Stranger in the Mirror
Wow. Is that really me?
The make-up artist added a final sweep of blusher to my cheeks, then stepped back to admire my reflection in the mirror. Satisfied, apparently, she dialed a number on her phone and hurried off around a corner, leaving me to stare at my strange new image.
Normally, I would leave the house feeling comfortable with just a gloss of Vaseline and maybe a sweep of mascara. My general day too day outfit consisted of faded blue skinny jeans - or as I liked to call them, skinnies - a white t-shirt, and a pair of ballet pumps. Now, I looked like a completely different person.
My hair, which was ordinarily tied up in a loose bun, now cascaded in golden waves past my shoulders and ended at my elbows; my eyes were outlined with liquid liner and mascara, I had the rosiest cheeks possible, a complexion so even I looked like I had come straight out of Vogue, and a stain of pink on my lips. The whole effect was dazzling, but it was nothing compared to the clothes. A royal blue empire dress fell to the floor in swaths of silky material with a beautiful pair of silver heels peeping out from underneath the skirt. I also had a dainty silver bangle on my right wrist which finished off the whole look.
The make-up artist - Kim, I think her name was - suddenly rushed back into the room, her phone glued to her ear and a stressed expression on her face. She did some flapping motion with her hands which I guessed was the cue for me to get up, and she gently pushed me out of the door.
A black limo was waiting just outside of the fire exit, and I ducked into the car just as a bright flash illuminated the dark night. Once in the car, there were a few muffled voices from outside, a tap on the window, and the car was moving. I leant back on the leather seat, careful not to mess up my hair which was somehow staying in place despite having no hairspray whatsoever.
I knew I only had a few minutes before I arrived at the premiere for Big White Lies. Somehow, the film had been a great success in America where it had already aired, which, inevitably, made me a big success.
I took three deep breaths, telling myself to calm down. Normal celebrities didn’t feel this nervous and excited about going to a premiere did they? But, I wasn’t an ordinary celebrity, and I didn’t want to be. I hated the idea of being followed around all of the time by a posse of cameras and reporters. I hated the idea of being the type of celebrity that would turn away when a little girl came up with a scrap of paper asking for an autograph. I hated the idea of being the type of celebrity that had no ordinary life, and spent all of her time hiding in a big house with seventeen different workers who went out and bought all the clothes and food. I hated the idea of being the type of celebrity who would give up her whole, wonderful life for a moment in the spotlight.
Well, too late for that I suppose.
The car was slowing down, and I smoothed down a stray hair, patted my dress lightly and prepared to alight from the car.
“Hazel! Over here sweetheart!”
“Give us a smile love! Come on, smile for the camera!”
“Just a couple of pictures, Hazel!”
“Show off that dazzling smile!”
It went something like that. I plastered on my best Hollywood smile, and started sashaying up the red carpet. There was a massive poster outside of the London Cinema House with Jay Edwards, Hollywood’s hottest star, and me wearing a plain white dress, hair in two little plaits, and my index finger pressed against my pouted lips. The whole effect was supposed to be secretive and innocent, but to me it just looked like a strange porn film poster with my name, Hazel Martin, emblazoned in red writing.
I continued up the catwalk and into the Cinema House where a host of cameramen, directors and various other people in black outfits were waiting to launch themselves at me. I continued to smile, telling myself to enjoy every single moment. Twenty minutes later, and everyone was piling into Screen 1, sitting themselves in front of the massive curtained screen. I took my seat on the front row, trying not to freak out. The audition for Big White Lies was scary. Filming with Jay Edwards, most talented actor in the business was scary. Walking down the red carpet in front of everyone was scary. But the idea of watching myself on a screen that was nearly as big as a football pitch (okay, sliiight exaggeration) was absolutely terrifying.
The lights suddenly dimmed around us and the chatter died down. I sat back in my seat as the curtains opened and the blank screen flickered to life. The words Big White Lies appeared in white writing and slow music started playing.
As the film played out, I observed the audience’s reaction as they watched my “best friend” kiss my “boyfriend”, Harry Starling (aka, Jay Edwards) and what I (Lucy Evans) did when I found out. I watched their reaction as I went behind my mother’s back to cover up the fact that my step dad was having an affair with her sister. I watched their reaction as all of these lies played out on the screen right in front of them.
