14. Sinking into the mist
The cold wind was dancing with my hair, I was standing near the ocean. It was late night, a beautiful sunset was right in front of me. Different shades of orange filled the sky. I had my hands in my leather jacket's pockets, my hair was in a messy bun I've had for couple days. I have been inside in my apartment again, not going anywhere. Eevi has been in different festivals with the boys. They also spent midsummer at Pudasjärvi, they had a gig in there and probably drank after that, a lot. I was alone at my apartment, Eevi did ask me to come with them, but...
My thoughts were interrupted by a man's voice. He was alone, further away from me. He was talking stupid things loudly and he was all drunk. It made my mood go down again, so I decided to leave the place right away.
"Hey! You! Girl!" He shouted after me, I felt how shivers went through my body. I fastened my steps, I tried to stay calm and not panic. But I knew he was following me, he wanted to say something and he wasn't going to give up.
"Please, stop! Do you have any money..?" He groaned after me, and he didn't sound so.. angry anymore. I decided to slow down, and I dared to look over my shoulder. He was closer, and he was out of breath. He looked like he was in his 50's.
I sighed and stopped, not completely trusting him, but still I did it. He came closer and closer, then he stopped, only one feet away from me.
He had dirty blonde hair, and his green eyes looked tired. I wonder where he sleeps at nights.
"I need.. money..." He begged quietly. All his actions made me feel sad.
"For what..?" I asked gently. He came even closer, and that made me feel uncomfortable. I frowned.
I tried to take couple steps back, but his moves were faster this time. He took a grip of my jacket, pulling me closer. I flinched hard.
"I.. need.. money. I.. need.. drugs. I'm going to die.. if I can't have any..." His low and quiet tone made me scared. His eyes suddenly looked like he was the devil. I tried to look around, but there was no one.
I was alone with him, I had no escape.
What the fuck I'm supposed to do? Stupid me!
"Let me go." I only dared to say. Those words made his eyes almost burn because of the anger he had.
I felt how he took stronger grip. Fuck. Why is it always me?
"Get me some cocaine.. I know you have connections." He whispered angry. I frowned even harder, trying not to breathe too loudly. I felt like he was going to get even more angrier for that.
I was feeling confused at first, but then I recognized him. I've met this man before.
I was only a little girl, maybe ten. I remember how someone was ringing the doorbell angrily, I was at home with mom and.. my stepdad. I hate to call him by that name.
Mom was at the shower, and he was in the balcony, drinking beer and smoking.
I was playing with my dolls in my room. And the door kept ringing, it was making me frustrated.
"Get the door open, Saga!" He yelled from the balcony. He was drunk and he was too lazy to go himself.
I flinched, and I was scared as hell, of course I did what he commanded. I went to the door and opened it, and there stood a young man. He was shaking, he looked around nervously and he was all sweaty.
He looked down at me, smirking first and then looking inside of the apartment.
"Where's Veksi?" He murmured then. Veksi, his cover name. I knew who he meant, these men have been there before. It was dangerous for all of us, it was stupid for them to deal drugs at there.
I looked at him up and down, I didn't say anything. I walked away, leaving him there waiting.
I walked to the balcony, hesitating. He sat there, drank and smoke.
"Someone is asking you." I quietly said to him.
With rolling his eyes he stood up, throwed the cigarette away and gave me the empty beer bottle.
Then he walked to the door, and they dealed drugs there.
And this same fucking man is having a grip on me, staring at me angrily. How the hell did he recognize me, and how in the earth he's here in Helsinki?
He was still staring at me, but he did let go of me. He saw how scared I was.
"I don't have any fucking connections. He's in jail, didn't you know that?" I said with much more confident, he only chuckled a bit and rubbed his nose then.
"Why? I haven't seen him in years." His hands were shaking and he was sweating.
I just swallowed, I didn't want to talk about, and not in any way to this man. But how do I escape from this situation? He will definitely take another grip of me, and I'm scared that he will do something bad.
If I explain, he will have a peace in his mind. But I know that it will wake up bad memories in me. And then I don't know what my mind is going to do next.
He was waiting, but I knew that his patience is not good. He needs his cocaine, and he will get it no matter what. But I don't have it and I don't know anyone who does.
"Get your drugs from somewhere else and leave me alone." I snapped and turned my back on him, I leave now.
But no, he didn't let me. I felt his hand taking a strong grip from my hand, his nails going deep into my skin. It hurted a lot.
He pulled me closer fast, I still had my back facing him.
"You're not leaving." He whispered against my ear, it made me feel disgusted and anxious.
