The baroness is a good woman, I'd say that even after death, why? I find her story fascinating, you see. Before I planned my order to the knight, I first asked her 'what kind of relationship does she have with her daughter?' or something like 'Do they have any history that she neglects her'.
It was obvious, yet the baroness smiled and she showed me a frame like picture, painted in pastels. The one painted on the wall of the frame is none other than the baroness holding an infant yet beautiful child in her arms. Her expression while carrying the young infant was chilling and lovely, there was no hint nor sign of hatred written on her eyes nor her face, it was all chilling.
The way she looked at her baby while holding her tightly and the way that the picture was drawn was nice and tidy. It was overwhelmingly astonishing to watch, because the painter portrayed what he had seen from what the baroness thinks and feels.
While the child was happily reaching for her mother with those tiny hands of her, and never laid down until she could touch her.
"Baroness, why are you showing me this? " I asked, it was not obvious at first glance but the moment she turned her gaze to me and shifted back to the painting, she gave off a beautiful smile that shows so much emotion without properly calling it well.
She smiles, gazing at the painting. Then she touched the painting slowly and smoothly, her smile brightened up that the vibe of her warmth had passed through me, like the feeling so warm that she gives off, I can feel them.
It's weird... Have I gone so weak? I have never felt so many emotions in my entire life because I was cold, it has never been like this, I must be hallucinating if that was the case.
This might also be an illusion... No... I just don't think it's possible.
Her warmth is not something I have felt from my father who loves me, it was different, what was missing?
No!
Why do I feel like I'm lost? My head is cracking from all this crazy thoughts, from all this crazy idea, from all of this (emotions) but it wasn't so bad as if I'm getting used to it, or was more likely greater than the empty shell of the great reaper (Shinigami).
I want to laugh but I can't. If I'm feeling this now that it feels like I'm breaking, then so be it, if this could make me understand emotions more well. If not, I'm just better off dead than to deal with this thinking and thoughts, especially when I was Mei, that girl is nothing but a lonely reaper wandering off the battlefield asking for salvation.
"Milady? Are you alright? You look so pale, " the baroness asked, yet when I looked at her, I wasn't able to gaze at her eyes like I used to and ended up pushing my back, turning my head against the wall.
"Milady is a strong person, you lost your mother at a young age, it must be hard living without a mother, I can't relate with it but I know how you feel. "
I stood there silently, and at that moment, only I was able to realize the missing hole that I, no, that Seira had been enduring since she was a kid. Not having to see her mother at a young age— yet who am I to talk, I'm no better than her, I'm an orphan who was neglected by her father and who killed her mother... I'm no different...
I was an outcast without anyone wanting my existence, Mei is a name I will rather bury in stone forever, yet if I do that, every experience, pain, anger, madness that I had felt from that life would vanished as if it was just a thin air, the people, my comrades, no my allies would hate me because I choose to forget.
Ah!
"Don't worry, your father still loves you, " my long silence must have made her feel guilty, so she patted my head with a soft gaze and pointed at the painting once more.
I see.
"When I first gazed at my daughter's eyes, I was astonished by her cuteness and her mesmerizing smile. She's like a fairy that gives off a chilling vibes whenever I look at her, she is beautiful, " she then gazed at me.
"I'm sure your mother would have thought the same. "
"I raised my daughter well and kindly. She's my happiness and my freedom. She and her father were everything to me. We have a good relationship, because I had taught her myself that not even my mother would have done with me. I watch her take her first step, and say her first word, " she then gives off a chilling sigh before she pulls her hands back.
"I don't know what to do if something happens to her, I will probably fall into insanity and I'm afraid of that to happen, " she looked at her trembling hands and she closed her eyes, while closing her hands.
"I am grateful you are helping us but if something would have happened to you, the marquis will feel the same way as I am right now, he lost his wife and I don't want him to lose his daughter for our own, so --- " I cutted her with a click of my tongue.
"I told you, didn't I? " I shaked my head and crossed my arms around me.
"I don't need your understanding, what I need is your trust, and just trust me on this. I had vowed in front of his highness the crown prince that I will protect his lover with my life, I vowed that I'll save her when she's endangered and protect her in a life she can be at ease. "
"Milady, do not please, don't use your life for us lowly nobles, the young lady's life is more important than us! "
That's not actually true, when Lady Lucia will become the empress as she had deserve to be, House Cullian will be promoted to the ranks of Marquees or Duke, so they can't say that I'm more important than their life, it feels like I am taking their life away, like the reaper I was.
Lady Lucia will need to prepare and become the empress, this is the only way both of them can be together. I am only standing as an obligated bridge between them, I have no plan in interfering once it's done, I only wish to avoid the marriage proposal without accepting and rejecting it that might cause havoc in the Imperial Palace.
It will be hard to build up another relationship with the current emperor, because he won't understand the reason even if I say that I have no plans of getting married.
I know... Marriage is the only thing a woman can do, and I cannot inherit our family name, house and our territory because I'm a (woman). That's only the reason why, because I cannot accomplish such a thing that a man can do so I'm branded as a witch when I am against that law.
Surely its stupid... I know...
It's the imperial ladyship law of etiquette. One moral law of the ladyship sisterhood, which has its different etiquette rules and law that had been added to the imperial woman code since a long centuries years back.
The sisterhood had been added also the same time when the law of woman had been added, yet the rule of woman that is not allowed or forbidden to become a knight or do what man does is active even for the commoners.
That law was added before the ladyship system of the sisterhood by the former empress, and it had not allowed women to disrespect the moral law of the sisterhood, and its ladyship etiquette.
Yes, I know, why does such a thing exist? I discovered it was because the former empress of that time is elegant and that she hated knights, because her marriage to the former emperor had always been a marriage without love, so she created the sisterhood which concludes only the ladyship law that is active across the empire even amongst the nobles.
Although that rule was added at that century, the discrimination of the empire always happened before the sisterhood law that made woman felt so indifference from there actual manner, some didn't have the hands to bypass the system and some only stood there motionless watching herself being trapped in a cage.
The discrimination of woman didn't end there. It becomes worse after years to generations that it becomes so hard for women to live the way they like, of course, that's different for me.
I crossed the path of the bloodshed, slaughtered the enemies on my way, took the lives of my dying comrades, thirst to kill more, like a butcher butchering more people, cutting off their throats. I kill, I murder, I slit and I am not someone bound to follow rules that I'm not fond off.
I turn my gaze and smile stiffly. "House Crambell is a family of knights, do not worry, I brought those that are capable enough to fight against an army of vile scums, I will not fight in the frontline, I will only command them at the back. "
"Really? " I nodded and slightly breathed.
That is actually a lie, Sir Adrian is the troops captain, but swear, he is so weak ━ not that weak, but he is just undeveloped, he cannot fight those demonic beasts, what of bandits who can think? It will only lead to him dying, so I told a lie so she would be at ease.
Our knights... They are still young and have no experience, they might be able to take down some but that's all, so I will fight to save their life since I dragged them here anyways...
I smiled and nodded. "Yes, so do not worry much, we will save your daughter, that's the only thing you must think of for now. "