We've been waiting for ages in the hallway. Nobody but me has some idea of what's behind that door. I try to act as ignorant as possible. Not sure what would happen to me if it was found out I knew about the Dauntless initiation process. During this stage of initiation, the transfers and Dauntless-born initiates are no longer separated.
I'm sitting beside Christina and the other transfers are on this wall too. It seems it's going to take some time for the transfers to warm up to the Dauntless-born initiates. Though I'm sure it's more the other way around.
"So, which one of you is ranked first, huh?" Lynn asks and I look at her without thinking.
"Me," I admit, clearing my throat. I can almost feel the way Peter's glaring at me. "I'm first."
Lynn smiles, "Bet I could take you." I raise an eyebrow as I watch her twist the ring in hers. "I'm second, but I bet any of us could take you, fractured." The use of my word makes me smirk.
I can't help the laugh that escapes me. Christina looks at me with wide eyes. "Yea, okay. Who's first with you guys?" She jabs her thumb toward Uriah and I nod, kind of expecting that.
"Uriah, and I'm sure you know how many years we've spent preparing for this." That almost feels like cheating but I can smell the intent behind this. Lynn's attempt at intimidating me only makes me narrow my eyes.
"I spent some time preparing too, you're not the only one." I'm not sure why I'm engaging but it's like I can't help it.
Lynn opens her mouth to respond but the door opens, "Lynn," Four calls and she jumps up, following after him.
"So you're first," Will says.
Uriah turns, "Yea, and?" He asks.
"And you don't think it's a little unfair that you've spent your entire life getting ready for this, and we're expected to learn it all in a few weeks?"
Uriah shakes his head, "Not really, stage one is about skill, sure, but no one can prepare for stage two. At least, so I'm told." My brain stops for a second, I feel like everyone is staring at me. Not only because of how I was antagonizing Lynn but because they must know I've been prepared.
Not for my own fears–but I know what's going to happen. I'll be sedated and wake up inside a simulation that takes my fears and manifests them in twisted ways meant to test my ability to overcome cowardice.
As the names get called, one transfer, then a Dauntless-born initiates and so on, I find I'm one of the last people to be called inside. The empty chairs make me somewhat uneasy, I know they're all okay. Or at least, I think they are. Tris is called, then Uriah, and Drew.
By the time I'm alone, my leg is swinging up and down in anticipation. I chew on my thumbnails until one starts to bleed. Then I try to stop it from dripping onto the linoleum by wrapping it in my shirt. When the door opens, my heart rate jumps up. "Rita." I walk down the hallway slowly, taking as steady of breaths as I can.
I'm still holding my thumb in the fabric of my shirt when I enter. A very similar chair to the one I sat in during the aptitude test is positioned in the middle of the room. I stop short to shake my shirt off of my thumb but the blood has left it stuck. Four bumps into me but steps aside as I peel the cotton away from my now maroon skin.
"Sit down," He says, moving behind the cart that's holding a large assortment of technological equipment. I notice a desk sits in the corner of the room, there's a monitor on it. I make my way over to the chair, sucking the dried blood off of my thumb as discreetly as I can manage.
"What's gonna happen?" I ask even though I know already.
Four looks up at me, his eyes narrowing slightly at the sight of me holding my thumb to my lips. I pull my hand down onto my lap, settling into the chair awkwardly. "Do you know what the Dauntless faction represents?"
I nod, "Ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another." I might have just recently read the Dauntless manifesto but I memorize things easily. Mostly words though.
"I see someone's been reading the manifesto," I smile, "there's also 'that cowardice is to blame for the world's injustice'. We seek to minimize the cowardice in our members by... forcing them to face their fears." He says with a shrug and I nod, showing I understand.
"So... I'm going to see my fears in this simulation?"
"Well, they're going to be what the software thinks your fears look like. They could manifest as anything."
The use of 'thinks' to describe the computer makes me pause. Is he alluding to there being A.I. involved in the software?
I struggle to find the right words to respond so I just nod again. "Okay. Will there be another needle? They're really unpleasant." That makes him crack a smile but he holds up the syringe and I cringe.
"I'm going to have to touch your neck, alright?"
"Okay," I say, lifting the fabric of my cap so that he can access the skin there. This is the most private part of me that anyone has seen since I got here. I've been super careful to change in the bathrooms and to avoid sleeping in immodest clothing. I gulp when I see the syringe again before closing my eyes. "Don't tell me when you're doing it."
I try to think of anything else besides the large needle that Four is pressing into my neck but it's overriding any other thoughts. I whine at the pain it causes and grip the armrests tightly. "So how's this thing work without wires?" I hiss, an ache already spreading through my neck when Four lowers my cap back down.
"This is more advanced than the aptitude test's simulation. There's a transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer. It's going to go into effect in 60 seconds." He gently turns my head toward him.
"In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions–like fear–and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transferred to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor."
He presses on, "I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down–that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."
I nod despite the pain in my neck to show I'm listening–or at least that I'm trying to listen. I try to run through my possible fears. Death? Guns? Blood? Maybe. Heights are a yes. What else could there be?
"The first time is always the hardest, be brave, Rita Rose." My eyes fall shut.