Maddox (Theo):
"Ty! Ty, get the fuck up!" I shove the door of our dormroom open and startle my sleeping best friend into consciousness.
"What? What's wrong?" Frantically, he looks around the room for any visible threats before scanning my figure head to toe.
"She's back. Elle is back, Ty." I drop my bag on the floor and sit on the edge of my bed, my mind still unable to fully comprehend the fact that she's back. The fact that I talked to her. The fact that I'm meeting her tonight.
"Shut up." He dismisses me with a frown, but his eyes never leave mine because he knows I'd never joke about that.
"I saw her today, Ty. I fucking talked to her." I had to say it aloud, because a part of me is still worried that I might've somehow conjured her up and back into my life. I'm that pathetic when it comes to Ella, yes.
"Tell me everything." Sleep now long forgotten, he scoots to the edge of his bed as well, placing us eye to eye, and gives me his undivided attention.
"She just walked right into English Lit, man. I ran after her once class was over and as expected she had no clue who I was. I asked her for some help with the material I missed last week and we agreed to meet tonight at seven in her dormroom." I didn't notice that I had a shit eating grin on my face before Tyler matched it with one of his own.
"I can't fucking believe this. Finally! This is like some fate shit happening, man. After a whole damn year, she's back like nothing happened." He stands up, heading to the door, probably wanting to go to the bathroom at the end of the hall when I stop him.
"Not exactly." I mumble and he turns back to face me.
"How so?" He furrows his brows and I take a deep breath before explaining.
"Something happened to her, Tyler. I don't know what but it's something fucking big if it has her like this after a whole year. She's so shy and... I don't know, jumpy. She flinches to the faintest unexpected sounds and she's keeps her head down all the damn time. She stutters too and when I asked if she could help me study earlier, I swear she was about to cry. Like I saw legit tears in her eyes. She was so uncomfortable in her own skin, it makes me sick to see her so afraid and I don't even know of what."
By the time I'm done talking Ty looks more serious than I've seen him in a while and he's sitting back down. "That is so unlike her. She's always been so lively."
"Not anymore. I want to help her. I don't know how and I don't know if she'd even let me, but I need to do something, man. I need her to be alright again, I swear that's all I want." I don't even care if she and I never got together by this point. All I want to do is help her get better and that's it. But I can't do that if she doesn't allow me to.
"I don't know what to say, man. I fucking admire you, that's all I can tell you now. And I'm here if you or she ever needs my help. I'd sell my soul to the damn devil if you want me to, you know that, right?" Tyler speaks nothing but the truth, because I know I'd do the same for him in a heart beat. We've been brothers for years and I'd die for him if it comes to it. I'd sell my soul to the devil for Elle too if that's what it takes to get her back as she was again. I love her that much. And that realization doesn't scare me as much as it should.
----------
Rose (Ella):
I look at the clock above my bed that says 6:58 and I wince. Why the hell did I agree to this? I should've just said no to him. I don't even know his name. But the way he was looking at me with his bright blue eyes so hopeful as if he had suddenly found something he couldn't let slip through his fingers tugged at my heart strings. How could I say no to a person in need, asking for help? Especially since he had a lot at stake, like losing his spot on the team, whichever that spot is. I couldn't say no and now I regret it.
I can barely talk without stuttering like an idiot, how the hell am I supposed to tutor him? He's going to get irritated with me as soon as I open my mouth, I'm sure. But it's not my fault, and I'm not going to hate myself for it. This is who I am now, and that stutter is a part of me even as annoying as it is, and in order to be okay I have to embrace and love all parts of me. That's what my therapists had said.
Lost in thought, I jump up from my bed when I hear the knock on the door. Smoothing down my brown Tshirt from any wrinkles, I walk to the door and carefully pull it open.
"Hey." He flashes me a beautiful smile and I give him a small one in return, opening the door wider to let him in. He's dressed in light blue jeans that match mine with a black shirt and sneakers. He looks quite handsome and I cast my eyes to the floor with a frown at that thought.
