And tomorrow certainly did come. I found myself waking up at exactly 5:30 am and I had awaited for word from the American. Once again at 5:55 he had texted me, this time however, it wasn't sketchy- he sent me words that read: "Good morning, text me when you are ready!"
Within minutes I tell him that I was ready now. I was prepared; I made sure to get myself together quietly without disturbing my family. America hearts my message and tells me he will pick me up in 5 minutes. I creep downstairs and wait by the door. No one was awake but me; good thing too- how would I explain to someone that I was going to hang out with a guy this early in the morning without a clue of where we were going. Then I remember that no one would even bother to interrogate me. My family doesn't even talk to me anymore.
5 minutes pass and I was now in the car with America. The sun greets us as it slowly rises and coats the entire town in its warm golden light.
"What's on the agenda for today?" I ask him- even though I already knew that he won't tell me.
"You'll see..." he says ominously, "Did you eat breakfast yet?"
"Cereal bar." I tell him.
"Good, an excuse to get coffee." He breaks a sharp left that almost causes me to hit my damn head on the window. "Fuck!" I shout. "Calm the hell down you psychopath!" I demand. Maybe I should put my seatbelt on... I go reach for it but there isn't even one there. Fucking typical America... He falls into another laughing fit.
After we get our coffees from a drive through, he takes us to a little farm on the countryside. We step out of the car and now stand in front of a foreboding wild corn maze. He begins a long tangent while I sip my black coffee. "This farm house has been abandoned for many decades; over the years, I hear these savage dogs started roaming their corn fields. Since then, no one dares trespassing these grounds..." he shifts his gaze over to all the warning signs that read "No trespassing", "Caution", "Beware of dog", and etc...
Huh, I started ignoring all of those...
"Okay..." I start, "So let me guess America, we will be searching for these dogs?" He chuckles loosely, "Close!" he admits, "Instead we will be avoiding them to complete the maze." He takes a few steps towards me and digs into his pockets. He then holds both of his hands out clenched in a ball; when he opens them, he reveals a white mushrooms in each palm.
"One of these mushrooms is a Marasmius oreades, completely safe to eat... while the other is a Clitocybe rivulosa, highly poisonous... You pick whichever mushroom you want to eat; the one you don't pick will be the one I eat..." he explains.
I swallow the last drop of my coffee and throw the cup to the ground. A choice like this was too thrilling- I hold my hand out, hesitant of which to choose... "I must compliment that you are getting very creative..." I tell him. He smiles benevolently, "Thank you... I try."
"I have an idea up my sleeve, close your eyes..." I tell him, he listens and does exactly what I had requested. I remove the caps of both the mushrooms and switch them. America opens his eyes and grins. "Oh you want us both to suffer then huh?"
I nod and I take the dismembered parts of the mushroom from one of his hands and pop it into my mouth. I almost spit the atrocity out because of how terrible it tasted- but I endure the awful pain on my tastebuds and swallow it. He replicated my exact action; I watch as his face momentarily turns sour before regaining his original poker face.
"The side effects from the poisonous one takes about 30 minutes to kick in..." he tells.
"What are the side effects?" I ask. He only smiles maliciously.
I sigh defeatedly, "Right... more suspenseful if I didn't know..." He laughs at my response. Our gaze then shifts over to the corn maze. I stare at it baffled. "America, where is the entrance?"
His eyes dart around before answering. "No idea. Shit- the path isn't visible anymore. The corn grew uncontrollably..."
"And you are realizing this now? Why couldn't you come to that conclusion before you took us here! You knew it was abandoned for like decades!" I argue.
"It wasn't supposed to be this bad!" He groans loudly, "I should've brought an axe!"
"Yeah dumbass, why didn't you?" I spit. He shrugs with a nervous smile. We then hear howling from afar and I see America's eyes light up with excitement.
"Come on Russia, before the dark rolls in!" He takes my hand and proceeds to run into the rows of corn. Plants slap our faces and I cannot see. "A-America!" I yell, "Slow down!" It was getting harder and harder moving my legs through the narrow sections. He hushes me, "Quiet before the dogs hear us!"
