tyler to hold him in his arms.
"This is really happening", Masen said in a shaky voice.
"I know what it's like to lose your parents. You didn't have any good ones in the first place, I didn't want you to have to grow up not knowing what family truly is", Tyler said.
Masen finally let him go, he was crying tears of joy.
"But this doesn't make me your dad, got it?"
He laughed.
"Yes, I got it and...I want to be a Hanson too. Masen Hanson sounds good, don't you think?"
Tyler let out a small slight smile. His hand came up to Masen's head.
"Yeah, it does."
Masen turned around to us all.
"Guys I'm a Hanson now!"
"Aw, that makes Tyler a dad now", Josh said.
"I said I'm a guardian!"
"Sure, sure", Josh said, waving his hand lazily at Tyler. "Wait...then that makes me a—"
"An uncle. Lucky you Josh", Remmy said.
"Of this little shit."
"Doesn't seem that way as you brought him the latest gaming console and might I add that wasn't cheap either", Miles said.
"Josh is just afraid to open up to you Masen, his grumpy ways are his way to express love", Remmy said.
"No he's not, he is a little shit. He still needs to learn manners and—"
Josh looked at Masen who wasn't bothered at all by what he was saying. We all knew Josh didn't mean what he said. He's always been proud of Masen.
"Does this mean I can come over to play games at your house a lot now Josh", he asked happily.
Josh looked off to the side.
"No...I'll have to come over to your house because..."
"Oh, I know...too much sex stuff I'm not supposed to see. I got it, I'm not allowed to date but I still know all about that stuff."
"Hey! You can't talk about it either", Tyler said.
Masen rolled his eyes.
"Yes sir."
"Well, anyway, let's have some cake guys and food", Remmy said.
We enjoyed the rest of the day. I can see that even though we aren't related by blood, we are a family in a way. Masen could feel it very early on. Families have their happy moments and their bad days. In the end, they overcome what they are going through to stick together.
Maybe my feelings for Tyler is something I really need to let go as it's just not meant to be but maybe keeping a close relationship is something we are supposed to have.
~
It was nighttime now. Everyone had parted their ways to go to their rooms. The storm the weatherman had predicted came early, it's pretty bad out there so it was smart to stay here, at least for the night.
I couldn't sleep despite the sheets being amazingly soft. When my brain won't shut off, I find it hard to sleep. I should just take a walk or something. My pajamas are cute anyway and I'm sure the staff are used to guests walking around at night. I looked out into the hall to see no one else was awake. I made my way onto the elevator and down to the main floor. I remember when Javi and I were exploring, they have this enclosed outdoor section, it's really pretty. The entire section is made of glass so it really feels like you are outside. It's a perfect time for that now because of the weather. I found my way back there, I could see the snow blowing around hard like in a snow globe but inside here was nice and warm. They decorated it with real trees and vegetation too to make it look like a garden. I took my time to look around as it was rather large in here. It made me forget what was on my mind in the first place. My eyes drifted from the plants to what was going on outside but then, I stopped. I noticed a figure sitting on one of the benches. I squinted my eyes to see who it was, they were slumped over. I got a little closer, I could now see that he was trembling a little.
"Tyler..."
He looked up at the sound of my voice.
I instinctively ran over to him. I hate seeing anyone who doesn't look well and I know what this means when he's like this. I couldn't leave him alone even if he doesn't want me here.
I got down on my knees in front of him.
"Tyler...what's wrong? What happened?"
I knew sometimes he won't answer or might not answer right away. This time I was surprised when he spoke to me so easily.
"I just had a bad dream."
"Really? But earlier today was good..."
"It doesn't matter how nice my day went, it just happens. I still have the same worries and stress despite what's going on."
"Oh...I understand..."
I could tell he was fighting it like usual. I want to touch him and hold him but I respect where we are now, I don't want to cross that line.
"Don't fight it, remember? Just breathe slowly."
His eyes came back up to mine and then he reached out for me, taking my hands. I wasn't sure of what to do because this is something he spoke against us doing.
"Tyler?"
"I...I found out I can't...handle this alone...I was wrong."
"It's okay, you have more important—"
"You were never a distraction, I convinced myself you were because..."
He stopped as he hesitated to say anything else. Right now, I don't want him to be any more stressed out than he already is.
"No more talking", I said.
I sat up straighter on my knees so I could move closer to him, embracing him as I usually do, as I always wanted to for a while. He didn't hesitate to do the same. I could already feel him start to calm down.
After a few more minutes, he was back to normal. I sat on the bench with him, we were facing each other.
"I'm really happy you took Masen in. Was it a hard decision?"
"No. I mean, with everything going on, I wasn't sure if I should do it but, just in case anything happened to me on this case, I felt like it was a good idea. At the same time, I wanted him to have a legal family. He's come so far, he deserves it and...I don't have family, well at least legal family members to leave anything to. Even though he's still a kid, I can see he's really responsible, I trust him."
"I can see that in him too."
We both became quiet. I looked around, wondering if we should head back to our rooms. I was finally feeling sleepy and Tyler didn't seem bothered anymore about what was troubling him earlier.
"Should we go back to our rooms", I asked.
"Yeah, it's really late."
We took the elevator together and then made our way down the hall. We stopped halfway. He wanted to drop me off at my room, his room was two doors down from mine.
"Well...if you ever need me again you know where I am", I said.
"I'll keep that in mind."
"See you in the morning", I said and waived awkwardly.
"Yeah, see you."
We both turned, I went into my room and closed the door. I let out a sigh.
Seeing him again wasn't that bad. We do have more to talk about but that can wait for later. At least I know now I'm not a bother to him, that makes me happy. Still though, I'm not mad anymore at where he was coming from. Telling him I have feelings for him feels like something that's not important. I can't bring myself to tell him. I mean, let's be real, it's not like my parents will accept him. Once they find out the truth of what I've been involved in, that will be the end of us.
I walked over to the bed, face planting as I landed.
I just need some sleep.