.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 1, 1969
George was still sobering up from his intense drinking at the party just hours ago. He was way closer to being sober than he would have been any other day of the week, though. Bleak hospital rooms seemed to have a strange way of sobering you up.
Alexandria lay in a hospital bed, and he refused to look at her, not wanting to see her in such an awful state because he knew that it would bare all his heart. In a way, he blamed himself. Maybe, if he'd seen through her lies about being fine, he would have kept her home, he would have asked her about what she was feeling, and maybe this all could have been prevented.
George stopped pacing and collapsed in a chair, dropping his aching head into his hands and bouncing his leg up and down anxiously. His heart thumped in his chest, and he wished that someone would come in and tell him what in the hell was going on.
He shifted, crossing his legs and staring ahead at the door. A few moments later, he crossed his legs in the other direction.
And finally, he forced himself to look over at Alexandria. Something about her drew him over, and he stood, going over and pulling a chair behind him. He leaned over and studied her. She looked frail, ill, but she still looked peaceful. It was almost as if she was just sleeping off her illness. It was almost like she'd wake up soon, smiling like she always did whenever she felt good, refreshed.
No doctor had really explained what had happened to her yet, and maybe they didn't even know yet. George, in turn, hadn't been able to provide many details of what led to this. He told them only what he knew for sure. She'd felt off earlier in the day, but had assured him that she felt fine by the time they left for Eric's party. It wasn't until hours after they arrived that she approached him looking dazed. He told the doctors that she had just collapsed. He didn't know why, he had sworn.
He sat down in the chair he had pulled over to the side of the bed. His theory from earlier had been correct. Seeing her in that bed broke his heart. It made him nauseous. It made him more anxious than he'd ever felt in his entire life. He prayed that her eyes would open soon because he wouldn't feel better until he saw her awake again.
Then, a nurse entered the room, and his eyes flicked up. He could only imagine that he looked tired. He frowned. "You here to tell me what's happened?" he asked the woman, looking back over at Alexandria in the bed. The doctor didn't say anything, so he looked back up, feeling a bit frustrated. "That's a no, then?" he asked. "Am I ever going to find out why y bloody wife is knocked out cold?" He leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.
"We know the reason, Mr. Harrison. We just think it's best if your wife is awake to hear it with you."
George narrowed his eyes. "Well, she's not," he said. "So, can't you just tell me?"
"I really think it's best if you're both awake for this," she said. "I'm sorry, I was told to wait."
"They sent you here just to tell me that you know why this happened, but that you aren't going to tell me?" George asked doubtfully.
"I came to check on Mrs. Harrison."
"Well, she's still not awake," George responded. "Will you at least tell me when she might wake up? Do I get to know anything?"
The nurse sighed, looking almost fearful of the clearly-angry George Harrison. "It should be any minute, Mr. Harrison," she said. "I'm going to go and get the doctor."
George nodded mutely, and his eyes moved elsewhere, not wanting to look at the nurse any longer. He shouldn't have been so short with her; she was only doing her job. He was just bloody pissed. He had to take it out on something.
When the nurse was gone, he reached for Alexandria's hand and leaned in close. "Fuckin' hell, Alex, wake up," he muttered. "Might actually kill these daft doctors if I don't have you to stop me." He brought her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss against her knuckles. Maybe if he gave her some sort of touch to react to, it would stir her awake. He rested his forehead against the back of her hand and closed his eyes.
As if God planned this moment out in careful detail, Alexandria's eyes fluttered open. At first, she felt a little upset because she'd been stuck in such a dreamy daze ever since her collapse. In comparison, the world felt dark, dreary. Then, she felt panic. She had no clue where she was, she didn't know what the beeping in the room was, and she didn't know what that smell was in the air, that awful chemically smell. Finally, she moved her head enough to see George, and she was calm again.
A circular tube was hooked around her ears, and a lovely stream of fresh air blew through it into her nose. She wondered why she needed such a contraption, though. George felt her move after a moment, and his head shot up. Their gazes fell on each other, both wide-eyed.
