L E O
Why the fuck did I come to Atlas' house early?
I love him, really I do. Will I ever spend time with him alone again? No. Why? Easy, he never shuts the fuck up, never.
He's like a toddler on crack.
"Le, should I blow up some balloons?"
I bang my head against the breakfast, before lifting my eyes to his. "Atlas, this is a college party, not a kids birthday."
He turns to me, his lips pursed, baby blue eyes filled with confusion. "So... no?"
"No, no balloons Ati." God fucking save me. I ran my hand down my face, suppressing a groan. "When will Luke be here?"
"He should be here in... three... two... one." And just at that, the sound of the front door opening and closing gained my attention, followed by Luke sauntered into the kitchen.
"You knew he was here, didn't you?" I removed my eyes from Luke, raising an eyebrow at Atlas.
"No, I did not!" He gasped dramatically, holding a hand to his heart. "It's a talent of mine Le, it's like I know when someone's coming."
"That sounds dirty." Luke commented with a snort, taking the seat to my left. "Hey Le," He greeted with his usual smile. " I missed you at lunch today and every class."
"Yeah... I skipped most of my classes." I admitted, playing with my now-empty glass.
"Did Em skip with you?" Atlas asked, bending his elbows against the marble, resting his chin in his palms.
"Mhm." I hummed, my eyes trained on Atlas. There was something in the way he asked, the way he's looking at me...
"Did you make up?" Luke interjected, a hopeful in his beryl gaze.
"Or better, did you guys make out?"
"Atlas." Luke hissed, smacking the back of our friends head. "Ignore him Le."
"We made up," I admitted, kissing my teeth as I directed a playful glare to Atlas. "And no Ati, we didn't make out." Leaving out the admission of how much I wanted to.
He wants to get over you.
"Shame." He sighed, jutting out his bottom lip. "Why not?" He asked, tilting his head, gazing at me like a wounded puppy.
"Are you forgetting where he is right now?" Luke added, my heart twinging in hurt at the reminder.
"Please, we all know Killian is not who he wants to date." Atlas rolled his eyes, turning to me as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Don't we Le?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." I admitted, my lips pressed into a thin line. "Emilio is my friend Ati, just as you are."
"You don't look at me, the way you look at him." He smirked, his blue eyes gleaming with mischief. "Luke does, not you."
I let out an involuntary snort, whilst Luke openly gaped at Atlas. "What do you mean by that?" Luke gasped.
"You know," He made a weird hand gesture, that neither Luke or I understood. "You look at me like I'm the best thing since sliced bread Lulu. Similar to how Em and Leo stare at one another. But I'm sorry to tell you love, I'm way out of your league."
"Atlas! I do not, I'm straight!" Luke paused. "What do you mean way out of my league? If anything, I'm way way way out of yours." He added, clearly affronted by Atlas' exclaim.
"Course you are." Atlas snorted, "And Luke? You know what they say, spaghetti is straight... until it gets wet."
"No one says that Ati!"
"Do you want me to leave so you two can make out?" I offered, smirking as Luke's face flamed crimson in annoyance.
"What did I miss?" Elliot asked, pausing at the doorway, before walking into the kitchen. His eyes drifting between the three of us, taking in the amusement on Atlas' face, plus the irritation on Luke's.
"Luke wants me." Atlas admitted, puffing his chest as he pinched Luke's cheek between his thumb and forefinger. "He's just to proud to admit it."
"Elliot, control your brother."
"Sorry Luke, I'm taking nothing to do with this." Eli laughed, opening the fridge before offering each of us a drink.
"Can I have a beer?" Luke asked, pushing an overly affectionate Atlas from his torso.
Elliot shrugged, "Don't see why not," He turned to me, "You want one Le?"
"Sure."
"I want one!" Atlas whined.
"Nope," Elliot shook his head, wiggling his pointer finger at his younger brother. "You, my dear child, are far too young."