I saw a few people nudge each other, some whisper, and quite a few point to me, and Jay who was sat beside me. I could smell his aftershave, it was fresh and powerful.
Sitting there for two hours, I constantly wondered which takes were going to be used out of the hundreds that we filmed. When the final scene finished (a shot of me sat on the beach, staring out to sea and thinking about the events that had taken place), the audience got up on their feet and started clapping and cheering. I breathed a sigh of relief, and stood up, looking around at all of the smiling faces. I heard bits of people’s conversations;
“…can’t believe how good that was!”
“…never seen her before? Is she a new actress…”
“The chemistry was amazing! It was just so…”
“…watch that again and again and…”
Things were looking pretty good, but before I could really take it all in, someone thrust their arms around me and enveloped me in a tight hug. I recognised the sharp scent of aftershave, and I slowly put my arms around Jay’s broad back.
He pulled away suddenly, smiling at me and mouthed something that I couldn’t hear over the shouts and whistles. Before I could ask him to repeat it, he was gone, talking to the director of the film and shaking hands with our co-stars.
I stood there shaking my head. I was at a film premiere, my own film premiere. So why was it that the only thing that I could think about was the warm imprint left on my back from Jay’s hug?
“Yes, Mum, I know, honestly I had no idea things would turn out this way.”
I could hear her sigh down the phone, a sigh that followed me all the way from my childhood, right through my teens and still haunted me now.
“I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Hazel,” she told me firmly, “I mean, you’ve read all of those magazines that talk about celebrities who’ve gone into a public meltdown. I just don’t want you to ruin your life.”
I twisted the cream telephone cord around my index finger and wriggled my red-painted toes that were resting on a fluffy cushion. After getting so dressed up last night, it was a relief to be able to laze around in my old Christmas pajamas and oversized grey hoodie.
“Hazel? I hope you’re listening to me. I am genuinely worried about you.”
I stretched back on the sofa, arching my back and pointing my toes, “I understand. Just relax okay, I’m hardly a celebrity am I?”
The sigh again. “Fine, just be careful okay? I’ve got to go now and pick up your sister from the college. Be good.”
“Love you, Mum.”
I placed the phone back in it’s cradle and closed my eyes, hoping for a bit of piece and quiet after all the months of filming, countless photo shoots, magazine interviews, radio and chat shows and having to dash back home every few weeks to visit family and friends.
I exhaled a long, relaxed breath, and snuggled into the folds of the soft couch. I tugged the cotton blanket over me that lived on the back of the sofa and burrowed underneath it. How I longed to be able to stay here forever and not have to deal with meetings, bills and other daily aspects of life.
Just as I could feel myself drifting off to sleep, I heard my mobile bleep twice and I reached out a hand to read the text.
It was from my sister…
OMG. I saw u on tv last nite. Can’t believe u didn’t get me an invite 2 the premiere! Can I come up & visit soon plz??? Call me when u get this. Lav ya lots, Millie xoxo.
I smiled, suddenly feeling my heart squeeze. I did miss my sister a lot, we had always been really close, but I hadn’t seen her in about three weeks. I should probably call her, but not now, I needed my sleep, otherwise I would end up half mad from fatigue.
I placed my phone back on my coffee table, and snuggled further under the blanket, gladly letting myself drift off into the glorious world of sleep.
Looking Back
My life hadn’t always been like this.
Before I became interested in the whole ‘movie scene’ I wanted to be an artist. I loved the idea of creating things out of nothing, making a whole new land or family just by colouring shapes on paper or moulding a chunk of clay into an animal or detailed tree. It wasn’t just the images that interested me, but the colours too. There were reds that varied from deepest blood to bright poppy. Golds, peaches, roses and violet shades that all complimented each other to make a perfect summer evening in the countryside. Greens that reminded one of a glorious spring day when everything was coming to life, the mint shade of grass and brightest lime of daisy stalks. However, it was always the blues that interested me the most. Royal blue, lavender, sky, blueberry, ocean, they all held some memories for me. Most of all the ocean. I had dozens of memories of family holidays in Cornwall, skimming stones down by the shore, drinking steaming mugs of hot chocolate outside the cafes, body-boarding on the foamy waves that would crash on the jewel-stoned beach.
