ARNAV
I kept on staring at my phone screen every few seconds hoping she would call me back, hoping she would text me back but every time I looked at it, I ended up disappointed. I really wished she could talk to me once, just once.
When I had the chance I didn't talk to her and now when I wanted to talk to her, she wouldn't talk to me, why was everything between us so messy? I know I created the mess but I wanted to solve it and all I wanted was to talk to her.
I was so stupid for promising her that I wouldn't disturb her anymore after this because I still wanted to try, I didn't want to give up, and I wish I could just tell her what I wanted to over a text but I couldn't, it would mean nothing on a text.
She wouldn't even receive my calls otherwise at least I could talk to her on a call and tell her what I wanted to, but it was like suddenly the entire universe was against us.
Maybe what I had to say to her wouldn't really mean much to her over a text but maybe it would get her talking to me right? Maybe I should text her and tell her what I want to talk about and that way she can hopefully agree to talk to me.
The past weeks had been so difficult without her, I mean it was clear since the beginning, I never wanted to break up with her but I was too scared to admit that I was in love with her because Sona was back and I thought I might still be in love with Sona and it would all get so messy but then just spending all these days without Khushi, without seeing her or talking to her just made me feel so terrible, I missed her, I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be happy with her like I was before Sona came back and then I messed up so bad.
We were doing so good and I knew I would have realized what I felt for Khushi if we continued longer and if all these that happened in between wouldn't have happened, but it happened and I made some stupid decisions and now I was regretting them.
Not the first time Arnav!
I had just grown up having Sona be the center of attention in my life, everything was always about her and even that's why at Samar's wedding when I developed that attraction towards Khushi, I ran away, I questioned it so much because all this time, my heart had only known one girl and it was Sona, it was so difficult for me to accept that anyone else could ever take that place but little did I know that Khushi had already taken it, so effortlessly that I didn't even realize it until I had lost her.
Why was I always so stupid? Why couldn't I have just put all this together when she asked me and right now I wouldn't be here trying to find ways of talking to her, instead I would be with her like we were before everything that happened.
I know it was too late now, maybe Khushi would never forgive me, maybe she would never want to be with me again but I just wanted to try, I didn't want to give up so easily.
That day when I went to the club and she broke up with me, I my heart broke into a million pieces and ever since I haven't been at peace, all I do is think about her, how I messed up and how I could apologize to her, but then I've tried all means to talk to her but she wouldn't talk to me.
I wouldn't blame her, she did whatever she had to keep her heart safe, but I really didn't want to lose her, I just wished there was a way for us to sort this out, to communicate, to make us work like we had done in the past.
"Anything?" Samar asked as he walked inside my room, he sat down on the bed beside me as I nodded negatively.
"I don't know what to do, I don't know how to get her to talk to me, every time I go to her place her friend would chase me away, I even went to her workplace but it's like she hides away or something, how am I supposed to talk to her when she has closed all ways for me?
"You still have your phone, she can ignore you but if you text her she will definitely read it, I'm sure she's been reading all those other texts and not replying."
"So I should be that guy? I should tell her that I love her over a text?"
"It's the only way you have left Arnav, its either a text or nothing at all. She's not talking to you at all, the only option you have left is a text, maybe that would get her talking to you and then you can explain everything to her." Samar suggested.
He was right, I had tried so much to talk to her, one way or the other but neither of it seemed to be working, so maybe I should just text her and if she replies or decides to talk to me after that then it's fine otherwise I'll keep my promise to her and never bother her again.
"I'm such an idiot, I wish it dint take me this long to realize this, it took her breaking up with me to finally make me realize that I can't live without her and now that I've realized it, she doesn't want to listen to it. This is the second time I'm losing someone I love and I feel so unlucky, why do I always lose the ones that I love Samar?"
"Hey... it's not too late yet, I know she still loves you, she will need a little bit assurance but I'm sure you guys are meant to be together, don't lose hope so easily, come on text her." He hugged me and then walked away leaving me trying to type a text.
Seriously how was I supposed to tell her that I was in love with her over a text? It would sound unreal, she might not even believe it, she might think it's a joke or I'm trying to hurt her again.
I just wanted to tell her myself, to look into her eyes when I said it so she would believe it, so she would trust me, but now I had this option left and I couldn't afford not trying all my options.
I types a few texts and erased them, no words felt right enough, I didn't even know what exactly to write so I kept on writing and erasing until I wrote something that looked okay, not really perfect but hopefully it would do.
