The last day had come as a surprise. The surprise was that it was raining. On the last day of school.
Elizabeth had woken up that morning fully expecting a sunny day. Not only was she shocked to find that it was pouring outside when just the day before the sun was out and shining, but she was also shocked to find out that it was also freezing cold.
The weather here is so awful, Elizabeth thought idly as she opened her umbrella and stepped outside. Clementine happened to be outside at the same time too, but she was dressed in her pajamas and holding a toothbrush in her hand.
"This weather is shit," Clementine called, a smile on her face. She seemed uncaring at the fact that she was getting soaking wet.
Beth stepped over into Clementine's driveway, holding the umbrella over Clementine's head, "Come on you're gonna get soaked," Beth muttered, fully aware of how close she was standing to Clementine.
"You underestimate my ability to give a shit in the morning."
Beth stared at Clem's smirking face, before finally smiling herself and giving Clem a light punch in the side, "Jeez, go get dressed so we can walk already."
Clem held her arms up in surrender, stepping outside the umbrella, with her arms over her head. Beth waited, the wind whipping rain into her face, but the rain seldom bothered Beth. In fact, she enjoyed it quite much. She mostly enjoyed the smell after it rained, and waking up to it pouring outside in the early mornings.
Clem stepped outside with a thick hood over her head, still looking as beautiful as always. Beth offered space under the umbrella, which wasn't a very large space but could fit the two of them. Clem took her spot next to Beth, and they walked with their shoulders occasionally bumping into each other, and their footsteps side by side. Beth didn't mind adjusting her walking to fit Clem's, as she was taller and would walk farther than Clem.
When they arrived, they weren't shocked to find that there was next to no one at school. Beth had always had the habit of coming to school ridiculously early, and so did Clem apparently. The weather didn't help much either.
Beth watched as people trickled in as the minutes passed, her hand intertwined with Clem's with no words spoken between them. It was odd to imagine she started the year out with no friends, a loner who preferred her own company. But looking at Clem, Beth knew that although some part of her wished she still had those days, alone with just her, she was also happy with Clem. And maybe one day when Violet was better and Beth could repair the broken relationships of her family, she will be happy that she persevered to the next day.
The bell rang, and Beth waved goodbye to Clem.
The end of the day came faster and slower than Beth could have imagined. When the final bell rang, Beth just about jumped up from her seat.
Beth walked among the exhausted crowds outside, where the rain was still pouring even after a whole day of it. Beth stopped under another overhang, figuring it wouldn't hurt to sit for a few minutes and watch the rain. She wanted time to think more than anything.
The air was icy cold, and Beth wrapped her coat around her as the wind whipped her hair. Beth remembered many rainy nights with her family, sometimes good, sometimes bad. She mostly remembered the nights she and Violet would watch movies as the wind would blow outside. Beth was perfectly warm and safe inside, which made those memories all the more painful.
Beth had little time to process Violet and everything that happened with her. Violet had agreed to some sort of hospital in order to get better, Beth didn't know the specifics, and her mother refused to tell her. Occasionally, Beth got to call her, and most of the time, a raspy and tired voice would answer. But Violet was the same Violet as she was before everything went to shit. Joking around and kind like she used to be. Not the angry and violent person she was before. Of course, some days were harder than others, that was just how it was going to be, and Violet said so. But no matter how hard it was to deal with it, Violet had made her own decisions about her life, and Beth would always love her as her sister, even if parts of her despised parts of Violet.
Beth was always going to remember her sister as the same person who cheered her up when no one showed up for her 8th birthday. The same person who she used to play games with every weekend and gets beaten every time. The same person who she argued with, and the same person who made her smile.
That was the worst part about losing Violet, to Beth at least. Beth had to watch as she slowly deteriorated into a shell of the person she once was, a violent and selfish shell who destroyed things for no reason. And although Violet's voice sounded insecure, like she wanted to apologize for everything, it was never said. Beth was left to wonder if it would ever be said.
Beth didn't need an apology this time. All she wanted was the old Violet back. But knowing how life usually works, that was never going to happen.
She really hoped though, she really did. That when Violet came home, she would be kind again.
Beth got up from the wall she was leaning on and sighed. She figured it was time for her to go home now. The rain had slowed, but not much. She turned and almost jumped out of her skin, as Clem was standing right there, staring at her.
"Jesus!" Beth exclaimed, gripping her backpack straps, "How long have you been standing there?"
"About five minutes."
"Really? Wow, sorry I didn't notice you," Beth replied, struggling to tell Clem what she was thinking about for over five minutes, "Just lost in thought, you know?"
Clem nodded, once again, her hood was tightly over her head, and her arms were crossed across her body, "Uh-huh," She said, "What were you thinking about?"
"Stuff and things," Beth responded vaguely, "You want to walk-"
Clem cut her off before she could finish, "No, not yet. I wanna be here with you a little longer," She said, "And maybe talk a little."
Clem sounded nervous about something, which made Beth nervous too. She thought about every possible thing that Clem could say, mostly the bad things. How Clem would say she made a mistake and she didn't actually want to be friends with Beth. Or how Beth was actually a loser and dumb and that she was messing with her the entire time. Or even tell her that she thought Beth was creepy.
"I really like you, you know?"
Well, that wasn't what Beth was expecting.