I already imagined my death, how he will either choke me or torture me. What else to do? Scream?
I really hoped that someone could walk somewhere here and save me. I closed my eyes and wished to be anywhere else than here.
Before he started to talk again, I heard my saving angel's coming closer.
"Hey! Let go of her!" Someone shouted angrily. And right away he did that, I let out a sigh of relief while I opened my eyes.
But it wasn't just someone, it was Joel.
The man disappeared fast while Joel took fast and long steps towards me. I hope I never see that man again, he brought memories I didn't want to remember.
Joel put his hand on my shoulder, looking at me and studying my face.
"What happened? Are you okay?" He asked worried, but still looking behind me to the direction where the man went.
First I was silent, only opening my mouth, not knowing what to answer. I only nodded.
"He was just.. some junkie. I'm fine." I quietly responded. He looked me up and down, nodding slowly and sliding his hand off of me.
"Weren't you guys at Oulu, meeting your families after the gig?" I frowned, looking the taller one in front of me. He put his hands on his jacket's pockets.
"Yeah, we came back today. I was just taking a walk, I needed some air. What about you?" His blue eyes glued on me.
I just shrugged my shoulders, looking at my feet.
"Kinda same.. but I have to go home. Thank you for literally saving me." I thanked him and he just smiled and nodded. He put his sunglasses on and we both continued our ways to different directions.
Before opening the door of my apartment I heard some loud noices from the other apartment, maybe one floor up. Before the key went in the hole, I freezed and listened. A woman and a man were arguing loudly. I zoned out, all those memories from the past started to come up to my mind.
All the bad ones where mom and stepdad were screaming to each other. Where mom got beated up.
Where I layed down on my bed in the middle of the night, I was hiding under the covers, hoping for him to stop. And only wishing for that I wouldn't be his next victim.
Mom tried so hard to make him stop, but he didn't.
Then it was silent for a while, until I heard his steps coming closer to my bedroom's door. I started shaking even more, tears running down from my eyes.
Then mom runned to the door, not letting him in.
He shouted to her.
"Move away, bitch!" He said angrily. I covered my mouth with my hand, so he wouldn't hear me sobbing.
I was only a child.
"You're not taking my daughter!" I remember mom answering, panicked but still protecting me.
Then he started beating her again. And I didn't sleep for the whole night, I was too scared. It was so silent.
Suddenly I dropped the keys to the ground, and that's what made me back to earth.
I kneeled down and took them, then fastly opened the door with my shaking hands.
I started crying, I couldn't control it. I wanted it to stop, but the memories were hitting me again and again. I went in, but I didn't close the front door completely. I was panicking, I was scared that someone was in the apartment with me.
I didn't feel like I was alone.
Then I heard like something dropped in my bedroom, it made me stop crying for a second, I also freezed.
"Hey.. hey..." I heard some whispering. My eyes widened open, but I didn't make any move.
But the tears kept falling down from my eyes, I tasted those saulty drops in my mouth that I kept open.
"Hey.. I'm here..." Something whispered again.
I panicked even more, accidentally I let out a small sob. It was deadly silent, so it was my time to make fast moves. I runned to my balcony and closed the door behind me. For the whole time when I ran, it felt like someone was chasing me. I felt so uncomfortable and panicked.
Who the fuck was in my apartment?!
I leaned against the railing, and the wind was playing with my hair. Some of it glued on my face because of the tears.
I know I'm not alone. There is someone.
"Saga? You there?" I heard a familiar sounding voice from the street. Carefully I looked down, it was Joonas.
It made me feel relieved, but still I was scared as hell. Someone was fucking whispering from my bedroom, and I think it's right behind the balcony door, waiting for me to open it.
I didn't want to shout him back, what if the thing hears me and it's coming to get me?
But what if.. what if I jump off from here?
I know it's a long way down and I maybe not survive, but which is worse, jumping off or waiting for that thing to come and kill me?
"Saga! What is it?" Joonas shouted, but I didn't dare to answer. I only leaned further, placing a finger between my lips, as a sign to stay silent.
But I saw him running to the door and opening it, coming inside of the building. I was feeling scared, I'm scared that I had turned my back on the balcony door. What if the thing is there, looking at me behind the glass?
I didn't dare to turn around, but I kept leaning further and further.
Almost falling off from the balcony. It felt kinda calming. The wind was here with me.
Oh no.. what is going to happen?
Thank you so much for reading this story, every vote and comment is also meaning a lot to me <3
Next chapter coming on tuesday!
Sending hugs, stay safe and strong you all🖤