Clementine felt very stupid.
Nursing a busted lip, bruised knuckles, and a black eye wasn't the greatest thing, especially when your mom was yelling at you.
Everything was going fine, it was going well. Clementine was happy, she knew that. She never meant to get so angry. She didn't mean to break Celine's nose. As soon as she was taken away from Celine and was able to come back to her senses there was a deep feeling of shame that consumed all of her.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Celine got to make everything up about her, lie about it, and then continue to try and tarnish her reputation, and Clementine is blamed for being angry about it. Sitting in the principal's office as Celine tries to spin a sob story about being the real victim, and how horrible and violent Clementine was. Clementine sat and let Celine spin her story. But at this point, everyone was getting really tired of her.
While Celine had nobody to defend her, Clementine had plenty.
Of course, Clementine had Mika, Olivia, Beth, and Minnie to defend her, but there were plenty of others who vouched for her story. Anne came in personally to explain everything, and Ezekiel came in too to defend Clementine. Along with some of Clementine's old friends, the same ones who believed the rumor at face value. The same ones who couldn't look her in the eyes. She couldn't understand the sudden change of heart, but if she had to guess, it was guilt over the whole thing. But even then, Clementine never got an apology from anyone, even when the truth about the rumor and Celine spread across the school, Clementine never got an apology.
They both got suspended, which was fair enough. But there was nothing left to be done about Celine, as they figured they had punished her enough. Clementine, despite knowing that they wouldn't do anything else, was angry regardless. It truly wasn't fair, because Celine ultimately got away with it.
But Clementine got to walk out of the office with people on her side, which is more than Celine could claim to have, and more than she would have expected.
Of course, Clementine had a lot to be grateful for. Grateful she didn't get her ass kicked by Celine, that she had friends who loved her, and that she got off with just a week suspension which probably wouldn't mean much because she was 'a good kid who did no wrong' according to her school counselor.
Her mother on the other hand was another story.
Clementine sat in mute fear as she watched her mother be told the outcome. There was no yelling or protesting, just solemn, slow nods, which meant that Clementine was really in for it when she got home. Clementine bit at her nails.
Just as she expected, her mother yelled at her for all but an hour, continuing even when her voice became hoarse and weak. She continued when she went through Clementine's room, taking everything she felt was unneeded. Which included colored pencils, a phone and phone charger, a camera, paintbrushes, plenty of books, and any and all forms of entertainment. Her school laptop was left behind, but her room was left barren.
Clementine was lucky she got nothing more than that.
Clementine spent her whole week of suspension doing schoolwork because if she was doing anything else she would be on her mother's bad bad side, which is much worse than the bad side. She got Beth, Mika, and Olivia to bring her the schoolwork she missed each day, and sometimes they would hang around for a little while. Not for long though, until her mother kicked them out and Clementine was forced to work again.
But if Clementine was completely honest, she felt free. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and now she was finally able to move on. Of course, she wouldn't have wished for the outcome that she got, but she didn't want to change it either. What was done was done, and hopefully, Celine would leave her alone.
According to Olivia, their fight was what everyone talked about for at least 2 days, but the general idea was that Clementine started the fight because Celine spread a rumor about her. It was close to the truth, although some important details were left out, Clementine wasn't complaining. Olivia had also stated that everyone had turned on Celine. Although, people were already beginning to see through her facade before the fight, and the fight was the nail in the coffin for her. As for Clementine, she was by no means innocent, but no one hated her so Clementine was fine with that.
The only good part about her stay at home was being able to say hi to Beth each day as she came home. The two of them would sit at their windows and speak, usually not for long because Beth was also kept quite busy by school, but they enjoyed each other's company anyway. They never talked about school or Celine or the rumors, and Clementine was determined to keep it that way. Because even though she felt freer than she had in months, she still preferred that it wasn't a big topic of conversation.
Still, Beth seemed distant, almost afraid. She looked at Clementine with weary, distrusting eyes, and it made Clementine nervous. She didn't want to give the impression to Beth that she would hurt her because of a one-time fight, which really wasn't a worry that she ever thought she would have. Nevertheless, Clementine saw the uneasiness in Beth's posture every time she saw her.
"Alright, what's up with you?" Clementine finally asked. After school, she and Beth had been talking for half an hour at that point, and the tension had not decreased. Clementine was getting tired of it, she just wanted them to speak like normal.
Beth didn't answer immediately, she continued fidgeting with the Rubix cube in her lap and stared at Clementine. Finally, she sighed, averting her eyes, "I think I did a bad thing," She confessed, "To you specifically."
Clementine was taken aback by the statement, because she didn't remember a time when Beth could have felt like that, "Well, I don't know anything about that. Can you tell me?" She asked.
"Did you ever wonder why I told you about Celine at the dance, at that time?" Beth began, "I panicked, those girls were talking, and I knew that if you were listening that you would know. I didn't want you to find out because of them, so I told you instead," She paused, gathering her thoughts, "But when I saw you fighting Celine, there was this feeling. Maybe it was lingering bitterness and anger because of a lot of things but I didn't come to help you. I didn't want to help you. All I thought was 'serves her right', you know? And I don't know why."