"Oh," Beth said, not really sure how to respond. She was sure that her face was a lovely hue of red right now, "Oh okay."
Clem was masking her panic with confusion, Beth saw her twitching hands, "Are you surprised?" She asked. Beth continued to focus on her hands, which were playing with a loose string on her jacket.
"No," Beth replied, "I mean, you have told me before and everything, back during our fight, I'm just surprised that you're telling me again and this directly," Beth was a little short of breath, "Well, shocked that you still like me too."
Beth had never had anyone, to her knowledge anyway, have feelings for her. She never had anyone confess they had a crush on her, and she also had never been in a relationship before. She had never thought about it anyway, she thought dating was mind-numbing in various ways. But with her heart beating the way it was now, maybe she was ready to figure it out.
"I'm confused why you would be shocked," Clem laughed, "You're very pretty, you know, you have delicate features like a princess."
Beth flushed red once more, "Thank you."
"But that isn't the only thing I like about you. You're just a great person in general," Clem explained, fully turning her body towards Beth, which was previously facing forward, "I am a stupid person sometimes, I get caught up in my feelings sometimes, and I forget about others sometimes," She surprised Beth by grabbing her hands, feeling that they were surprisingly warm, "But I never stopped missing you, especially during those periods of great loneliness. Even before I met you I would look across from me, to the window next door and I wondered who you were and if we could ever be friends," Clem stopped, tilting her head up to look straight into Beth's eyes, "And it turns out you became one of the best people I've ever met."
Beth's words caught in her throat, and although she never wanted to cry, never wanted a moment of weakness in front of another person, she was damn near doing it. Beth wished she could say something like that, but she would never be quite like that. As well as the overwhelming urge to make a dumb joke that would most definitely ruin the moment.
"Well, I didn't know you wrote YA novels. I mean, that was quite possibly the sappiest thing anyone had ever said to me."
"Oh my god you had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"
There wasn't an ounce of annoyance in her voice, Clem had a smile on her face. The rain had been loud before they started talking, but it all became drowned out by Clem's voice, by her face. It seemed as though everything else faded to nothing.
"I like you too," Beth said, her hands slowly letting go of Clem's, and then moving up to cup Clem's face, which was slightly damp and warm beneath her touch, "And I'm sorry for all the shitty things I've done to you too."
Clem wrapped her hands around Beth's wrists, holding them firmly to her own face. Her eyes were locked on Beth's, and the two of them moved until their foreheads were touching, "It's alright, I've got more things to apologize for anyway."
"And you forgive me as I forgive you?"
"Of course."
Before Beth could comprehend what was happening, the two of them were kissing. It wasn't like the shows portrayed, it didn't elicit fireworks or bells or butterflies or whatever. It was damp, slightly chapped, and very warm. It was an odd feeling at first, due to the fact both of them missed the first time. It was also awkward, figuring it out, but it was fine. Beth was alright, in fact, she felt very warm all over despite it being freezing cold. She was alright with it being awkward and weird because it was also special. Beth wondered if it was also Clem's very first kiss as well.
When they pulled apart, Clem gave an awkward giggle, still holding onto Beth's arms, "Was that your first kiss?" She said.
"Yes," Beth answered quite seriously.
Clem laughed again, "Well then, I'm sorry. It could have been better."
"It was fine just the way it was, no need to be sorry."
Clem let go of Beth's arms. The school was deserted now, but the rain still poured. Beth felt Clem hold her hand. There was a distant rumble in the dark sky and Beth realized it should be about time they started to head home now.
But Beth still had one more thing to ask, "So, uh, are we like...together now?"
Clem turned to her with her eyebrows raised, "I was under the impression that the kiss was a confirmation," She hesitated, "Do you want to be?"
"Yes! I mean- Yeah, obviously," Beth chuckled nervously. She was very bad at this, as she had never done it before. But Clem smiled at her, admiration in her eyes.
"Great," Clem said, "I've never been in a relationship before. I've been kissed by no relationships. So this is new to me as well," Clem swung their hands back and forth, "So we can figure it out together, alright?"
"Alright."
There was a flash and another distant rumble, and the two girls decided now would be best to leave. Walking together, letting the rain drip down their heads and intertwined hands, Beth thought about the beating heart she felt in her hand. Nervous and fast, just like Beth was, she squeezed it tighter, hoping to comfort Clem as much as she could.
Beth knew that if there was ever an easy answer for things, they often never existed. That no matter how hard she would try, there would always be hardships. This time though, she hoped that it would be different. She hoped there would be a person who she could count on, who she could look to for support, and then support back.
No matter if they were the biggest outcasts or the most loved and appreciated, Beth wanted Clem beside her to hold her hand. To feel her heartbeat under her skin and squeeze her hand when she got scared. Maybe it was silly to think this way, as she had only met Clem at the beginning of the school year, but if there was anything she could count on, it would be time.
Maybe with time, Violet would come home, Charlie would visit, and she and her mom would laugh as they used to when Beth was a small child. Maybe in time, the world wouldn't be so scary, so judgmental, and awful towards them.
When she looked at Clem, she wondered what they would do to pass the time during the summer. But she didn't worry, because they had a lot of time. A lot of time to sit on the grass and could gaze or make dumb paintings or take walks with each other.
They would have a lot of time, and that's what Beth counted on the most.