George felt a thousand emotions at once, and he stood, looking her over as if he didn't even believe she was awake. Surely, his eyes were playing tricks on him, showing him something that he so desperately wanted to see instead of what he was really seeing. "Goddamn," he hissed, putting a hand to his forehead. "You fuckin' scared me, ye twit," he said in a rush, leaning down to kiss her on the lips as if to make sure that she was real. A tear dripped onto Alexandria's face as he leaned down, and he pulled away to wipe it off, blushing. "Look at me," he said. "Crying like a big baby."
"What happened?" Alexandria asked, feeling a rush of emotions when she saw George crying. George rarely ever cried. He kept his emotions in check even when Alexandria was upset, just to keep her from getting worked up like he knew that she tended to.
"No, don't you cry," George said when he saw the tears gathering in her eyes, wiping them away with his thumbs. "You're okay," he said. "There's no reason to cry."
"But you're crying," she argued.
"I know, but I don't want you to cry."
"But when you cry, I cry."
George kissed her on the forehead and wanted so badly to put his arms around her. But he was too afraid to move her. She looked so bloody fragile right now, it was as if she'd break under his touch. So, he just kissed her, all over her face because he was so happy that she was awake.
"George," she said between his kisses. "What happened?"
George pulled away finally and looked into her eyes. "I don't know," he said.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"They won't tell me," he answered. "Said that they wanted you awake first."
"Christ, that's not a good sign, is it?" Alexandria spluttered, wiping at her eyes.
"I don't think so," George responded. "And that makes me a little nervous."
"Well, they need to get in here and tell me what happened," Alexandria said. "I might lose my mind."
George sat back down in his chair, and they both fell silent. They didn't speak after that, not for a long time. To them, it felt like hours, but it really only was minutes...maybe even just seconds. They'd lost all sense of time now, and they worried that they'd never get it back whenever this nightmare was over. Maybe minutes would feel like years for the rest of their lives. Would that be torture or heaven?
They both looked over when the door opened and a man in a white coat entered the room, the nurse from earlier trailing behind him. Alexandria noticed the way that the nurse avoided eye contact with George, looking awfully sheepish as she practically hid behind the doctor. George felt a little bad now. He shouldn't have been harsh with her. She hadn't done anything to warrant him taking his frustration out on her.
Alexandria shifted in the bed, her interest peaked as she saw the man.
"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Harrison," the man said, putting on a friendly smile for their sake. He worried that his distress showed through, though. He knew that his two patients weren't going to take the news that he had for them very well.
"Morning," Alexandria said, sniffling to try and get her emotions back under control once and for all.
"Glad to see you awake, Alexandria. We were starting to worry a bit." The doctor tried to smile again, but Alexandria could tell that he had bad news for them by the look on his face. Her face went paler than it already was when she noticed. This wasn't going to end well, was it?
"What happened to me?" Alexandria asked, cutting to the chase because the anticipation was killing her.
"Well, you collapsed," the doctor said. Alexandria had to fight the urge to snap back with some snide remark about how she already knew that much. "You were dehydrated."
"Dehydrated?" she asked. "I was drinking all night. How could I be dehydrated?"
"Alcohol can sometimes have the opposite effect that something like water has. Sometimes, it can make you dehydrated instead of giving you the hydration that you need."
"Surely I didn't have that much," Alexandria said, scratching the back of her head in confusion. "I hadn't even made it through one glass."
"Well, did anything else happen before you fainted?" The doctor took a seat in a rolling chair next to Alexandria.
"Well, I threw up. I was feeling a little ill all day, but I was feeling better by the time we left the house. I didn't think—."
"You never think it'll happen, do you?"
Alexandria shook her head silently. "I feel like a moron." She pressed a palm against her forehead.
"Well, we have a reason for all this."
Alexandria felt like she knew what the reason was for all this. She remembered the blood she saw before throwing up. It was her period, her endometriosis. It had to be. But still, she asked, "well, what is it?"
"Look, there's no easy way for me to say this," the doctor said, looking between Alexandria and George. The two faces looked terrified of whatever news they were about to receive.
"So just say it," George answered quietly.
"I'm afraid you're suffering a miscarriage, Mrs. Harrison," the doctor said softly.