'Hey, I know I might be too late but I couldn't just go quiet like that, I took a while but I realized it's you Khushi, you are the one I want to spend my life with and I know saying this might not mean much to you right now but I know you believe in us, and I hope if you still have a little hope left for us, you will give me just one chance please, all I want to do is talk to you, please?' I pressed the send button and then kept on staring at my phone again every few seconds waiting for a reply or just anything from her.
*****
There was a knock at the door of my room, I just looked up when I heard it, the door opened up and Sonakshi walked in. I had been sitting in this same position for a couple hours, anxiously staring at my phone hoping I would get a text back but so far, nothing!
Maybe she had made her decision and she was firm on it, she dint care whether I loved her now or not, and maybe I lost the girl I loved once again.
"Hey, what are you doing?" She asked as she sat down beside me.
"Nothing, just bored." I shrugged.
"You want to go out? We could go do something fun? I was bored too so I thought I'd come visit you and we could go out like we used to before." She smiled.
"I really don't feel like, I'm tired today."
"Okay... are you okay though? You seem stressed. You've been looking stressed for a while now, is everything okay Arnav?" She looked at me keenly.
"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine." I faked a smile, she nodded and then pulled out her phone as she started scrolling through it, sitting here beside her felt different, it wasn't like before, before I would be so excited and nervous, and I would just want for her to keep sitting beside me and never leave, right now it just felt so normal, nothing extra ordinary and I wouldn't mind if she actually left, I just felt like I needed to be alone right now, I had so much going on in my mind.
Out of nowhere, she grabbed my hand and held it into hers as she faced me, she looked at me seriously and then smiled a bit.
"I know everything has changed, we aren't the same people we were before, but I believe one thing that hasn't changed is our friendship, because you might be a good liar but I can see it, there's something bothering you and if you don't want to talk about it then it's okay but I'm here for you, always."
"I know, it will just take time for things to get back to normal with us." I sighed.
She stared at me for a moment and then leaned towards me, at first I thought she just wanted to give me a hug to make me feel better but then she grabbed my face and pulled me closer for a kiss, I stood up immediately and stepped away.
Wow! There was a time I couldn't wait for this moment to happen between us, and now that it was just about to happen it felt so wrong!
"I have a girlfriend Sona!" I looked at her in shock, she knew it, I had told her I was seeing someone, and I know practically Khushi and I were broken up but I hadn't given up on us.
"You broke up!" She stood up, she seemed angry, why was she angry?
"I didn't tell you that, who told you that we broke up?"
"Mom of course, you know your mom and my mom talk about everything."
"I seriously can't believe this! First they try to set me up with Khushi and now that Khushi and I are broken up they try to set us up? I am disgusted! It's like she doesn't matter to them if she's not connected to me" I was so angry, what the hell was wrong with them? I'm sure they had put these ideas in Sona's mind.
"They didn't do anything, if anything mom told me to leave you alone. I just... I thought I would be okay with you being with someone else Arnav, but every time I look at you I just feel so hurt that you aren't mine anymore. I still love you, I never moved on from you."
"Sona, please!"
"I know you don't want to hear me saying I love you and I wouldn't if you were still with her, but you aren't and I can't stop thinking if maybe there's a chance for us. Maybe we were always meant to be together right? That's why you two broke up, so we could be together."
"No... we broke up because we had some problems, it doesn't mean you and I can be together Sona. After you left, everything was so difficult, I didn't even think I could ever fall in love again, but then I met Khushi... I am in love with her now and you have to accept that. I am so sorry, I never thought I would be saying these words to you, but it's the truth Sona, I used to love you, I no more love you, so please, next time don't try this. I don't want to ruin our friendship."
"Wow! Okay... I get it. I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't have done this, it's just that when mom told me about your break up I thought there was a hope for us, I'm really sorry."
"It's okay, now if you don't mind I'd like to be alone for now. I'll talk to you later?"
"Okay...bye." She turned around and walked away sadly.
I don't know what was happening in my life, I mean I was hurting one person after then other every passing day, firstly I hurt Khushi, now Sona I don't know who else I was going to hurt tomorrow.
I grabbed my phone and checked the messages and there was still no reply from Khushi and that just broke my heart, maybe she was actually over me and she dint want anything to do with me anymore.
Only if I wasn't such a confused element and would have realized my feelings when she was literally begging me to love her, I wouldn't be in this situation here. Karma was doing it's job, now it was my turn to beg her to Love me!