"You don't have a dormmate?" His rough voice asks as he eyes the single bed in the corner of the room. Normally, I find my room spacious enough that it makes me lonely sometimes, but with him standing here it seems that the space has suddenly shrunk. His huge built isn't helping either. He's over a foot taller than me and even though he's not too bulky that it's disgusting, it's still obvious that he has the perfect body for a football player. His arm alone seems to be as big as my thigh. I'm that thin, and he's the built. Now that I think about it, he could probably kill me with a couple of punches alone if he wanted to. I'm not saying he would. I'm just saying he could.
I shake my head in response to his previous question. "This b-building has only s-single rooms."
"Well, now I'm jealous. Who do I need to talk to so I could move in this building?" He asks jokingly and I swallow a giggle when he places his hands on his hips to look sassy.
"N-no one. They m-made an exception f-for me because of m-my condition." I answer truthfully and when his eyebrows come closer in a frown I understand that he's confused. If he asks me to elaborate, I will. It's not much of a secret anyway, and I've always been an honest, open person. I don't like keeping secrets.
But that's not always a good thing. I guess that's what got me where I am now in the first place. That I couldn't shut up. That I couldn't stop talking. That I couldn't keep my feeling and emotions and hopes to myself.
"Elle?" He snaps his finger in front of my face to grab my attention, and I flinch at the sudden gesture, moving a couple of steps back out of instinct. He freezes momentarily and I can feel his eyes focused solely on me. "Are you alright?"
"Y-yes." I nod my head, gulping. Taking a deep breath, I concentrate. "W-would you like s-something to drink?"
"No, thank you. I'm good." His voice is rough and manly, yet somehow so soft that I can't stop myself from stealing a glance at his beautiful face before looking back down.
"What's your n-name?" I ask.
"Oh, shit. I never introduced myself. I'm so sorry. I'm Theo." He extends his hand for me to shake and like the doofus I am I stare at it.
I haven't been comfortable with any type of physical contact ever since Jaxon left a year ago. Anytime someone touchs me, I remember the feeling of his skin against mine and I choke, freeze, even panic. However, I don't want to seem rude, so I carefully place my small hand in his much larger one, ignoring the tingles and sudden flashbacks that rush through me at the mere contact as I mumble a quiet Ella.
"I know." He nods, letting go of my hand and I quickly hide it behind my back, attaching it with the other. "I can't thank you enough for helping me out. You're a life saver, Ella."
"N-no problem. Should w-we start?" I move my hand to point at the floor next to my bed where I had laid out my notes, the textbook, and an empty notebook in case we needed it.
"Sure." He nods before walking to the spot I've prepared and sits down. He gets comfortable and I sit down next to him, careful to leave a respectful distance between us, because I don't want him to get any ideas. I know how college boys think, and I'm so not looking for anything along the lines of those thoughts.
"W-we'll start with the figures of s-speech, and then we'll g-go from there. Is that alright?" I ask, my eyes focused on my notes as I shuffle through them. When he mumbles a quiet Yeah I begin. "A-alright. So the first thing and most c-common in questions that you need to know a-about are metaphors."
The longer I speak the easier it gets. The stutter is still there, but it gets a little better as I explain one point after another, and I'm surprised at how smart Theo actually is. I wonder why he needed help at all, I'm only explaining what the notes say and he seems smart enough to understand everything pretty easily.
I also notice that the stutter gets easier when I don't look at him. His eyes are on me most of the time, and that makes me nervous that I'm under someone's scrutiny, but the real problem is when his ocean blue eyes meet mine. They knock the damn breath out of my lungs, those eyes. Every time I look at his eyes I feel utterly and completely naked. It's like I'm totally transparent to him and that makes the stutter a whole of a lot worse. That's why I try to avoid looking at them as much as I can.
After an hour of explaining, I'm ashamed to say that I'm exhausted. It's been a long while since I've talked so much and I'm not sure if that's even a good thing. I enjoy being alone, being silent. Granted, the longer the silence, the further my thoughts wander, and that's not a necessarily good place, but it's better than talking to people. I don't like talking to people anymore. Because when I do, I understand them all wrong. I hear something when they say another. I see something when they do another. I no longer trust my judgment, and I no longer understand people. I enjoy being safe, and being safe means being alone.
I've stopped speaking for a couple of minutes now and I can still feel Theo's eyes on me. I frown, and shift uncomfortably on the floor, subconsciously adding to the space between us. "D-do you want me t-to go on?"
