Sunday went by as sluggish as I felt.
During the ride home from the game, no one talked about the giant elephant in the room. We barely talked at all. We just sat in silence, listening to the radio or on our phones, for the majority of the car ride.
Devin was supposed to stay the night, but he decided to take off early, claiming he wasn't feeling well. I know Devin didn't stay the night to give me some time to cool off and process what happened at the game.
So, I spent Sunday in a complete daze. My body on auto-pilot for the whole day, barely eating and only lightly snacking instead of eating a full meal. I didn't even do my homework or study. I didn't do... anything really.
I kept replaying the interactions I had with Juliana.
Why did it hurt so bad seeing her with Parker? Seeing her standing next to him, looking so happy wearing one of his t-shirts, why did it hurt me so bad?
Why was I so jealous? I have no right to be. Juliana isn't mine. She was never mine to begin with, so what's with the jealousy?
And why, why every single time I see her - no matter what - my heart skips a beat?
I drum my fingers against the cool countertop as I wait for people to fill into the classroom.
I glance over at the door and around the room and fellow classmates of mine start filing in, talking to each other while some are last minute finishing the homework due today.
I take a peak at the clock.
Five minutes until class starts, and no sign of Juliana. Maybe luck is on my side and I don't need to see Juliana today.
A familiar laugh is heard from outside the door.
Fuck my life.
And there she is with her long, raven hair tired up in a bun. She's wearing her contacts today along with a black Nike zip-up and black sweats.
Even in glasses and sweats, she still looks pretty.
What am I saying?
Juliana says goodbye to someone, and the flash of blonde hair gives it away that she was saying goodbye to Parker.
"Hey Jace." Juliana says happily, setting her stuff down next to me.
I mumble a 'hi' before picking up my phone to mindlessly scroll, wanting to avoided this entire interaction.
So what if I'm scrolling through old messages? At least it delays this entire interaction.
She looks around awkwardly. She pulls at the pendent on her necklace. "How was the game?" She asks, forced.
I peak up at her, shrugging. "It was fine."
I know I'm being petty, but after this weekend, I don't know how I feel about Julie. I don't know how to process how I felt, and this entire situation is making me confused. I hate it.
"Look Jace," Juliana says, clearly annoyed at my lack of conversation. "I thought we were good?" She stares at me as I continue to scroll through the same messages I've been scrolling through. Ironically, it's my messages with her. "We're good. Right?" Juliana adds in again. Her voice heightened at the end, something she does when she's nervous.
"Class. I'm handing back your unit four exam." Thank god for Mrs. High. I didn't need to confront her now in class.
Juliana sighs before giving up and turning away from me.
Mrs. High walks up to our lab table and places Juliana's test face down. She flips it over, and her eyes widen.
"Congrats Jace." Mrs. High says, placing my test down. A large A+ written in red ink is placed in the top right corner. "You scored the highest in the class."
Pride fills me because, as much as I hate to admit it, this unit and test was hard, so knowing I scored the highest means I beat Juliana.
I peak over at Juliana, who's staring off into the distance, test flipped back over so I can't see her score.
No happiness. No curiosity on how I did. No confidence. No sass. No... nothing.
Juliana Walker not being competitive after receiving scores back isn't heard of. Especially when I scored the highest in the class. It's honestly unsettling and a little bit... sad?
I look back over at her. She looks... upset, something I haven't experienced before after we received our scores back.
"How did you do?" Fuck me for being nosy.
"Oh, so now you want to talk to me." She breaks from her gaze and glares at me.
I roll my eyes at her. "Just asking because, if you can't see to remember, we are competing for valedictorian. Kind of need to know what I'm working against here."
Lies.
I miss our witty banter. I miss the way her eyes light up when she sees her score. The way she smiles when she's confident because she can't keep a poker face. The way she'll tease me about scoring lower. The way we bicker playfully. Everything. I miss it.
Even if we're competing for valedictorian, Juliana makes it fun, playful, yet competitive still. She challenges me and brings out the best in me. I wouldn't want to compete against anyone else, and this silence she's giving me is unsettling.
She rolls her eyes at me, shoving her test towards me. "If you really want to see, look for yourself."
She shoves the paper towards me.
Hesitantly, I flip it over.
B.
Juliana Annalise Walker got her first B in high school, well, that I know of.
I bite my lip and slide the test back to her. "Look Julie, it was a hard exam..."
"Save it." Juliana interrupts, holding up a hand. She grabs the paper, flipping it back over. "I don't want to hear it."
Damn. I feel like a dick right now. Worst part is that I don't even know what to say to make her feel better.
Her phone vibrates, and she quickly turns it over before turning it back around so the screen is against the counter.
"Let me guess, Parker?" I don't even hide the annoyance in my voice. I don't know what possessed me to be this bold, but there's no turning back now.
