⚠️ this story gets a bit violent from here so if you don't like that or it's too triggering skip the next three chapters (17, 18, and 19).
If you have gotten this far in this story I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read this book and I really hope you are enjoying it.
Ok, here we go...
"Holi...Holi...come out, come out wherever you are."
Holi feels like her chest is collapsing and finds herself having to take in deep gulps of air to try and calm herself. She should have known Chuck was watching. This is her fucking fault! When she was on the streets she was always looking over her shoulder but now that she has Austin she had not felt the need to. He would protect her...keep her safe.
At the thought of Austin, her lips twitch into a smile and she feels calm. There is nothing Chuck can do to her anymore. He can smack her around in this bathroom, threaten her, even scare her but it won't change the simple fact that Austin and a team of lawyers are waiting in a courtroom for her and that in just a few hours her, Austin, Mac and Bell will be on their way home...to a real home.
Fuck Chuck. He may scare Holi but she is tough as fuck. He can't hurt her. She cleans herself up, flushes the toilet then unlocks the cubical door and stands back a little as it slowly swings open to reveal a nasty-looking Chuck who is sporting a sickening smirk.
"Boo," he says popping the 'B'. He has always been a little theatrical. Holi rolls her eyes pushing him aside as she walks past him to the sink. He leans against the sink and watches her like she is the most fascinating creature he has ever seen. Holi looks at him through the mirror...not ready quiet yet to face the real demon just yet, "what are you doing here, Chuck?" she asks, making sure to keep her voice flat as she talks.
Chuck reaches out and tucks her hair behind her ear leaving her skin cold where he touched, "I am here to fetch you...take you home. After all you were promised to me. You belong to me," he says calmly. Holi turns the tap off and steps back grabbing angrily at a stack of paper towels and starts drying her hands, "there is nothing you can do to me, Chuck. I have a team of lawyers in that courtroom and I will get my kids back. I will never go back to the streets again and I don't care what you do with my mother. Face it...you have lost. Now just fuck off and leave me alone," she spits out her words and throws her used paper towels in the bin.
Chuck's shoulders drop and he nods his head, "oh, Holi. You are right...I have lost. I was hoping you would see the good in me, forgive me, and come home. But I see now that is not the case. There is nothing I can do to you. So I will go. But please, you must know that you have changed me so in your honor I have decided to stop selling meth and instead open a rehab...you know - live my own white picket fence type of life clean and violence-free," he says his voice laced with sadness or sarcasm...Holi is not sure.
Holi grips onto the sink. What the fuck is going on? This is never how these encounters go. But Chuck turns around and walks to the main bathroom door. She watches him put his hand on the door handle and then he looks at her - his face sad, "I am sorry for everything, Holi. I hope you have a good life...goodbye," he says softly then pulls the door open. But just as he is about to step out he stops and slaps his forehead with his hand, "oh! I almost forgot," he says and then steps back into the bathroom letting the door close again.
He cocks his head and gives Holi an almost comically large grin. He reaches into his back pocket shaking his head and chuckling, "silly old me...I swear Holi, one day I will lose my head," he says. He pulls out what looks like paper and then practically skips over to Holi and smiles, "I hope you don't think me out of line but I must say this bathroom light makes you look a little pale...sick even," he says with another grin.
Holi rolls her eyes then folds her arms and huffs, "just get on with it!" She says. Chuck puts the paper down on the counter and Holi can see now that it's a photograph, a photograph of a football player. Chuck takes his long spider-like fingers and slides the picture across revealing another photo of a kid Holi remembers was killed a few years back she thinks he had only been 13 when he died.
"I don't have time for your pathetic games, Chuck," Holi says and turns to leave but Chuck shoots his hand out and curves his fingers around her nape a little too tightly, and pulls her back, making her look at the pictures, "now, Holi...don't be rude. I brought you something. I will be quick and then you can be on your way," he says and points to the football player, "do you know who that is?" he asks, Holi shakes her head. She has no idea who he is.
