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Porsche's POV
"Ah ... Uh ..." The loud and lewd moans sounded throughout the hotel room as I gasped inexhaustion, feeling like my body was about to be crushed into pieces. When Kinn thrusted his hard dick into the channel behind me for probablythe hundredth time already, actually I lost count, I was dizzy.
My brain stopped functioning, I couldn't think of anything. The urge to resistand stop everything that is going on is strong. I cannot endure this pain ands hame anymore, but my body says otherwise.
It willingly responded toeverything that Kinn is doing to me.
"Ugh Shit. Keep doing it..like that..yess... Ah ... " I grunted under my breath. Feeling my face flush with the shameful words. My swollen lips trembled with every moan and groan as I lay on my back before the messed-up bed.
Both arms spoons under the crook of my knees, lifting my hips to give himthe perfect angle, he pushes little by little into my channel. I admit it doesn'thurt anymore as much as the first time, but it was replaced with a newsensation. Numbness and burning feeling but pleasurable just the same.
"Uhh... .. Kinn... It hurts... ah " I don't know how many times I said the word hurt, but this doesn't seem to work on him anymore. He didn't even bulge.
Kinn pushed his hot dick into me again and again until it was completelyburied all the way in. He leans down to kiss me passionately which I returned with the same fervor, hot tongues clinging to each other, warm breath, andsuffocating scents. Knowing that Kinn was the one who I am with, made me relax and forget about my pain for a moment.
"Uh ... Ugh.... Hmmm" The moans coming from the pit of my throat continued until his thrusts began to slow down. Kinn has been making me feel things I never imagined possible.
It felt so good that I cannot compare this to anything that I have ever experienced before. Though I am in constant pain, the pleasure was overwhelmingly wonderful. Little by little my consciousness returned, and I am very muchaware of the craziness that I am doing right now.
The effect of the drugs has dissipated hours ago, but I am too reluctant to stop the newly discovered pleasure.
I felt disgusted and hated myself for daring to do this with a man. It is unacceptable to let myself get treated this way repeatedly even though I could've restrained myself from the beginning and never let it get this far. ButI was unable to stop.
My traitorous body won't let me.
I don't even want to think of the reasons why I am loving this instead ofpushing his face and kicking his ass off me.
"Be..ah.. little gentle ... I ...uhh"
I said in a raspy voice. When he thrusts back, I get swayed by the impact. His strength all night was astounding. I cannot stop him, not that I want him to, but he is like a hungry animal. His thirst is insatiable. His lips didn't even take a break, kissing, biting, and licking all around my body which is now covered in a mixture of saliva, sweat, and bite marks. I reached out my hand towards the headboard to settle myself with a tight grip, taking anchor from his every blow. My other hand was tight on his shoulder, digging my fingernails into his already bruised skin.
His every push that touches that part inside me, sends tingling sensations throughout my body. My nails dig deeper into his skin, wounding, but it seems to only fuel up his excitement in abusing my hole. He's making me feel wonderful, maddeningly piquant.
"Shit... Ah.... Uh. "I winced as I tried to suppress the shameful moans, but it was hard to do that while my body is in wonderland. Kinn used his fiery tongue to kiss across my arm over my shoulder. Then passionately licked my tattoo makes me tremble. He seems to have been addicted to it since the beginning.
"Uhhh, ... wait.... " I said as my head get knocked on the headboard, my eyes tightly closed and my face warped while my body throbbed in total surrender.
Kinn chuckled and abruptly stopped. Moving my arms under my knees to adjust the angle, making my butt poke out of bed even more while his shaft is still connected with me. I had little to nothing energy left, and I think I'll die any minute now. He twisted our bodies and in a blink of an eye, I was on top of him. He was suddenly lying on his back while I straddle across his lap like a slut. His hand was hot on my waist supporting my hips.
I squinted my eyes narrowing on his lustful gaze at me as a naughty grin played on his lips. His other hand traveled from my mark-induced neck to the hollow of my throat, brushing the fevered skin and running along my spine then landed on my buttocks where it tightened its grip.
He supported me as I continue moving up and down his impossibly thick cock. I was shocked by the friction it creates to my bottom half that my arms flew instantly around his neck. I breathe in sharply and feel the fullness deep within. As if my world was totally being sabotaged by him.
"Uhh ... fuck!....mmmm. "The hand continued to guide me while grinding his own hips, thrusting up,meeting each hump I make. I lowered my head against his shoulder and bit firmly into his collar blades to relieve some pain and pressure.
"Fuck ... I like it ... Uh-huh."I don't know since when my body moved up and down by itself. With his hand sliding to stroke my back, I unconsciously arched my head up while biting my lip tightly. And rocking uncontrollably to the rhythm that I lost control of.
"Ah ... Shit Kinn .... Uh .. "I was so sure my eyes go up to the ceiling as he grinds his shaft deep inside me.