Juliana slams her palm against the counter, startling me a little. "What's your problem Jace? Parker has done nothing to you, yet you're treating him like he's your enemy rather than your teammate."
I pull my hair in frustration. "Can't you see that he's changing you?"
She looks at me appalled. "Changing me?"
"Yes! Changing you! The Juliana I know would never settle for an A-minus let alone getting a B
Juliana, you're majoring in chemistry!"
"It's one grade Jace. One grade which barely effected my overall grade. Plus, this one grade has nothing to do with Parker!"
I scoff. "Yeah like I don't see you giggling like a fucking school girl at your phone every night."
Juliana looks at me appalled. "So you've been stalking me."
"Me? Stalking you?" I chuckle, shaking my head. "You wish sweetheart."
Juliana groans in frustration. "I seriously don't get you!"
"I think you should worry about your own grades rather than fucking Parker." I spit out, venom laced in my voice.
Juliana doesn't respond, and when I look at her, I regret everything I said. She looks at me like she doesn't even know who I am anymore. Like she doesn't recognize me.
"Fuck you." She says it with so much aggression that I'm taken aback. She gets up - the scraping of the chair makes everyone turn to stare at us - grabs her backpack, and takes off.
"Juliana." Mrs. High yells at Juliana.
She turns around, and her eyes are glassy. "I'm so sorry Mrs. High, but I can't be here right now." Without waiting to hear her response, Juliana takes one last look at me with those glossy eyes that I caused and leaves.
So much guilt rises from my stomach that I swear I'm going to throw up any minute.
It's dead silent in the room as the whole class stares at the door that Juliana just left through, shocked at her sudden outburst.
Mrs. High turns to look at me in disbelief before shaking her head and telling the class to start working again.
I can feel everyone's stare on me, and I sink into my seat, hoping that, somehow, it'll swallow me whole. I take a glance over at Devin's table to see him shaking his head at me.
What the fuck have I done.
———————————————————————
I don't even wait until the bell rings before I dip out of there.
Hearing everyone gossip around you, giving you judgmental stares, just being in the tension filled room in general is too much for me. Why can't people just mind their own damn business?
I'm one of the first out of school and into the student parking lot. I look around, trying to find my car, and notice Juliana's car is missing from her usual spot in the lot. I look towards the tennis courts, thinking I'd see her car there, but it isn't. She left early.
I walk over to my car, but before I could even close the door, Devin slaps his hand in the doorway, scaring the shit out of me.
"Are you crazy?" I yell at him. I open the door back up. "I could've broken your fingers dumbass."
"What did you say to her." There's a stern tone in Devin's voice. One that I've never heard before.
I awkwardly chuckle. "Maybe start off by thanking me first for not breaking your fingers so you can keep that scholarship to Notre Dome." I try and joke, but Devin keeps a stern look on his face.
"What did you say to her." He says in a stern, low voice like a dad loosing his patience with their son.
"It's honestly none of your business Devin." I grit out. I try and close the door again, but Devin's hand laches onto the top of the door. "Seriously dude. I'm going to end up breaking your fingers."
"Stop fucking fucking around Jace." Devin huffs out annoyed.
I roll my eyes at him. "I don't want to talk about it."
Devin laughs dryly. "Oh no. You're talking about it."
I try and close the door on Devin again, but he won't budge. "Seriously, fuck off. I don't need you mingling in my business."
Devin looks at me in disbelief before scoffing. "You're a fucking dumbass Jace. You should be lucky that I even want to help you fix this mess you made. For fucks sake you made that poor girl cry in class, so I'm only saying this once again," He inhales deeply before exhaling. He looks at me with so much fire in his eyes. "what. did. you. say. to. her."
I've never seen Devin so protective and mad before especially not at me.
"If you care about her so much, why don't you date her instead?"
Devin lets out a harsh groan, spinning around on the balls of his feet with his hands in his hair. He turns back around, hitting the metal on my car so harshly I think he might have dented it slightly. "You're a fucking dumbass Jace. Not everyone is out to get your girl."
"Parker is." I mumble, but Devin ignores me.
"I care about you, and that's the only reason why I am not punching you in the face right now for hurting Juliana."
"Jeez." I roll my eyes. "What a lovely friend you are." Sarcasm drips from my voice.
Devin lets go of my car door and starts to walk away. "I'm done. I'm done here." He turns back around. "I'm done saving your dumbass."
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I'm the first to leave the ice, and I'm the last to leave the arena.
Coach and I had a one-on-one meeting discussing strategies and captain duties meaning I stayed a whole hour late to listen to him rant and complain to me.
We need to fix this play.
We need to find a better defensemen pairing.
You need to play more aggressively.
You need to engage with more players on the team.
