CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
"Joaquin, kaibigan ko 'yon." napataas ako ng boses. "Kaibigan ko si Kenzo. Naiintindihan mo naman 'yon 'di ba?!"
At that moment, I couldn't comprehend why he acted that way. I couldn't predict or control my feelings for him. And he holds more significance to me. We are now outside the gate. I don't care what people say here and all the cars that pass by. We were fine earlier in the house and then it's going to be like this just because of my friend?
The world's trick is this: you experience happiness for a fleeting moment, only for great sadness to follow. Can't happiness exist without being followed by forced sadness?
Sobrang daya talaga ng mundo, pinagdadamot 'yong kasiyahan na inaasam ko.
"I get it all, Shain!" he yelled. "You just don't get where I'm coming from."
"So, it's still my fault?!" I blinked back tears, tilted my head and sighed."Wow! Lance, sino ba ang pumunta dito? Ako ba I didn't ask you to come here. I didn't ask you to text or call me. And I certainly didn't ask you to worry about me."
Pumikit ako maraan at para mahabol ko ang hininga ko. "That's not me, Lance. That's you!"
He lips quivered as he stared at me. "Shain, I never said anything was your fault. Not a word. Did you hear me blaming you?"
He looked up. I saw the tears in his eyes that he was trying to stop from falling. "I haven't said anything to you, Shain! Not a single word!"
"I'm sorry for coming here. . .I'm sorry for not asking for permission. . . Sorry for texting even though I know you won't reply, but. . . I hope you will, Shainny. I'm sorry if I added to your problems," his voice broke, and he looked down, trying to conceal his emotions. "T-tangina naman kase, Shain! I can't help but worry about you. I've been so concerned. . . You've been absent from school, and I keep wondering how you are. Even your friends don't know what's going on with you. I'm left wondering if you're sick, if something bad happened. . . Are you okay? That's all I can think about!"
He stood properly, looking at my eyes. "Hindi ako mapakali, eh. I can't shake this feeling until I know what's going on with you. . .There's just so much on my mind, Shainny. Too much."
I was stunned by him as he said that. I don't know why I feel hurt now in front of it. I don't know how to speak how I can talk to him. I was able to look away because every time I saw his red eyes from the liquid dripping down his cheeks, I was crushed even more. Ilang minuto namayani ng katahimikan sa aming dalawa. Walang gustong nagsalita sa amin. Ni isa sa amin ay walang nagabalang magingay. Tanging iyak ang bumabalot ngayon bilang ingay.
"S-Shainny. . ."he wiped the tears that fell from his cheeks before he faced me.
"Is it wrong to worry about someone I already care about? Is it. . . bad? Just tell me!" he demanded, his eyes shut tight. "Do you understand?"
I met his gaze, fighting back tears as I nodded. His jaw clenched, tears streaming down his face.
"It's not wrong. It's. . . not wrong, Lance," I stammered.
"Didn't I say it before? If you can't take care of yourself, I'll do it for you. I'm here for you," he replied firmly.
"But even though I'm here, you still can't see me," he added, voice barely above a whisper. "I'm right beside you, but your heart seems elsewhere. . . Your mind is somewhere else."
I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly to calm myself. We were both on edge.
"I thought you were just kidding. I didn't realize it was true," I admitted, a small smile tugging at my lips.
"I don't know why I'm trying to explain myself to you."
"Pero, alam mo, J-joaquin. . ." I looked up. "It's so hard to always be understanding. . . Parang, lahat na lang wala kang choice. . . wala kang choice kundi intindihin at intindihin sila. Kahit labag na sa kalooban mo,"
He saw my tears in my eyes that I was trying to stop from falling. Kaya nataranta na siya nang makita na niya kumikinang at umaagos ang aking mga luha mula sa mata ko.
"K-kahit sobra k-ka nang nasasaktan at nadudurog sa kakaintindi sa kanila. . . Pero dapat mo pa rin gawin ang gusto nila kahit hindi sangayon ang katawan at isip mo." My lips quivered. "P-Pero kailangan mo pa rin silang intindihin kase alam nilang naiintindihin mo. . . Ganu'n kahirap, Lance!"
Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang tumulo sa aking mata at sinuklay ko ang buhok gamit ang isang kong kamay. Sumilay ang lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata, at pumunta sa kaniyang labi ang mapait na ngiti.
"That's my problem. I'm too soft-hearted. I easily form attachments and trust people, and I forgive too quickly, even those who disrupt my peace of mind. No matter how grave their wrongdoing, I find it in my heart to forgive them, simply because I understand what they're going through."
Paano naman ako? Nasasaktan din ako. Dinidibdib ko rin lahat ng 'yon. Most of the time I'll be the first person who feels bad and feels guilty if you ignore someone even if they deserve that for hurting you. Pagod na ako! Pagod na pagod na akong lumaban at pakatatag. Masyado nang maraming nangyari simula kahapon hanggang ngayon. Pinagkakait ba nila ang kasiyahan ko?
Kung oo, p'wedeng patayin na lang nila ako dahil wala na rin silbi ang buhay ko.
"I apologize, Shain," his tone now filled with concern. "I wasn't aware of that, and I didn't intend to. You can lean on me, Shainny. I'll be your shoulder to cry on, and I won't leave your side. I'll take care of you until you feel better."