"And they won't hear us moving this obnoxiously?" I counter. He only laughs. But for the first time- I hear his laugh cut short. It fades into a soft shriek. He trips over corn stems and drags me down with him. Within seconds I was entrapping him underneath me. As I stare into his doe eyes, I feel my body heating up- and now it's even worse because I am aware that this feeling is me blushing. Somehow during all of this, America still maintains a nonchalant face.
I immediately jump off of him. I blurt words out in response to me internally panicking, "You fucking idiot! I told you to slow down!" He chuckles loosely and sits up. "You're right, I'm sorry..." he says in the most sincere tone.
"You better be. Don't pull me through this fucking maze like that ever again." I demand. He slowly shakes his head with a spreading smirk. "Oh relax Russia... you are getting all worked up for nothing. Stop being so pessimistic..." I furrow my brows. "Would you stop calling me that? I will be upset about whatever the fuck I want and there is not a damn thing you could do about it." I state confidently. He happily rolls his eyes and now stands up. "I know... but being pessimistic takes away from all the fun. You need to loosen up a bit. Live a little!"
"Bullshit! I am. That's why I am here with you now doing dangerous shit. I strive not to be as optimistic as you! I couldn't imagine living a life full of happy expectations that'll only disappoint you in the end." We begin to walk through the corn maze.
America speaks, "I feel there are two different types of expectations... the ones you have for the world, and the ones the world has for you... can you guess which one I hate more?"
I silently think for a moment. Given his past and how annoyingly positive he was made me draw an easy conclusion. "You hate the world having expectations for you; your parents in particular I presume?"
He nods his head. "Very smart you are- spot on. And do you know why that is?" Once again, I take a second to think; oddly we were quite similar so I place my feet into his shoes and walk around. "Because then you aren't living for yourself... you're only living to please them."
"Exactly. And being pessimistic has the same effect on you. It's draining all your remaining life instilled in you. So rid of it." An eyebrow of mine raises slowly, "You're contradicting yourself." He stops walking.
"What?"
His tone sounded wrong... it was full of a very chilling radiating anger... I've never heard him with such hostility- and he only had spoken one word! It alarmed me at first, but I soon find myself deeply intrigued and liking it. I decide to dig further into his skin. Perhaps it was my turn to be the annoying one... Was this my chance to finally see him snap?
"Did I stutter?" I say, "You contradicted yourself." I walk in front of him and closely watched his darkening expression dwell.
"How so?" he questions coldly.
"You claim that you despise living for other people- living up to their expectations. Yet, you tell me to stop being pessimistic to live up to your expectations. You're contradicting yourself." I explain to him.
"Who said you not being pessimistic are my expectations?" he replies.
"It goes without saying... the way you press it onto me is enough to tell me that you wish I were different." I say.
"I wish you were different but not in the way you think. You haven't realized it yet..." he says.
"Realized what?" I question. He doesn't answer me and continues walking.
"How dare you change the subject and then ignore me because you are wrong!" I protest.
"Enough." he says.
"No fuck you! I'm remaining pessimistic, I'm going to find out what you are talking about, and you're doing the rest of the maze by yourself." I spit.
He snaps his head to face me; his expression was scrunched up in disgust. He stares at me like this silently before the face simply melts away. Back into his poker face he speaks, "I'm sorry."
I scoff at his forced apology. "What a sad excuse for a bandaid... do you really expect me to simply brush off all the new anger you've instilled in me?"
He stops walking and I watch a smirk form on his face. "Are you saying you'd rather hug it out?" He extends his arms and slowly creeps over to me.
I find my feet moving me backwards. "Hell no!" I shout immediately, "Stay your ass away from me or I'll punch you!" I do not want another awkward event to unfold like yesterday. I wish he would forget about my weakness already- why must he toy with me like this?
His smile deepens and the distance between us decreases more and more. "I could use a good sock in the eye..." he says aroused. "Hit me with your best shot... it might make you feel better..."
I stare at him bewildered. He is so unpredictable it is dangerous... I swallow a dry lump in my throat when I feel his arms embrace me. He wraps my torso like a python entrapping it's prey. I hate when he reminds me of how touch starved I am. His hands rub my lower back and I quickly feel heat shooting up to my face. He has to be doing this all on purpose. I can not handle this- I do not like the way I am feeling. I pry off his clingy arms and push him away from me without saying a word.
