[A/N]: Hi! I'm deeply sorry for not updating on the 17th, my neighborhood's power went out sunday night and most of monday! Also, I won't be able to update next sunday and because of that this chapter is a lot longer than usual <3
— let me know if you like this writing style!
Y/N's index finger almost pressed the elevator button, but she hesitated. She remembered how long it's been a while since she last went grocery shopping, and even longer since she had some time to herself.
Y/N slowly closed her hand in a fist, her eyes studied the small silver circle and she pivoted on her heels, heading towards outside again.
As she walked, she paid attention to every unfamiliar face, almost every single person had a phone in their hands. Y/N saw two old ladies, they reminded her of what she should look like now and a shiver went down her spine; she glanced at her hand, just to be sure that she was still 26. Her hand was normal and she sighed in relief.
Y/N wasn't paying attention to where her feet were taking her, she looked at everything as she walked, trying to reach the memories of what it was like before. To an outside eye it could seem that she had never seen anything before; luckily, there weren't any eyes paying attention.
The stores were all decorated, creating the perfect Christmas mood, but the weather made it look like June; except that 2017's June wasn't as warm as December is now. She failed to find people wearing jackets and refused to admit the fraction of guilt she held, after all, she never meant to time travel and spend so many years in the future, nor to bring four more people along.
'At least some people are benefiting from it,' she thought, noticing how many kids and adults had either an ice cream cone or a popsicle in their hands. Y/N decided she'd get one for herself as well, since it was only getting hotter, and stopped by the closest ice cream shop she found.
She was waiting in line when she felt someone tapping her shoulder.
"Hey, you."
Y/N smiled as soon as she recognized that voice and turned around to face Lucy.
"Hi," she answered, but frowned when she looked at the clock, glued to the wall and counting down the days until Christmas. "I thought you'd be in New York by now, what happened?"
"Oh, no," Lucy chuckled, "My flight is tomorrow. Maybe I mistyped it when I told you, sorry."
"Don't worry," Y/N smiled, giving a tiny step forward, Lucy followed her. "Last minute Christmas shopping?" she asked, noticing the small light purple bag in her left hand.
"I guess you could say that," Lucy's gaze dropped to her own hand, "but just this one," she sheepishly smiled. If Y/N could guess, she would've said it's for Rami, but the blonde changed the subject, she didn't want to talk about it in such a public place. "Are you going away for the holidays?"
It took a minute for Y/N to realize that this was the first Christmas in five years she'd have company, since Sarah never stayed with her during holidays, and she hadn't planned a single thing.
"I might, I... haven't decided it, to be honest," a sad laugh escaped Y/N's lips. She didn't notice how fast time was passing.
Lucy gestured with her chin towards the empty spot in front of Y/N, who took another step forward "Well, whether you're traveling or not, I don't want this to be that last time I see you," Lucy saind, the tint of excitement in her voice went unnoticed by Y/N, whose eyes slightly bulged at Lucy.
Y/N nervously scoffed, "Why would that be the last time you see me?" She asked.
Lucy knitted her brows, "The last time this year... Y/N, are you okay?"
Y/N sighed in response, hiding things from Lucy hurt her. "I guess I'm still recovering from working with Bryan," which wasn't entirely untrue.
Luckily, that made Lucy laugh. Both of them stepped forward, they were almost at the counter.
"That's completely understandable," the blonde said, "but what I was saying is that I don't want this to be the last time I see you this year, so, maybe, we could do something later," she looked at Y/N, hopeful that her friend would say yes. "What do you think?"
"Sounds good," Y/N smiled, "I'm in." She was third in line now.
"Great! Be there at eight and bring some wine," Lucy replied, smiling.
"Will do."
"Are you busy now? Because, if you aren't, we could head to a bookstore and get an Agatha Christie's novel for tonight. I think it would be fun trying to solve the mystery before the end."
Y/N was smiling and nodding while Lucy spoke, trying to show her friend that she couldn't agree more.
"I don't think I'll ever go to a better goodbye party," Y/N replied, forcing herself to sound excited. "And I'm not busy, I'll definitely go with you."
Y/N didn't know why she wasn't feeling happy nor why everything seemed to be gray and wrong somehow. Maybe it was the realization that she didn't have much time with Roger, John, Freddie and Brian. She was determined to ignore that feeling and make that an unforgettable Christmas, she'd think of something.