"Damn ... tight ... so tight that I'm hurting still.... Ahh ..." Kinn said, moaning with satisfaction. I wanted so much to be annoyed, but when I looked into the person's face in front of me, it sends a thrill into my core making me move faster than before.
"Ugh..yes. faster .. Ugh .. Ah," Kinn whispered into my ear and my body yielded to do as he asks, I moved up and down relentlessly. It feels really good like crazy. A strange, unfamiliar feeling yet undeniably euphoric.
It's like my whole world is engulfed in happiness. The more his dick hit my insides, the more I am bursting into a thousand pieces.
"Uhhh ... I can't believe it is your first time..shit, You feel so goood! "Kinn said in a groan. I thrust my hips lewdly in full force until he hid his faceinto my chest and bit on it deeply.
"Uhhh ....If you move like this I will definitely cum sooner ... Aaaa .. Uh."
Kinn raised his hand around my waist before hitting my bottom hard.
I held at him tightly to keep my balance.
"Ah ... Ugh..I can't .fuck!.stop biting!" And there he goes again, burrowing his teeth on my nipple. Fuck this shit! I felt the goosebumps run down all over my body until cursing him feels easier than breathing. Like what I've been doing all night. His mouth crashed and bites as he'd like them to and I'm a helpless mess above him.
"Uhh ... I can't take it anymore... hmmm,"Kinn said, moaning in a low guttural voice full of satisfaction. I can't holdmyself up any longer, I laid down on my back again. And without waiting for me to say the words, he hit my core continuously that my body wobbled with the force and my head continued hitting the headboard. I think my skull would break from the repeated impact, but I couldn't care less.Damn fuck!
"Ugh ... ah ... ugh ... ugh. "
I felt the familiar tight knot below my navel. I couldn't stand Kinn's fast pacing. He kept hitting me with such a force that when I finally came, I think I saw the gates of heaven. My eyes went to the back of my head as my bodyt rembled, pulsating at every release of white cum to my abdomen.Kinn thrusts a few more times until I felt him come too, filling me up with thick, warm cum inside. His throbbing dick felt so good that it added to my euphoria. He rocked his hips a few more times before pulling out slowly off my aching hole.
I'm hating him, but also liking this..What the fuck?!I felt my eyelids got heavy and it would be difficult for me to open them again. Because the pain that I'm feeling physically correlates with the shameraging inside me. I can't look at Kinn in the eye right now, so I kept my eyes shut sending me to a dreamless sleep in no time. I don't know how much of ashame I would wake up to, but I felt weak at the moment and I'm not ready to face everything right now.
"Ugh.. damn, It's fucking..good, it's a shame all the condoms are gone. Otherwise, I won't stop. "Warm breath slightly leaned down on my forehead, ghosting a kiss over the sweaty skin, before he pulled the blanket and curled up beside me.I succumb to the calming effect his slow breathing is giving me, silently hoping deep in my heart that this night isn't true. I wish it all to be just a
fucking nightmare.
MORNING
"Pete, did you take the car and leave it for me?"
"Um "
Someone's voice made me purr in my sleep. The agonizing pain spreads throughout my body, from the end of my hair to the tips of my toenails. Myf ace warped from the throbbing pain in my temple. Before I can recollect the events last night, the realization of what happened hits me. My eyes fluttered open, meeting a familiar face..."..."My eyes widened. Everything that happened the night before poured into my mind like a movie scroll, people in rewind. I was stunned and shocked byeverything.Praying for it to be untrue but I can't escape the fact.
"Hey, look at me like that, and I'll fuck you all over again,"Kinn said coyly, as he got out of bed, lit a cigarette on the balcony, and blowout the smoke. He was wearing a white bathrobe courtesy of the hotel. I saw his torso from the opening of the cloth. There are a lot of bruises and bites.Reinforcing the image in my head even more and that I am no different. I am as much of a biter as him.
"T-that's my cigarette .." I said in a hoarse voice as Kinn puffed up the cigarette taken from my pants'pocket, sucking on it like there's no tomorrow. Pushing myself up, I leaned my back on the headboard.
"I borrowed a stick, I didn't bring mine," He said while looking outside. It's the first time that I saw him smoking, looking at him now, my heart started to feel a strange flicker.
Like the spark of a live wire touching a water source. I quickly turned my eyes away.That was a wrong move because my eyes run down my length, then let out along sigh. The feeling of shame and anger surged into my mind.Who must I blame? I hate myself for allowing Kinn to do that to me. Kinn himself used the opportunity to inflict unstoppable marks and wounds on me. I despise the one who tried to drug me the most. How dare he?!Don't let me find you fucker, I'll make sure your whole clan would go extinct.
"Do you remember?.. "Kinn turned to me, his voice soft.
"..."
I averted my eyes -looking down low- not knowing what kind of question he is asking. If it is what happened to us last night, I remember it very well, andI felt very disgusted with it.
"I mean, do you remember who it was?" Kinn hurriedly continued when he saw me motionless, with both hands tightening on the bed linen.