"Do you feel better now?" he taunts. I stare at him flabbergasted. My fists transform into stone and I throw a punch to the middle of his face. His head flings back and his legs wobble. When he lowers his head to meet my eyes with his teary eyes, I see the bottom of his nose stained with fresh blood. He holds his nose temporarily while processing the fact I had just punched him. I watch as he wipes the blood from beneath his nose with his hand. He inspects it with a poker face. I honestly didn't know what kind of response to expect from him; but, I didn't think he'd smear his blood on his pants and smile at me chillingly.
"I missed that feeling... takes me back..." he says amused. I blink a few times in confusion.
What a fucking psychopath.
I think it is best to not question his response at all- it'll only raise more questions... I cross my arms, "Don't fucking touch me ever again..." I demand.
America sighs in disappointment, "And there is the pessimistic behavior again..." He turns around to continue walking in the field. I subconsciously tag along with vulgar words wrapped around my tongue. "You are too fucking invasive! Are you really that lonely where the only thing that can entertain you is making shit up about me?" I say irritated, "Do you not have anything better to do?"
"You are the one still following me. Leave if it bothers you that much." he says nonchalantly. I stop walking when I realize he is right. I am not really forced into any of this... breaking the blood pact will not lead to a serious consequence. My gut feeling keeps telling me to leave him. I know this is all wrong. But if it were so wrong then why did it make me feel so alive? I hated feeling so internally conflicted. It was constantly back and forth. Maybe it was time to tune out my thoughts. Perhaps they were only holding me back. I wanted to feel alive- I don't want to go back to how my life was previously. I was in desperate need for a change. I slowly breathe in and out to restore both order and tranquility in my clouded mind. My frustration begins to wash away and I can see clearly.
I look up and I see America staring at me. He looked hot- hot as in his face was dampened with sweat.
"What's your deal?" I say. My saliva drips sloppily from my mouth. I wipe it with my arm and America stares at me amused. He mumbles something under his breath.
"What?" I say. As I take a step to him my vision starts to blur.
"The effects are settling in..." he says cheerfully.
My eyes slightly widen- We were both so angry that we didn't notice the early stages of our symptoms. Our arguing distracted us. "America, what are the rest of the side effects?" I ask hoping he will now tell me.
America giggles and wipes the sweat off his face. "Does it even matter at this point? Let's just keep going and see how far we get. I love the element of surprise."
"My vision is starting to get blurry and I'm drooling a lot..." I say, "If it progressively gets worse, I might have to stop..." I wipe my gross slobbery mouth.
"Nonsense!" He chimes. He grabs my other hand, "As long as we stick together we will be fine!" I try to focus on his smiling face and his doe ey- wait... his eyes were not doe, his pupils were so... small... I have discovered another side effect. Perhaps my eyes have done the same? I bend my knees and lean into America's face. He does not flinch; he remains poker faced and his anew void-less eyes stare into me. "Your pupils are tiny." I tell him, "Do mine look that way too?"
He stares at me for a moment and then smiles softly, "No, your eyes still dilate every time you look at me."
"Huh?"
He chuckles with a small crescent sewed into his face. My eyes bat before I say "I don't do that shit! Don't lie to me!" His chuckles are still the only thing that I can hear. I would say this is an unusual laughing fit of his... it is more soft. It's still annoying but it only tickles my ears. I refuse to believe that I actually find it to be pleasurable.
I feel my eye twitching- oh how I would adore to send another punch to the center of his little button nose... but I know it wouldn't do anything... It wouldn't even threaten the American in the slightest. A huff escapes my mouth before standing a straight again. Soon America's chuckles soak into the loose dirt and I feel my arm being tugged forward.
How long were we going to last in the corn fields?
"America!" I call out, "Do you even know which way you are going?"
"Of course I do! I am going north..."
"Why north?" I question.
"Would you rather go west?"
"I don't know... what's west?"
"..."
"America?"
"I don't know..."
We were not going to last long in the corn fields.
We continue to walk north. When we weren't chatting, I could hear the corn rustling in the wind and howls imbedded in the background. What would we even do if we were to encounter the wild dogs? Is it stupider to run or to stand our ground? Were we flight or fight? I glance over to the American with a strong urge to address my concerns. I watch as he wipes his dampened face with his forearm. He isn't looking too good- usually he is great at composing himself but it is clear he was exhausted. We wouldn't survive an attack. Was it our final purpose to be the dog's meal? Perhaps.