Blinking rapidly, he clears his throat, before chuckling. "I think that's enough for tonight. I'm honestly starving and I'm afraid I might pass out if I try to pay any more attention. Can we continue this tomorrow, if you're free? Same time?"
I like the sound of his chuckle. But I'd prefer to hear it from afar.
I nod my head silently as I stand up and he follows me. "Thank you a lot."
"Y-you're welcome. I'm g-glad I could h-help." I give him a small smile that he stares at with another frown on his face as if he's somehow in pain. He's always frowning. I wonder why.
"You know what?" He takes a deep breath as we stand by the door, ready to pull it open. "There's this diner two blocks away from campus. Their burgers are to die for. I'm heading there to grab a bite. Would you like to come?"
My eyes widen at his words and I hate that I can't stop them from travelling to meet his hopeful ones. I already know my answer. I don't like crowded places and diners are always crowded. I don't like people and there will most certainly be people there. I don't like talking and if I go with him, we'll surely talk at one point or another. My answer is no. I want to say no because I should. But something in his eyes commands my mouth to stay shut. I'm scared of the power he seems to have over me. I'm scared that I want to say yes. I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't.
"Hey, you're shaking." His words snap me of my frozen state and I shudder at the sudden chill I feel run down my spine. "It's okay. You can say no if you don't want to come. I'd never get offended or anything. Don't do anything you don't want to do, Ella."
His voice is soft and gentle and his words soothe me even when I don't want them to. But they also worry me because a part of me wants to join him. It makes sense, I guess. I'm too scared, too nervous, and if we're going to have more study sessions like this together then I'm going to need to find a way to be more comfortable around him. Else, I would exhaust my already shattered heart and my nerves would fry. Yes, it makes sense. If I join him, I can get to know him a little better, and then this could be a little easier for me, whatever this is.
"O-okay." I nod my acceptance.
"Alright, good." He lets out a breath of relief and pulls the door open. "So, I'll see tomorrow then?"
I blink stupidly, before I shake my head.
"Oh." His face falls and the disappointment that appears on it claws at my heart. "That's alright. You've already done more than I can thank you for. Those figures of speech will surely help me get my grades back on track. Thank you, Ella. Truly. I guess I'll just see you around then."
He starts walking away and I watch with a frown as his shoulders slump with defeat.
"Theo?" I call after him, my heart pounding at the too familiar feeling of someone walking away from me.
He stops, turns around and watches me as I raise a finger to let him know to hold on. Quickly, I walk inside my room, pick up my wallet, my phone and the keys before shoving them in my purse. I grab my jacket from the hanger at the back of the door before walking out and shutting the door behind me.
He watches me with wide eyes as I slip on my jacket and place my purse over my shoulder. "I-I meant okay." I nod again in a poor attempt at explaining. "About the diner."
"Oh?" His mouth is left ajar, his blue eyes even wider now and I swallow a giggle at how ridiculously childish this big man looks. His huge figure can intimidate any grownup, but his expressions are always soft and sweet. I wonder how scary he would look when provoked, frustrated. I wonder if I should fear him a little more. But that's not my plan, because I've accepted to help him and that means working on feeling safer with him, not the opposite.
"O-only if you p-promise to walk me b-back here." I state my condition and he quickly nods his head.
"Of course." His enthusiasm is evident in the wide grin he shows me and this time the giggle slips out of my mouth. He continues staring for a few more seconds before clearing his throat. "We can take my car or we can walk. Which do you prefer?"
"W-walking is good." I shrug and he nods his head before slowly walking to the elevators. We make our way out of the building, silently walking side by side and I shiver as I zip up my jacket.
"Smart of you to bring a jacket." He makes small talk as he shoves his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. "It's really chilly."
"Y-yeah." I mumble, "I hate the cold."
"You do?" He looks surprised.
"Yes. W-why? Is that weird?" I gulp nervously. I don't like being weird, because weird stands out in a crowd.
"No." He shakes his head awkwardly. "Not at all. I just thought everyone loves the snow."
I frown because we're in February and it's no longer snowing. My frown deepens when I hear him mumble something under his breath that sounds like 'idiot.' I hope he's not talking about me.
