Things didn't get much better in the following weeks of Elizabeth and Clementine's talk. At home, Violet and her mother were still fighting, and the dark cloud over their house hung heavy. Beth was still struggling, but what was different was that Clementine was there. At least by her side, enough to let her have space to grow. Beth couldn't have been more thankful for her presence.
While Beth wished Violet would try to make a better life for herself, she couldn't control what Violet did. It was only a matter of time before their mother reached her breaking point. Beth wished she wouldn't have to be there to see it.
She wished she could be like Charlie and be able to leave whenever she wished for days on end. Likely, it would be a while before anyone noticed, but Beth had an ingrained feeling of responsibility where she was anchored. As well as having nowhere to go.
She very well could go to Clementine, but it was her job to manage her own problems, and not dump them on Clementine. Beth didn't want to depend on Clementine, she wanted to be able to regulate her own emotions and sadness. To be able to deal with her own problems. And while she appreciated the shoulder to cry on, the support from Clementine, that's all she was going to be. She didn't want Clementine to solve her problems.
But Beth had her safe space, away from all the hardships of her life. A quiet library, a park at sunset, even going into the world of a book for just a little while. It was the small things that gave her joy, and the small things that gave her joy gave her hope. Even as the days continued to get warmer way too early into the year, Beth felt the sun on her skin and appreciated that one day her own cloudy days will be over. It was only a matter of time.
Beth, however, still had to go through school days listening to her classmates talking about how amazing their lives are. Mind-numbing enough to the point where Beth wanted to bang her head against the desk. In the early morning, it wasn't so torturous, because at least she had a friend in one of her classes.
She hadn't appreciated Minnie's presence the entirety of the time she had been in her classes. Minnie had always stuck close, but always been within a boundary and never crossed a line with Beth. Somehow, as she had always managed to do in middle school, she was able to lift Beth's head from her desk for at least a minute and hold her attention during that time. Beth had never noticed how often Minnie was just there, a silent supporter of her even in really really shitty times.
Beth had felt bad for never noticing before.
It was one of those early mornings when Beth had more energy and confidence than on other days and was able to keep her head up. Minnie, who sat close by, noticed the change and moved closer.
"Well you look happier this morning," Minnie commented, smiling at her, "Why the change?" Minnie had pulled a chair closer to Beth's seat which Beth knew was against the rules. She wasn't complaining though.
Beth shrugged, "No real reason," She had begun digging into her backpack to avoid eye contact, "I just feel better today I guess."
"That's good," Minnie replied, and an awkward pause followed. Minnie sighed deeply, playing with a strand of her dark hair, finally, she said, "Look, I don't know what's been bothering you, or what you've been going through these past few weeks but always know you got support from me," Minnie seemingly trailed off, averting her eyes from Beth's, "Not that it's my business. I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to impose on you or your life or that I'm being insincere."
Minnie, who had never really been good at explaining her feelings or intentions let her words fall silent, and she kept her head down, trying to avoid Beth's gaze. Beth was grateful for Minnie, even though she had done a bad job of showing Minnie that.
Beth had been misdirecting her anger for years. Everything about middle school was awful, everything that happened then and what followed afterward. Beth survived it but ultimately gained some serious trust issues. But at the same time, she blamed Minnie. She had blamed Minnie for so many years when she really should have blamed Amy for the entire situation. Beth had never figured out what she did to Amy, and she had to learn that it didn't matter what she did. Amy hated her and made her miserable because of it. Nothing about that was Beth's fault, or Minnie's.
So now, it was Beth's turn to patch things up. Minnie had already done her part, simply by just being there. It was time for Beth to let go of the past, a past that had haunted her and her trust of others for a long time, and it was time for her to stop letting it get to her head. Minnie only proved to her that people could change, and while some were more averse to it, Minnie only showed respect for her, despite everything.
So Beth really only had one thing to say, "I forgive you, Minnie," The words hung heavy in the air, words that should have been said a long time ago, "All that shit from middle school? Honestly, it doesn't matter anymore. And I'm sorry too, I should have listened to you more, given you a chance to explain yourself fully. I never did that because of my own feelings, and I should have been more aware of my clouded judgment," It wasn't as if Beth had practiced this speech in the mirror, she hadn't planned the apology at all, but it had to be said, "So for that I am sorry."
Minnie gave her an odd look, one of confusion, and said, "Why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything that was out of line. I mean I get it, you didn't wanna speak with me I totally got it. Especially with the past you and I have, so I'm not mad at you," Beth was relieved, almost feeling some tension in her shoulders leave, "If anything I should be apologizing," Minnie muttered.
