Chapter 23: Warm and Comfortable
I phoned my manager that night and informed him about my urgent plan to go home. It was not actually for him to permit me, but to simply adjust my schedules and arrange our flight.
"Go home— what?" Kristan almost choked on his food after I told him about my plan. That would be tonight. Right. That urgent.
"My home. You are going home with me."
He sipped on his wine without disconnecting our eye connection. After our confrontation yesterday, when we got home from work, I locked myself in my room the entire night. I succumbed to the sickness of confusion. It was one of the hardest nights of my life.
"Philippines?" he asked.
"To my father and brothers."
"Pero akala ko ba ay wala ka nang balak na bumalik doon?" Naging mapanuri ang kanyang tingin sa akin. "You are not planning on returning me, right?"
I drank my wine and bobbed my head. I just need to clear up my mind. I think I'm still embodying the Nathalia of Azalea Village. That's not me. Nothing should be troubling my mind except my career and only my career. That's what makes me.
"Are you good now?" he asked.
Natigilan ako sa pag-inom. When did I start to feel not good? I am freaking Nathalia Cardinal. I am supposed to be worry-free and confident.
"I will go where you go," he said. "Just don't drop me off somewhere and leave me. I'm trying my best to fit in your world, Lady Nathalia. Give me more chance."
I stood and placed my plate on the sink. Naghugas ako ng mga kamay. Naramdaman ko ring tumabi sa akin si Kristan para ilagay ang pinagkainan sa sink.
I didn't mind him invading my personal space. Not until he slightly bumped my shoulder. Nadaplisan niya lang 'yon ng braso, pero iba ang naging reaksyon ko.
The next thing I knew, I was already throttling him and pinning his back against the wall. My hand was not simply strangled around his neck. My fingernails were digging slowly into his skin. He was bleeding so much.
"D-don't fucking touch me," I whispered in a low but threatening voice.
He showed no sign of resisting in the middle of bleeding. Even his blood didn't smell appealing to me. All I could feel was guilt as I watched the viscous blood almost cover his neck and white shirt.
It was a horrifying scene— even more, that I did it myself.
Inalis ko ang kamay ko sa kanyang leeg saka humakbang paatras nang limang beses. Hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang pader sa likod ko.
Kristan was on his knees and coughing blood. He even managed to look back at me with nothing, and I hated it even more. How could he still look at me that way after what I did?
"G-go to your room," I said with my shaking voice.
He shook his head and stood. Lumunok siya at tinangkang lumapit sa akin kaya umiling ako sa kanya. He didn't listen. Lumapit pa rin siya hanggang sa ilang pulgada na lang ang layo namin sa isa't isa.
He smiled at me. "So... do you feel better now?"
I gritted my teeth and still felt my sharp fangs sneaking behind my lips. My body felt burning like there was lava flowing through my veins.
"Go to your room, Mr. Admiral. Baka kung ano pa ang magawa ko sa 'yo," madiin kong bigkas habang madilim na nakatingin sa kanya.
He sighed and nodded. "Okay. I will just go to my room to shower and change clothes. I think you should shower, too. Your arms had a stain of blood."
I shook my head. "You can't tell me what to do."
"Okay. Damn. That was intense," he chuckled before turning his back on me and leaving the kitchen.
After he left the kitchen, I hastily walked back to the sink to wash my hand and arm. I was breathing heavily. I couldn't calm down.
Fuck. What's happening to me? A slight touch on my arm jolted my system to overreact. I could have done something worse. I could have killed him. It takes enough effort to trigger and much more to control me.
I really need to go home.
With any luck, at least one of my brothers is there when I come home. I am not expecting Brixton to be there solely because he's never really home, but at least I am hopeful about Oscar. He barely leaves The Mansion.
Where the fuck did I go wrong? I always thought having a slave would make everything easier, but what I am experiencing is the total opposite. I am about to lose my mind.
I went to my room and found my cell phone on light. Kinuha ko 'yon saka umupo sa gilid ng kama.
"What's wrong?" Hestia texted me.
I hit the call button. Unlike when her trash boyfriend was still alive, she speedily answered her phone this time. Good thing because I have no energy to wait for another ring.
"I will go home," I said as soon as she picked up the phone.
"Nightfall Clan?" she gasped audibly. "Oh, gosh. That means there's really something wrong."
I jerked my head. "Not really. I just need to talk to Oscar."
Kung may makakasagot man sa mga katanungan ko, iyon ay ang kapatid kong unang pumasok sa ganito. I was the last one to pick a slave next to Brixton. But I bet I still know better than Brixton. He was just forced to get one because our father told him to.
"Do you want to come with us?" I asked.
"Like... to Nightfall Clan?"
"Come with us. Oscar will be delighted to see you again."
