EVE
"What happens if he never comes back?"
"What would have happened if we never ate the fruit?"
"What happens if your arm falls off?"
"What happens if there is another animal attack?"
"What if nothing is the same, ever again?"
What if, what if, what if. If is such a small word but it contains so much power.
I'm done praying, but Adam keeps his eyes closed and head bowed. I'm done trying to believe in someone that never gives me answers or signs, anything to believe that he is really here. I'm done praying. I give up I whisper to the night sky.
"What did you say?" Adam questions raising his head to me. I quit, I give up, I hate what has happened, I hate seeing you in pain and I want to die.
"Oh nothing, sorry" I think he believes me because he bows his head again and I'm left to think and mentally scream by myself again. I repeat it again really absorbing the words that came out in pure honestly. I quit, I give up. I don't want to give up but it's been so hard and I don't see an end to this. Everything keeps getting worse! I hate what has happened, Eden used to be so beautiful and pure and now it's torched with hate, resentment, lies, blood... sin. I hate seeing you in pain, Adams arm makes me wish to cry out in pain because seeing him in pain hurts me. He's my one and only friend and he is hurting and there is nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to fix it, to take away his pain. Finally, I want to die. If living means running for our lives daily, and hunting down animals that I used to call friends for meat. For worrying about Adam, he is so brave throughout all of this. I begin to hum softly hoping the notes will sooth my mind and help me see sense in all this madness. All this internal and external pain that keeps randomly popping up and making our lives even more hectic and crazy. Why did he not prepare us for this? Was this his plan all along? Create them and show them the good in the world, the beauty and then take it all away. Slowly rip apart everything they love and turn their trust into resentment, anger, aggression, and pain. I can't believe that he wanted this for us. Wrath, famine, drought, and war. All these new horrible words flowed through my mind and sucked me in to a downward spiral of misery and depression. This uncontrollable sadness took hold of me and I couldn't seem to pull myself back to the surface.