She stood there just staring at me after I told her to be my date.
"So, what you're saying is, you want me to go to your fancy ball thing with you?"
"What, you'd rather go with someone else", I said in a slightly annoyed tone.
Was I speaking another language? It's hard enough for me to actually go to this thing and even harder to ask someone. I think the last time I went was when I first won an award. After that, I just told them I was too busy or something. It's not my first time going to events like these. I used to go to them a lot as a kid.
"I can't get in without an officer, right? So, I guess I'll have to settle with you."
I gave her a look.
"You look disappointed. What, you had Josh on your mind?"
She placed a finger on her chin to think about it.
"Yeah, maybe. He was quite convincing back at the office."
I started to walk away.
"Fine, ask him then. I'm not going."
I heard her laugh and felt her grab my wrist before I walked too far.
"I'm just joking with you."
"I don't like jokes."
"I can see that."
I turned to look at her.
"It'll be really good for you to go and I'll be happy to go with you. I never had a real date...well my friend Javi of course but we weren't together like that. Besides, I never had anyone ask me so..."
I could tell she was fighting back excitement. I guess it's a girl thing I'll never understand.
"I'll see you later then."
"Yep, and remember what I told you."
"I'll keep it in mind."
I watched her walk off before I got in the car.
"What were you two talking about" Masen asked.
"None of your business."
I saw him pout from the corner of my eye. A small smile grew on my face. Messing around with him felt familiar. It's a piece of my old self, a memory I am fond of.
I purposely didn't tell Sarina when our officer ball was, I didn't want her nagging at me about it if we ran into each other again. I didn't want her to call me about it either but I forgot she doesn't have my personal number. I knew I had to contact her eventually about it.
~
Today was the day, well tonight anyway. It's been a week since I asked her to be my date. During that time, I reflected on why I asked. Other than making it up to her, I wonder if I actually wanted to go if she would go with me. I even got upset when she was joking about going with Josh instead of me.
No way it was jealousy, I didn't like being rejected. As if I would be jealous of him.
Anyway, yesterday I did another thing for myself, the things Sarina suggested. It was my day off yesterday so I spent it looking for therapists. I definitely didn't want anyone to see me go to one so I looked for one who could do home visits and I did find one. Her name is Catherine. She has a private practice, her services are mostly in private homes. She's young but has a good amount of experience and her reviews are pretty good. I made an appointment to meet up with her at my house in a few days. I don't know how it's going to go. It's just one day, if I don't like it, I can quit.
"Hey Tyler, what do you think? A nice blue to bring out my eyes or should I really stand out with this red suit", Josh asked as he held up the suits for me to choose.
"Don't you just have black", I asked in a flat tone.
"That's boring Tyler. It's my first time going in a long time since you are lame."
"I'm not lame. I don't like balls, that's all."
He snickered.
I picked up one of his shoes and chucked it at him.
"Hey! Careful! Don't break anything in here, it's my room, not yours!"
"Stop thinking dirty then."
We put a short halt on the Cosen case since Quinn got away. It's best to let things settle. I know they can't keep hiding forever since they know we are on their tail. This break is especially good for me. I haven't been thinking about what happened too much but it's been on my mind. I never got to a point where stress made me panic like that. I wondered if it was because of the case and not general stress. So far, I've been keeping myself relaxed and I've been fine. Maybe, my therapist, Catherine will help me figure it out if I'm able to open up to her at all.
Josh ended up choosing the blue suit, I honestly prefer it over the red one, too flashy.
"So...you never told me why you changed your mind about going to this. It was out of nowhere. Are you sick or something?"
"No. I just...figured I'd go."
"Without a date? I'm taking Emily with me, you know her from the club. She's been having a rough time lately so I figured I'd treat her to something nice."
"Yeah, I remember her."
I let out a sigh, I really didn't want to tell him but it would be worse if he found out at the ball. He can get loud and embarrassing.
"I'm going with Sarina."
"What?"
I stood up from his bed.
"Don't make a big deal about it. I told her to be my date because I was an ass to her. I'm just making things right, that's all."
"Are you sure that's all, because she's really cute. You should give her a chance."
"No way. She's a kid, I'm a detective."
"She's not a kid, she's 18. Hooking up with her isn't like the plague."
"Not interested. This is just one nice thing I'm doing for her and that's it."
He shrugged.
"If you say so."
Later on, I found Sarina's number easily and sent her a text that I'll be picking her up. I doubt she has anything to wear for this, that's why she needs to go shopping.
After a few minutes, I arrived at her house. I watched as she came outside and got in my car.
"I'm so happy my parents aren't home. This couldn't have worked out better."
"Where are they", I said as I started to drive off.