"No...no you wouldn't would you? It's a real shame, such a sad story. He was up and coming on the football scene...so much potential. I think I read once that he was thought to go down in history as one of the best kickers of all time. Nice kid too, so polite and kind...he did lots of charity work. Some may even call him a Saint," Chuck hisses the 's' in saint. Only he could make the word sound bad, "but he had a sister...she was on meth...nasty stuff that. You see Holi her addiction became so bad that she used more meth than she could afford. So I visited her brother and he kindly settled her bill. But she kept on using and then one day he just stopped paying her bill," he turns Holi to face him then pulls back his hand and punches her hard in her stomach. He knocks all the wind out of her and she slumps to the ground on her hands and knees gasping in pain. Chuck goes on his haunches next to her and pats her back.
"Now, that's exactly what I felt. Here I was offering a service to his sister and him refusing to pay me was like a punch to the fucking gut. But I am an optimist so I visited him again...had a little chat, gave him a warning. But do you think he listened to me? No. So I paid one of his teammates to fix my little problem...smashed his knee up pretty badly," he says shaking his head. He grabs Holi's arm and yanks her up. She is still in pain and leans over the counter. Her eyes dart to the picture of the footballer, her blood running cold when she realizes what Chuck is doing.
"Last I heard his sister died and he could never play again, his injury was too bad. His football career was over in a blink of an eye...it's a real shame. Never had to be that way."
Chuck then points at the photograph of the kid, "remember him?" he asks. Holi nods, she does remember him. He had been a sweet kid with a bright smile and a love for skateboarding. Holi remembers him once sharing a bag of candy with Mac. Chuck leans in close and whispers so quietly in her ear she almost did not catch it, "I killed him."
Holi reals back at Chuck's words. The boy's mother and been devastated at his death...it had ruined her. Chuck is a monster, the world would be a better place if he were not in it. But here he stands before Holi with a smirk on his face, enjoying the fear that he is instilling in her, "his mother was pissing me off...much like you have been doing. She needed to learn a lesson," he says picking up the photograph and stroking it like he cared about the boy, "I think she learned her lesson... the question now though is - do you need such a lesson?" Chuck asks.
Holi feels sick, she breaks away and throws up in the toilet. Chuck may not be able to hurt her directly anymore but he has made it clear...Austin and Mac will be his targets if she does not give in to him. She wants to run off and find Austin, he will protect her. He has been amazing and she keeps saying that she owes him so much...protected her so much. But now he is the one who needs protection. She has to protect him. Protect Mac.
She knows that Austin will take Mac and Bell even if she is not around. The three of them will be happy together. He will give them everything their little hearts desire and maybe once in a while she could sneak around and check in on them from a distance. She could never live with herself if she ruined Austin's football career and she can't even think about what life would be like if Chuck so much as touched Mac.
No. She has no other choice. Austin, Mac, and Bell have each other - they will be fine. She stands on shaking legs and walks over to the sink to clean herself up. Then stands straight and looks Chuck dead in the eye, "I will go with you, but let me say goodbye first," she says making sure to keep her voice even. Chuck shrugs and picks up the photograph shoving them into his pocket.
"I knew you would see my side. I knew you could not resist being with me. Say your goodbyes - I don't care. I will be outside...if you are not there in the next ten minutes I will leave and you will have to live with the consequences or at least your footballer and Mac will have to live with the consequences," he snarls the last part out then walks out the bathroom. Chuck is a nasty piece of work.
Holi checks herself one last time in the mirror to make sure she looks ok then walks out of the bathroom. She walks down the long passage and sees Austin pacing outside the court door with a frown on his face. His face softens a bit when he looks up and sees Holi. He pulls her into his arms as soon as she is close enough and she lets herself melt into him...one last time.
"Fucking hell, baby. You took forever...had me a little freaked out," he says into the top of her head, "sorry the bathroom was full and I had to wait my turn. Also my stomach won't settle,"she lies. Austin leans back a little so he can look at her face, "Holi stop stressing. I promise you...we will get them back today...trust me," he says. Holi does not doubt this, she trusts him fully, "I know we will and I do trust you. You truly love them...Mac and Bell."
Austin nods, "I know it's fast...maybe even a little premature, but I love them like they are my own, Holiday," he says. Holi slides her hands up to his face and rubs the stubble on his jaw, she loves the stubble on his jaw, "and you would do anything to protect them? To keep them safe?" Holi asks. Austin nods, his eyes are a beautiful shade of blue today they are easy to get lost in. "Me too...I would do anything to protect them...to protect you," she says.