"No .."
I said in a raspy voice. My throat felt so dry and extremely thirsty. Kinn went to the refrigerator and poured water into a glass then walked over to give it to me. The more I look at him, the more scenes of last night came flooding my mind.
"Hmm, I thought when you woke up you'd hit me,"said Kinn, smiling. I can't handle my emotions right now. What should I do with what happened to us? Because he wasn't entirely wrong, and I evenagreed to it.
"..."
"Can you tell me about it? Tell me from the beginning. "Kinn dropped himself down and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. Through the pain that's shivering throughout my whole body, I tried to recall the events last night.
"... Someone brought me two glasses of liquor ... and then I went to the bathroom. After that I don't remember anything. But I could rememberglimpses that someone tried to come in and force me. But I .. I don'tknow ... " I narrate as far as I can remember. The touch of that person. It was repulsing. His touch hurts and was forced. Even though my body responded, the feeling was awful at the time ...it didn't feel the same when Kinn...when Kinn touched me...and ... he ...Stop! shit head!
"Fuck!"
"Porsche! "As soon as I lifted myself up and my feet touched the cold floor, I flinched. My legs are shaking. It was as weak as it had never been, so I collapsed to the ground.
Along with the intense pain from my back that I didn't notice earlier.
"No .."I brushed off Kinn's hand away which has charged over to my side quickly.
"Why is your body bleeding like this!?" Kinn said in horror as he stared on the bed, and I turned my head to look upthere as well.
"..."
I bit my mouth tightly. Unable to utter a word, because it was a horrible sight,the white linen of the hotel bed turned into a bloody color of red. The stains run along with the parts where I sat to where I fell. I grabbed the back of the bathrobe and found that there was the same blood-stain on it.
"I think I was hard last night. But not to this point. Why is it flowing this much now? "
Kinn said wondering.
I turned to look at it slightly obstructed, before pushing myself back off the ground tried to help, but I pushed him off.
"..."
"Did it feel really good that you didn't even feel the pain??"He said smiling then standing on his feet. His hands are on his waist, looking down on me. I hurriedly walked into the bathroom as fast as my weak body can endure,feeling the fluid seeping from my asshole non-stop.
Every step that I take,the stinking smell of blood grew even more. I succeeded in bringing myselfinto the bathroom, with Kinn following behind in a distance. When I reachedmy destination, I immediately locked the door.I was completely disgusted at the pit of my stomach. I think I'm going topuke. Various feelings, certain memory came pouring into my mind until I could hardly stand.
I never thought I could be this weak. I sat down slowly onthe bathroom floor. As I curled my hand in pain. My eyes glanced over to seethe trash bin. There's a number of condoms smeared with blood. I don't have to count how many are there in all because I am sure that it didn't just end with a single round last night.
And the last one seem like I was the one who initiated it, no matter how I wanted to think about it, the hurt, anger, and hate grew towards Kinn. But more than that, I hate myself.
I hate everything. Hate the need and I hate that I only see it now.
I didn't stop,I couldn't stop. My life is very miserable. My parents died with great difficulty. And now, I'm hitting it with a man! Fuck! There's nothing good in my life, why am I even alive?If I have been living only to suffer, why stay? When will this ever end?Faith has never been in favor of me even once.
" ... let's get out of here.. I'll take you to a doctor. "
Kinn knocked on the bathroom door. I put my hands on my ears tightly. I don't even want to hear it. Hearing his voice gets me even more depressed. I hate my body. I hate it to the point where I want something to cut me or stab me to death. I can't blame anyone except myself and that bastard who deceived me.
I forced myself to move, slowly taking off the robe until I am fully naked,with red marks and bruises all over. I turned the water from the shower over to my head. I want to wash away all the nasty stuff. I rubbed it vigorously, even though it hurts so much, but I don't want these marks to bring back the memory in my head. My hand reached back and touched my rim.
The pain and sting with just a bare touch from my fingertips make me shudder until I had to put my hand up against the bathroom wall to prevent it from falling to the floor again.
I took a deep breath and washed a little bit of the crust that was formed between my legs. I don't know what to do after this. This is my first time. I don't even look like a man at all. It was like my dignity has been taken away from me. The pictures of last night were still alive in my memory and it won't ever go away no matter how I tried not to think about it.
"Porsche..it's been a long time, are you alright? "Kinn asked, as I opened the door. I was in the same bathrobe, turning my eyes away and ask.
"My clothes .." I said.
"Here, you can wear it, I have it cleaned so I can take you to the doctor." He said, before handing me the neatly folded clothes.I quickly shut the door and sigh, how can I do it? I don't want to see him. I want to run away. But the situation is like forcing me to face the problems that I had created, so I will have to bend down my head to accept my fate,right?I walk down the hotel with Kinn, although it feels like it is the most difficult walk I have ever taken in my life. My lower half seems to be half-paralyzed.But I have to forcibly walk, brushing off Kinn's hands who was trying to hold onto me a lot. Now, he orders me to stand and wait in the lobby. I said I would go back home by myself and didn't want to go to the hospital, but he dragged me to stand and wait a few feet from him. I wanted to run and walk away but my body couldn't move.