Pumikit siya at dinadamdam niya ang malamig na hangin ang dumadampis sa kaniyang balat. Pinapanood ko siya kung paano siya pumikit kung paano ang pag-alon ng kaniyang adams apple sa kaniyang lalamunan at kung paano niya dinamdaman ang kay sarap na hangin. Suddenly, my heart beats faster, I can't figure out why every time I watch Lance like this, my stomach races and my heart beats.
"Lance, mahal na 'ata kita," mahinang boses na sabi ko.
Unti-unti itong dumilat at ibinalingan niya akong tingin. Ang tingin niya na gulat na gulat siya sa narinig niya. Napanganga nga ito sa kaniyang narinig. Nakikita mo sa kaniyang ang pagkagulat at pagkasabik.
"Shainny. . ." he said softly and I can see the ripple of his Adam's apple and the slight redness of his cheeks. "Mahal mo ako?"
I bit my lower lip to stop my smile. The nervousness that I had was shaking but I nodded slowly to him. Kitang kita ko kung paano bumilog ang kaniyang mata sa gulat sa tuwa. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang nararamdaman niya. He walked around and came back to his place and at the same time the smile was genuine. Ang sarap niyang tignan kapag nakangiti ito ng gan'yan. Sa tuwing tinitigan ko siyang ng ganito parang nahahawa ako sa saya niya at makikita mo rin na wala itong problema dinadala.
The mouth may lie, but the eyes won't.
I didn't realize that every time he's happy, I feel happy too. It's as if his happiness is contagious, lifting me up along with him. Kanina, sabi ko sa sarili ko gusto ko siya pero biglang nagbago iyon. Hindi ko mawari kung nasabi ko iyon dahil siguro walang ibig sabihin ang lahat ng pagmamahal.
Perhaps, initially, I was drawn to him because of his good looks, intelligence, charm, and height—qualities that many women desire. But what I feel now is different. It's not just about liking him or finding him attractive anymore. It's deeper than that—it's love.
I let out sigh heavily, smiling. "Hoy, Nakakahilo ka na, ah!"
Tumigil ito sa paglalakad at pagharap niya kagat kagat na niya ang kaniyang labi habang ang isang daliri nito ay nakalagay ito sa labi sabay niya kinakagat.
Our eyes suddenly collided and suddenly both of our eyes met.
"Ano kasi. . . bakit ka ba kasi nagbibigla. Hindi ako handa roon, ah!"
"Parang kanina inaaway mo ako dahil nagseselos ka, gulat na gulat, beh?!" natatawang tugon ko.
Walang tigil pa rin ako nakangiti sa kaniya. Nakakatawa kasi siya parang ngayon lang na may umamin sa'kanya.
Paano niya nagagawang maging g'wapo na kahit wala siyang ginagawa.
"Hay nako, Joaquin," I licked my lower lip."Umuwi ka—"
"Shainny, don't do that again," he interrupted me.
Kumunot ang noo ako dahil sa sinabi niya. "Huh? Ang alin?"
"Y-Yong ano. . . basta yung ginawa mo." Hindi makatingin ng diresto sa akin.
Napataas ang dalawa kong kilay at alam ko na kung bakit siya nagkakaganya.
"Yon ba?" I smirked.
Ginawa ko ulit ang kung paano ko gawin ang pagbasa nang labi ko. "'Yang ganito ba?"
Tumingin ito sa gawi ko at nakita ko kung paano niya kagatin ang kaniyang labi.
"Honey, please stop that!" hindi makatingin sa aking mata.
"Bakit ba?" I chuckled.
He bit his lower lip, namumula na rin ang kaniyang tenga. "Ano kase. . ."
"Baka magising ang Natoy ko,"
"Sino'ng Natoy?" gulong kong tanong. "Wala naman tao maliban sa atin, ah. Tayong dalawa lang ang nasa labas at halos sasakyan na ang mga nandito."
"Will you eat it when I show it to you?" he said in a husky voice. "It has roots and it's big, but it's delicious. It'll take you to heaven, honey."
Nang napagtanto ko kung ano ang tinutukoy nito ay bigla ako namula sa ginawa nito pero papagisingin ko pa yan.
"Nagising ko ba?" natatawang saad ko
"Honey! I told you, stop it, or else. . ."
He bit his lip once more. "You'll taste like a bold star's kiss."
Alam kong hindi niya gagawin iyon. Mahina ‘tong nilalang.
I licked my lips again and again.
"Okay! Sabi mo," I smirked.
He gently approached me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. I never imagined he would do such a thing. I didn't think he'd go through with it, but now, our lips were touching. My eyes widened at the sensation of his lips against mine. Suddenly, my heart began to race. It was just a kiss, yet it weighed heavily on my heart.
"You’re driving my junior crazy, Shainny," he whispered. "You don't want to stop, do you?"
"I'm tempted to kiss you," he grinned mischievously.
With heated breath, he uttered those words before pressing his lips to mine. I closed my eyes slowly, savoring the feel of Lance Joaquin Bernardo's lips on mine. They were incredibly soft.
"I'm not asking for permission. You're mine, and that's final," he declared, his tone firm but filled with affection.
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