Austin frowns, "is everything alright, Holiday?" he asks. Holi nods, "yes...just...do you understand that I would do anything to protect you...do you understand that?" she needs to hear that he understands. That when he realizes she is gone it's not for selfish reasons - it's for him and her beautiful children, "Austin. Do you understand?" She asks again. "Baby...yes, I understand," he says still looking at her a little suspiciously.
Holi then puts on her best smile and kisses him, "I love you," she whispers in his mouth, "I love you too...and kissing in a court hallway like this is scandalous," he mumbles back. Holi lets out a small laugh and pulls back, "I don't care...I will kiss you whenever I can," she says. Austin finally smiles, dropping his suspicion a bit, "well I ain't complaining."
Holi is sure her 10 minutes is almost up so she reluctantly pulls out of Austin's grasp, "um...my head is a bit of a fog right now. I think I am just going to nip outside for a little bit of fresh air before we start," she says, "ok, well we have about 15 minutes. I will come with you," Austin says taking her hand. Holi gently takes her hand back, ignoring the confused expression on Austin's face, "thank you, but do you mind if I go on my own? Just need a moment to myself...you know," she says making sure to keep her voice light and happy.
Austin frowns again and puts his hands in his pockets as if he is forcing himself not to reach out to her, "you sure everything is ok, Holiday?" he asks, the suspicion back in his voice. Holi fakes her laugh and rolls her eyes, "yes, my love. I will be back soon," she kisses him on his cheek and walks down the long hallway to the exit doors. She can feel Austin's eyes on her the whole time but she does not dare turn around, she will break.
Once outside the air is thick and she battles to take each breath in. She is sure she is edging on a panic attack. She has lost Mac, Bell, and Austin...she will never see them again and it rips her insides up. But she forces her panic away, refusing to give Chuck the satisfaction. She walks around the side of the courthouse to see Chuck leaning against the wall with a smug smirk on his face. He pushes off the wall as she walks past him, heading in the direction of Skid Row.
By the time they are one street over Holi nearly jumps out of her skin when she suddenly feels a vibration in her pocket. Luckily Chuck is busy on his phone arranging some drug deal. Holi fishes out her phone and sees that it's Austin who is trying to call her. She does not answer.
It stops vibrating after a while then a few minutes later it starts up again and again and again. But the time they get into Skid Row her phone is just a block of vibrating metal with Austin's name constantly flashing. Holi keeps her phone hidden from Chuck, she knows he will smash it if he sees it. It's all she has left from Austin so wants to keep it even if she has no intention of ever using it.
They head straight to Rose's shop and while Chuck is busy getting beers at the back of the shop Holi turns her phone off and hands it to Rose, "can you please just keep this for me?" She asks in a small beaten down voice. Rose takes it from her and quickly hides it under the counter. Rose is looking at Holi with tears in her eyes. She knows what lies ahead for Holi and it's not going to be pretty.
Chick has made it very clear that Holi still has to pay a hefty price for putting him in jail and because Holi is stubborn Rose knows she won't go down without a fight and Rose knows that the next time she sees her friend she might not even recognize her. Chuck saunters back to Holi and Rose, slamming the six-pack of beers on the counter making both women jump. He looks at Holi then at Rose and then back at Holi.
"Why the long faces, ladies? We should be celebrating! In fact," he pulls money out of his pocket and slams it on the counter then points to a bottle of whiskey on the shelf behind Rose, "not only am I going to pay for my stuff today, but I would also like that lovely bottle of whiskey...to celebrate the return of my property," he says in a happy voice as Rose get the bottle of whisky for him. Holi rolls her eyes - his property? He is such a fucking dog.
She takes the whisky bottle and walks out of Roses shop, Chuck grabs the beers and follows her. Once on the sidewalk, he points for her to go down Splitz Avenue. Holi's step falters for a second, not many people venture down Splitz and those that do are often not seen again. It's the darkest part of Skid Row. But Holi would be damed if she showed Chuck any fear so she holds her head up high and trudges on straight down Splitz Avenue.
The druggies descend on Chuck the second they hit the shadows and he hands out meth like it's candy. Holi knows he is keeping track of every bag he hands out and will come after every one of them when the time is right to pay up...money or flesh. They all look half dead, but this is Splitz Avenue - the hell hole of Skid Row and Chuck's happy place.
Holi does not wait for Chuck but continues to stomp onward. She does not know where they are going but she does not care either. As she passes a gutted, burnt-out old shop a hand reaches out and grabs her wrist forcing her to stop. Holi's first instinct is to struggle but then she recognizes the hand. It's her mom. Holi looks up and straight into her mother's face.