"I'm sorry .."Kinn said while paying the employee, probably because of the blood on the bed.The credit card attendant smiled and look at me. I frowned and looked the other way.
Every time I moved away from Kinn, he would reach out for my arm!If only I'm in my usual self, I would've knocked down somebody right now. I wanted to kill the reason I'm in pain right at this moment. I want to start with Kinn!But he successfully dragged me to his black Sedan.I acted a little stubborn trying to tell him to return, but he pushes my bodyinto the passenger's side and shut the door down.
"I'm fine .. "I said, looking out the window as Kinn drove and slowly move out.
"You're not okay. Don't be stubborn ... you were a good boy last night,"Kinn said jokingly. But I'm not in the mood to laugh. I don't want to be here and let him humiliate me even more.
"Park! I'm going down! "I snapped at him in a loud voice.
"I'm just kidding." Kinn said seriously. My eyes looked along the way. I am tired of it. The more I see him near me like this, the disgusting guilt comes back again.I opened the car door, willing myself to jump off the moving car. I want to die from shame.
"Porsche, what the hell are you doing!"Kinn brakes the car so hard that it jerked from the force. Both our faces swell forward as Kinn grips my arm tightly.
"Let me go! I don't want to go with you! "Frowning, I brushed off his hand.I don't know what has gotten into me a moment ago that I want to end it all here. I can't endure it any longer.Kinn locks my arm tightly before leaning in and pulling on my side of the cardoor. He then completely closed it.
"Happy?! "Kinn grunts before moving the car in the middle of the road causes a trafficbehind us.
"Are you crazy? Are you that desperate to die?!"Kinn said angrily.
"..."
I sat unmoving, my eyes still looking out the window.
"I know it's difficult to accept. But it happened, what do you want me to do? "Kinn sigh. His eyes continued to look forward.
"So why didn't you stop?!"I burst out suddenly without even thinking. I understand the situation, but I just couldn't help it.
"I just wanted to help you." Kinn's smile slowly disappeared. I turned to look at him, my eyes were hard.
I didn't speak after that. Kinn brought me to the hospital. I'm afraid I'm running a fever since I get in the car. My headaches like hell. He opened the car door for me and helped me out of it. Kinn brought me into the examination room riding a wheelchair without hearing me complain.
"You're hot.." Kinn put his hand over my forehead, but I hurriedly jerk it off looking at him frustratedly.He chases my hand and hold it tight. I have no strength to say anything though I wanted really hard to curse at him this time.
"Khun Pachara at the examination room 2"The man pushes the wheelchair into the examination room, where Kinn followed along as well. I still can't imagine how to tell the doctor. How can I say that I got something bleeding behind me?
"You can go out first,"I turn to tell him."..."but he is quick like a wind. He walks to sit in front of the doctor and raises his hand to pay respect.
"Hey, Kinn, who's up?"As if the doctor knew him very well, as soon as their eyes met, they started talking like a long-time friend. The fact that these people know Kinn, makes me want to leave.
"First timer huh? I'm the doctor, you're going to be just fine. Is it a lot of work? A lot of people get sick every day. Uh ... Pachara has a fever too...Go into that room. Go to bed and wait"Kinn's doctor examines me and switches to Kinn before telling the nurse to take me into the room.
"You don't have to,"I quickly intercepted Kinn, who was about to follow, and then I forced a smile.
"Now, tell me what's wrong?"The middle-aged doctor asked, looking at my face smiling. Now I am lying on the bed, feeling exposed.
"Uh ... I ... when I woke up ... Umm ...I'm bleeding at ..." Now I really want to die. I want to ask the doctor if there is a drug that can be injected and can kill me in an instant.
"Okay .. then take off your pants""Huh?! "
I raised my head in shock. The doctor laughed and ordered the male nurse toslide down my pants while holding my leg up, kneeling!If I really died today, I don't think I can face my mother and father anymore. This is the most humiliating moment of my life. I saw the doctor bent over to check on my behind. I can't look at what he is doing so I gaze away to the side then bit my lower lip in embarrassment.I really want to get up then use a scalpel to slash Kinn's throat. I feel so humiliated that I want to get out of here and escape quickly.
"How in hell?" The doctor exclaimed, his face stunned, and I nearly broke in tears. Is the wound that serious?
"Kinn.. fucking Kinn!"the doctor cursed as I frown in curiosity. He let the male nurse help me wear my pants back.
After waiting for some time, the doctor prescribed me the medicine.
"In the meantime, take good care of yourself, keep it clean, take your medication on time as well. "Then both the doctors and nurses brought me out to the examination room where Kinn was sitting. I want to wipe off the grin on his face.
"How is it, Uncle?"