Silently, I wondered to myself when I had unknowingly given up my old, comfortable life where my biggest worries consisted of not having anything to wear out, or my boss at Coco Cafe docking my wages yet again.
Was I really ready to give up everything that was familiar to me, or was I more attached to my memories than I thought?
I stared outside the window at the falling snow. It had cleared up on the night of the premiere, but now it was raining down softly in white flakes that were slowly building up on the floor outside. I remembered the last time it had snowed. I was at home with my sister and parents and we were all curled up on the sofa after a long walk in the snowy fields and chucking snow balls at eachother. Our hats, gloves and scarves were all cluttered together on the radiator, the spots of snow melting and dripping onto the carpet. Each of us had a hot mug of steaming tea in our hands and our aching legs were tangled together in a surprisingly comfortable heap.
I felt a wrench in my stomach. Thinking about those close, sentimental moments was hard for me when I was so far away from home and a life I knew so well. I always knew that things would change and I would have to grow up, but I wasn't sure if I was ready...
In The Paper
My face was everywhere I looked. On billboards, magazine covers, newspapers, film posters, it was everywhere! I wished that I hadn't left the comfort of my warm, cosy flat and ventured out into the snowy world of reality.
I also wished that I had some sensible shoes on. My brown uggs were doing nothing to help keep my feet dry, and I kept slipping all over the pavement. Head down, my blonde hair out of its ordinary bun and now sheltering my numb face, I still felt too exposed.
Pulling my woolly scarf around my chin, I was suddenly far too aware of the stares and whispers. I picked up the pace and started to speed walk to the nearest shop where I could buy milk, butter, bread and those other daily essentials. I spotted a shop up ahead with a faded Coca Cola shelter over its doorway, and I gladly walked towards it. The falling snow was gathering on my black coat and in my tangled hair, making it hard for me to see up ahead. I swear, it was verging on a blizzard.
I stumbled inside the shop doorway, plucking milk and butter from the fridge and grabbing other random items from the shelves.
"Good morning, miss. How are you today?"
The shop worker's politeness surprised me, and at first I didn't know what to say.
"Urm, I'm fine thank you, I-"
"Oh my GOD! It's Hazel Martin!"
I froze. This could not be happening!
I quickly thrust some money at the shop worker, grabbed my things, smiled at the young girl who had shouted my name (plus her friends) and walked out of the shop. I cut down a back alleyway to get back home that looked vaguely familiar. However, as I continued walking, it became apparent that I didn't know the way. I was lost, and in a slightly dodgier area than I was used to.
Footsteps behind me caused my feet to freeze to the spot, and I pretended to have dropped something on the floor. I looked over my shoulder, confused when there was no one there. I carried on walking again, desperate to get home now.
I turned a corner of the alleyway and came out onto a quiet street with lots of closed shops and graffitied windows. I had obviously made a wrong turn somewhere, but where?
I turned to go back down the alleyway, but found my way blocked by a group of twenty-somethings in hoodies and tracksuits. I argued with myself about walking that way anyway, but decided against it. But, how else was I supposed to get home.
I cautiously pushed my way through the boys, then started speed walking down the alleyway. I came to a two way split in the alley. Which way had I come from? Left, definitely. Or was it right? I had no idea.
"You lost swee'art?"
One of the men from back there, I considered ignoring him, but what good would that do?
"Yes, I am. Could you please tell me the way back to Marks Highstreet?" I asked.
The man smiled, "'Course, I could. Follow me darlin'".
I hesitated, "Actually, could you just point the way please. I'm in a bit of a hurry."
His smile vanished. "Now tha's not very nice is it? Very rude actually, d'you 'fink I'm gonna hurt you or sommat?"
I could sense trouble. "No, not at all. I'm sorry for troubling you." I went to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and pushed me against one of the dirty walls, the strong stench of cigarettes on his breath. I tried to break free, but his grip only tightened.
"Help!" I screamed. "Help me please-"
He clamped his other hand over my mouth, and I tried twisting my body to break free. It was no good, I was trapped. I had to get away, but he was too strong and there were about five others just down the other end of the alley. What could I do? Cigarette man was looking at me, an evil glint in his eye.