Most of all, you need to lead this team.
Yeah, well how am I supposed to lead this team when my mind is somewhere else, and the cause of the distraction is apart of my line.
I book it out of coach's office as soon as the clock turned 9.
I turn the corner and I see Devin.
Fuck me.
Devin glares at me before walking away.
"Devin!" I yell.
He continues walking, ignoring me. Fuck it.
I run to catch up to him, pulling his shoulder when I do.
"What the fuck." Devin says, clearly annoyed at me.
"Look, I'm sorry about the parking lot."
Devin scoffs. "It's not me you should be apologizing too." He starts walking again, but I pull in his shoulder again.
"Seriously, I'm sorry. It's just-" Here we go. There is only one other person in the world that knows me like the back of my hand, and I can trust him with my life. "I've been so confused lately."
Devin's eyebrows furrow. "Confused? On what?"
I let out a sigh. "Confused about Juliana." I pull at the friendship bracelet, twisting it around a few times while I try and gather a cohesive thought in my tangled up head right now. "Seeing her this weekend with Parker just made me so confused. When I saw her with Parker, I just... I don't know. I felt hurt? She was supposed to go with us to the game. It's our tradition. Seeing her ditch me for Parker, just hurt. Plus seeing her laughing and wearing his shirt just made me so confused, and I don't know how to process my emotions. That's why I blew up at her today in class."
Devin stayed silent for a little, making me nervous. "Sounds like you like her."
Like her?
Me, Jace Lockheart, likes Juliana? Impossible.
I shake my head. "No. I don't like her."
"No, but you do." Devin sets his bag down. "Jace, everyone can see it. Everything you just expressed to me tells me you care about her in more than just a friendly way. You're jealous of Parker. You're jealous that he gets to be more intimate with Juliana." Devin takes a step closer to me, stabbing me in the chest with two fingers. "You like her Jace. When are you going to admit it?"
I blink a few times, trying to process this bomb that has been dropped on me.
I like Juliana? My next door neighbor, my enemy, my ex-best friend. I like her? Everything I've been feeling was because I like her?
It just can't be. I can't like Juliana for all of those reasons.
"It doesn't matter because Juliana likes Parker."
Devin stares at me dumbfounded. "You're joking right?"
"Have you seen them together? They're practically together."
Devin shakes his head. "But they're not together. You have to realize they're not together." Devin puts his hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "You still have time to win her back, to show her you love her. Don't waste it."
Devin gives me the hopeful look. Giving my shoulder another squeeze, he picks up his bag and walks away.
————————————————————————
The words Devin said keep replaying in my head continuously as I pull into the driveway and kill the engine.
I like Juliana? How could that literally possibly be?
She's annoying, she's aggravating, she's a know-it-all, yet she is sweet, she is smart, she challenges me. She balances me out.
But, that doesn't mean anything. She's like a little sister to me.
I'm distracted from my thoughts as a familiar black car pulls into the Walker's driveway.
There's no fucking way.
Out he steps in a white button-up with his sleeves slightly rolled up like he knows what that'll do to girls. A nice silver watch adjourns his wrist as he adjusts it and his collar.
There is no way.
I start to gag as I see Parker pull out a bouquet of red roses, the prettiest ones I've ever seen. He shakes off his nerves, something he does often even on the ice, and walks up to the door. He rings the doorbell, and I can practically feel his nerves from here.
Julie's mom opens the door, smiling at his nervousness and gives him a quick hug.
I start to feel the vile come up my throat.
And there she is, looking beautiful as ever. Wearing a light pink dress with her hair pulled back, she smiles at Parker so big and bright as she grabs the bouquet of roses from him.
I quickly whip out my phone, coughing and trying to keep the vile down my throat. I hit Devin's number as fast as I can.
Breathe in. Breathe deep. Breathe through. Breathe out.
The phone rings twice before Devin picks up. Before he can utter out a single word, I word vomit. "I like Juliana."
The words hang in the air as I try to catch my breath, and this weight is lifted off my chest.
I breathe out, trying to control my shaky voice. "I like Juliana." I repeat again.
Devin remains silent on the other side, and I fear that he hung up already.
Right before I can check to see if he's still on the line, I hear his knuckles crack and I can practically feel the smile and happiness radiating off of him. "Well, what are we waiting for Lockheart! Let's go get your girl."
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Hi loves, I'm officially back from the dead! Welcome back to Afterglow! I hope this chapter is satisfying as it took over a year to upload. FINALLY Jace admitted his feelings! I wanted to say thank you for supporting and loving Afterglow, even after I haven't updated in literally a year (oops). College is quite time-consuming especially as a chemistry major. I am back and better than ever! Please follow me for updates and check back in for more updates and future chapters! I love you all too the moon and to saturn - Jewels