~Andrew~
The warmth that enveloped me beneath the downfall of the water running from the showerhead became my favorite part of the day. The slow-motion feeling of being able to think and breathe calmly was unreal and new to me, the novelty of it never-fading no matter how many times I did it. I scrutinized as beads of water ran down my skin.
Mrs.Jones told me to come back down to the dining room once I was squeaky clean so she could talk to me. I know Keaton couldn't have told her what I told him since I was with him all evening even during dinner so I would have seen him say something. I don't even know why I fucking told him. Does he even believe me?
Honestly, I'm nervous to know what she could want to talk about. Shaking my head under the pressure of the water, I threw the thoughts to the back of my mind willing myself not to overthink. Overthinking is what almost made me miss out on the opportunity to have showers and a bed to momentarily call my own. Overthinking almost made me run away from these things I've come to enjoy, even if they were simple mundane tasks.
Finishing up in the bathroom I wrapped the towel across my chest and stepped out of the cloudy room, quickly grabbing my change of clothes and running back into the warm steam. A fog blurred the view of my body in the mirror making it look disfigured. The blurred reflection of myself making me look far more appealing.
No scars...
Just clean skin, and a body that didn't make me want to throw up and cry and tear at to get out of no matter how much I tried to free myself of the physical prison I was born in. A figure that I couldn't recognize as my own thanks to the disfigured face I guessed to be staring back at me. Breathing in for 4 and out for 4, I locked the bathroom door behind me, taking the towel off of my body to wipe across the mirror.
Looking back at me, was disgust. Scars, dark splotches, and bruising was sprawled out everywhere I examined. Dips in my skin that would only remind me of my past no matter where I ran, some put there by myself and some placed there by complete strangers. My hands traced some older scars, dipping into the different shapes knowing that these in front of me were only the ones I could see. Some were obscured from my brown emotionless orbs.
I observed my hands travel from my torso, up to my chest, and around the back of my shoulders, feeling unnatural dips between each of my shoulder blades that I knew stretched across my back. The tips of my fingers started to burn on my skin, making my stomach twist and turn. Bile rose in the back of my throat, the urge to throw up just by looking at my body becoming more and more apparent.
Tearing my eyes away from the mirror, I threw on my change of clothes that were once Keatons, a red shirt that said 'Whaled It' above the picture of a whale, and loose black shorts made of something too soft to be cheap.
A light knock echoed into the bathroom, startling me.
"ShiT-" My foot slipped on the slippery bathroom floor for a second before my hand steadied my body using the edge of the bathroom counter to save myself.
"Andrew, you good?" Keaton's voice resonated through the door. Instead of verbally answering, I unlocked the door and opened it for him to see me in all my miserable glory, too tired to smile at the moment. He smiled nonetheless, the action not quite meeting his forest eyes, before turning around and beginning to grab his things for his shower.
Removing my towel from the sauna in the bathroom, I hung it over the door to let it properly dry as Mrs.Jones showed me. I'd made a habit of doing it in the past week and a half and Mrs.Jones told me that's the most progress she's seen in a boy my age considering she's been trying to get her own son to do it all his life and he still manages to ball it up somewhere to become moldy and gross. I giggled remembering that strange compliment.
"What's so funny over there?" Keaton's back was turned to me as he fiddled with something over the sink. I observed as he touched and moved everything on the counter, his sun-kissed body flexing this way and that, before turning to glance at me for a brief moment. I quietly giggled again, heat pooling at my cheeks as Keaton's back muscles worked and strained with every motion.
"Oh nothing, don't worry about it." I shook my head, sliding on some socks before throwing the rest of my shit on my bed to put away after I talk to Mrs.Jones.
"Mhmm." Was the last thing I heard from behind me before the click of the bathroom door and the sound of running water let me know I was alone.
I hummed to myself as I carefully made my way down the stairs, my ribs beginning to pinch due to the numbing meds from earlier being to wear off. The second to last step creaks so I stepped past it, and walked through the foyer, passing the front door that separated the house into two sides. There, sitting at the table, was Mrs.Jones, her delicate reading glasses on her face and a newspaper sprawled out before her.