"Thank you"
"And with all those rumors and things," Minnie continued," I didn't want to make it seem like I was imposing on your life, or trying to be your knight in shining armor, but I did try to make people understand."
Beth nodded, once again feeling like an asshole for basically ignoring Minnie for so long, "Yeah I saw. Thank you again, by the way," Minnie smiled, "But I don't expect you to have to do that, a lot of people talked."
"Especially Celine," Minnie commented, and Beth wondered how Minnie already knew who Celine was by name, "She never shuts up about you, talking all about how arrogant and toxic you are without even knowing you," Minnie breathed out a frustrated breath, "It annoyed me, but after a lot of attempts at making people listen and getting nowhere, I kinda just sat there uselessly."
Beth put her hand on her chin, eyebrows furrowing in thought, "Celine, huh?" She questioned, "Did she ever say who she got her information from?" Beth asked, and a puzzled look crossed Minnie's face.
"Uh, some girl named Adrianne. Kept dropping her name, saying things like 'Oh yeah, Adrianne told me this' or something. Why?" It was a valid question and Beth knew it, but her mind was still too busy processing what she just heard.
"Do you really believe that?" Beth asked her, and Minnie only looked more confused. Minnie responded with a shrug.
Well, obviously the Adrianne explanation was bullshit. Celine was definitely the one who made it up, however, could Beth really believe she was the one who made everything up? Even going back to Clementine's rumors, no one really knew who started it. Everyone assumed it was Adrianne, but that was simply word of mouth that all led back to one person, Celine. Every time it led back to Celine. Celine was the one who kept bothering Beth. Celine constantly made things up and lied for no reason other than lying. Anne, for the most part, seemed normal and kind. The type of person who volunteered on the weekend. So either, Anne was great at pretending, or Celine was a lying bitch.
Beth thought Celine was a lying bitch, the thing was, how could she prove it?
"Do you ever look around and think at any moment any of these people could just make something up about you, and most people would believe it with no explanation at all," Beth whispered to Minnie in a hushed voice. Minnie, who had been leaning in to hear, gave her an odd look.
"And what led you to that thought?" Minnie questioned.
"The very fact that everyone believed such a ridiculous thing about Clementine with little to no proof other than word of mouth, all circulating back to one person, who is not the person everyone believes it is," Beth paused and shook her head, "Why? Why would Celine make that up about Clementine?"
Minnie looked lost, "What do you mean?" She asked.
Beth explained everything, from the initial rumor to all her encounters with Anne and Celine, and the rumors about her. Because it didn't make sense why Anne would volunteer on the weekends and show new kids around if she was also supposedly this awful horrible person. Of course, people can project an image of themself to the public, but Anne truly did not seem like a person who was capable of actually hurting her friend like that. Anne was never the one who came up to her, who bothered her about the rumors or talked shit like Celine did. Hell, it didn't even seem like she even knew what had truly even happened. The more Beth talked, the more angry and annoyed Minnie became.
"So you think Celine made the whole thing up," Minnie repeated in disbelief, "Why in the hell would she do that? Like she would get nothing out of it and has a high chance of getting caught which she did!" Minnie rubbed her temples, shaking her head.
Beth shrugged. She herself wasn't angry about it, she wasn't even shocked. It almost seemed like she should have realized it earlier. If she had, it would have made her life so much easier. But what was not going to be easy was figuring out how in the hell she would tell Clementine, "I don't know," Beth responded, "Plenty of reasons. Jealousy, popularity, attention, revenge, and affection are all possibilities why she would."
"Affection?"
"Hey, some people have really strange ways of getting someone's attention. That happens to be one."
The two of them fell into silence, which was not exactly comfortable. Beth was at a loss for what to do now. She was confident in her belief that Celine was the one who spread every rumor, but the thing was, what would she do now? Should Beth confront Celine, which has a high possibility of going wrong or being blown out of proportion? Should she tell Clementine, which also has a high possibility of sending Clementine over the edge into a fit of rage? Or maybe confirm with Anne, which out of all the options has the least amount of things that could go wrong, which would be embarrassing herself.
Beth knew she had to do what had to be done. She didn't want to throw out accusations without even knowing if it was true or not. Clementine had the right to know. She definitely did, but maybe a bitter part of Beth made her hesitate. Of course, the plan was to always go and confirm first, but what about after? Did that bitter part of Beth want to take over?
She had to find out first. She had to talk with Anne.