Rose: In loving Jaxon, I've learned to hate myself. And I don't know how to live with that. I've lost my way.
Maddox: Whatever she wants, whatever she needs, whatever it takes... I will make her happy again.
Read the prologue if you haven't. It's short but really important.
-----------
Rose (Ella):
"Hold on, I didn't even catch your... name." I sigh as the handsome man, with jet black hair and muscles that should worry me, runs away quicker than I can get my words out. Taking a deep breath, I turn around and walk towards my friends.
"You took forever." Bianca whines as she fixes her black hair into a tight ponytail and I roll my eyes at her impatience.
"Don't worry, we have time." Cassandra, my best friend, scowls at her before flashing me a grin. "Who was that? He's hot."
"I don't know." I shrug as I get in the car.
"Are you both living under a rock?" Mina fowns beside me. "He's the captain of our football team. The whole school basically worships him."
"That makes sense." Cassandra mumbles. "He definitely has the body for football."
I laugh along with the other girls, because his body can obviously do some damage on the field, before Cass starts the car. The rest of the conversation dies as we make our way to the mall.
I wonder what he wanted to talk to me about though.
--------
"Hey girls," Cass starts, looking at Mina and Bianca as we walk inside the tall building. "Elle and I are gonna shop for some things real quick and we'll meet you by the food court in an hour, yeah?"
Bianca glares not so subtly and crosses her arms across her chest. "And why can't we come along?"
"You know how shy Elle is with her lingerie shopping." She giggles and I elbow her in the stomach.
"More lingerie for your mysterious boyfriend?" Mina raises her eyebrows at me and I blush.
"I don't have a boyfriend. I just enjoy buying lingerie." I mumble out half a truth and half a lie. The truth is, I most certainly do not have a boyfriend, but with the amount of lingerie I've been buying lately I understand why they think so.
"Yeah, right." Bianca snorts before linking her arm with Mina and walking away.
I sigh once Cass and I are alone. "You couldn't just come up with a lie?"
Cass rolls her warm hazel brown eyes. "I'm sure they both know what a Victoria's secret shopping bag contains, Elle. Besides, it's none of their business anyway. They're just jealous because I love you more."
"I'd be worried if you didn't." I laugh as we head to our destination. "We've been friends since the third grade."
"Best friends." She corrects and I grin at her.
"Jax said he's taking you out to dinner tonight." She beams and my heart instantly skips a beat at the mention of the man I love.
"Yes, he texted me to see if I was free tonight, later than we usually meet but it's all good. I was thinking about wearing the red dress you made me buy last week. Knowing your brother, he's taking me to another fancy restaurant." I whine jokingly.
Sure, having fancy dinners isn't usually the kind of date I'd prefer, but seeing Jaxon in a dashing suit makes it all worth it.
"Have you thought about when you're going to tell him? I heard him talking on the phone this morning." She sighs sadly. "He's leaving soon. I didn't catch the when exactly, but it sounded soon."
My heart drops to my stomach. It is no surprise to me, but hearing it still makes my heart ache. My time with Jaxon is running out and I need to put on my big girl pants and tell him about my feelings before he leaves, before I lose him for good.
"I'm scared." I confess and she stops walking.
"I know." Cass says, her eyes sympathetic. "I am too. I've been rooting for you two forever, and I know how stubborn he is. He's not ready for commitment yet, and we both understand that, but we're so close now, aren't we? Sexual relationship or not, it's still a relationship in my book if you go on dates, talk on the phone for hours and have exclusive regular sex."
I shake my head sadly. "No, Cass. He was very clear from the beginning. It's not a relationship, it's an arrangement. We like to have sex because we have chemistry and we care about each other. He warned me time and time not to fall for him, but I have already been in love with him for a while now. This arrangement only helped me confirm my feelings."
"My brother might be four years older than me, but he'd be stupid as hell if he doesn't give you a chance. I've never seen him this happy before, Elle. He must feel something for you other than sexual attraction. Trust me, he just can't see it yet." She shakes her head in frustration and my heart leaps again with hope.