And that's okay...
I'm unsure if I accept that because I enjoy the thrill or if I'm suicidal...
As America and I wonder the unwelcoming paths together, something catches my faulty eyes that completely shatters my heart. A petite snow dog lies lifelessly in between tall corn rods. I stop in my tracks filling quickly with sympathy, "Oh poor puppy..." I say helplessly. They didn't stand a chance in this world.
America turns around seeming confused. He had not even noticed the dog. "Puppy?" he questions while walking over to my side. He stares at the spot, "Yeah... that's really unfortunate..."
I bend down to reach my hand to the puppy. I wish to give him a gentle stroke but America latches his hand onto my wrist preventing me from doing so. "You should leave it alone..." he says.
My eyes trail upwards to him, "But why?" I ask heartbroken. He says nothing but his expression says everything. His eyebrows and eyes were saddened with a mouth that's been turned sour. I look back over to the petite snow dog only, they were no longer there...
"Wait where did-"
"We should keep moving." America tells me. I allow him to drag me away from the haunting spot. Confusion pounds my head. This all feels like a fever dream.
As he pulls me north my thoughts spiral through my mind. Ideas as frequent as heartbeats. And then I actually hear a thud- America has just passed out on the ground. Looks like he had both a fever and a dream. I laugh to myself because I am too humorous. It was odd only hearing my laugh and not the American's usual laughing fit. I stop because it felt unnatural to me. I squat down to observe America. His pretty boy face was submerged in the dry dirt. I carefully flip him back over like he is a pancake in a frying pan. His dewy skin shimmers in the sunlight. I didn't realize how beautiful he actually is- yet again, my vision is quite blurry so that doesn't really say much.
I feel I am supposed to be panicking about the fact he passed out- but strangely, it didn't worry me in the slightest. I knew America would be okay in the end because that's the type of person he is. It is not like he is so easy to get rid of. Although, I should probably move him out of the hot sun since he was already sweating astronomically. I scoop him up bridal style and move into the forest consisting of only corn. I sit down with him while leaning back on stiffened corn. Surprisingly, this was all very comfortable... and it is rare when I feel comfortable like this- or maybe it is still the side effects of the mushroom. I slowly feel my eyes shutting and I drift off to sleep with the American in my arms.
If I wake up torn to pieces and mangled by wild dogs, I'd be fine with this being my last good memory...
To my surprise when I awoke, I was not met by vicious animals. The evening sky was the only thing that had greeted me- even America was gone. Damn bastard! I rise to my feet only to feel painful shocks emerge throughout my head. So it was not only the evening sky, but rather, a headache as well to greet me after my slumber. How consoling...
It would've been absolutely lovely if the side effects of the mushroom had worn off but it hadn't. My vision was still disoriented and my saliva dripped like a running faucet. I wipe my mouth as I take in my surroundings. The patch of dirt in front of me appeared to be unusual. I advance my steps forward and squat down to get a better look at it. Mocking words were carved into the dirt, "Come find me" it read with a smiley face following afterwards.
Fucking typical America.
And so I started to explore the darkening corn fields solo. I would hope that America still plans to go north, I wouldn't know how else to find him.
Despite the fact I had just awoken from a nap, I still felt exhausted. I was no longer feeling excitement, thrill, or adrenaline- call it what you will. I was ready to leave. I wanted nothing more than food and rest. "America!" I yell, "Get your scrawny ass back over here!"
I continuously call his name hoping he will appear back by my side. But it still remains desolated. I give up trying to summon him. I can only hear the crickets and my foot steps filling in the atmosphere. Loneliness was something I thought I was accustomed to but for some reason it was bothering me. The empty feeling in the corn field had an eerily nostalgic vibe to it that only gave me chills.
The further I progressed the more my thoughts rambled on and on. If we aren't out of this maze by sunset, it will be pitch black here and we won't be able to see a single thing. This felt like the beginning of a horror story, and I sadly was the dying victim...
When night fell, I was afraid to keep moving north. I didn't even know which way was north anymore- the sun was gone and I couldn't even see my hand in front of me. I wonder how America was holding up, he was either dead or abandoned me in this maze to fend for myself. Maybe he is a shitty friend after all.