"No, I prefer the w-warmth. I love summer." Stating quietly, I'm glad when he doesn't respond.
A few more minutes of walking silently, we finally reach a small diner with the name BLUES shinning in bold blue lights at the top of the entrance.
"Have you been here before?" He asks as he holds the door open for me and I smile shyly as a thanks while I shake my head. "Don't worry, they have great food."
Unlike what I expected, the place is quiet, cosy and not at all crowded. I couldn't be more glad. The empty booths are more than the occupied ones and Theo leads us to the far end in the corner. We sit down opposite from one another and on my right I can see through the glass a few people walking on the side of the road and a car passing by every few seconds.
"Hey, there darlin'. What can I getcya?" A beautiful middle aged woman with an apron tied around her waist stands beside our table and gives us a bright smile.
"Hey." Theo smiles back at her before ordering some kind of burger than sounds too delicious for my poor stomach to handle. When my turn comes I clear my throat.
"I'll j-just have s-some cheesy f-fries, please." I mumble.
"Sure thing, sweetie. Anything else?" Her smile is so warm and big, I want to hug her. But that's not right and I can't judge people based on their smiles. She could be evil. She could hurt me.
"Coke. P-please." I cast my head back down, ignoring Theo's frown that seems to never leave his face.
"I'll be right back with your order." She beams at us before walking away behind the counter and I move my attention back to the glass beside me. Watching people from afar fascinates me now. I never used to pay attention, and even though I do now, it still doesn't help much. Because I can still misjudge anything, even if I think I know for sure. I can never know for sure.
"You good?" Theo's gentle voice asks and I look at him. His eyes are as soft as the summer sky and he's too beautiful for his own good. Strong jaw, sharp nose, soft, shiny hair and tanned skin. I hope he has a beautiful heart to match his looks.
"I'm o-okay." I shrug. I need to talk more. If I'm planning on becoming more comfortable with him I need to be able to hold a conversation longer than a minute.
"Are you not hungry?" He is a curious person. He's nice, but curious. I can't blame him though.
"I don't like eating m-much after dark. It up-upsets my stomach." I give him another awkward smile before shoving my face back to the window.
I'm sure he's wondering why the hell I agreed to come to a diner with him if I won't even eat. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea. I can't have him misreading me. I don't like people not knowing the truth. I don't like it when someone believes something that's not right. I hated it when it happened to me. I need to fix this.
"Then why did you come?" He asks the question I knew was lurking behind his eyes, and I can practically see the gears in his brain working to find a plausible answer. "I hope I didn't pressure you into joining me."
I quickly shake my head, dismissing his worries. "No. I w-wanted to." He remains silent and I get that he wants me to elaborate. I take a deep breath. "If w-we're going to study more, I'd like to k-know you a little better."
Theo smiles brightly at that. "That makes sense. Let's get to know each other then. Twenty questions? Only if you're comfortable with that. You don't have to say yes."
Frowning at him, I tilt my head to the side in wonder. What gave him the idea that I usually do things I don't want to do? I never do anything I don't want to do actually. I'm not one to get pressured into doing things against her will. Not because I'm a badass or anything, but because if I do then my anxiety reaches its peak and I panic and sometimes even pass out if the nerves are too much for my heart, brain and body to handle. So usually, I steer clear of all situations that might cause such a reaction. I can deal with a little uncomfort, like agreeing to study with him, or agreeing to come back to campus in the first place. But only because I believe that it's the right thing to do. So I wonder what made him believe that I'd say yes to anything he proposes even if I don't want to.
"You s-start." I give him my answer and once again he seems surprised. I don't blame him, he doesn't know me. But I have nothing to hide, and I'm not a secretive person. I don't try to be either because I don't like mind games at all. I like to always be honest and truthful, even when I know that that exact personal trait is what ruined my life. But I've accepted the fact that it's something I can't change about myself. I can only be more cautious. Smarter. Not so quick to make assumptions that would leave me shattered. Better yet, not make assumptions or judgements at all, because I suck at that.
---------
This chapter is much longer than the previous ones.
What do you think? Please don't be silent. Comments motivate me. And votes make me happy.
Are you excited for the next update?