"Do'you fink I don't know who you are? 'Cus I do. You're that famous actress and I can get a lot for you, oh yes I can. You're not goin' anywhere swee'art. You're stayin' right 'ere wiv me"...
Hero
"Get your hands off her!"
The tight grip on my arm was released and I almost fell to the floor if there hadn't been someone there to catch me. Cigarette man was already disappearing from sight, and I looked up into the face of my saviour. It was Jay.
"J-Jay, what are you doing around h-here?" I stuttered.
I thought I saw a flicker of something in his face for a moment, but it was gone before I could even blink.
"It's not important," he said softly, "now let's get you home, you must've had quite a shock."
I nodded, smiled at him weakly, then blacked out.
I woke up on my sofa with a glass of water on the coffee table. The television was on and Jay was sat in the squidgy-cream armchair with the remote on his lap. I propped myself up on my elbows and took a sip of water; my mouth was dry and stale.
"Hey, you're awake. How're you feeling?"
I looked over, his face was full of concern. Then the memories of what happened came flooding back, and I could feel my hands shaking gently. "I've felt better," I muttered, "but not too bad. How did I get here?"
He smiled sheepishly, "Well, I remembered your address because of when I saw your script being addressed to you. And, well, you hide your key under the flower pot outside, so it was quite easy to get in."
I chuckled, the sound felt weird in my sore throat. "I suppose I should say thank you. But, what were you doing around there anyway? You don't live around here do you?"
His smiled disappeared, and that flicker of emotion came across his face again. "Urm, it doesn't matter. I, uh, I'd better be going now. See you later."
He stood up, grabbed his coat and walked out, shutting the door softly behind him. I didn't move for a minute, confused by what just happened. Had I said something wrong? I thought back over our conversation, both times I asked what he was doing around this area he became a bit touchy and withdrawn. I wondered silently to myself what it could be...
Jay walked quickly along the cold street, pushing his glove-less hands deep into his coat pockets. He needed to be more careful, he couldn't let anyone find out about his past. Imagine what would happen if anyone knew? His whole career would be ruined, all of the hard work he had put in would go to waste. He couldn't let that happen.
Hazel had already asked him what he was doing around here, she was obviously suspicious. What if she figured it out? She was a smart girl.
He was panicking, he needed to calm down. But what could he do? If he let himself get too close to Hazel she would eventually work things out.
Suddenly it clicked. He knew what had to be done.
Unusual
Joe McGillan, my agent and publicist,had called me up asking if I would meet with him for lunch. I had changed into my smart-casual outfit, a dark grey knee-length dress with opaque tights and black boots. My hair was in a single french plait, and I had a smudge of red lipstick on my lips. I grabbed my purse, coat and scarf then headed out the door.
It was still cold out, but the snow was beginning to melt and turning into yellowy slush. I turned left down the main highstreet, staying on the side of the pavement with the most people. Ever since the other day, I had been wary and paranoid, even coming out of my home by myself was a big step.
Golden Italy was a small intimate restaurant painted a dark green with large gold lettering printed on top of the Italian flag. Joe was sat in the window with a tall glass with frothy liquid steaming up the glass. I waved at him before entering the restaurant. I sat down opposite him, removed my coat and scarf then ordered a hot chocolate with marshmallows and coco powder.
Joe smiled at me. "Everything alright, Hazel?"
I sighed, then told him about the events of the other day. His eyebrows raised higher and higher until they were in danger of disappearing into his dark hairline. When I had finished, Joe was silent.
"It was quite scary, but if it wasn't for Jay being there when he was I don't know what would've happened. It wouldn't've been good, I know that much," I added.
"Sure, of course," he said, "but what I want to know is what Jay was doing around there in the first place."
I nodded, "I was wondering the exact same thing, but..."
"But what?" Joe asked, leaning foward in his seat.
I thought back to when I had asked Jay why he was where he was, and the look on his face. I understood what that look was now. It was fear. What I didn't know was what he was afraid of, but I would try and find that out.
"But what?" Joe asked again.
I shook my head, "Nothing. It was nothing."
He didn't look convinced, but didn't say anything. "Anyway, the reason that I dragged you down here wasn't to talk about Jay, but you! We need to talk about your future as an actress. Do you have any plans for what you want to do next?"