They ordered their respectives favorite ice cream flavors and reluctantly left the store. The air conditioner erased their memories of how hot it was outside, but when Y/N opened the door, they felt it.
"Should we go to a post office first?" Lucy asked.
Y/N frowned, but her friend's words made her become conscious of the box under her arm. "No," she answered, quietly laughing. "It's an early Christmas gift."
Lucy hummed, like a teenager would do, and mischievously squinted at Y/N. "Who from?"
"Just a friend," Y/N admitted, "Really," she quickly added.
"If you say so," Lucy said, not convinced, but she wouldn't push.
They walked in silence until both of them finished their ice cream. Lucy put her arm in front of Y/N's body, stopping her.
"We're here," the blonde said, opening the red wooden door of a small blue house. Doodles of books, people reading and iconic elements of different literary genres, drawn with red and black ink, decorated the front of the bookshop. There were no windows, but Y/N noticed a mirrorball over the door, she didn't see any strings holding it, but didn't try to understand.
Lucy greeted a young fat lady, her short hair was loose and she was wearing glasses that fit her face perfectly. Her black tank top exposed the tattoos in her arm. She's taller than both Y/N and Lucy and was opening a box when they walked in; and she was surrounded by six more, the store had clearly just got shipment.
"Long time no see," she said, lifting her eyes from what she was doing. "You're new," the woman said, looking at Y/N, who was mesmerized by the lady; that must be the most beautiful woman she's seen that week.
"I am, hi," she managed to say, smiling.
"That's Y/N," Lucy introduced, "Y/N, that's August," she added, looking at the woman.
"Me liking Taylor Swift is just a coincidence," she spoke playfully and crossed her arms. "So," she looked at Lucy, "what is it gonna be today? Another mystery?"
"Precisely," the blonde answered.
"Should I congratulate you? Is it for another part?"
"Oh," Lucy laughed, "not this time. It's more for a sort of game night," she glanced at Y/N.. "What would you say it's Agatha Christie's hardest mystery to solve?"
"Do you hate me or something? I don't have brains for that," Y/N said, chuckling.
"Don't talk about yourself like that, darling," August reprehended, Y/N almost blushed.
"Lucy, sweetie," she shifted her gaze to the blonde, "I honestly don't know. But Peril at End House usually receives a lot of compliments," August moved one oa hand to her waist and shook her head to move the few hair strands off her face, which allowed Y/N to notice the small cherry earrings she was wearing. "You already know the section."
"Thank you," Lucy said, grabbing Y/N's hand.
Y/N let Lucy guide her through the long corridor of black bookshelves.
One of the walls caught Y/N's attention. It was full of old pictures and had some signatures, maybe from the people in them. She didn't stop to look.
They were in front of a wall of mystery books, each shelf had a silver label with the author's name engraved on it, when Lucy spoke.
"Y/N, I'll understand if you say no, but... Would you mind if Elisa joined us?" she licked her lips for a split second. Y/N was happy Lucy kept talking because she was too taken aback to answer. "You used to be friends, right? Sort of at least," Lucy grabbed a book and started gesturing with it whilst talking, "and I don't think you should just cut that out of your life because of a man," she paused for a second, but quickly added, "I know it's Ben and he's my friend but, still, he's a man and that's not something to end a friendship for," she grabbed a second book, "I mean... Did Elisa know how you felt about him?"
Y/N blinked, she thought about talking to Elisa multiple times, but things and more things kept coming up and that slipped from her mind.
"That was a lot of questions," Y/N said in a breath, "I..." she allowed herself a second to think, "We-" the words seemed to be stuck in her throat, "We were kind of friends, I think I can say that, but, no. I don't think I've ever talked to her about Ben," Y/N grabbed a book, just so she could occupy her hands. "But neither did she talk to me."
"Maybe because she didn't think it was an issue, Ben kissed her, not the other way around," Lucy grabbed a third book, "she can't guess your feelings," she added, gently.
Y/N took a moment to look at Lucy. She was right. About everything.
And if she didn't allow herself to recognize her own feelings for Roger because he came from another timeline, why would she do it with Ben? Y/N may have found Ben, but Roger found her 43 years in the future. It could've happened in a bar, back in 1974, but no. And whether she decided to stay in 2017 or go back, she needed to solve things with Elisa, it was the right thing to do.