"Sure! I also want to meet Celeste. I'm certain she's lovely and kind just like her master," she giggled excitedly.
I smiled. "I'm sure you will love Astra, too."
"Who?"
"Brixton's chosen slave."
How is she? I remember that I told her to list down every undesirable thing my brother did to her. I'm serious about that. Kapag nalaman ko lang talaga na pinahirapan niya si Astra ay malalagot siya sa akin. But then I knew Astra wasn't an easy woman. I've seen it.
"How about Terrence?" she asked.
I chuckled. "Do you think that coward has the balls to show up in the world where Brixton also exists? Not that even Oscar is now furious at him."
Unlike Brixton, who had always been suspicious of that guy, Oscar was the only one who expressed support to us at that time. He always thought Terrence was good, and gentleman, and that's on me. I tried to conceal every destructive thing about him from everyone. Now that I think about it, I realize that Brixton was always right.
After the phone call, I decided to take a shower. Pinakiramdaman ko si Kristan habang nakababad ako sa shower. Mukhang lumabas siya dahil hindi ko siya maramdaman sa paligid.
I was mortified for that unnecesarry reaction. But he should have known better. Hindi kami ayos kahapon. Ano ang sa tingin niyang dahilan para maging maayos na kami ngayon?
The more space he gives me, the better for both us. Mas magandang hindi na muna kami magkita hanggang mamayang gabi bago umalis.
I was confident that he was not nearby, so I walked out of my room. The door of his room was slightly ajar. I had to peek inside just to make sure. He wasn't also in the kitchen nor in the library. Even his cat wasn't there. They must have gone for a walk outside.
Good. Fuck. That's good.
I comfortably sat down on the sofa and waited for the time to pass by. Nanuod ako ng mga vine videos, pero na-bore lang ako. Nothing was interesting enough to keep me busy. That's because I wasn't waiting for the time to pass by. I was waiting for him to return.
The last time he left with his cat, he got caught in trouble. Right. That's his trouble. But I ended up solving it. I ended up involved. What was I thinking? My problem is his problem, and his problem is not my problem. That's how it is supposed to work.
I grabbed my sandals and walked out of the door. Nakarating ako sa likod ng building kung saan may malaking green park. This place is exclusive for VIPs, and most of those living here are not really staying in their place. Most of them have works to attend to. So, it was really rare to come across someone—the safest place in this crowded city.
Naglakad-lakad ako habang palinga-linga. Hindi ako nahirapang hanapin siya. Nakaupo siya sa isang bench sa hindi kalayuan. May kasama siyang isang babae at isang batang babae.
"Is that your cat?" I overheard the little girl ask him.
"Yes. Her name is Lilly."
"Can I please carry her?"
"No, Ava. You are allergic to furry animals," her mother said, but Ava started crying and insisted on carrying the cat. "Baby, you really cannot. I'm sorry."
Gosh. She's allergic to furry animals, yet she's still insisting on handling them. She must have already experienced allergic reactions before they found out that she was allergic to them. She already felt the pain and still being stubborn. Oh, kids.
"Mommy, please?" Ava begged.
"How about this?" Kristan took his shirt off and used it to cover Lilly's furry body. "Her furry is under my shirt. Can she carry it now?"
I winced. Really?
Ava's mother sighed. "Sure. Just for a second, Ava."
The little kid giggled. They are humans. I can tell.
Maingat na pinahawak ni Kristan kay Ava si Lilly. When Lilly was in her arms, Ava looked at her with so much care. She stared at the cat like it was the purest and cutest thing in this world.
That's actually tragic. It's sad when the thing you want the most is also the thing that can hurt you the most. Not just sad but also frustrating.
Hindi nakuntento si Ava na yakap lang niya si Lilly. Tinakbo niya pa ito kaya kinabol siya ng mommy niya. Si Kristan naman ay tawa lang nang tawa.
I watched him from afar. Is it worth it to be topless in this frosty weather just to make someone happy? Someone you barely know. Or someone you don't absolutely know.
"I'm really sorry for that," Ava's mother apologized to Kristan when she returned his cat. "That must have scared your pet. I'm sorry."
"You are good. She looks so cute."
Ava giggled while hiding behind her mother.
"Thank you. Do you live here?" the mother asked.
Kristan nodded.
"Yep. I live with a..." he paused for a moment. It's as if he was thinking of how to address me. "I live with someone I know on the top floor."
I didn't know I was smiling until I wasn't. He's right, but not really. I am someone he just knows because we are neither friends nor related. But not really because he doesn't know me at all. I get it. It was confusing.
Nauna na akong bumalik sa loob. Naabutan kong nakatayo si Hestia sa harapan ng front door ng penthouse. She frowned when she saw me.