"It was a bit wounded; his rim is torn. The tissues inside were fragile,you should have been careful."The doctor shook his head in stress. As for Kinn, he seems happy. Smiling smugly at me.If only I'm in my best condition, I would've lifted the wheelchair and knocked it on his face. Not long after, the doctor gave me antiseptic bottles, anti-inflammatory medicines, mineral salts, and fever remedies as well.
"After a few hours, it will stop bleeding on its own. Take a rest and drinka lot of water."I let out a long sigh. This is unacceptable and won't be accepted forever.After I finished taking the medication, it was Kinn who paid all the medical bills. Then he grabbed me by the wrist, get the stuff, and guided me towards his car saying he would take me home.When I get in the car, I feel even worst. My body is feverish, but my sweat is cold. The air escaping my lungs felt so hot that it almost burns my nostrils.
So, I leaned on the seat and immediately closed my eyes as the car movedout.
"You can't be silent like this .."I was startled when Kinn suddenly spoke.
"..."
I throw a glance at him, then look out of the window.
"I'm not used to it. You normally yell at me or whatever. This kind ofsilence is unusual. "
"..."
It's because I'm not feeling well, you dumbass.I don't know how to deal with my emotions right now. I'm cursing myself forthe stupidity that I have done. I want to kill Kinn for his opportunism. He took advantage of my weakness. The intensity of both the hatred and angerthat I'm feeling right now is so grand, I'm afraid I really could murder myself if not him.
"Whatever happened last night, we can't go back and change it now.You can only accept it and admit that we have made the right choice." Kinn said with all seriousness, but I cannot accept it.
"You should've let me top!"
My sudden outburst stunned him.
"You are not on my position to say that. You should've let me even justthis once."
"Oh .. You're saying it as if we will have a second time."Kinn said jokingly.I didn't laugh at all.
"No! You and I won't have a second time! This will never happen again!"
And if ever I would be more stupid enough to let him have his way for thesecond time, one of us will have to die first. I won't let you look at me thisway again.I laid on the seat facing the window, my back was turned to him until I fell asleep.Once we've arrived home, Kinn's voice woke me up.
My eyelids were heavyas if a piece of rock was tied on both sides of it. I saw Kinn completely openthe door on my side as his face leaned closer. In annoyance, I quickly pushedhim out. He smirked at me and showed his hand holding my medicine bag.
"Are you okay? .."He asked while coming in to help me get out of the car, but I only glared athim.I'm bleeding my ass out and you ask me if I'm okay?
"Move back."
I said quietly, my throat feels dry, and I swallowed hard. Then grabbed the medicine bag from him.
"Should I order something to eat first? "
Bang!
I threw the car door and forced myself to walk into the house as quickly as my body could and shut the door in front of him, not letting him say anotherword.
I took the stairs up to my bedroom with all my strength left. Feeling the burning pain up my ass with every step that I take. Each twinge reminds me constantly of the bad decisions I made last night, blaming myself even more. Reaching my room, I scrambled to find a water bottle on the side table and took the medicine that the doctor prescribed, regardless of whether it should be taken before or after a meal. After that, I exhaustedly lay on the bed. Kinn's face flashed through my head,and it hurt again. If only the situation was reversed and it was him that I get to fuck, he must have died at my feet.
But at this moment, I couldn't blame anyone as I still remember everythingthat he said to me during the time of my fever. I was the one who started itfirst, shamefully asking him to help me that way. If I have to beat anyone right now, that has to be myself for crying out in pleasure all night. And the fact that I don't find it repulsive makes me hate myself even more.
At this rate, I cannot look Kinn in the eye anymore.. I don't want to get close to him or even see his damn face even in my mind.I shake my head to get the picture of him off my fucking brain but the more I try to forget, the more those memories of his sweaty body and half-lidded eyes come hunting my senses.
"Hey ... what's wrong?"
A familiar voice made me open my eyes. Even in a dreamy state, his face came circling my vision making me dizzy.
"Uh oh ... you're home?"If I fell asleep or not before that, I don't know anymore.
"What have you been doing? Why hiding your torso?"Che' looks suspiciously first, I tightened the blanket over my body to hide the traces of evidence. He knows me to sleep half-naked and I hate blankets.
"I did a few things. But it's okay, "The hoarse voice coming from me make him raise an eyebrow and looked more curiously than ever.
"You seem to be running a fever, let me warm up some porridge."Che' touched his hand over my forehead and proceeded to go downstairs. I sighed out, looking at the closed door. Before looking at my body again with a question in my head, why, how, and what have I done with my life? If he knows about this, I can't imagine what he will do.
Will he accept me?I have slept for a while after Che' left. When I woke up minutes later, my mind wanders again thinking who could have hated me so much that they have to do this to me? What do they want from me? I have to investigate about this and once I do find out, all hell will break loose.
"Oh hey, I'm back. Come and finish this meal and then drink the medicine"
Che' put the porridge tray next to the bed and walks over to pick up the medicine bag.
