~Andrew~
"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey motherfucker, we're running Nacho Libre late-"
Ughhhhhhhhh
I have found that I might literally be falling in love for the first time. With school obviously. School makes me so happy it's unbelievable. Since Mrs.Jones enrolled me at NorthEast High I have been in total bliss. I even made a friend! He's an Asian boy in the grade below me that takes chemistry with me since he's smart as shit. His real name is hard to pronounce so he goes by Jamie. I swear he's the only reason I'm passing that class with a C.
The only problem I've had this past week is waking up. In order to show up for school on time, Keaton and I have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn due to us living so far out in the middle of nowhere.
"10 more minutes Keaton please I'm begging you," I whined into my pillow, pulling my blanket over my head to keep out the light coming in from the window he just opened.
"Nope." He deadpanned, popping the p. I shook my head into the pillow dreading the cold air outside the comfort of my covering. My ears could somewhat make out the sounds of doors opening and feet shuffling around the bedroom. The comforters and pillows slowly drew me back into a deep sleep, claiming me as one of their own along with the darkness engulfing my vision. My consciousness went in and out, welcoming the imitation of night and light snoring that calmly willed itself over me.
Suddenly my bed dipped next to me, a bigger form making an Umph sound as the squeaky bed settled. My body rattled for a second before the clogged air in my throat released its grip allowing me to breathe again, recognizing who was causing the dip.
"Andreeeww." Keaton purred into my ear through the sheets, his body slightly leaning on mine with an arm draped across my back. I could feel the blood begin rushing to my face at our proximity but ignored it. Pushing my face as far into the pillow as possible, I hoped the coolness of the cloth would soothe the heat blossoming across my features like venom spreading through blood. "Come on Tiger we gotta go learn something and all that good shit."
I scoffed at his reasons to leave my blanket made heaven but shook him off, popping my head out from under the blanket to see his heart-stopping smile so close. The curvature of his facial features now prominent, as well as the subtle happy glisten in his green forest eyes. I grabbed one of my pillows and hit him in the face, walking towards the bathroom in nothing but my pajamas and the wrap concealing my midsection, shaking my head.
It's too early for that shit.
In the mirror, I could see just what his smile did to me. It almost looked like a tomato shit on my face and forgot to excuse itself.
"Andrew hurry up were really going to be late!" He hollered from the bedroom.
"I'm going gosh so pushy." I hastily brushed my teeth and put some water through my hair, throwing on some appropriate clothing and pulling fresh bandages out for Keaton to help me with. "Keaton hurry up."
Keaton's face contorted into disbelief at my sudden demand as he struggled to tie his shoes. Shaking his head, he tucked the laces into the lips of his Nikes and took the bandages from my hold. I turned around before pulling up my shirt for him to rub the cream the doctor prescribed. My bruises have slowly faded over time, a few adamant to stay but otherwise, I've never felt physically better.
Keaton's calloused fingers brushed my skin being sure to gently apply the cream where my bruises looked worst, before placing the wrap all the way around my waist and lower back. Pulling my shirt down, I turned to mumble a hasty thank you and grabbed my backpack before heading out to the kitchen where I could smell breakfast being made and toddlers giggling.
Jean's small chubby fingers reached out for me as I walked by, a warm bubbly feeling building up in my chest as she reached out as far as her booster seat would allow her. I accommodated her demands placing my pointer finger in her palm as she giggled. Now looking around the dining room table did I notice the scatter of beige manilla folders and papers everywhere, a couple with my name on them.
I stared a moment longer when I heard the heavy footsteps of Mr.Jones and Keaton sauntering into the room, Keaton scoping Cleo out of his booster seat and smoldering him in kisses. The toddler's laugh filled the already colorfully lit room, making the atmosphere that much more overwhelmingly easygoing and amiable.
"Ah, good morning boys!" Mrs.Jones trekked out of the kitchen setting down plates of food on the table, her eyes flashing to meet mine before scooping up the papers off the table and smiling again. "Excuse the mess, had a little homework myself as of late." She sighed with a shiftless smile. My eyes looked from her own orbs to the folders in her strained hold.