Y/N knew deep down that she had to stop thinking about what the universe wanted or what butterfly effect her actions would cause, the damage had already been done. It's her life and she should be in control. Nothing in this world had a fixed place. Everything was in motion. However, she also knew that the decision had been made for her, though she could not say by whom. It was a terrible paradox.
"Y/N?" Lucy softly called, snapping her fingers; that brought Y/N back to reality.
"Call her," Y/N blurted out.
Lucy smiled. "Great! I'll just grab one more book and then we'll be ready to go."
Y/N nodded with a small smile on her lips and followed Lucy.
When they left, Y/N ended up buying Dune, she remembered reading somewhere that it was one of Roger's favorite books and wanted to give it to him. August handed her a tiny note. It had her number and 'Call me whenever you wanna go earring shopping ;)' was written on it; Y/N smiled and put it inside the box so nothing happened to the small piece of paper. If Lucy noticed, she didn't comment.
[...]
"She's home!" Freddie yelled when Y/N opened the door. He was sitting on the sofa with Roger's legs resting on his lap. Roger had a pencil, a black pen and three highlighters, each with a different color, in one hand and a book in the other; he immediately put the book down when Y/N entered the apartment.
"Hello," they said in unison.
"Hi," she hesitantly answered, noticing Brian and John playing chess. She didn't even know she owned one.
"Thank God you're home! I thought you were dead or something!" Sarah shouted from the kitchen.
"Or worse," Freddie dramatically added.
"What would be worse- Why would you think I was dead?" Y/N asked as she took off her boots.
"You always tell me when you'll get home, I got worried," she admitted, shrugging.
"A lot of things," Freddie said at the same time Sarah spoke.
"And the forecast is the weather will be awful today," John added.
"I didn't hear anything about it- were you watching the news?"
Brian looked at Sarah before changing his gaze to Y/N. "We figured, since we don't know when or if we're coming back, we should know what's happening," he sighed, sadness written all over his face.
Y/N thought for a moment before speaking, they had the right to know. "Well... I can assure you it won't take long now," she felt the weight of the four pairs of eyes on her, "probably no longer after new year's." She avoided looking at Roger.
"Are you serious?" Brian asked, she felt the excitement in his voice. Every single person in the room felt it. Freddie looked at her, not sure how he should feel; the possibility of coming back to his home overwhelmed John so much he couldn't even make his face show some emotion. Roger searched Freddie's face.
Brian seemed to notice he sounded a little bit too excited and cleaned his throat looking at Y/N. "Is it true? How?"
She sighed. Y/N understood the urge to go home, the feeling of saudade¹; she remembers feeling it rather often, before she gave up trying to go back.
"Yes, it's true. I am serious," she said, "we're meeting one of the greatest astrophysicists I know and he'll help us," she said. 'I hope', she thought to herself.
"Wait, how many astrophysicists do you know?" Roger asked, knitting his brows.
"More than you'd imagine," she replied, quietly laughing.
Roger squinted, but Sarah spoke before he could.
"Excuse me, boys, but, Y/N, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure," Y/N answered, but her gaze went from Sarah to the four men in her living room, "Just so you don't think I'm dead," she looked at Freddie, trying to suppress a smile, "or worse. I wanted to let you know that I won't be home tonight."
"Thanks for letting us know," Freddie replied, giving her a nod.
¹Saudade: a kind of melancholy yearning. Melancholy means sad, and yearning is a strong, persistent longing or desire, especially for something unattainable.
[...]
Sarah led Y/N to her bedroom and sat on the bed, Y/N noticed the black haired girl's leg shaking up and down.
"What's happening? Is everything okay?" Y/N asked, only realizing she was still holding the box when she sat by Sarah's side.
"Yes, everything is fine," she answered. Not one second passed before Sarah changed her answer. "No," she sighed, allowing her upper body to fall on the mattress. "I think my boyfriend's going to propose."
Y/N rearranged herself so she could look at Sarah's face. "I thought he had already done it."
"No, he asked me to move in with him."
Y/N frowned just the slightest. "To which you said..."
"I'd think about it," she said, covering her eyes with her forearm, "and I've done some thinking and I don't think I'm ready for that," she paused and took a deep breath. "I like being with him but I also like my space," Sarah quickly pushed herself up, sitting down and staring at Y/N. "Does it make me a bad person?"
