November 1975
Months went by, my parents stopped talking to me, Regulus did not either. I avoided him and the rest of them. I mainly spent most of my time with Taylor or Sirius and the rest of his friends. Mainly in the library with Remus because I could not keep up with James and Sirius troubles. Peter, bless him he's a great friend but he's just following James wherever he goes.
Sirius, he remained the same, he was much more reckless and careless in an attempt to prove to his parents how much he no longer cared that he was kicked out by his family. He had become even more carless in what people thought of him too. He longer cared about expectations. Constantly sleeping around, making false promises too. He left Remus and I to deal with it, James would participate only when he was not busy trying to please Lily or training for Quidditch. He did not even study despite having the full capability of exceeding expectations like James does. He did not even take care of himself; he was always flirting or had his lips moulded with some girl in every corridor or the Common room. Sirius always waited for me though.
He and his friends, James, Lily, Remus, and Peter joined Taylor and I every day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and just before bed; we all sat together in the Common Room. Lily, Remus, and I would come along to watch Sirius, James, and Marlene play quidditch and celebrate countless Gryffindor victories. Lily and Remus would be in the library studying for OWLS, alongside James. Taylor and I would follow too. Sirius would only join occasionally.
We all returned early to prepare for Sirius's birthday party. Remus, James, Peter, Lily, Marlene and I, Mary even too.
By ten o'clock the Gryffindor common room was heaving, awash in dazzling red and gold, full of chatter and laughter. This is what a real party was like. I learnt after a few weeks how grateful I was for being sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. Sirius was having the time of his life, on his third or fourth whisky whilst being surrounded by girls. Mary leaned against the wall, her arms folded as she glared at him, dancing with them.
"Take a look" Remus said as he came and stood next to me, his eyes pointed towards the girls. I rolled my eyes and took his drink but then instantly regretted it.
"Fuck Remus" I scrunched my lips in disgust, "what the hell are you drinking?"
"I'm not quite sure. I just asked for the strongest." he shrugged.
"I thought you didn't drink?"
He shrugged, "it's a special occasion" he replied and we both looked back at Sirius and his group of girls.
Sirius had been by my side since the first year incident with Regulus. Since then, there were many more situations of the sort, but I knew how to manage it. I would catch Sirius, in the common room too sometimes at night, with a letter in his hand and his eyes bloodstained red. Sometimes he would find me like that. He became my rock to lean on, I became his.
"God, could you get any more perfect." he blushed and looked down, "I don't get it. He has the full potential but still chooses to act so reckless when his best friend is literally you."
He turned to look at me, raised his eyebrow and then took a sip of his drink. Remus was right. The girls were dressed differently for this year's party- their skirts had gotten shorter, with more makeup and the colours...were to say the least... authentic.
Mary stood there sulking with her arms folded, until Marlene whispered something in her ear that made her take a shot of fire whisky and walk straight through the crowd of girls that were circling Sirius. I had to give her credit though. She looked utterly stunning in her red halter crop top and checked trousers that accentuated her curves. Lily looked gorgeous too while James was enjoying every pleasure of that as she made subtle glances towards him. They were in love, deeply in love. I did not believe love like that actually existed.
"Drink, Remus Elizabeth?" Marlene asked, standing beside us. She clutched the bottle of something greenish. Or brown, I don't know. I saw Taylor already had her lips moulded with some other bloke too. I rolled my eyes and went back to Sirius. He was ridiculously tall but that helped with his reputation as the notorious playboy but then again I would completely understand. I grew up with him. I saw his change from the scrawny rich spoiled brat to the hardworking, well-built man from all those hours of endless quidditch training despite his recklessness. At least he was putting his energy into something right. Then again he may have not been studying for his OWLS but he was still passing with extraordinary marks. He looked up at me and smiled, bright and warm as his hair which was long and straight but still perfect. He looked back at me and winked as he grabbed one of the girls and began to dance with her, still surrounded by the others.
I snapped back as Remus mumbled something into his cup, taking another gulp. "She's definitely going to go out with him again?" Marlene comments as Mary grabs Sirius's hands and places them on her hips. I clench my teeth. "Mary always get what she wants"
"Do you really think so?'' I turn to look as Sirius is now grinning as he swings back and forth with Mary, surrounded by the girls. He looks at us and waves for Remus and me to come over.
"There are other boys," Remus mumbles.