"Thanks a lot for breakfast Ma but we are running super late." Keaton reached out across the table with Cleo still in his arms as he stuffed his face with what he could, Cleo looking dangerously close to falling out of Keaton's inattentive hold before falling onto the table. Mrs.Jones opened a random drawer, shoving all of her papers into it negligently.
"Maybe if you would set an actual alarm you would never be late." She quipped, taking Cleo from Keaton before he dropped his baby brother. I chuckled as Cleo managed to clutch some of Keaton's hair pulling on it while giggling, causing Keaton's complexion to scrunch together in momentary pain.
"Shi- I don't need an alarm clock I have one internally that works just fine." He stuck his chin up as I laughed, making my way out the front door to leap into the passenger seat of his truck.
"Keaton let's go we're gonna miss the assembly." I reminded him, my hand smacking the side of the truck door to get his attention as he slowly followed me out. Today the school was holding a mental health awareness assembly before first block and I wanted to be there to hear it. Not that it mattered if I wanted to hear it or not because everyone had to be there regardless since they were counting it as attendance for first block.
"I'm coming." He answered, ushering his mom back inside before hollering something at his dad with a wave.
Keaton threw his backpack into the trunk, starting the vehicle to make our way over to the auditorium. The ride was a good 20 minutes driving 10 mph over the speed limit getting us inside the gates just before the security guard could close them on us.
We hightailed it for the hall, quietly slipping past our teachers to sit in our assigned seats. Jamies squirming figure in a seat next to an empty one caught my attention from the double doors, our teacher was currently too engrossed in a conversation with another teacher to notice my late attendance.
Keeping my figure hunched down to stay out of sight, I slid into my seat smoothly only catching Jamie's attention once I tapped his shoulder to greet him. His smaller form jumped at the touch only to jump again when he noticed it was me. He seethed through his teeth in an attempt to look mad only to look like he was scrunching his nose uncomfortably at a pungent smell and making him look adorable.
"Where have you been?" Jamie's brows scrunched at my late presence but lessened their attention as the lights in the room began to dim signaling the speech was about to begin. I took a deep breath in and out to catch my breath from all the running I did through the school.
"Keaton pretty confident using his internal alarm, made us run a little late again." I shrugged my shoulders, looking around to see everyone in unique clothing to match their auras for the day as they bustled in their chairs about plans for after school. Jamie shook his head at that, turning to face the stage where the curtains were still drawn, awaiting to reveal whoever was to emit.
"So you guys were speeding," I could feel Jamie's disapproving look drilling into the side of my skull, opting to not give him the attention considering his track record of not only being the golden boy at this school but setting the perfect example of being a stick in the ass about breaking rules.
"Gosh, that boy is gonna get himself in trouble one of these days." Jamie shook his head, the teacher's whispers surrounding us came to a cessation, students following their examples as the curtains began to draw.
"Please, we both know your little crush on him is the only reason you care." I quipped back, rolling my eyes to the back of my head. Jamie whipped his head around, eyes ballooned and cheeks flared. He hit my shoulder with a pitiful blow, my body jerking at the ill contact.
"Hush that is not even true." I shoved my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from making a scene in the now silent auditorium with my laughter at his reaction, his small hand hitting me again, moving his face to obscure my view of his obvious embarrassment.
"Lying is a crime you know." I chuckled as he buried his face into the notebook he carried with him. The front of the notebook was covered in stickers of little ponies and other weird shit and filled with pages of notes from classes or just things he learned from random people in passing.
The last thing I heard from Jamie was a tight 'Humph' as the lights overhead the stage brightened and an adult from the back came out from behind the curtain, smiling and waving. Students across the room clapped or whistled but Jamie and I sat quiet, waiting to get to hear more than the students around us being obnoxious.
The man, seemingly a foot taller than Keaton and more resonated in muscle tone, reached for the microphone, tapping it to be sure it was on.