But I wasn't listening, my mind was still on Jay. I couldn't think of doing anything else until I got to the bottom of this strange behaviour.
Suddenly it clicked. I knew what had to be done.
Secrets
I had arranged to meet Jay for lunch at the same place I had met Joe. It had just gone half twelve, fifteen minutes later than we were supposed to meet. I loudly tapped my nails on the polished table, getting a few dirty looks from the people sat around me.
I had to admit, it was nice to come to a place where people weren't all clamouring for my autograph, and instead chose to treat me like an ordinary person.
The door swung open and in walked Jay, bringing with him a fresh scent of outdoors. His hair was tousled and he looked slightly stressed. I gestured for him to sit, and he did so.
"So," he began, "what's all this about then?"
I smiled sweetly, "What do you mean?"
"This. There must be a reason for you inviting me out, you never have before?"
Had he caught me out? Had he realised why I had asked him here? He was right, we had never had lunch together before, we had hardly spent more than ten minutes in eachother's company. He had a right to be suspicious, and I had no doubt that he was perfectly capable of figuring out what was going on. I had to be more careful. There was no way he would tell me what he was doing around my neighbourhood the other day if I just came out and asked him. No. I needed to start the conversation off light, make him feel comfortable then maybe we would start getting somewhere.
"I just wanted to talk without the camera's on us, is that such a crime?" I smiled sweetly at him.
He looked confused. "Well, I guess not. Sorry, I was being rude."
"Jay," I began, "there is something that I would like to say to you. The other day, I never got to properly thank you about saving me. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what would've happened, I just-"
He waved his hand to stop me talking. "Look, think nothing of it, I just did what any bystander would've done if they had seen a woman in trouble. It's fine."
I looked down at my lap, wondering what I could say next to get him to confess what he was doing around the area in the first place. I looked up and he was looking straight at me, I knew he wanted to say something.
"Hazel, can I just ask you something? One small favour?"
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table. "Of course, after what you did for me, anything!"
He smiled sheepishly. "Can you just...I mean, if its not too much trouble. Can you not tell anyone that I was around there the other day? Its just, if people find out then they'll start asking questions."
I bit my lip nervously. What could I say? That I had already told Joe, my publicist, that Jay had been skulking around the dark alleyways that I didn't even know existed around my area? This was so, so bad. There would probably be an article in some newspaper somewhere by tomorrow about my incident, no doubt mentioning the hero of the story, Jay Edwards, coming to the rescue.
He was looking at me expectantly, I had to say something.
"Yes, I won't tell anyone. My lips are sealed."
He smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Hazel. I know we've never really spoken much but it would be nice if we could meet up more. You seem like one of the only people left in this world who I can possibly trust. Thank you."
I felt my heart jump inside for one of two reasons. One, I had just lied to him and now he thinks he can trust me. Two, he said he wanted to meet up more! Jay Edwards, hollywood's hottest, wanting to meet me! All of this could only lead to disaster.
I jumped up from my seat. I had to leave before I blurted out anymore lies.
"I have to go now," I murmered, "thanks for meeting me, I'll see you soon."
I walked briskly out of the restaurant, leaving Jay staring after me, no doubt confused.
Oh, Hazel. I thought to myself as I hurried along the street. What have you gotten yourself into?
Dodging
It had been one whole week since I had spoken to Jay.
In all honesty, I was scared to see him. I knew that if I was left alone with him that I would want to ask him about this secret and a part of me was worried about what I would find out. But then there was the part of me that was burning with curiosity.
Yes, staying away was definitely the best idea.
Joe had advised me to stay at home the first few weeks after the premiere. He said that the movie had already been shown in a few cinemas around London and was already a massive success. Apparently the paparazzi were trying to find out where I lived but so far had been unsuccessful. I'm not going to lie, I was worried. Extremely worried. I just wasn't used to being known like this, being the girl that everyone wanted to see and talk to. It was daunting.
Eventually I decided I was being ridiculous; I had chosen this life, I was the one who made the choice to become an actress. To follow my dream. I knew that this kind of lifestyle came with consequences, so I just needed to find a way to overcome them.
(If you want to find out what happens to Hazel next, please comment on this story)