"Just not like Sirius, I guess." I finished as I laid my head on his shoulder. I watched Mary move closer towards Sirius, seductively. Something inside of me exploded. I looked around for a guy that was free. As I walked towards a few groups of guys, they walked away or pretended to not notice me. Huh. I did not know whether to be offended by that or not. This happened at the beginning of the year because they all knew I was a Blackwood but I thought I had proven myself that I left my family and their traditional values behind. As Marlene forced Remus to dance, I grabbed someone from my Muggle's class, Aaron. He smiled and grabbed onto my hips constantly looking around. I shrugged it away and began to dance to the music as I kept his hands on my hips, not lower or higher, just glued to my hips.
"Pretificus Totalus!" I stepped away as Aaron was frozen, his eyes looked like they were shaking and alarmed at this. The music continued to blare loudly as I looked around for who did this. I saw Sirius staring and smiling goofily like an idiot.
"Sirius what the fuck?!" I yelled as Remus ran to unpetrified him, "have you lost your mind? What did he do?"
He walked over, ignoring me, towards Aaron and slapped his arm on his shoulder. "He knows Lizzy, he knows. Do not worry." he shrugged, smiling before he jumped back. I looked around and saw most of the guys had gone back to their dorms, only a handful remain but the girls have not budged. Mary remained seated in the crowd with an empty seat next to her most likely for Sirius.
"He knows what?" I asked but Sirius was no longer next to me. I walked up to Remus and asked him; he just merely shrugged his shoulders and took another swing of his drink.
I brushed through the crowd, breaking away from Mary's grip on him and asked him again. To my surprise, he just mumbled how he was tired and walked upstairs, followed by Peter, Remus, and James but they remained at the top of the stairs as Sirius walked into his room. I opened it, and saw him lying on his bed with his face down.
"Not now" he muffled, then looked up to see it was me. He turned to sit up and tapped the empty space next to him on the bed. I walked over and sat. "I'm not in the mood right now Lizzy for a lecture, I swear to Merlin please let me..."
Silently, I took out a box, which caused him to sit up. I placed it in his hands and I saw his face lightened up. I pushed his brown strands behind his ear, and in that moment I took it all in. I had never noticed it before. How each and every strand of his brown hair shared the same flick that when put together just looked so elegant and perfect. Or how when he smiled, the corner of his eyes creased up, which looked like he was crying when really he was just smiling. He was doing that right now when he opened the box.
Should friends look at each other the way we did?
I'll never forget the way you looked at me, you saw me for who I truly was and I saw you for who you truly were...
"It's your constellation" I said, "put on a ring"
He looked up, smiled, engulfed me in a hug and kissed the top of my head, both sides of my face, then my shoulder as I attempted to push him off. "Fuck off, Lizzy. I know what my constellation looks like. It's just..." he paused and sighed. He took the ring out of the box and placed it on his finger. He sat there for a while, staring at it, or into space I don't know. Maybe he was tired. "I did not mean to ruin your party,'' I whispered and took it as my account to leave. Just when I was about to get up, he grabbed my arm and made me sit back down, next to him. "Sorry," he paused. "I just... it's just... Lizzy, I haven't really got a present as in an actual present, present since well you know."
"Reg"I whispered and he nodded. He lifted his hand up and showed me. He still wore it. The ring Regulus bought him. Regulus bought me the necklace to go with it. Sirius and Regulus had the ring and I had the necklace.
"He'll come around one day, Sirius." I replied and he wrapped his arm around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.
"Do you really think so?" he asked.
Not really but one can hope.
"If people are meant for each other, they will always find their way back." I responded and he smiled at me. I pointed towards the window, "We're all a part of the sky, Sirius. Some people are suns, the first to come to mind. The light. The warmth." I laughed, "you're a sun." He laughed too. "Some people are moons, the second thought."
"Reg" he whispered and I nodded.
"And then there's people like me," I sighed, "I'll always be a star. I sparkle prettily enough but I'll always be dependent on the moon to rise. Just like the moon, we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again. Not good for much."
"I'm the sun," he boasted and I rolled my eyes. We both laughed, then silence cloaked the room as we both thought of the same thing. Regulus.
"Maybe one day we will meet with him again and we can explain to each other what really happened. Maybe one day we all can finally understand. Until then, Sirius, I hope you live your best life and I hope you really do all the things you have always said you wanted to do."
"Likewise Lizzy," he whispered. He kissed my forehead and rested his head on mine. We stayed like that, laid in his bed, with my back against his chest, our hands intertwined as I played with the rings on his fingers.
When I went back to my dorm room, the more I thought about it.
I was right.
I was a star.
Forever accompanied by the darkness.