Atlas scoffed, "Eli, I'm older than Leo." He stomped his foot, acting like the adult he apparently is.
"I don't give a shit, you're not having one." Elliot calmly told him, passing both Luke and I a beer.
"I'll tell Callan that you supplied Leo with alcohol." Atlas threatened, crossing his arms over his chest smugly.
"You'll tell Callan nothing." I warned.
"Who's not telling me what?" For fuck sake.
"Cal!" Elliot grinned, pulling my older brother into a bro hug. "What're you doing here, there's still over an hour till the party!"
"Came to check on this one." Callan gestured towards me, his eyes glaring at the beer in my hand. "Nope, not happening." He shook his head, stomping towards me before making a grab for said beer.
"Cal, c'mon. It's a party." Elliot tried to reason with him, whilst I continued to hold the beer behind my back.
"I don't give a shit Eli," Cal glared at his best-friend. "You shouldn't be giving him alcohol," His eyes then drifted to Luke's hand. "You shouldn't be giving any of them alcohol Elliot! They're fucking fifteen!"
"Cal, we both drank at their age. Stop whining." Elliot rolled his eyes, pushing Callan away from Luke and I.
"That's besides the point." Callan huffed, "If they're having one, why isn't Atlas, hm?"
Elliot sighed loudly. "Here, Ati." He turned to his brother, offering him the beer in his hands.
"Ooooh yay! Thanks for your input Callan." Atlas grinned, taking a gulp of the bitter liquid, before spitting it on the floor. "Ew, that's nasty." He stuck out his tongue, his eyes creasing in disgust.
"That's why I didn't give him one." Elliot said to Callan, "You're cleaning that up." He nodded towards the mouth full of beer, coating the white tiles.
Callan turned to me, his eyes then drifting to Luke before moving back to meet mine. "Two beers, that's all you two can have, sì?"
"Sì fratello."
***
I'd well and truly surpassed Callan's two drink rule.
Drowning my sorrows in alcohol, I'd consumed enough to almost limit the defeat that weighed a heavy burden on my heart.
Why isn't he here yet?
Dread washed over me as the clock struck ten and there was still no Emilio in sight. The dread quickly manifesting itself to fear; was their date going that well? Had Emilio finally realised that Killian was the better choice?
"Leo, why so glum?" Maya slurred, pulling me from the sour thoughts. Her manicured nails gripping the sleeve of my dress shirt tightly, or should I say, the shirt I'd borrowed from Atlas' closet.
"I'm fine Mi." I smiled, trying my hardest to pull my arm from her grip, then failing due to my drunken state. "Have you seen Em?" I asked, my eyes scouring the full room of unfamiliar faces.
Maya groaned loudly, her face turning to one of annoyance. "Leo, forget about Em." She rolled her eyes. "Let's go have fun."
I didn't protest as Maya dragged me through the crowd, pulling me towards the staircase. We clumsily stumbled upon each step, nearly tripping over our own feet as we did.
The door to the first bedroom was open, a group of eleven teenagers; each an array of ages, sat in a circle in the centre of the room; which I now recognise to be Elliots.
"There playing seven minutes in heaven." Maya gushed, bouncing on her heels like an over excited child. "Let's play!"
"No Mi." I tried to take a step back, only to be dragged further into the room.
"Please Leo?" She pouted, "I really want to play."
With a loud sigh, I gave in. "Fine."
The teenagers in the room, didn't seem to mind as Maya introduced us both, quickly asking if we could join.
"The more the merrier." A raven haired boy, maybe a year or two older than us, said with a grin.
It was boring, so fucking boring.
That was until Maya's turn came.
My blonde friend reached towards the glass bottle, that lay in the very centre of the circle. Her hand tightly gripping the rim, before giving it a soft twirl.
The neck of the bottle landing on myself.
"C'mon Le," Maya stood up, holding her hand towards me. "Join me in the closet."