Her mother looks bad. Worse than Holi has ever seen before. She has patches of hair missing, and most of the skin on her face and neck has been scratched raw and bloody. She is skin and bones. When she opens her mouth nothing comes out but Holi can see she has no teeth left. She moves closer to Holi and collapsed in her arms.
"Well fuck me! Is that you Janet? How the fuck are you still alive?" Chuck asks with a laugh walking up behind them, "I will say this Holi - your mother never gave you shit but you did inherit her 'fight till the very end' attitude," he says then grabs Holi's arm and yanks her, "come," he says. Holi pulls out of his grasp and clings to her mother. She can't just leave her here to die. She just does not have that type of hatred in her.
"Please, Chuck. Please let me bring her with."
"She is practically dead, you are wasting my time."
"Please...please. She is my mother."
"Whatever, but you have to get her to the apartment yourself and if she dies along the way do not cry," he snaps and then grabs the whisky bottle from Holi and storms off. Holi picks her mother up bridal style, she weighs nothing and starts walking behind Chuck. Eventually, they reach a rundown apartment building that doubles as a crack house. Nice - home sweet home.
She follows Chuck in and tries not to trip over the passed-out drunks or druggies lying around in the unlit passages. They climb up to the second floor and Chuck opens apartment 104. Holi steps in and her heart drops, it is dirty and dingy and the misty smell makes her want to choke. Her mother is sleeping so she takes her to the bedroom and places her gently on the bed.
She hears Chuck snort and crack open a beer behind her. She turns to see him leaning against the door frame, "heart of gold you have, Holiday," he says taking a sip of his beer.
"Don't call me that," she says through clenched teeth. "You know Holi I found out a lot of things about you while you were hiding," he says taking a few more sips of his beer, "like your full name...Holiday...your father was really a pathetic drunk." Holi hates the way he says it. It feels like he is intruding on something that belongs to Austin and Austin only, she can feel her anger boiling up.
"Don't fucking call me that."
"What? Holiday? But that's your name...Holiday."
"I said, don't call me that."
"Hol-"
Chuck is cut off when Holi's fist collides with his jaw. She punches him hard enough to knock him off his feet and flat on his ass. He looks up at her in shock but by the time the beer flies through the air and lands across the room he is back on his feet and lunging at Holi. She dodges him and runs back into the lounge, but the apartment is small and there is not much room to move so Chuck manages to catch her, body-slamming her to the floor then flipping her onto her back and straddling her.
She continues to kick her legs and hit out at Chuck with her hands. Chuck grabs her wrists and pins her arms above her head, but she continues to kick out and thrash her body to try and get him off her...that's when he headbutts her. His forehead connects with her nose and the pain that shoots through her entire body stills her. She can feel the blood oozing out her nose and drip slowly down her cheekbones.
"Fuck Holi...if I did not have plans for you..." Chuck says but trails off. But he does not have to finish, she knows what he was going to say. If he did not have plans for her he would have disposed of her already. She shudders to think about what he has planned for her. She suddenly snapped back to the present when she realizes that Chuck is leaning down, oh fuck he is going to kiss her.
Holi glares at him but does not turn away so he takes it that she is giving in to him. He connects their lips, Holi opens her mouth taking his bottom lip between her teeth, and bites down as hard as she can. Chuck starts screaming and trying to get away from her but she clamps down until she can taste his blood then lets go.
He crawls away from her while she sits up and spits his blood out of her mouth. She stands and starts walking back to the bedroom, "I may be here with you, but don't you ever try and touch me like that again...I will fucking kill you, you dirty dog," she shouts, slams the bedroom door and locks it.
Over the next two weeks, Holi's days are the same. She wakes up at the crack of dawn, runs a bath, washes her mother then helps her back to bed. Then she makes food, either soup or soft food that she helps her mother eat. By afternoon Chuck is back in the apartment packaging his drugs for easy sale and when he starts drinking and watching Holi in a creepy way she quickly makes her way to the bedroom and locks the bedroom door.
She knows it's only a matter of time till he breaks down the bedroom door, throws her mother out, and executes whatever his plan with her is. Her days are manageable until she turns the light off to go to sleep. Once alone in the dark with her thoughts, they tumble to Austin, Mac, and Bell. Her tears are always abundant and hot on her cheeks. She is lost without them. She is nothing.