"That's why I'm waiting for the right moment to tell him that I love him. Because I believe that he feels something for me too. I've seen it, you know? I've known him for a long time and I know that the way he looks at me is full of love too. He's just too scared to make peace with the idea that his heart might be ready for love. But don't worry, I know what I'll tell him. I can convince him to give me a chance." I give her a bear hug when she pouts.
"If he doesn't I'll kick his stupid ass. You two are perfect together and he'll never find anyone better than you. He has to see it sooner or later." Cass says, her long blond hair shining as she walks ahead.
I agree with her, only I hope it's sooner rather than later.
-------
"Hey, beautiful." Jaxon stands once I walk into the restaurant and head to the table he has reserved for us. Looking as handsome as ever, he takes my hand in his and gives my palm a peck that has my heart racing before pulling out my chair. As I sit down he whispers in my ear, "You look absolutely delicious tonight."
I blush and smile at his words, hoping he'd take me home later and let me show him exactly how delicious I've prepared myself to be for him tonight. "Thank you. You look really handsome, Jax."
An understatement, really. His suit makes him look like a peice of candy that I can't wait to unwrap. His light brown hair is combed back neatly, without a strand out of pleace. His soft brown eyes rest on mine and once again I can see the love in them clearly.
"Happy birthday, gorgeous." He gives me a smile that makes my insides melt. "You'll be twenty years old in an hour."
"Thank you." I beam at him because he remembered. I made Cassandra promise not to utter a single word about my birthday in front of him so I'd see if he remembers or not and he does.
"How was your day?" He asks and I smile because I love how he always seems to care about me. He loves hearing me go on and on about my day and school. No matter hwo insignificant my day is, Jaxon always seems interested in hearing me talk about it.
"Boring. But I was really excited for this dinner. And for what might happen after." I send him a sly wink and he laughs at me, but somehow it sounds different tonight. Hesitant.
"As much as I'd undeniably love to take you home and ravish you tonight, I can't, gorgeous." His bright eyes change from calm into sad in a matter of seconds and I frown.
"Why not? Do you have work?" I ask, taking a sip from the water glass in front of me.
"No." He shakes his head slowly, watching my movements as if he's somehow ready for me to attack. "I'm afraid our time has come to an end."
My heart drops with his words. I can still hear it pounding in my ears as I try not to panic but I can also feel it in my stomach as his words register in my brain. "Wh-what do you mean?"
"I'm leaving for LA tonight." He states quietly.
"What? How? Why?" I ask quickly, my hands shaking as I place them on my lap. "But we still have a week, don't we? You said we had three months."
"I did, Elle, but the people I'm hoping to sign the deal with in LA contacted my assistant last night. They need me sooner than planned." He explains, his voice laced with sadness and regret and it clenches at my heart with an iron fist.
"But I haven't had enough of you yet." I confess, willing my emotions not to turn into tears at the thought that I might never get the time to go through with my plan of changing his mind.
"And another week wouldn't have sated the hunger I have for you still. But it is what it is. I'll miss you, Elle. I really will." He sighs deeply.
I can see the truth of his words in his eyes. I've always been able to read Jaxon as easily as I could a book. And I know he means every word. That's why I gather every ounce of courage I have and the hope his words just gave me and I open my mouth. "Let's do something about it then. This doesn't have to end if we don't want it to."
His face loses the small smile it had and he visibly pales as he warns me, "Don't go there, Elle."
"Why not?" I scoot to the edge of my seat, before waving the waiter off when I see him ready to come to our table. The last thing I need right now is interruptions. "Just listen to me."
"No." His voice is hard, stern, final, as he speaks. "We've talked about this before we ever started our arrangement. I told you not to expect more of me. You know how I am and you know what I want. I've been nothing but honest with you from the beginning."
I wince at the term he uses even though I'm used to it. "I know that, and I'm not asking you of anything, Jax. I'm just being as honest with you as you are with me. I love you, Jaxon."
He closes his eyes as if he's in pain and I take a deep breath because I know what's about to come. "I told you not to fall for me. I warned you, Elle. I don't want to hurt you, I never did."