My breath caught in my throat, the unease growing, burning my lungs in the process. "I don't think that's a good idea Mi." I mumbled, lowering my head as the other kids began to groan.
"Leo," Maya's beryl gaze met my blue pleadingly, "Come on." She waved the hand she'd been holding towards me, her nervous eyes darting to the speculators around us.
"Dude, it's a game." An older red haired boy rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, hurry up." One girl agreed. "You're ruining it."
"Leo," Maya whispered, "Please."
Succumbing to the peer pressure, I grasped Maya's hand in mine, allowing her to pull me to the closet.
Making my first of many mistakes tonight.
***
Trigger Warning;
Sexual Assault.
The closet was small, so small that Maya and I barley fit without brushing against one another. The confined space, making me feel all forms of claustrophobic.
The click of the knob turning filled my ears, as the door was locked behind us. My breathing coming out in short pants, as panic began to consume me.
I don't like this.
He's not here, it's only Maya, he's not here.
"So... are you going to kiss me?" Maya slurred, pushing her body closer to my own. Her chest brushing against mine, as her fingers toyed with the end of my shirt.
"What?" I breathed heavily, my chest constricting in fear. "I'm not going to kiss you Maya, you're drunk." I told her, pushing myself further from her touch, my back pressing against the closet door, showcasing the minimal space we truly had.
"I'm not drunk Le." She giggled, her hand sliding under my shirt, her fingers grazing my skin teasingly. "I want this, don't you want me?"
Please stop touching me.
"No, I don't." I shook my head, my body trembling, as my panic grew. "I don't like this Mi, please stop."
"Lighten up!" Her breath fanned against my cheek, the stale scent of liquor invading my senses, all whilst she invaded my space. "It's just a little bit of fun Le." She whispered, her lips brushing against my ear with each word she spoke.
I shivered in fear, hating that her body was so close to mine, feeling my skin crawl from her touch. Scrunching my eyes closed, I prayed that she'd listen, that she wouldn't invalidate my feelings like he did, that the word no meant just as much to her as it did to me.
"No, Maya." I whispered, swallowing painfully as the lump in my throat grew bigger. "Please, stop, please."
I froze as I felt her fingers continue to drift across my torso. Her free hand moving to my nape, caressing the skin before the warmth of her lips nipped at my neck, kissing and sucking my skin harshly. "Stop playing hard to get Le." She giggled against my skin.
"No, no, no." I whimpered, feeling the tears burn behind my eyelids. I couldn't move, my limps feeling foreign, my mind begging for me to push her away. "Maya, please." I opened my eyes, pleading with her to stop.
"I really like you Leo." She whispered, her bloodshot beryl gaze meeting my panic ridden blues. "So much."
I didn't have time to react as Maya's lips crashed to mine. I gasped in shock, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks, as her tongue soaked up the opportunity to invade my mouth.
The stale taste of vodka overwhelmed my tastebuds, causing my stomach to churn painfully. The feeling of bile rising in my throat, the acid burning my lungs in the process.
Please stop.
She devoured me as though I were her last meal, her nails embedding themselves in my nape, gripping me so tightly, I could feel the warmth of my blood drip from the puncture wounds she'd inflicted.
The hand on my torso slid to my navel, edging closer and closer towards the lining of my pants, her fingers brushing teasingly against the waistband of my boxer shorts.
Just as her hand began to slip beneath the barrier, I snapped from my frozen daze.
Pushing her body from mine, I heaved a heavy breath, trying to fill my lungs with the oxygen they'd been denied. "Maya, I said no!" My voice rising at each word, as I glared at her with tear-filled eyes.
She winced as her back hit the opposite walls, blinking at me continuously before her eyes turned panicked. "Leo, I thought—"
"You thought what Maya? You thought that no suddenly meant fucking yes?" I scoffed, harshly wiping my lips with my trembling hands.
I can't breathe.