"Akala ko iniwan niyo na ako," aniya.
I shook my head. "The flight is tonight, Hestia. Bakit ang aga mo?"
I entered the password and let her in. Nagreklamo siyang nauuhaw kaya pumunta kami sa kitchen. Pinagsalin ko siya ng alak.
"How about you?" she asked.
I shook my head. "I'm still full."
She gawked at me. "Tumatanggi si Nathalia sa wine?"
"Can you just drink?" I rolled my eyes.
We settled on the high stools, facing each other. She looked just fine. Mukhang nakalimutan na niyang may boyfriend siyang namatay.
"So..." She put down the wine glass. "Where's Kristan?"
"Outside with his cat," I lazily responded.
Saka ko lang napagtanto na problema ngayon kung kanino maiiwan si Lilly. Hando is busy. That cat cannot stay here all alone.
"I suddenly miss the good old days," Hestia muttered while staring at the wine glass. "I miss cheering you when you were up against the Aristotle group. I was the most avid fan of your group— Socrates."
That suddenly transported me back to that day. Hestia didn't manage to get into any group because of her lack of ability. But she was there all throughout my journey as a part of Junior Squad.
I giggled. "I think you forgot to ask me about someone."
"Nathalia..." she pouted.
"Erikson will be happy to see you, too!"
"Shut up!" she blushed. "Hindi ko na siya crush, 'no. Saka hindi ko naman talaga siya crush. Tinutukso niyo lang ako sa kanya!"
"Sure. Whatever you say. Then, bakit kayo nag-away ni Melanie?"
"For fuck's sake, Nathalia. Hindi ako sasama pabalik para balikan din ang nakaraan." Diniretsong inom niya ang alak. "Sasama lang ako para makaalis panandalian dito. Saka... hindi naman talaga minahal ni Melanie si Erikson."
"I know." I lazily set my elbow on the table and propped my chin in my hand as I thought of how chaotic everything was back then. "And Melanie was into Brixton. Tragic."
We were silent for a moment. Hestia seemed to reminisce in her head while I was silently waiting for Kristan. Is he still hanging out with them?
"How about Callum?" she suddenly asked.
My fists clenched as soon as I heard his name. I looked away as I felt a pang of guilt in my chest just by remembering him.
"I still don't understand why he suddenly disappeared," she muttered. "Ang alam ko lang ay siya ang nakakita kina Brix at Albina na naghalikan—"
"She insisted that kiss, Hestia. Brixton would never stoop that low."
Humalakhak si Hestia. "Okay. But as I was saying, I don't think that's enough reason for him to disappear suddenly, right? Wala naman nga kay Brixton 'yon! Saka... close sina Brix at Callum."
I shook my head. Masyado nang lumalim ang pinag-uusapan namin na maging ang mga dapat na hindi na bungkalin ay nahuhukay ulit.
Fuck. Wala ako nung mangyari 'yon, pero hindi 'yon sapat para maging ako ay ligtas sa ginawa nila. Those fuckers were envious of Brixton and I was confident to conclude that, that was the sole reason why they betrayed him. I mean... why Resty would betray him? Why would Erikson— Damn. That's too shallow.
Hestia had already emptied the bottle of wine before Kristan came back. He greeted Hestia and avoided me before going to his room. That's good, I guess. At least he knew what to do now. However, Hestia noticed that because she arched an eyebrow.
"Take the guest room," I stood.
She cleared her throat. "Okay. Pero... bakit paguwapo nang paguwapo si Kristan?"
I rolled my eyes and ignored her.
Palabas na ako ng kusina nung papasok naman si Kristan. He looked at me this time, but I chose to ignore him. Nilagpasan ko siya saka na pumasok sa kwarto ko.
I went to my secret freezing room. Humilata ako sa nag-iisang kama at nakatingin sa kulay putting kisame. He was sweaty— I smelled him when I passed by.
I suddenly wondered what would be my first question to Oscar.
"Did Celeste ever make you feel like you would lose your mind out of confusion?"
No. That doesn't make sense.
"Did you ever feel like you were more protective of Celeste than you should be?"
Fuck. No. I took the punch because I wanted Terrence to injure me so I could make him look bad in Azalea Village and not because I wanted to shield Kristan.
"Did you ever find yourself in a confusing situation wherein you were doing something out of your character just for the sake of Celeste?"
That's the precise question, I think. The relationship between a slave and a master can be confusing because you are bound by a few strict rules. Maybe I genuinely wanted to make him my friend after all. But I was just always being reminded of our world-apart situation.
I spent my entire time in the freezing room just to avoid him. That's how serious it is. When I got out, I only took a quick shower since I could hear the gossip in the living room. I'm afraid Hestia had already told him things she couldn't stop sharing. I almost forgot that Hestia tends to overshare.
