Leo
I was anxious. I was so anxious.
But I couldn't even admit it because if I did I was sure I would fuck it up again.
No, I worked hard all these months for this moment. I won't let anyone take it away from me.
No one can. They don't know about me. They don't know about her. They're all gone.
They don't know for now, but what if they find out? These people are like cockroaches. Many more than what you think they are.
No, no one can take it away from me. I shouldn't be anxious.
But I was. I was shaking.
I sat inside my car, my legs bouncing from anxiety and phone in my hands waiting for her call so I could go.
But she didn't call.
Why isn't she calling? Did something happen?
I decided to call her, but she wouldn't pick up. I threw my phone on the passenger seat and pulled at my hair.
"Why aren't you picking up?" I whispered to myself.
Maybe something happened to her. I have to go see for myself.
I didn't want to act like a stalker, but I would never rest unless I knew she was okay.
Please be okay. You could be sick of me already and not want to see me. You could have fallen asleep forgetting to text me, but I'll take that over something happening to you.
I sighed and started the car heading to her house.
I'll just make sure she's okay.
She's okay.
She's okay. I just missed her and want to see her.
I couldn't help but be worried as I drove to her house as fast as I could without breaking the law.
As if I care about the law. When did I ever?
I kept glancing at my phone to see if she texted or called, but there was nothing.
When I arrived close to her house I got out and noticed her lights were off. It was so dark, not even her nightlight was on.
It was late so everyone was asleep.
I just wanted to make sure she was asleep too.
This is so weird. I'm being a creep.
I climbed up a tree next to her window and then leaned closer to look inside.
There she was.
Her peaceful beautiful sleeping face.
A sigh of relief escaped me as I smiled. I didn't know how many minutes had gone by with me just looking at her angelic face when she suddenly opened her eyes.
Why? Is something going on inside?
Her window was closed so I couldn't hear anything from the inside.
Her glance moved to the window and our eyes met when she put her hands on her mouth and flinched in shock.
Her chest was rising and falling at a fast pace and she walked towards the window fast before opening it.
"You scared me to death!" She whispered harshly.
"You worried me to death" I said.
"What?"
"I thought you'd call me, but you didn't and I was worried"
She sighed and put her hand on her forehead, "I'm sorry I fell asleep on the couch and my dad probably carried me up here. You don't have to be so worried" She said.
"I'm sorry" I said looking down.
"Well stop pretending to be Tarzan and come inside" She said stepping back so I could jump in.
I jumped inside as quietly as I could. She closed the window, the curtain and locked her door.
"Why are you so worried?" She asked softly and held my face with her soft hands, "I was doing fine without you all this time. Nothing will happen" She said with a soft chuckle.
That's the point. You were without me.
No, she's safe with me.
"You should relax a little" She said easing my forehead with her thumbs.
I closed my eyes and leaned into her touch.
It's fine now that she's with me.
It's all fine now.
She got on her tip toes and pulled my face down so she could kiss my forehead. I opened my eyes at the feel of her lips on my skin.
She took my hand and pulled me to her bed making me sit down.
"Tell me what's bothering you" She said looking at me.
I stared at her for a long time not knowing what to say.
Looking at her now, right in front of me, safe and sound, nothing was actually bothering me. It was all just in my head. There was nothing to be anxious about.
So why? Why was I so anxious before?
"Well?" She urged me.
"I don't know" I said looking at her with a dizzy gaze.
My previous feelings were gone. I felt calm now. So calm I could stay here forever.
"I don't remember" I murmured still staring at her.
For some reason she didn't question it. She just smiled at me sweetly.
My face was learning close to her without me even realising until I finally dropped my head on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry I came here and watched you like a creep" I said.
"It's okay. You were worried. I don't understand why. Maybe you don't either. But you're okay now, right?" She asked stroking my head.
"Yes" I murmured, my lips moving against her neck.
Her skin was warm and had a lovely scent that I didn't know how to describe. Unable to resist, I rubbed my head against her soft skin and left a kiss on her neck.
She lifted my head and looked at me. I'm pretty sure she said something because her lips moved, but I couldn't hear anything.
"-to me?"
"Huh?"
She rolled her eyes, "I said are you listening to me?"
"Huh? Yes" I said not sure what she was talking about.
"You're tired. Let's sleep"
"Sleep here? With you?" I asked taken aback.
She raised an eyebrow, "Don't tell me you're acting shy now" She said with a small smile on her lips.
Her lips.
"No, Let's do that. Sleep. Let's sleep" I decided.
She lay down and patted the space next to her. I also lay down next to her and she wrapped herself around me. As if she trusted me. As if she felt safe with me.
She is safe with me.
"Goodnight Leo" She said.
"Goodnight" I whispered stroking her hair.
She was probably tired because she fell asleep a couple minutes after. Her lips were very slightly parted and her eyes were softly closed.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you so much.
I was probably anxious today because it was the first day.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Tomorrow I won't be anxious when we part ways.
________
I was wrong.
The minute I had to leave her I started doubting everything again.
What am I going to do?
It's not like I can be with her twenty four hours a day.
"What's wrong with you?" Nate asked walking into my office.
"Nothing" I said shaking my head.
"It doesn't look like nothing" He said putting his hands on my shoulders as he stood behind me.
I sighed, "I'm busy. What do you want?"
"Why do you always have to be moody?" He whined.