I observed her for a second before her eyes peeked up to acknowledge my presence, a gentle yet lazy smile on her lips.
"Hey, honey how was that shower?" Her hand patted the table space next to her gesturing for me to take a seat. My head nodded as my feet planted my ass on her right. A severe pinch pierced into my side causing me to take in uneven breaths but regained composure before being able to calmly relax into the rigid chair.
"Warm." Smiling as best as I could, I nodded again waiting for her to continue.
"Hopefully you used up all the warm water so Keaton knows what a cold shower feels like huh." A light chuckle flew from her lips and the thought of a shivering Keaton acquired herself a laugh from me. The pinch in my side burned again but I pushed myself to swallow the pain, wanting nothing more than to go back upstairs to the safety of the temporary bed I get to call my own.
"I know I called you down here to talk to you, but I also wanted you to know before I start that you can talk to me about anything." Her eyes bore into mine a second too long for me to keep eye contact with her, instead, concentrating on my peeling cuticles. The silence was becoming stale in the air leading me to consider that she might want me to say something.
"Okay." A whisper being all I could get out.
"Now I know that you don't want to fully unbox your past with me yet or where you were before here but, correct me if I'm wrong, you wish to stay here, yes?" Her voice was soothing yet pressing, soft yet strict. My eyes peered up at her, my head nodding before my lips could mouth the word.
"Yes." Her lips pursed and her head nodded, the defined bones in her hand reaching up to remove her reading glasses, placing them on top of the now deserted newspaper. She intertwined her nimble fingers over the table, sighing before looking up at me.
"Well, Mr.Jones and I were wondering if maybe you'd be wanting to go to school with Keaton when it starts back up. Of course, if you don't want to then you can just let us know." She let out, a small smile forming at the suggestion of a new opportunity. I don't know if I did or didn't. I didn't even know what school really was, to be honest. One of the last homes I'd been living in had another kid there who once told me about it. He said that kids were assholes. He could have been lying but I could just ask Keaton.
"I've never been." She slowly nodded before smiling again, one of her gentle hands reaching out to give my shoulder a light squeeze before she stood up and made her way to the foyer leading out to both the living room and her bedroom.
"Well love I don't need an answer right now. Just think about it. Don't be afraid to ask Keaton questions. He's at your service. Tell him I said so." She sent me a wink before whispering a goodnight and leaving me to the mercy of my thoughts.
What if they didn't like me? I understand the basics of what you learn in school but I don't know all of it. What if they thought I was dumb? I couldn't blame them because I really haven't had the best education despite what it might say on documented paper. On paper, it might say that I've been doing school since whatever the age is that kids start school but that wouldn't be true considering a lot of my online school work was done by someone else.
The few times I did get a chance to do it on my own, I did it happily, usually looking forward to learning something even if I didn't fully understand it.
After another moment of sitting alone at the dining room table, I went to bed, finding Keaton already done with his shower and under his own comforters. Quietly, I moved my bathroom items to the nightstand next to my bed and crawled into the heaven-sent blankets, squishing my face into the throw pillows. As dark as this is gonna sound I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up to this fucking world ever again.
Nightmares were supposed to be something that lived in the abyss of your imagination, a figment of fears your brain concocted in your sleep to scare you that you could potentially wake up from and escape. Instead, my actual life was a nightmare and my imagination did nothing when I slept. I couldn't even say when the last time I had a dream was. I guess I was so busy waking up to nightmares in real life my brain figured I could use a damn break.
The burning in my side flared again for only a second before dying down when my body finally stilled in the warmth of the sheets. A shaky breath slipped my lips as my restless mind went over everything that happened today. My teeth chew on the interior of my cheek as Keaton snored on the bunk above me, slowly lulling me to sleep.
~~~
Riiiiiiiing
Holy shit.