On the second Friday that she is in Chuck's flat she wakes up but finds her mother is not in the bed. She hops out of bed and walks into the lounge expecting to find chuck on the couch telling her that he had booted her mother out. It would be ok she supposes. Her mother had been getting better, even had some fat on her cheeks so she may stand a chance on the streets again. Holi had learned long ago to never expect her mother to stick around when she is able to move around.
But what she finds is much worse than what she had initially thought. She finds her mother on the couch high as a fucking kite with half of Chuck's meth open and spread out on the coffee table. Fuck. He will kill her for this, her mother is as good as dead. She needs to get her out of here and fast. She sits down next to her and tries to shake her out of her drug-induced haze.
"Janet...Janet. Wake up," it takes Holi the better half of an hour to try and wake her mother up. She eventually stops to clean up all the drugs and hide them again. It looks like her mother had gone through two little bags of meth - how the fuck is she still alive is beyond Holi. At midday, her mother is still sleeping but Holi tries again. Chuck will be home soon and she needs to get her mother out of here before Chuck gets hold of her.
"Janet, wake up," she says shaking her mother hard. Her mother's eyes shoot open and she bats Holi's hand away from her, "get off me, Holi. You horrible girl," she spits out and rolls off the couch onto the floor. Holi rolls her eyes and bends down to help her mother up, "not a girl any longer, Janet. I am all grown up now...no thanks to you," she says. Holi's mom stands on her unsteady feet and glares at Holi.
"All grown up and yet incapable of looking after my children. I trusted you with them and you let me down," she spits out, "not only did you ruin my life...you ruined theirs too," she adds just for shits and giggles. Her mother's words cling to her skin like little hooks, ripping open old wounds. She holds back her tears and swallows down the lump in her throat.
She is pretty sure Austin hates her by now and probably believes she abandoned them. But she clings to his words - that she is Mac and Bell's real mother. That she counts in their lives...not this broken old meth head in front of her. She grabs a bag of meth and shoves it into Janet's pocket then shoves her out the apartment door.
"I am Mac and Bell's real mother, not you. They are mine and your words will never change that. You better run, I would hate to be you when Chuck finds out you used some of his meth," she says leaning on the door with her arms folded in front of her.
Janet looks at her for a second then turns and runs off down the long dark passage. Holi hopes she never sees Janet again. She closes the apartment door and goes for a shower, there is only cold water but she is used to cold showers by now. Once out she checks her face. Chuck had not broken her nose when he headbutted her but she did end up with two blue eyes. They have healed pretty well and now are just soft shadows under her eyes.
She does smile though when she thinks of the injury she had left on Chuck. He has been battling to eat and even talk from the bite mark she left on his lower lip. She had also warned him throughout the two weeks that if he tried anything else like that his injuries would be worse, thankfully he had heeded her warnings so far. But Holi knows it's only a matter of time until shit will hit the fan.
She dresses and goes back to the bedroom, locking the door behind her and then crawling onto the bed, letting sleep pull her under while dreaming of blue eyes and curly brown hair.
She is woken up to Chuck banging on the bedroom door. It's dark outside so she must have slept for a few hours already, "fuck off, Chuck," she shouts. Chuck stops banging on the door and shouts back at her, "Holi you better open this fucking door. I have meth missing and your mother will get what's coming to her! Open the fucking door."
"Fuck off, Chuck. Janet is not in here. She is gone."
"Bullshit. You can't hide her forever, Holi."
Chuck then starts banging on the door again and it sounds like he is trying to kick it down too. Holi could go open the door and show him that Janet is not here but she doesn't, she just leaves him to continue banging at the door and trying to bash it down while she flips through a half torn up magazine.
It takes Chuck a good half an hour to eventually bash the door down. Holi can't say she is not impressed with his determination especially when she sees how much he is sweating. Once inside the room he sees that Janet was truly not there his eyes ignite with rage and Holi realizes that she may have pushed him a little too far.
"You fucking bitch," he says, his voice low and murderous. He lunges for Holi but she jumps off the bed and runs to the apartment door trying to get it open but Chuck catches her and drags her into the kitchen kicking and screaming, slamming her head into the kitchen counter. She slumps to the ground as her head spins and Chuck stands over her.