"This hospital is expensive! I guess that's better so that you'll heal faster."He said smiling, walks over to pick up a bowl of porridge this time and hand sit to me.
"Where did you buy it?"I wondered.
"Hurry up."He said.I push myself against the head of the bed and pick up the bowl, it is smoking hot and the delicious smell spreading around the room.
"No, I saw it hanging on the front knob, I thought that you ordered it and forgot so I brought it to warm up." I glance back at him in shock.
"Hanged on what?"I repeated.
"Yes, it's in front of the house. Why? Didn't you buy it? Oh, who could've?"Che' said, curiously. I put the spoon down and slide the bowl over it.
"Go buy a new porridge. Whoever is it, we have no idea, so it's not safeto eat that. "I said though I have a lingering thought that it might be Kinn because no one knows about me coming homesick.
"Oh, I'm feeling lazy. The food hangs in our doorsteps, then it's ours."Che' scoop a bite, then blow a little on the spoon and lean forward to shove it up to my mouth.
"No, if you're lazy, go down and cook another one for me."I can't fathom the idea of accepting anything from him. I hate him and I am not getting close in any case.
"Hey, are you out of your mind? Are you that sick that you haveforgotten? We rarely use the kitchen. And I'm not in the mood to cook now either."He said laughing.
"Then boil some noodles for me,"I said and pushes the hand that still hold the spoon in front of my mouth.
"That could take time, besides it's a lot...Be thankful we have something to eat.. Ah! ""Ugh! "I grunted but opening my mouth a bit. Che' then shoves the spoon into my mouth that I have a hard time chewing and swallowing it down my throat. My taste buds seem to be no longer working. Because now the only thing that it recognizes is the warmth and roughness that invades it down to the throat,never the taste.
"Ah .. fast! Open your mouth. "I open my mouth a little and force myself to chew and swallow again. Before he scoops up the third spoon, I quickly raised my hand to warn him to stop.
"Enough! I'm full, "I said, raising a glass of water to drink.
"Anti-inflammatory, antiseptic, and mineral salts?"His eyebrows furrowed upon reading the prescription. Then turns to me and asks.
"Hey, are you okay? Why do you have to drink antiseptic and anti-inflammatory drugs with mineral salts too?" I bit my lower lip, getting ready to lie.
"I got a little beating. We got into trouble with some men at the bar.Give it to me."I said before I snatch the medicine from his hand. Unwraps it from the envelope, pops it into my mouth then drinks with water.
"Hey, you may take a rest for the meantime while I go and brew some mineral salt." I can feel that he didn't believe me. He knows that I am lying but is too scared to dig in deeper.After some time, he comes back carrying the glass of brewed mineral water and places it on the bedside table.
"Thank you,"
I said, picking it up and taking a small sip.
"I don't know what happened, but I can't bear to see you like this. I'm not comfortable with your field of work." Che' murmured softly before walking out of the room frowning.I heave a sigh.
Can I really tell you what happened to me? I don't have the courage to do so.
Rrrr (phone ringtone)
"Hello." I answered the phone. It was Tem.
[Why are you ditching classes? I called you several times online.]
"I'm sick. I might not attend classes in the meantime. Please cover up forme." I am sure that my voice sounded hoarse because he got worried instantly.
[Oh ..Are you alright? ]
"No, worries. By the way Tem, I will be taking a leave of absence at Uni..Can you tell Phi Beam if he could find someone to take my place?Because at the moment I can't compete in the Judo competition. I'm not in my best shape."I'm worried about the game next week. At this rate, I will be lost before I Even blink and my pride can't take that.
[You really are that sick? I mean.., I'll talk to Brother Beam but whereare you?]
"I'm at home. I will sleep now."
[Well, take a rest and get well soon. Don't worry about everything, I'lltake care of it.]
He said before I hang up. I throw my phone next to the pillow, laying downslowly.When I close my eyes, the image of Kinn in my head becomes clearer.Even if my brain wanted so much to think of other things, his face flashesover and over around my foggy mind until I get defeated by sleepiness.
DAWN
Rrrringg (phone ringtone)
I opened my eyes in between drowsiness, before grabbing the phone underthe pillow. Staring for quite some time on the screen as I cannot decipher who wascalling so early in the morning. Upon checking the number that wasn't saved on my contacts, I realize that itis Kinn based on the last three digits that I have memorized.I hurriedly press the end button and immediately turn the phone off. What momentarily dazed me was the fact that before I slept, I was thinking abouthim... until I actually dreamed of him.
In my dream, I held a gun pointed at his head and was ready to shoot but instead of killing him, I cried. It was so realistic that I have a difficulty in breathing. I want to continue sleeping so that even in my dreams I could have him be headed and have my satisfaction.I look at the bedside table, see the porridge and the medicine in the tray.