They were laughing when I came out of my room. Tumaas ang kilay ko nung maabutan ko pang sumasayaw si Hestia sa harapan ni Kristan.
"She's imitating the way you dance when drunk," natatawang sabi ni Kristan kaya sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Hestia. "Just in a horrible way."
"Really, Kristan?" Hestia rolled her eyes.
"You are hilarious!" ani Kristan saka binaba ni Lilly sa sahig.
"Pasalamat ka guwapo ka."
I cleared my throat. "We need to go now."
"Wait. How about Lilly?" Kristan asked.
I sighed. "You can bring her."
"I don't think that's a good idea," Hestia winced.
"That's on him. Let's go."
"Come here, Lilly. Quick!" Binuhat ni Kristan si Lilly saka nilagay sa cat backpack na kanina pa nakahanda. Todo ngiti pa siya. "You are finally coming with us. You won't be left here anymore. Isn't that exciting?"
Nauna na akong lumabas sa kanila para tawagan si Hando sa cell phone. Sabay kaming pumasok ni Hestia sa elevator. She long pressed the open button as we wait for Kristan who's still locking the front door.
"The pilot is already there," Hando said over the line. "Just be back in a day or two if possible. Marami pa kayong gawain na naghihintay."
Hestia groaned. "Hindi pa nga kami nakakaalis, pinapabalik mo na agad."
"Hestia? You are coming too?"
Pumasok na rin sa elevator si Kristan kaya sumarado na ito. Humalukipkip ako habang nakadikit sa tainga ko ang cell phone.
"You can come too, Hando!" pang-aasar pa ni Hestia.
"Fuck. We need the dresses! Lady Nathalia cannot handle everything on her own—" Hando exclaimed, and I abruptly ended the call before he could even rant.
Nasa unahan si Kristan habang kami ni Hestia ay nasa likod. He was wearing a brown leather jacket, black pants, and a cap on his head. On his back was the see-through pet carrier bag where Lilly was comfortably sitting and curiously gawking at us.
"Gosh. It's cold," Hestia shivered.
"Don't overreact like a human, Hestia."
She groaned. "Okay, Madam Nathalia."
Napansin kong bitbit din ni Kristan ang bagahe ni Hestia. Aalma sana ako kung hindi lang bumukas ang elevator. Naunang lumabas si Kristan pero naghintay siya sa tabi ng ng pinto
I walked past him, but his scent lingered on my nose. There's really something about cold weather and familiar scent that causes you to feel things.
Sumakay sa likod ng sasakyan si Hestia at ako naman sa tabi ni Kristan na nagmamaneho. Diretso sa kalsada ang tingin ko hanggang sa 'di sinasadyang bumaba ang atensyon ko sa kanyang mga kamay na nakahawak sa manibela.
His hands looked warm and comforting. What a pity that only the steering wheel could feel them.
It took us over an hour to reach the airport. Si Hestia ang unang lumabas para kunin sa car trunk ang kanyang bagahe. Naiwan sa loob si Kristan na inaayos muna si Lilly sa kanyang bag. He's making sure she's sheltered.
After I stepped out of the car, a snowflake landed on my shoulder. I looked up where the glistening snow was gradually pouring on us—the first snow.
"Restroom lang ako," I heard Hestia.
I couldn't take my eyes away from the sky. The snowflakes looked like tiny sparkling stars falling from the dark sky. This was the first time I've experienced the first fall of snow.
"Fuck. This is snow, right?" Kristan gasped.
I looked at him. Nakatingala siya at pinagmamasdan ang pagbagsak ng niyebe. Nasaksihan kong pumorma ang isang ngiti sa kanyang labi.
"Wow. That makes sense why it's really freezing tonight," he mumbled, still looking at the sky. "This is so beautiful but cold. I can feel it in my skin!"
I sniffed. He looked... so good.
He looked too good for me.
He looks so calm for the howling storm that I am.
"Y-yeah. Maybe we should get inside now," I said.
I didn't wait for him. Nag-umpisa na akong maglakad papasok sa loob. Mabilis naman na nakahabol siya. Pinantayan niya ang paglalakad ko.
My cold hand suddenly felt warm... and comfortable.
I was right.
His hand felt warm and even more comfortable now that he held me.
I already told him not to fucking touch me again. He didn't listen to me. He didn't even care that holding me again would lead to another chaos.
"Bitiwan mo ako," bulong ko.
He yawned. "Give me a minute."
"Kristan."
"I'm serious, Nathalia. I won't let go of you. If I have to bleed just to touch you, I don't think I will run out of blood anytime soon."
I cursed under my breath. This idiot— fucking hell.
"You are a dickhead. Do you know that?" I asked.
He just chuckled.
Oh, my feels!