Beth sighed heavily again, switching around the colors on the Rubix cube until it was solved. She held it up to her eyes and then threw it down again, rearranging the colors once more, "I don't know why I am the way I am," She breathed, "Sometimes I'm just very bitter, very mean, and I don't know why. But sometimes I want to be nice, I want to be the person people can trust. I don't know if I can do that either," She gripped the Rubix cube, "I mean it honestly when I say that I loved being around you, and I trusted you fully. So when you left me behind at the worst possible time, I was so angry for so long. I never fully got to release it, and I guess that night it came forward."
Clementine was at a loss for words, firstly being that she never once wondered how Beth knew Celine spread the rumors, just that she did. Secondly, she didn't fully grasp exactly what Beth was trying to say to her.
And then it clicked.
"You were still mad?" Clementine asked, her voice fragile.
Beth stopped mixing the Rubix cube, "Yeah, and I ignored it because It was easier to pretend it wasn't there. I guess I set myself up for that one."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. I should be the one who's saying sorry."
"What for?"
Beth tried to speak, but a jumble of words came out instead. Clementine waited as she gathered her thoughts, breathed out, and evened her breathing. Finally, she explained, "I didn't help you, y'know, during the fight. I left when I saw you two, and I thought you both deserved it," She paused, "I feel guilty, for thinking like that, but I can't stop thinking like that."
Clementine was once again at a loss for words. It wasn't as if Beth was very transparent with her feelings most of the time, but she was eternally patient with other people. But like everyone else, Beth also had a breaking point. Clementine supposed that point was reached before Clementine stopped speaking to her. Beth, however, was also terrible at speaking about her feelings. So this time, Clementine didn't want to mess it up.
"Alright," Clementine replied, "I don't blame you for that, you know," Beth turned to look at Clementine, eyebrows raised and mouth in a thin line, "Seriously, we all get mad and we don't really get why we are and we do some stupid things. Hell, I've done it. And to you! So it wouldn't be fair of me to blame you for doing that," Clementine brushed her hair back, "And besides, I can't expect you to get involved in my fights, okay?"
"Okay," Beth replied. Perhaps if the light shone a little brighter, Clementine would have seen the thin line of tears at the bottom of Beth's eyelid. If she did, it went unnoticed.
The both of them watched as the day made its journey into night, painting the sky with vibrant oranges and pinks, "Can you do something for me?" Beth asked, barely audible.
"Of course."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes, obviously."
Beth turned to Clementine with a serious look on her face, and Clementine could see all the turbulent emotions behind her eyes. How long Beth had kept her feelings and struggles a secret was a mystery to Clementine, but Clementine wanted to make it all better again, "Then all I want you to do is act like you know me. I don't want you to pretend like I don't exist to protect me. I don't want you to blow up at someone because they insulted us. I don't want you to do anything for me. I don't need you to defend me. I don't want you to protect me. I can handle myself and I have for 16 years. I want you to see me as strong because I don't care what other people think. And you shouldn't either."
"Alright," Clementine said, "I promise."
Clementine returned to school after a week with her head held high, but it seemed no one paid any attention to her. People had already moved on, as there was nothing left to be said. Beth greeted her at their table like they used to, and the two of them talked for the five or so minutes they got before class started.
Celine avoided her, as Clementine didn't see her around much, but she definitely wasn't around her friends anymore. Clementine wanted to feel satisfied, but it was depressing knowing that she had been in that same exact position at the beginning of the school year. She wanted to believe she deserved it, but there was always going to be that part of her that felt sympathetic for Celine, much to Clementine's distaste.
No matter what though, Clementine stuck with Beth. It felt like it used to, of course, fundamentally things had changed about them. Beth was always going to be a bit quieter than she used to be, and Clementine hoped that she would be able to settle for her own opinion, and not anyone else.
As the last week of school came upon them on a very turbulent and stressful year, Clementine was looking forward to a blissful summer with her friends. She had already started planning what she would do, where she would go, and most importantly, what she and Beth were gonna do. Things were already well, spending lazy after-school days telling stories to each other on the hammock that Clementine's dad had made, watching tv shows and movies with the rest of their friends, and making abstract paintings.
Clementine forgot what it was like to be beside Beth, how easy it was to laugh and talk with her. Beth made her feel safe and made her comfortable to the point where Clementine felt free to tell Beth her secrets. It felt odd having that amount of trust in a person, especially after the events with Celine, but Beth made her feel so.
As much as Clementine wanted to love Beth freely and openly, she watched and waited for Beth to give her a signal. Clementine had allowed herself to be selfish for this long, but as long as she loved Beth she would wait for her to love her back, and if she never did in that way then so be it. As long as Clementine felt happy around Beth, then she would stick around. Clementine never wanted Beth to feel pressured for anything.
And as days and nights passed and the time seemed to move quick and slow, Clementine watched Beth change. Maybe it was her imagination, but each hug seemed longer, and each touch seemed to light upon her skin like a firework.
And as the last day approached and the tight hold on Beth's hand loosened, and the lazy smile on Beth's face burned Clementine's face, Clementine hoped that Beth would stay around as long as the two of them could stand each other. As the last brushes of touch left Clementine's fingers, she watched Beth's face.
It was the expression of happiness that Clementine hoped she could keep for a long time, "See you tomorrow," Beth said.
She walked away, and Clementine could only wait for the burning feeling to go away.