Three days later, I accept Mrs.Jones's proposal after a lengthy conversation with Keaton about what the environment was like and what I could expect. He explained to me he would be coming out of winter break in the next three days, only making me feel that much more pressured to make a decision about school. Keaton only apologized to me repeatedly that he didn't mean to put that pressure on me, but it really couldn't be helped cause my brain just works that way.
Three days later and I find myself inside Keaton's truck on the way to school. Three days later and I find myself standing in front of plexiglass double doors with classrooms on the other side. Three days later and I think I'm gonna shit bricks while sweating profusely.
Hundreds of kids my age flooded the space from one side of the halls to the other. Yelling, shouting, laughing, gasping, hitting, and running everywhere I looked. Smells of all kinds hit my nose, some horridly pungent and some light and rosey. I could feel Keaton watching me from my side but I paid no attention, finding everything else 10 times more interesting.
The most kids I've ever been around were maybe 20 in an auction they once held at some abandoned warehouse. Some of those kids were younger than me and now I'm surrounded by hundreds of other people that are my age. Bright colors covered their bodies as they pushed and shoved with the purpose of reaching their desired destinations immediately.
Snapping out of my trance from the new world in front of me, Keaton's hand placed itself on the small of my back, leading me to the room they called the front office. Inside the room was a break of space where only two kids other than us stood before a counter, a white woman with curly brown hair giving them directions.
"Good morning dears how can I help?" The other two students left the room exiting out into the hectic hall as Keaton stepped up, clearing his voice and leaving me to stand awkwardly alone.
"Um," Keaton glanced behind him, my hands fidgeting against my torso not knowing what else to do, as my eyes looked up at him and back down to the ground. "this is Andrew Davis, he just needs his schedule and maybe some water." Keaton chuckled causing me to look up. His face was turned away from me giving his attention to the lady behind the counter. She was really pretty, with a strong jawline and full lips. Her lipstick was a nude color, blush dusting her cheeks and a little bit of mascara to make her lashes pop.
"Is he new?" Her voice was perky as she glanced behind Keaton's back, catching me watching her. I hiccuped, heat pooling in my cheeks. My hands flew to cover all of my face obscuring anyone from seeing me so flustered. Keaton chuckled again, this time a little louder.
"Yes, ma'am he is. I think my mom called."
"Oh! That's right he's living with you and your mom right now," My eyes came out of hiding from the safety of my hands when I caught her expression dim a bit. Her striking light blue eyes downcasted on the screen of her computer. "Mmh I just heard about that." Her head shook glimpsing up at Keaton.
"Yes ma'am." His baritone voice murmured. From behind him, I could see his shoulders tense up but I choose not to make a comment.
"Well," Her face lit up morphing into its original vibrant self. "give me two seconds and I can get him his schedule, you can show him around right Jones?" She paused in question, referring to Keaton by his last name. He flashed her a toothy smile, nodding in answer.
"Of course."
"I'll be back with a late note and that cutie's schedule." She winked, hopping off the rolly chair and bouncing behind another door. My teeth chewed at my cheek. I'm not sure if I heard that right but maybe I was overthinking it. But if I wasn't then what did that mean?
Cutie?
"Mhm."
My eyes snapped up at the deep sound of acknowledgment from the boy next to me. His eyes were already on me, having to crane down his neck to look at me.
"What?" His head tilted a little.
"You said cutie." He stated, repeating what I thought.
"In my head." Or at least I thought so.
"Nope, you said it out loud." His head shook as his eye trained back to where the lady behind the desk once was. I watched his jaw clenching for another moment before following his gaze.
"What does 'Mhm' mean?" I asked genuinely curious since I don't recall asking a yes or no question concerning the word 'cutie'. His jaw stopped clenching, a silent pause following the action. Last I checked, 'mhm' is usually a sound to shorten the actual use of the word 'yes'. It wouldn't make sense to say 'yes' after I said 'cutie'. I flinched as my teeth subconsciously bit too hard into the flesh of my cheek.