A weird sensation went over Alexandria's body, and she shivered. George's face fell in shock and horror. "No, I don't think that I am," Alexandria answered.
"I'm afraid you are."
Alexandria shook her head, her lips and hands trembling as a wave of emotions tumbled over her. She couldn't tell if she was about to scream and throw a fit, or if she was just going to curl up in a ball and cry herself to sleep. "I'm not pregnant," she said, her heart beating in her chest a thousand miles a minute, so fast that it felt like it would burst at any given moment. "I never was."
The doctor's face fell. She hadn't even known. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Harrison, but these tests usually don't lie."
"W-well, this one did," Alexnadira responded pitifully. "It lied because I would have known if I was pregnant. I just...I just started my period. Doesn't that mean that I'm not pregnant?" Her words were jumbled together and she had to force her lips to keep moving anyways. Her entire body felt numb. She refused to believe it. "I w-wasn't p-pregnant." Her breath hitched in her throat, and she covered her mouth with her hands to keep herself from crying out.
"So, you've been experiencing some bleeding?" the doctor asked somberly. "Any cramping?"
Alexandria continued to shake her head because wouldn't that make this all go away. "It wasn't my period, was it?" she asked quietly as reality began to set in.
The doctor shook his head, staying silent.
"Oh, God," Alexandria said, covering her face with her hands.
The doctor swallowed before standing and turning to the nurse who stood by the door. "I'll give you two some privacy," he said. "I'll be back soon so we can work on getting you discharged."
Alexandria lost all control when the hospital room door closed. She sunk back down in the bed and cried into her hands. Meanwhile, George sat by the bed, unmoving. He didn't make a sound. He didn't even think. He just sat there, unable to wrap his mind around what had just happened. Then, Alexandria reached her hand out and grabbed his to get his attention. He was pulled from his trance with a start.
"George," she said, and they locked eyes. "Was that real?"
"Did you know?" he asked.
Alexandria's eyebrows furrowed in rage. "Did I know what?"
"Did you know that you were...pregnant?"
"No!" Alexandria answered. "Christ, you think I'd keep that a ruddy secret?" Alexandria let out a pathetic sob. "How dare you? I'm having a fuckin' miscarriage, and you're accusing me of keeping this pregnancy a secret? I had no clue!"
George leaned back in his chair, running a hand back through his hair. "I'm sorry, Alex," he said. "I shouldn't have said that."
"But you did."
"And I shouldn't have."
Silence on both ends.
"Can we get along right now?" George asked. "I guess I'm just a little in shock."
"M-me too," Alexandria stuttered. "I just can't believe it."
George scooted closer to the bed and reached forward to take Alexandria's hand into his. He pressed a kiss against it and then lowered it onto the bed, resting his head on top of it. Alexandria continued to cry, but George was too numb to cry. He was still utterly confused.
"Is it my fault?" Alexandria asked at some point. "Is it my fault that our baby is dead?"
"Alexandria, no," George answered, looking up with wide and fearful eyes. "It is not your fault."
"B-but it has to be. Why else would this have happened? It's not fair, George!"
George stood and sat down on the bed next to Alexandria. "Alex," he said softly.
"It's n-not fair," she whispered. George leaned back in the bed, cautiously putting his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against him, feeling at ease in his embrace.
"I know it isn't," he answered, his throat closing. He didn't want to cry. He wanted to be strong for Alexandria, but it was hard to do that.
"I didn't even know," she said. "I was pregnant, and I didn't even know, and now it's all over. I didn't even get to appreciate it."
George didn't know what to say. They both fell apart in each other's arms, numb and in shock. Alexandria couldn't stop crying, and she couldn't tell if it was entirely grief, or if it was also a bit of that shock. She didn't know, and she couldn't stop.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Alexandria lay on the couch, staring blankly at the television set. She wasn't sure what she was watching, and she didn't care anyway. She hadn't cried since leaving the hospital. In fact, it seemed to George like she was trying to deflect what had just happened, to forget it happened at all. She didn't want to believe it, so she refused to believe it. She did this often, and it was definitely one of her most awful habits.