Tap tap tap
"One-two, check one-two," His voice was raspy through the microphone but only due to his stark black beard rubbing up against the grill of the mouthpiece.
"Good morning students! I'm sure you all know what this talk is gonna be about! Who's excited!?" His personality already screamed 'I shit rainbows and unicorns' which was kind of repulsive but I suppressed the urge to cringe and yelled a weak yeah like all the other asshats in the crowd with the exception of Jamie of course. Jamie is too much of a stick in the mud to do anything as rebellious as yell.
"Yeah!" He pumped his fist into the air before doing a couple of light jumps as the students settled down again. He waited till it was silent, clapping his hands together to signal his mental preparation to speak while his eyes continuously scanned the room and weaved through the crowd. "Now that's what I like to hear. To kick things off my name is Samuel Wentworth but you guys can just call me Sam." He started, his smile effortlessly beaming.
"Schools all over America are having their students gather to do what you guys are doing at this very moment which is sitting and doing nothing. Now I am incredibly aware that most of you would rather not listen to an old man talk yet, here we are." His comment of age got a chuckle from my peers now earning him some more attention from the students too engrossed in their phones to know what was so funny.
"Today I'm happy to bring up a topic raising considerable awareness on both social media and in our personal day-to-day lives that is becoming one of America's most frightening health crises across your age group in particular- depression." His eyes took a moment to scan the crowd again watching as some kids checked out of the conversation at the mention of depression while others whispered amongst themselves. I looked over Jamie as I watched his fingers subconsciously pick fluff out of his pocket and throw it on the floor while trapping the flesh of his bottom lip between his teeth, a slight tension in his brow.
"As a motivational speaker, I was never prepared to receive a message inviting me to speak on the issue at a high school full of hormonal teenagers so I had to do a little digging myself to really understand how one might come to become a victim of depression."
Sam twiddled his fingers taking a moment to breathe, his verbal speed fast and exhausting.
"To say I have never gotten a bigger headache from a homework assignment in my 29 years of living would be an understatement and let me tell you I really hated high school," He chuckled shaking his head while others chuckled along with him at his blatant exhaustion. "definitely the worst four years of my life and I've experienced running out of toilet paper in the bathroom at a restaurant while on a date so if that doesn't say somethin' I don't know what will." I laughed at that one, only just recently did I get to experience the feeling of running out of toilet paper in a bathroom that wasn't my own.
"Depression. I feel like we all experience it at some point. Some of us experience it for a couple of months; some of us for years, and some of us, for the rest of our lives. But the reason I'm even here today to speak about this is not because of what it is, but what it can do to you or someone you love if left untreated." His lips pursed, his eyes now downcast in contemplation while the atmosphere grew heavy in silence.
"When I was only 9 with a clear memory I can still recall the sound of a gunshot ringing through the house as my father took his life upstairs in his bedroom while my mom was at work." I heard gasps from all around me. Even I could feel my mouth pop open at the memory, and yet even though I never had parents and could never begin to understand what that must of been like, I felt a tight heavy feeling in my heart for the man standing at the front of the stage now looking up into the stage lights.
"My dad was not a victim of depression till it took his life. You can not become a victim of something you can fight because you can always choose to try. To try and fight to see and live another day knowing that today, you beat depression. Depression isn't the plague I've come to discuss today folks. Today I've come to lecture about suicide and how you can save someone's life without really knowing it." He stopped talking to look around again with the same smile he started his lecture with, his happy-go-lucky aura calming some of the tension in the atmosphere.
We spent a good 2 hours listening to that guy's speech and honestly I feel like I just got baptized in holy water and pissed on by Jesus, who was a jew by the way, or at least that's what Keaton says.
Jamie and I were on the way to our second block for today with numb asses and throbbing heads from being enlightened by Sam and all of his 200 ways to save someone from something you can't see and nobody wants to talk about.
"I mean, not to say that I didn't love the speech, but I feel like our generation is growing up in a time that normalizes tragic things like bombings, shootouts at the mall or school, and even suicide amongst ourselves and strangers." Jamie shrugged his shoulder at his own thoughts he shared with me as we walked through J-wing.