Banging my first against the door repeatedly, I exhaled a shaky breath as the click of the lock turning filled my ears. I pushed past the older boy who'd released me from my seven minutes in hell, without a word or glance to Maya, I ran from the room.
***
I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I made my way downstairs, doing everything in my power to avoid brushing shoulders with another.
Why me?
How has this happened to me again?
Maya was drunk, wasted even. But that's no excuse? I told her no, I begged for her to stop, and just like him, she didn't listen, she didn't care.
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I doing something wrong?
Why does this keep happening to me?
"Leo!" A hand gripped my arm, causing me to flinch back, pulling my arm from their grasp.
I turned to the owner of said hand, meeting Maya's tear stained face. "Don't fucking touch me." I whimpered pathetically.
"Leo, I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me, I thought you were playing hard to get." She cried, the loudness of her voice drawing the attention of others; my siblings and our friends to exact.
"What's going on?" Luke asked, coming to stand between Maya and I. His eyes roaming over both of our tear stained faces. "Le, are you okay? Mi?"
I ignored Luke, focusing solely on Maya. "You thought I was playing hard to get? I fucking begged you to stop Maya! I told you no!"
"What the fuck is going on?" Emilio cut in, the sound of his voice drawing my eyes away from Maya. I stared at him for a moment, watching his eyes widen as he took in my panic ridden state. "Maya," He called out, his eyes never leaving mine. "What the fuck did you do?"
"I-I thought," She stammered, "Leo," I hesitantly turned my head, meeting her reddened eyes. "Please forgive me, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."
"You didn't mean to?"
"Leo, please." She sobbed, her hand reaching out for me, brushing her fingers against my own. "I didn't mean it, please."
"Don't fucking touch me!" I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hide how vulnerable I was... how exposed I felt.
"Leo, calm the fuck down." Bella glared at me, moving towards a sobbing Maya.
I ignored her, keeping my eyes on Maya. "Which part didn't you mean?" I asked, my voice quiet, filled sheer unfiltered pain. "The part where you forced yourself on me? When you put your hand under my shirt? Or was it when you tried to put your hand down my pants?" I could hear a few gasps echoing around us, though my gaze stayed trained on her.
"Maya, what the fuck!" Atlas fumed, his voice filled with so much rage, I barley recognised it to be his.
"Leo," She cried louder, her eyes drifting to our friends, as though she was begging me not to share any more of this information. "Stop, please."
"Is that the part you didn't mean Mi? When I begged for you to stop?" I shook my head, my eyes burning, lips trembling, "I begged you Maya, I fucking cried and you didn't stop, you didn't fucking stop! You kissed me, you touched me, you wouldn't stop! Why didn't you stop?" A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it.
Why didn't she stop? Why did he stop?
"Leo, I'm here kiddo, you're okay." Jack whispered, his hands never touching me, only comforting me with words.
"She wouldn't stop." I sobbed, "She's just like him, she's just like him."
"Leo, what are you talking about bambino? She's just like who?" Carter asked, coming to stand beside Jack.
"She, she..."
"Leo," Jack whispered, his eyes darting to Carter, then towards the rest of our brothers who were surrounding us, enclosing us in a protective circle. "I'm going to take your hand, okay? We're going to go outside," He paused, leaning slightly closer to my ear. "I need you to stop talking fratello, don't mention him, not right now."
If I hadn't been in such a state, I would've thanked Jack for stopping my rambling. Right now, I couldn't handle sharing anymore of my secrets, any more of my truths.
"I can't... I can't breathe." I began to hyperventilate, feeling the phantom hands grip my nape like a vice.
I felt a hand in mine, the touch causing me to flinch, whilst the owner of the hand tightened their hold, "It's only me." Jack said softly, "We're just going outside Le, we'll get some air, you're okay."
I clutched Jack's hand tightly, allowing the almost comforting hold of my brother, only for a moment.
Always just a moment.
***
End of chapter 14
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