It's already very late now, so I get out of bed feeling better than yesterday, even though I'm still grating and stinging at the back. With a little bit of confidence, I walk over to the balcony and take out a cigarette, lighting it. Exhaling out smoke gets me thinking about the past events again. Even if my body looks and feels better than yesterday, the emotions inside is worse.
I hold out on the railing and take notice of my tattoo, then remember how Kinn took interest in it. Reminiscing the look on his face had me gripping tight on the iron rail.After all, that's happened, how am I supposed to face him? Being alone, the thing that we did haunts me continuously.
There are days that I have to work and follow him around, will I be able to stand it? Will I be able to see him without the images coming to repeat and dancethrough my head? I'm already disgusted with myself a great deal, is there anything worse than this? The next few days of my life revolve around eating a few bites and taking medicine and then falling asleep until sunset.
One night, I walk up to the rooftop the house, a closed space. I and Che locked it because the top is an open ground, no barrier on its sides, and only with the old satellite dish that was stained by countless rainwater.I sit down on the edge and drop my feet, dangling on the three-story building.Before I lit up a cigarette, again and again,
I didn't notice how cold the air,strikes at my face, I just kept my head up and stared at the sky.At that moment, think my parents came up to touch my heart. If both of them were still living now, my life wouldn't be like this, right? I wouldn't have to experience the shame and wouldn't hate myself like this.
My heart is in a tight grip thinking of the confusion that arose within these two days. How do I find a way out?.
I feel myself getting weaker like never before, I'm feeling all tired and exhausted.The pain throughout my body is slowly subsiding every day but the pain in my heart and my mind made me feel like I had nothing left. I have been living for a long time without mental support, and now I feel the need for it the most.
I feel so alone that I am on the verge of crying. I glanced down to look at the ground below. My heart suddenly flared up.
Will I be able to endure my own disgusting body right now? My heart yearns for someone's protection and support. Can you hear me phor and mae? Please stand here with me,
I'm so tired.Suffering all my life, taking chances in every challenge, now I don't have anyone beside me, I don't have anything at all. Even my dignity left me. Do I still belong in this world?I am having a dangerous thought of wanting to see my parents right at thismoment. The idea of a warm embrace once in a while is so be guiling that Ididn't notice Che' coming behind me until he pulled me up out of my reverie.
"What the hell are you doing?!"He yelled at me with his arms encircling around my waist, pulling me away from the edge of the rooftop.
I frowned in confusion until I realized, Che'must have thought I was going to jump. I sighed.
"Che .." I stare up at the figure standing beside me. With so much agitation across his face, he pushes my chest lightly.
"What the hell are you doing! What are you going to do? We only have each other, right?"
His voice is fierce, betrayal and fear are with it. He keeps hitting my shoulderuntil it hurts.
"I'm not going to do anything. I came to sit and smoke. "
I said a matter-of-factly. I won't succumb to those not-so-good thoughts, that I am sure of.
"Oh! Why do you have to sit and smoke on top of the building? What ifyou missed a step?"
He drops on his knee exhaustedly. How could I forget who am I living for? It's for him alone, isn't it? And why do I need a moment of weakness to figureit out?Thinking about it like that, I pull him into a tight hug and sighed in relief.The only person who was able to make me stand up is this nuisance. This bastard is my life's purpose and he's the only person I
have to take care of forever.
I embrace him like that for a while and promised myself that from now on, I should really think more about him.....After yesterday's events, Che' has taken care of me as usual, and locked the deck door tightly with the keys to keeping it all by himself.
Having him see me in this state makes me even more terrified of the moment when he learns of the truth. All-day, I tried playing games and watching TV just to forget those memories.
And in the evening, the bastards came to visit me.
"Where did you go to fight with the dogs?" Even though I am wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and long pants they still notice.
"This is nothing. It's okay, " I said silently.
~~~~~
"You're not running a fever, are you?" Jom put his hand over my forehead and said.
"I'm fine." I shove his arm a little.
"Damn! I only heard stories about you recently, have you taken the medicine yet? " I nodded in response at Tem.
"The plaster on your neck increases in number every time I see you. I wonder if that vampire is so starved to death with such a thirsty mouth."
Jom said while looking at me curiously. I dismiss his remark and keep my eye stuck on the TV screen.
"If there is something bothering you, you can tell us. Don't cry alone, let me help."
"I never cried."I said.
My fingers continue to click on the remote, changing the channel.Until I find my favorite cartoon and pretends to watch it.
"Okay. Well,.. Today, I intend to invite you to a new bar with good music, Ying Jaem, to cleanse the fever a little bit. "Jom said.
"Will that be alright? Your face still looks tired. Stay here. "Tem shot out a scrutinizing gaze at me.
"Aow, this bastard needs a breath of fresh air. Look how shabby he looks now with the loss of music and lights." I thought for a moment. Maybe he's right. I need a distraction fromunnecessary thoughts. Though I still can't walk normally and with a twinge ofpain here and there, it was nothing than to fight my inner demons alone.