"I know, Jax. But I've been slowly falling for you way before you ever noticed me. Just listen, I'm not asking you for anything because I know you're not ready for any sort of commitment yet. I understand that's who you are, but I know that you feel something for me too. I know you, Jax. I've known you my whole life, and I know that you're just scared, but you don't have to be. Because I'll be patient with you. I'll wait for you for as long as you need me to." I hold his hand as I explain. "You'll be gone for two months and when you get back we can continue having what we have now. I won't ask you for anything more, I promise. I'll wait for you until you get ready, however long that takes, and then we can be together for real."
Jaxon is silent for a minute and I hear nothing but my heavy heart in my ears before he pulls his hand out of mine and finally breaks the antagonizing silence. "You're living in a fairytale land. I don't do love, Elle. I care about you, but I wasn't looking for a relationship when we started fooling around and I'm not looking for one now."
"Is that all we have been doing?" My voice matches the hardness of his now as pain slices through my heart. "All those romantic dinners, all those late phone calls? Holding hands, cuddling, going on picnics together? Don't take me for a fool, because you know I'm not one. Nor am I an idiot. I've seen love in your eyes, Jaxon. I've felt it too. And I told you, I'm not pushing you into anything. I'll wait for you. Whenever you're ready, just give me a c---"
"You only see what you want to see. I'm not an asshole, and you're not a random fuck. Like you said, I've known you for a long time and I care for you, that's why I treat you well, like a gentleman does. But you've been so blinded by your hopes that you interpreted everything I do for love. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't fall in love, Elle. Not even with you." He pauses, taking a sip of his water and shakes his head, his hands balled now in fists out of frustration. "You might not be a fool, but you're still a naive little girl, stupidly hoping for a fairytale. And I'm sorry that you're not going to find it with me."
I gulp, shaking my head as my mind refuses to believe the finality of his words, the sternness of his voice. "Don't do that, Jax. Just give me a chance. I can make you really happy if you only give me a chance. You don't even have to do that now, not even soon if you don't want to, but don't---"
"Enough." He cuts me off, scowling at me like an older brother does a sister. "How could you do that? How can you sit here and sell yourself so short? Are you so blinded by your love that you no longer see your worth?"
I freeze and my watering eyes are now freeing the tears to run down my cheeks. "What?"
His hard eyes stare me down, pinning me on my chair as he speaks. "You deserve so much more than I can give you. You deserve love, and passion, and commitment. You deserve a good man who can give you everything you've ever wanted. You don't deserve to sit here trying to convince me to fall in love with you eventually."
But all I ever wanted is him. So I tell him that.
"I deserve happiness, Jaxon. And my happiness is you. And if being patient is what I need to do in order to have my happy ending, then that's what I'll do. I'm okay with that. I'll happily wait for you, why can't you accept that? Are you seriously so certain that you'd never feel for me what I feel for you? Because I refuse to believe that. Because I know that you already do, you're just afraid. You're not ready and I accept that. Why don't you?" I cry, trying to keep my sobs at bay, because we are starting to grab some attention even though we are speaking quietly.
"You're wrong, Ella." He pushes his lips into a thin line. "I accept everything about myself. I accept that all I'm interested in is having fun, fooling around. I accept that I'm not the kind of guy who would fall in love and settle down. And I thought that I was clear enough when I warned you about that. I knew it was a risk, that this arrangement was dangerous, but I thought you were smart enough not to fall for me when I made it quite clear that I could never fall for you. I was wrong."
His words shatter my heart into a million unfixable pieces, my soul falling into oblivion with no power left in me to fight it.
"I apologize for my mistake, Elle. I truly care about you, but this has to end now, before any more damage is done. You deserve the world and I truly wish you find the person who can give it to you." Jaxon stands up, dumps a couple of notes on the table before buttoning his jacket and I sit there, staring at the empty seat in a daze. "My driver will be waiting out front to take you wherever you need. Goodbye, Ella."
---------
There we are!
What do you think of the characters? And the break up?
Are you ready for the next update?
Don't be silent, and pkease vote if you liked this chapter.