People filled the school halls like thoughts filled my head as we poured out of the auditorium to our respective locations. My anxiety started nipping at me as we passed the faces of too many to count which turned into nothing more than a blur in my line of vision.
"We just don't react to things like that anymore and that in itself is depressing." He shook his head next to me as I consciously felt my teeth tearing at my cheek again. "At the end of the day, we really are just a bunch of depressed kids telling other depressed kids that it's okay to be depressed and suicide is not the answer. I mean, maybe trying to tell other kids that taking their own life is not the answer, is our own way of trying to convince ourselves that suicide is not an option." His dark blue eyes looked up at mine, seemingly looking for some type of backup on his theory.
"Yeah no definitely." I nodded looking back out at the backs of the students walking ahead of us to their own classes. After the speech with Mr. rainbows and unicorns, Keaton was nowhere to be found and I had yet to see him pass us on the way to class. Maybe he took a long way or used the restroom but he would have said something to me.
When Sam retold his living nightmare I failed to find Keaton's reaction amongst the sea of faces in the sitting crowd but something told me it had to do with that, seeing as that was the only thing that took me by surprise and we openly talk about mental health at home, occasionally bringing up the topic of depression.
"-rew. Andrew!" My body flinched back with my feet coming to a halt at the fingers snapping so close to my face. "I'm talking to you where are you going up there?" His finger tapped my temple as his own feet came to a stop to stand in front of me.
"Don't snap your fingers in my face asshole." I snapped back, my brows furrowed in annoyance at his snappy gesture but my irritation at the closeness only topped his own irritation at my blatant disinterest in topic, more concerned about Keaton's whereabouts.
His eyes softened for a moment before he looked down at his feet, guilt coming off of him in waves. Jamie didn't know what exactly happened to me but he knew enough to know I wasn't a huge fan of being touched without me really having to tell him. On the second day of us being friends, he flat out asked me if I'd been abused before, as a joke, but my silence answered enough.
"Listen I'm not going to class, I'm gonna be late I just- I got a bad feeling about something and I gotta check it out." He looked up at me, guilt pooling his already stormy ocean eyes, sensing my need to leave even if it had nothing to do with him. "I'll catch you later okay?" He threw me a weak smile, taking in the silence to watch me a second longer. I nodded my head and bolted back to the auditorium, feeling Jamies gaze on my back as I slipped around the corner of the hall.
My feet skidded down the hall, warry of the other people surrounding me as I passed. I weaved in and out of crowds being extra cautious not to touch them and throwing myself into a greater panic. Inside my chest, I could feel the anxiety build up like the blood my heart pumped as I ran, an urk in the back of my head giving me the sensation that something was wrong.
I could feel kids watching me as I sped through the corridors, two lefts and a right later bringing me straight to the double doors leading to the entrance of the auditorium. My eyes scanned as I came to a stop, my body pulling me inside a few more steps to only see empty chairs and a lonely stage.
Reaching up, my fingers itched my head in the spot that urked me in an attempt to soothe the knot but it wouldn't go. I felt butterflies in my stomach but not the good kind, these were the kind that made you want to throw up. Maybe I wasn't looking in the right place but even then where else would he go? He wasn't too much of a fan of school but he showed up and did his best to keep up his grades, he would never skip.
I turned to make my way out the door before I heard a huge uproar of laughter come from behind the stage, both sounding warm and throaty. Despite the curtains being all the way down, through the bottom I could see the feet of two people, both of whom I could only assume to be men. My feet dragged me to the stage, a second of thought before I hauled myself to stand on it, inching closer and closer to the curtain to take a peek to quench curiosity.
I glanced behind me to be sure no one was watching since this was beginning to feel like it was against the rules and the last thing I needed to do was end up in detention, before quietly reaching up and slowly cracking a break in the curtain with a tiny pull. The anxiety coursed through me as my hands started to shake and sweat beads started to line my forehead. The stage lights behind me flowed in through the crack giving me away, but also lighting up the faces of those who stood there.