"No! Sarah, absolutely not," Y/N answered, she failed to hold back a silent laugh. "You're still very young and have so many things to experience, you don't have to know everything now and saying no doesn't make you evil nor anything of that sort."
"But what if I say no and he breaks up with me?"
Y/N's gaze dropped, she thought of what Gloria would tell her.
"Then you get to be sad, miss him and then you move on. You don't have to say 'Yes' just to make him feel comfortable, it has to be about what you want too," she looked at Sarah, studying her friend's face. "Do you even feel ready to start a life with someone?"
Sarah opened her mouth, just to realize she didn't have an answer. "I don't know."
Y/N bit her bottom lip, nodding. "I guess you have your answer, if you did, you'd know," Sarah gaze dropped to her own hands, "I've never seen you overthink anything, Sarah, you always know what you want and when you want it."
Sarah smiled, happy that this was the image people had of her. "Thanks for putting my head back in its place.."
"Let me know when you decide," Y/N said as she stood up, "By the way, what made you think he's proposing?"
"I saw the ring."
"Is there any possibility that he might just be hiding it for a friend?"
"He asked me my ring size the week before."
"Oh."
"Yes," Sarah answered in a laugh.
[...]
[Elisa| Y/N | Lucy]
At 08:04 pm, Y/N knocked on Lucy's apartment door and when Lucy opened it, she lifted the wine bottle in her hand. "Good evening."
Lucy smiled and opened the door wider, "Welcome! Elisa is not here yet."
Y/N could see that Lucy had prepared for that night, not sure how she put everything together so quickly. There was a whiteboard in her living room and six markers, a black and a red one for each person. She sat some pillows around the coffee table, which had chocolates and warm cinnamon rolls along with a big plate, on its center there's a small bowl with guacamole surrounded by nachos, and three empty glasses. The three books Y/N and Lucy bought earlier were in a pile on the table.
Elisa arrived thirteen minutes later.
"I know I'm late, I'm so sorry," she said to Lucy, not noticing Y/N, "I brought cupcakes," she added, forcing a soft smile to appear, as she showed the package.
"It's fine, Lis, we haven't started yet," Lucy assured, carefully taking the package from Elisa's hand so she could put them on a plate. "Make yourself at home, Y/N's already here."
Elisa nodded and smiled at Lucy. She was wearing a different color palette from Y/N's and Lucy's, her dress had brighter colors. It suited her.
Y/N only realized how long it had been since she last saw Elisa when she noticed how long her hair was.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi, Y/N," Elisa sheepishly answered, contradicting the personality Y/N had known. "How've you been?"
"Better than I thought I'd be," she replied with more honesty than she meant. "What about you?"
"Great, actually," Elisa smiled, "I've just got this amazing job offer. I can't discuss it yet but," she took a deep breath and placed her hand on her chest, "you know?"
Y/N chuckled, she was genuinely happy for Elisa. "I hope you get it."
"Me too," she answered. And the thin connection they've just made vanished.
Elisa sat down across Y/N and Lucy came back, holding the plate full of cupcakes. She put it on the table and sat between her friends.
"Before we start," she said, pulling the book pile closer to her, "I think the two of you have a few things to talk about and I'd leave but I don't trust neither of you to start this conversation," Lucy said, as gently as her words allowed her to be. "Y/N," she spoke, her eyes finding Y/N's face, who cleaned her throat.
"I..." she started, but coughed to gain a few seconds. "I miss our friendship," Y/N said, she couldn't make herself look at Elisa. "It's been a while."
"Me too," Elisa blurted in a sigh.
"You what?" the words flew out of Y/N's mouth before she could think. Elisa ignored the surprise in her voice.
"I do! I mean.... When did we lose that? We just stopped talking and..." She swallowed hard. "And it was gone. Did I do something?"
Elisa's green eyes looked at Y/N, her eyebrows slightly frowned, eager for an answer. Y/N took a deep breath, shaking her head.
"You didn't do anything. It wasn't you, I... I created certain expectations in my head and they turned out not to be true," Y/N glanced at Lucy for a second, "But it wasn't your fault."
Whilst Y/N talked, Elisa nodded her head, trying to comprehend the words.
"Maybe I should've reached out, I thought about doing so but I thought you didn't want to talk to me so I... I didn't."
"I'm honestly glad you didn't," Y/N chuckled, "I don't think this conversation would've gone like this."
Lucy frowned, filling the glasses with wine.