"Can you guys stop fighting?" Vincent asked walking into the room as well woth a pile of papers.
Don't tell me it's more work for me.
"Nobody taught either of you how to knock?" I asked rolling my eyes.
"Why would I knock? What could you be doing?" Nate asked raising an eyebrow.
"What if I was naked?"
"Nothing I haven't seen before" Nate said with a smirk, rolling his eyes.
"What!?" Vincent and I both asked in shock.
"Anyways Leo has to tell us what is wrong with him"
"Nothing! For God's sake, leave me alone!" I yelled.
"Alright since you won't tell me I will use my awesome observing skills" Nate said and cleared his throat.
"Huh?"
"At Ares' wedding I noticed you and Tessa stood close to each other. If I'm not mistaken you even talked to her because you couldn't hold yourself back after my perfect motivational speech. Serenity's other friend, Jane was going crazy trying to call someone after the wedding and who else would Jane be worried about? Her friend Tessa, since she was nowhere to be found. You know who else was nowhere to be found? You and your car" He finished with a smirk.
"Nate stop-"
"Wow"
Vincent and I said at the same time before getting interrupted by Nate's exciting voice.
"You and Tessa are back together!" He exclaimed.
I sighed and buried my head in my hands.
"Good job man" Vincent said.
"No!"
"What do you mean no?" Nate asked.
"I mean yes, but you shouldn't say a word about this to anyone except Ares"
"Yes, yes I know, but that still doesn't answer my question. Why do you look so anxious?" He asked.
Anxious.
I'm not anxious. Not at all. I'm very confident I can keep her safe. It's all fine.
It's not fine.
No, it's fine. I'll see her again today She'll be in my arms safe and sound again.
And tomorrow and the day after that and forever. Nothing bad will happen.
"You literally look like you're having an internal panic attack" Nate pointed out.
"No-" My voice sounded too harsh so I took a deep breath to calm myself down a little, "No, I'm fine" I said trying to force a smile.
Although it must've looked very weird judging by the look on their faces
Nate and Vincent looked at each other in disbelief and then back to me.
Nate sighed, "Fine. We'll be back later"
They really left after that so I started working so that I wouldn't think about her.
But I kept glancing at my phone wondering if I should text her or not.
Until I heard a ring from my phone.
I ditched everything and rushed to check who had texted me.
I sighed and smiled holding the phone in my hands when I saw her name. However that relief only lasted for a few seconds before I realized she might be texting me because she's in trouble.
I hurriedly opened her text feeling worried, but my worries disappeared when I saw it was only her saying hi.
I smiled again and texted back asking her if she's doing okay.
I miss you
I really miss you right now.
I miss you and how calm you make me feel. I'm supposed to make you feel safe but you're the one who makes me feel like that. What to do with you?
"Will it be too much if I ask to see you again today?" I wondered.
I'm pathetic.
A few days passed without being able to see her. She was busy and I was busy as well, so we couldn't meet.
I needed to see her and soon.
As the days passed I was getting more and more fidgety and couldn't focus. I was worried about her all the time. I had to text her all day to calm my nerves down a bit.
Until she finally asked to see me.
"Leo, I really miss you" She said on the phone.
I was so happy about what I was hearing that I felt close to breathless.
"Really?" I asked closing my eyes in happiness and relief.
"Yes, can we meet today? Of course it's okay if you're busy but I just wanted to see you even for five minutes. I can come to yours if you're too busy to drive-"
"No!" I said feeling panic at the thought of her walking out alone at night.
"Oh" She said, "It's okay we can meet another day-"
"No, no. That's not what I mean" I said running my fingers through my hair, "I missed you a lot too, Tess. I want to meet you today too, but please don't try to go to my apartment alone. I'll just come pick you up and we can go out" I said.
"Oh that would be great" She said and I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Alright then is it okay if I come by in an hour?" I asked.
"Yes, of course" She said.
______
I was leaning against my car waiting for her at our usual meet up spot. It was very close to her house but you couldn't see it from her house.
What if something happens on the way here?
No. Fuck, I need to stop overthinking.
"Leo!" I heard her voice and lifted my head. I didn't have the time to take in her beautiful appearance as she ran to me and wrapped her arms around me.
I sighed as relief washed over me again. All my worries melted away and I felt all my muscles relax as her warmth and her scent engulfed me.
"Finally" I said as I held her face. The urge to kiss her all over her face was unbearable and I couldn't resist it so I didn't.
I started kissing her all over her soft face.
"Looks like I'm not the only one who missed this" She said with a soft laugh.
God, her laugh.
How can everything about her be so lovable?
"No, I was going crazy without you" I murmured.
She was laughing sweetly, but I was being completely serious.
"Tessa" I said holding her face and making her look at me, "I know it might be too much to ask but don't do this again"
"Do what?" She asked her smile falling.
"Stay away from me. I know you were busy but I just want to see you for at least five minutes"
I'm desperate. I'm so desperate.
It's honestly pathetic.
"I feel the same way" She said her lips forming a smile again.
No, you can't feel like I do. I don't want you to be as worried about me as I am about you.
"Let's get inside"
We got inside the car and I started driving. That's when I noticed she was wearing a skirt and her thighs were exposed.
Her soft thighs that were wrapped around me that night.
I had a very strong urge to put my hand on her thigh and feel it and in the end I gave in. She tensed but then relaxed again and put her hand on top of mine.
It's all fine now.