"Ow-" My finger pressed the hurt spot to check for blood, a clean finger revealing itself. I suddenly felt like something was close but not quite touching my skin.
"It means that I agree." Keaton's husky voice whispered next to me his breath suddenly tickling my neck. My face flushed for the second time since we've been in the room the hair on my skin bristled at the sudden closeness. I covered my face as the sound of heels clicked back into the room.
"Here's his schedule Jones. Have a great day sweetie!"
"Thanks." I heard the crinkle of paper when a hand placed itself at the small of my back once again. Flinching but not out of fear, my eyes peeked out from their hiding place as Keaton pushed open one of the double doors leading out into the array of chaotic colors.
"Before you Tiger." My body shivered at his decadent voice trickling with tease. Warth spread through my stomach, my head immediately shaking away any protruding thoughts threatening to infringe.
I gotta stay out of the front office.
Once the bell rang a second time, the halls cleared out leaving me and Keaton to roam the school as he pretended to be tour guide of the year. We passed the cafeteria, the library, and the courtyard, and walked through several halls labeled with different letters. Some of them had classes I would be visiting later today.
The only place I liked so far was the library. Three administration women sat at a desk that overviewed the entire space leaving no room for trouble. The atmosphere was incredibly peaceful and quiet with thousands of books lined on shelves itching to be read. Stories to fill the mind of curiosity, so I could possibly live my life through others. Even if said "others" were just made-up fictional characters.
It felt like we walked forever before Keaton decided we could rest in the courtyard, testing me to see if I knew where I was going. A loud sigh from me filled the stillness between us as we sat, the silence not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. Other students were inside classrooms leaving the courtyard deserted to us, my anxiety sinking away.
"So," He started, his hands rubbing up and down his knees. "you think your ready?" My eyes watched as his jaw started clenching again, something he seemed to do when he was nervous. Maybe it was just me, but that question wasn't as comforting as it should have been, only leading me to believe that he doubted me.
"Do you doubt me?" I popped the question, choosing an honest question over an untruthful answer. I can't say I was ready because I can't be ready for something I've never done before. My fear of being outcasted the second I step foot into any of these rooms was overwhelming, a tremble in my hand physically articulating my thoughts.
His head shook for a moment before silence swept over us again.
"I don't doubt you. But I don't doubt you'll do something rash like run off of school property the second you smell something you don't like." The corner of my lip twitched up as Keaton's elbow nudged me from the side teasingly.
"Shut the hell up I said I was sorry." I rolled my eyes. These days Keaton takes every opportunity he has to throw that in my face. His throaty laugh crowded the courtyard, my smile only outstretching further across my once shy features. "Well, I'm sure as hell not walking for 2 miles just to take a breather that's for sure."
My arms crossed over my chest as Keaton's laugh only got louder at my lame attempt to jab back at him. His stupidly handsome stupid face lit up at my pouting, a rippling chuckle slipping his lips before he propped himself up, standing in front of me with an outstretched hand.
"Pfft, come on Tiger, we gotta get you to class before Ms.Watts finds us skipping for real." His hearty voice pushed me to just reach out and take his hand like a damsel swept out of distress. The nickname 'Tiger' slowly grew on me, only sounding as sweet as it did when it came out of Keaton's mouth.
"I can get to my own class thank you very much," I stood up cheekily, grabbed the old backpack Keaton gave to me for school and stepped past him. His heartfelt laugh once again filled my ears, causing my cheeks to set aflame. "and stop calling me that."
I quickly glanced behind me to catch a glimpse of him holding his stomach, his perfect white teeth standing out from behind a pair of full lips.
"Whatever you say, Tiger." He taunted, following behind me as I covered the blood rushing to my face. We made our way to our designated areas, Keaton only leaving me when I stood in front of the door of the class I should be attending momentarily. I took a jerky breath in and out, my teeth taking hold of the meat inside my cheek. My hand clutched the nob, driving myself into the nippy gust of air.
One step at a time.