Speaking of shitty, that's how I was feeling- I was starving, restless, had my body aching, a leaking mouth, and I can go on. I just wanted to get out of here. Oddly, I wasn't paranoid and I felt like I should be given the circumstance... but I felt inconvenienced and uncomfortable.
I feel my foot get caught in some stupid plants and I lose my damn footing and plunge into the ground. I let out a groan and decide to just lie there. I couldn't find the strength in me to get back up again. I feel like I would be better off if I were buried right here, right now. I'm interrupted by my thoughts when I feel something crawling on me.
I jerk upwards and brush myself off in a panic. Gross gross gross get the hell off of me- God I wish I could see!
I quickly walk away from the spot annoyed that I was forced to keep going. And ironically I feel myself walk through a spider web which only adds to my panicked frustration. I walk away while brushing myself all over hoping all the pest were off of me. Although nothing is on me anymore, I still feel things crawling on me and the webs.
Fuck I hate it here!
"America!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I scare a few lingering crows and they caw while soaring away.
"Russia!" I hear him call back from behind me. I stop and swiftly turn around. Fucking finally!
Everything seemed to be working out until I hear the dog howls...
Oh no... oh no no no- I completely forgot about the wild dogs, I am an idiot!
"Russia!" America shouts, "I'm coming to you!" In the distance from where America was, I hear collective barks and the corn rustling aggressively. I stand still as I hear the sound moving closer and closer to me...
"Fucking run Russia!" I hear America scream. My eyes widen when I realize what is happening and I turn around and run like hell. I push through the corn recklessly and head in a straight line back from where I originally came from. This was terrifying, it was darker than if I were to close my eyes and the vicious dogs were hot on our tails. Then next to me, I hear laughter. He caught up to me.
America's laughing fit overlayed the sound of the deafening dogs. His laugh was contagious and I joined in while running for my life. And then I felt it again, the thrill. The adrenaline happily pumped through my body and carried me away. Once again, I finally feel alive.
We make it out of the maze but it wasn't the other end- no, we were back at America's car. We never completed the corn maze...
With the dogs still chasing behind us, we climb on top of the car. They jump and scratch the car trying to get us. We sit on the sunroof of the car catching our breaths. We look at each other with wicked smiles while gasping for air. What a surreal feeling- it made all the lonely suffering beforehand worth it.
The dogs below us bark hungrily wishing to consume our flesh. I look down at them and I partially feel bad. They were starving and won't get the meal they worked hard chasing. America has had enough of the barking and took out his car keys. He makes his loud obnoxious car alarm go off. Not only does it scare me, but it scares away the dogs.
They cower back into the desolated cornfields.
America and I were now in the car driving away from the abandon farm. We agreed to stop and get fast food. During the ride, we reflected.
"I had a hell of a good time, if only the build up didn't take that long..." America says cheerfully.
I rub my eye with a balled fist. My vision was starting to clear up. "Build up?" I question.
He nods while staring at the road. "Truth is, I only went in there with the intentions of being chased by the dogs."
"Well it was a lot of fun..." I admit with a smile.
"I know!" he shouts enthusiastically. "I can still feel the adrenaline! I feel like I can do anything right now!"
I chuckle at his excitement. I wholeheartedly agreed with every word.
His smile then turns sad, "I wish I could feel this all the time... you know, without having to put my life at risk and all..."
"With all do respect America, if you felt this feeling all of the time it would become the new normal for you and you would begin to appreciate it less..." I tell him.
He sighs, "I know, you're right..."
I nod my head. "Besides, we get to go on dangerous adventures to even achieve this feeling! I say that the entire process is an award within itself, despite how tedious it can be..."
"Yeah" he chuckles, "you do make a good damn point!"
"That reminds me... why the hell did you abandon me in the maze?"
He laughs nervously, "Oh that... well, when I woke up the only thing on my mind were those dogs. I guess I grew impatient and became too eager to wait any longer..."
"So you left me?" I say slightly irritated.
"I tried to wake you but you told me to "fuck off", I'm sorry..."
That did sound a lot like me so how could I blame him? Although, I feel he could've tried harder to wake me. I roll my eyes, "Whatever you are forgiven..."
I hear him let out a breathless chuckle, "Pessimistic!" he chimes.
"Shut your ass up..." I say annoyed.
He falls into a laughing fit and I can only smile at him.