George was worried, though. This whole thing was fresh to him, and he was still hurting. He was almost positive that Alexandria was too, but she wasn't letting it show. Sooner or later, would she not burst at the seams?
"Alex?" George spoke up. He sat in an armchair to the right of the couch, leaning his head against his hand. When he spoke, he moved his head so that he could look at her. She didn't react to his voice. She didn't even seem to hear him at all, so he spoke louder. "Alex," he repeated.
Once again, she ignored him. "Alexandria," he said finally because he knew that would get her attention.
"Don't call me that," she muttered without moving so much as an inch on the couch. "Do not call me that."
"Then, look at me, would you?" he said. "We have to actually talk about this."
"I don't want to," Alexandria answered stubbornly.
"Alex, this is important. We have to talk about it, whether we want to or not."
"There's nothing to discuss," she muttered even though it was a blatant lie. She didn't want to discuss any of this. It was still too recent, and it had happened so fast. She hadn't even had time to really process it! "Nothing's changed."
"Yes, something has," George argued. "No one goes through something like this without going through some sort of change, Alex."
Suddenly, Alexandria stood up and left the room in anger. Clearly, George wasn't getting the hint. George sighed before standing and following behind her. She went into the bedroom and closed the door. George tried to turn the handle, but it just rattled, refusing to twist. He dropped his head back in agitation.
"Alex, unlock the door," he said, leaning against the wall of the hallway and staring forward at the door.
Alexandria sat cross-legged on the bed, her eyes roaming around the room. She refused to speak, to let George in. If he cared so much about getting in here, then he could very well go and find the damned key that unlocked all these doors.
"Alex," George repeated. "Please, let me in so we can talk." Alexandria refused to move.
"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic right now?" George asked through the door. "Just talk to me. We're adults now. We can't act like this." George paused, waited. And as he opened his mouth to speak again, the door finally opened. Alexandria stood on the other side, her arms wrapped around herself.
"What is it that you want to talk about?"
George sighed. "You know what I want to talk about, Alex."
"Well, I don't want to talk about that, George."
"Alex—."
"It's all too recent, all right? It happened so fast, and I've barely had any time to breathe because you're trying to force me into a discussion that I'm not ready to be involved in!" Alexandria turned and went to plop onto the bed.
George awkwardly shuffled over and took the seat next to her. "I'm sorry," he answered. "I guess I didn't think of it like that."
"It's okay," Alexandria responded. "Just give me time to think, all right?"
George nodded. "Do you want me to call out of the studio tomorrow? The band will understand."
The Beatles were on the cusp of starting their newest album, a mass project called Get Back. A film crew was to accompany the boys in the studio, and at the end of the rehearsals that were being filmed, the band was going to put on a live performance at Twickenham Film Studios, performing fourteen brand new songs.
Alexandria shook her head. "We can't let this get in the way of our lives," she said, feeding into George's theory about her being in denial of this entire thing.
"Alex," George said. "This is already getting in the way of our life. You just had a ruddy miscarriage."
Alexandria felt nauseous every time she heard those words. Pressing a hand to her stomach, she pursed her lips. "Don't need to remind me, George."
"Think you're in denial, Alex. You need to face the reality of all this. It's not healthy to downplay it like you are."
"I'm not downplaying it. Just trying to think about it without you forcing me along."
"You sure you don't need me to stay home with you tomorrow?" George asked.
Alexandria shook her head. "No, I don't," she said. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much."
"Okay, I won't force you to talk about it," George said after a moment of defeated silence. "But, when you're ready to talk about it...come to me, would you? We've gotta have a talk about it at some point."
Alexandria nodded, looking over to meet his eyes. "I know we do, and we will. I just need some time, all right?"
"I get it," George answered, leaning over to press a kiss against her lips. Alexandria kissed him back because it made her feel good, something that she hadn't felt all day flooded her veins—happiness. It felt like happiness hadn't been there for years, and she'd almost forgotten how it felt.
She leaned in closer, begging against his lips for a distraction, something to make her feel better. George moved in himself, ready to do anything he needed to do to see Alexandria smile again. He felt awful for her, and he felt awful for himself. This was definitely the hardest thing that they had faced on their own or as a couple, but at least they were facing it together.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.