Both men ceased all laughing looking over at me, only one recognizing me. There behind the curtain stood the asshole I was looking for, along with none other than Mr. rainbows and unicorns standing about a foot taller than Keaton just as I imagined.
I felt a tinge of irritation at the strange situation, not sure what to say since this was the last place I expected to find Keaton, laughing like a fool with none other than 'shits and sprinkles'. I felt sort of out of place looking at the two.
"Um, Andrew, what are you doing back here?" His head tilted quizically.
"Oh excuse me for rudely interrupting, I could be asking you the same as well." I snapped at his question. Only as soon as I said it with such a biting tone did I realize I not only spoke to Keaton like that but also in front of a stranger. My eyes hit the ground and my teeth took a hold of my cheek flesh as I felt the embarrassment spread across my face. "Shit, um I'm sorry I mean-"
"No, it's okay," My eyes snapped up to see his hand held out as if to stop me. "You're fine I should have said something I forget that you worry." He reasoned to regard my attitude with a soothing voice. He swatted his hand towards himself, gesturing for me to come closer. My head said 'fuck no' due to Sam being so close by but I managed to will my feet to cooperate and satisfy Keaton's wish.
"Sam this is Andrew, a friend of mine staying at the house with me. He's a little shy so don't get ahead of yourself." Keaton winked at his horrid attempt at a joke but Sam chuckled, looking down at me as if I nothing but a fragile teenager in need of repair and ugly pity filling his sight. Sam held his hand out for me to shake but I remained with my hands in my pockets, the last thing I needed was a stranger pitying me. I don't need help from anyone and I am fully capable of taking care of myself.
Sam gave me a weak smile before retreating his hand back and straightening his posture just to seem that much taller. I could feel Keaton tense next to me.
"Andrew don't be rude," Keaton started, his eyes glaring down at the side of my head.
"No no, it's quite all right I take no offense. He is asserting his independence towards me and there is nothing wrong with that." Sam stated to Keaton, placing a hand on his shoulder to assure him but that was only pissing me off further. My tongue flickered over the scabs inside my cheek as my eyes rested on Sam's hand that was unmoving on Keaton's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. The same placid smile from his first appearance on Sam's lips, as he looked down at me, forced that urk in the back of my head to hit me again full force.
"On the contrary, the offense was quite my intention." I bit out, turning on my heel at Keaton's irritating trance with this annoying stranger and their closeness behind these drawn curtains as they laughed heartily before my appearance. That jerk had me so worried for not showing up to class just so he could fool around with Mr. I shit rainbows. I could hear Keaton call after me weakly but I shook my head and hopped off the stage, running to a class I was now late for and would most likely be reprimanded for at the end of school.
My heart hurt and my eyes burned but I couldn't tell why. I didn't understand this feeling of betrayal as I quickly scurried through the halls. Keaton hadn't betrayed me seeing he was only talking to a friend even if Sam gave me a bad feeling. I turned the corner walking right into another student landing us both on the floor.
"Holy shit ow-"
I could hear but my eyes were still closed, only opening to peer across the floor from me when I could breathe again. I propped myself on my elbows to see a boy with shaggy black curls and an array of piercings dusting his already naturally chaotic features. He wore all black with combat boots that most likely gave him an extra two inches to his already tall stature.
"I am so fucking sorry sir."
"Ew, um no I'm sorry, please don't ever embarrass yourself again by calling me, sir. Ever again." He answered with a tight lip and awkward eyes, his hands reaching back to run through his curly locks. I was stunned to be corrected and felt the irritation at it bubble but decided to bite my tongue instead of taking back my apology.
"Sure whatever dude, I got to go, my bad for running into you but I'm late for class." I rushed out, getting up on my feet and grabbing my bag before passing him while he stayed sitting on the floor.
I high-tailed it for my classroom begging the gods to let me finish today with peace and quiet and no more people fucking up my chi. I took a deep breath in and out as I stopped in front of my classroom door and repeated the only thing I felt certain of despite the urk in my head and burn in my heart.
Jesus was a jew.