"They went out of town for a few days, they forgot to tell me. They left yesterday. I pretended to be all sad and stuff so they didn't know something was up."
"I could have come up with something. I forgot about your parents."
"It all worked out. Anyway, where are we going", she asked.
"Shopping."
"Shopping, like for dresses?"
"Yes. I doubt you have something for an event like this."
"What's that supposed to mean", she said with a scowl.
"It means you teenagers don't know how to properly dress up for occasions like these."
"For your information, I went to prom you know and I looked pretty. Second, I'm not a teenager, I'm a legal adult."
"Prom and a ball are totally different. Also, 17 and 18 isn't a big difference so you're still a kid."
"If me being a kid is such a big deal to you, wouldn't you be embarrassed bringing me to this? Everyone will see."
"I can just say I'm helping an underprivileged child."
She slapped me on the arm.
I let out a light chuckle.
"I changed my mind. Pull over now! I'm not going anymore."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive."
I didn't pull over. I kept going until we arrived at the shop.
"Are you sure now", I asked again.
She looked at all the dresses from the window and sighed.
"You're pretty childish for an adult."
"Am not."
"Yes you are, it is true men don't reach maturity."
She got out of the car as soon as I turned the car off. I blocked her pathway to the shop door.
"I'm sorry, okay?"
She didn't look at me as she spoke.
"Joking around is okay but to me this is you picking on me, I don't like it."
"Okay, I won't do it again."
"Deal", she said with a smile.
We went inside the boutique.
"Um...this store looks...expensive. Like...celeb expensive."
"Are you buying", I asked.
"Uh...no."
"Exactly."
"Hello, may I help you two", the sales lady asked.
"Yes, could you please find her an evening gown? We need it for tonight."
"Yes sir, what's your budget range?"
"No budget", I said.
"No budget!"
I slowly turned to glare at Sarina and then my attention went back to the sales lady.
"Yes sir. Right this way ma'am", the sales lady said before Sarina could say anything else.
And that's why I don't go shopping, at least not with others, especially women. Law enforcement doesn't pay a lot but that's not the only source of income I have.
I sat down on one of the couches as I waited for Sarina to decide on a dress.
"Would you like to see her", the sales lady asked.
I didn't really plan on a show but why not.
"Sure."
She went over to open the curtain. Sarina was still looking at herself in the mirror.
"I think this is when you actually show me", I said.
"O-Oh..."
She turned around awkwardly. The dress she had on was a like a ball gown, not really my thing.
"I thought you said you went to prom. You should be used to trying on dresses."
"I am...just not in something like this."
"Then try on something smaller."
After a few more minutes, she emerged wearing something more fitted at the top that flowed out at the bottom.
"Well", I asked.
"It's kind of like my prom dress. I like it."
"Are you sure? I mean, you can get any dress here. Why get something that you already have?"
"I don't know...to stay in my comfort zone."
"I'm way out of my comfort zone by going to this thing so if I'm out of mine, you have to be out of yours too."
"But—"
"I'm buying. I say no."
She pouted and then went back to change.
I waited for a bit longer this time. She kept changing her mind but finally she settled on something.
"I think you'll really like this one", the sales lady said.
She opened the curtains.
Sarina shyly turned around. This dress was fitted from head to toe, showing all her curves. Definitely out of her comfort zone but...it really looked flattering, the color, the way she looked in it...
"W-Well", she said.
I cleared my throat, breaking myself from my thoughts.
"Ring it up for me", I said.
"Yes sir."
She looked at me sadly. I knew what she wanted me to say but I wasn't going to say it. I couldn't.
After I brought the dress, refusing to tell her the price, I dropped her off back home. I parked the car but she stayed.
"Earlier you said proms and balls are different, how do you know that?"
I paused before speaking.
"I used to go to them...when I was little..."
The tone in my voice caused her to step down from what she was going to say.
"I'm sorry. Did I dig somewhere I shouldn't have gone", she asked.
I shook my head.
"It's okay. It's true though. As a kid, I would go to them a lot. I didn't like them very much as you had to be all adult-like and where stiff suits."
She giggled.
"Aw, I would love to see little you in a cute suit."
"No way. The only time you'll see me in one is tonight."
"But you won't look cute."
"Good. I'm not trying to please anybody."
"You're so lame", she said with a pout.
There was a moment of silence between us.
"Thanks for this", she said.
"No problem."
She got out of the car.
"If you need anything else just let me know", I said.
"I will. Thank you."
She closed the door and then walked up to her door. I waited around until she was safely inside before I headed off.
It's funny how I told her she needed to get out of her comfort zone and yet I still stay in mine. Of course, it's hypocritical of me but I'm trying.
I really am.