"Mm, Okay, I'm going"
I took a bath and dressed, not forgetting to wear something with long-sleevesand so I chose to wear a black turtleneck. To fend off the problem of peopleasking. Besides, Tem and Jom said that this bar is quite fancy but in expensive.
"Isn't that hot? Why do you have to wear something like that?
"As soon as I went down, the two of them looked at me in surprise. But I didn't say anything, I walk over straight to the car and then we drove off. This shop is not too close, yet not far from the university. Looking from theoutside, it looks luxurious. Like a noble bar but inside there is live music andpro-liquor hanging on the wall, the price is not too high.
"It's a new shop. I have to hurry and get you drunk, "said Jom as he turns to the waitress to order some liquor. In any case, goinghere is as good as what he really says. Now I can feel the distraction slowly creeping up my spine.
"Twelve o'clock, this must be done tonight, " said the bastard, winking at me to look at the girl with a cute little clad body. So, I lifted a smile at her and she smiled back.
"For Porsche that got sick."
Tem smirks and raises a glass of liquor in the middle of the table. We allbump the glasses together all at once.The three of us talked while drinking.
Now, there are quite a lot of people inthe shop. It is beginning to get cramped.It's a good thing we came earlier so there is a table to sit on.I raised a glass of liquor until my eyes found the stare of the same girl who squinted at me since entering the store.
She came over then walked to take my hand and lead me to the dance floorfor some dancing to the music that I started to enjoy. I was not good at this,and I still couldn't walk very well, but seizing the opportunity to grab her hipand lean on it.Soon, as expected, the woman pulled me into the men's bathroom and fishedthe lock on the door.
I weighed in my choices for a long time.If she sees the marks will she be surprised? But at this moment, there's notime for me to think as soft hands came creeping up my nape, pulling myneck to kiss passionately. I kiss back and surge into her softly curved lips.
My hands are urgent,stroking along the hips and slipping through her shirt, the image of Kinnsuddenly flashed in my head.The thought got me pushing the woman in front of me in a haste. She looks at me in shock, her eyes wondering what just happened.
"It's nothing .. "
I said realizing what I had just done before starting all over again. I close myeyes, tilts my face to deepen the kiss. This time, I hurriedly shifted my handto her chest, squeezing it tightly and earning a soft moan coming from her.
But then, a picture of the day when I caressed along Kinn's muscled chestpopped up in my head. The warmth beneath my fingertips. How it moved as Ipinch the tiny nips.
I opened my eyes quickly but didn't push her away likebefore. Staring into the face of the woman kissing me, I tried to push away Kinn's memories.I let her suck my mouth as she please, thinking that this little escapade might be able to erase Kinn off my head. I craned my neck, fastening my pace.
"Uhh ..."
The small dainty hand unhooked my pants before reaching inside, holdingmy dick in her palm. One of my hands stretched across her chest having funand the other is about to go under her skirt as well.
"Uh ... not in the mood?"
The young woman looks up at me a little and pulled my dick out of my jeans. It's a little pale because in all honesty, I don't really feel anything.
"Well, let's try some more"
I said back, before leaning my head down to grab that lips again. This time,my hand slid under her panties, holding that sensitive part.If you're not in the mood, this will have you kicking in no time. My fingertips roamed around for a while. Felt the moisture along with myfingertips before being pushed out hard.
"Enough, I'm going. "
The woman looks down at my lower half and disgustedly turns to walk out ofthe cubicle.I nervously sigh. Looking at that woman's back with guilt, because thisbastard is not willing to puff up at all.I turn around, sitting in the toilet. Thinking about all the possible reasons why I am like this! The woman was super-hot.
Plus my fingers touched the corealready.Is it possible that I don't feel anything?Suddenly, the image of Kinn comes back, occupying my head and my handsautomatically touch the kiss marks on my neck.The feelings that engulfed me that day pours in like rain. The kind ofeuphoria I felt like never before had me panting like a wanton until..
"Shit! "
I cried out when I look down on my unzipped pants and my dick comes peeping out, achingly hard.
"Damn it! "
I bit my mouth tightly before taking a deep breath in and out.It took a moment to calm my raging emotions including the little bastarddown my pants. What the hell?I had a woman at the palm of my hand, but I felt nothing, but just thethoughts about Kinn had my blood running in no time.It takes a great time battling with my inner self before I decide to fix myselfand head out of the cubicle.As soon as my eyes landed on the sink counter, I immediately stop in my tracks.
My body freezes and then shatter from head to toe.Someone, who continuously runs around stocked in my head all day has seemed to get out of my brain and now is standing right before my eyes.
Stupefied is an understatement.I failed to realize it but the days that I haven't seen him seem to be thelongest, most depressing days of my life.I hate him but at the same time, I long for him. To see him, to touch him, to kiss that...Fuck!....
"Hey, Kinn." I whispered as soft as a feather, catching his attention from washing his hands on the sink. His eyes quickly looked up at me through the glass mirror and slowly, his lips turned up into a naughty smile.