Elisa snorted, not fully understanding. "Why not?"
The blonde gently pushed a glass towards Y/N, who drinked most of its content before answering.
"For a long time I've tried to blame you or find a reason for why he did what he did when he treated me as if he wanted me and it hasn't been long since I realized you don't have a thing to do with it," Y/N gestured and sipped her wine. "Not a thing," she quietly repeated, shaking her head.
"What?" Elisa asked, "Who is he? What did he do?"
"Really?" Lucy said, surprise involved her tone. "I thought it meant something to you," she gave Elisa a glass as well.
"I honestly don't have a clue of what you two are talking about."
Y/N and Lucy shared a confused look. "You and Ben, that night at the party," Y/N explained.
"Oh," Elisa exclaimed, almost laughing. "That night didn't mean a thing to me."
"What?" Y/N said, her voice came out a whisper.
"Not that night, I mean... We've been talking since then but we don't have anything serious," Elisa explained.
"Does Ben know that?" Lucy asked, her eyes widening just a bit.
"He should..." Elisa raised her eyebrows, concerned about the possibilities of what that could mean. "Why?"
"Nothing," Lucy stole a glance at Y/N, "he just has been talking about you."
"Wait," Elisa said, shifting her attention to Y/N and finally connecting the dots, "Did you, no. Do you like him? Is that why all that happened?"
There isn't a world where Y/N was prepared for such a direct question. She bought herself a second by drinking what was left of her wine.
"Elisa, I think that if you treated me the way he did, I would've fallen for you too."
The redhead, again, doesn't react how Y/N thought she would. She laughed and her eyes studied Y/N for a short moment. "Do I still have a chance?"
It was Y/N's turn to laugh, Lucy almost spit her drink. Y/N's mind made her think of Roger and she smiled looking at Elisa. "Maybe if you had asked me sooner..."
Elisa smiled, what their friendship once was, was still there. Y/N would have to find a way to thank Lucy for making them talk.
They spent the rest of the night talking and the whiteboard was taken over by different handwritings by the end of the book.
They didn't solve the mystery, but by the end of the night they've done an even better thing.
[...]
Y/N and Elisa, who was the first to leave, helped Lucy clean the place before they went home. Y/N gave Lucy a tight hug, as if it was their last., before leaving.
"Thank you, Luce," she said, against the blonde's shoulder "for tonight, for everything." she let go of Lucy, but kept her hands on her shoulders. "I love you, happy holidays."
Lucy shot her a soft smile, leaning her head just to press her cheek against Y/N's hand. "I love you too, happy holidays."
Both of them took a step back, Y/N felt her eyes tearing up, she had been holding so much emotion since she woke up.
"No, no, dear, it's fine. Don't cry, are you okay?" Lucy said, stepping closer to her again.
Y/N brushed it off with hand, "Everything is fine... It's just holliday blues," she snorted, trying to laugh but it came out sad. "And the wine."
"I understand," Lucy said, sympathetically, with a smile. "But it was nice seeing you having fun today, I hope you feel better tomorrow."
"I'm sure I'll," Y/N answered. "Let me know when you get to New York."
"I will."
They hugged once more before Y/N left, her uber was already waiting for her outside.
As she got closer to her building, she sighed into her own thoughts, which, much to her distress, were becoming R-rated.
Roger-rated.
[...]
She opened the door to her apartment. Roger was laying on the sofa, still reading and annotating the book he was before. The place was dark and the only source of light was a small lamp Sarah lent him.
Y/N's breath was irregular. She closed the door but didn't care enough to lock it and walked towards Roger.
He placed the book on the center table and slowly sat down, if she needed him, he'd be there for her.
"Is everything alright?" he softly asked as she took a place by his side, facing him. He leaned closer to her, smelling the wine, Roger wanted to check if there was anything wrong with her. "How much did you drink?"
"I'm conscious enough," she whispered.
Roger's heart beat skyrockets when suddenly she leans forward and presses her lips to his. Taylor doesn't hesitate to reciprocate and moves his lips against hers. Y/N lets herself go, really lets herself go.
Roger brings one hand to her neck, gently pulling her closer to him and moans softly, brushing her lips for entrance with his tongue. Y/N gives him access and Taylor moves his hands into her hair, kissing her harder and she lets out a soft moan. That's when Roger comes back to earth and pulls both his hands and lips away from Y/N with a gasp.