"good morning" - speaking
'im hungry' - thinking
*sneezes* - action
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POV Gudao
Alucard: "WALTER! How you doing, buddy? You look moisturized, you get some work done?"
Walter: "I have been seeing a doctor, and he's administered a rather unorthodox treatment"
Alucard: "Shot in the dark was it vampire DNA?"
Walter: "It was a spa day, a deep tissue massage and a face mask with some help of a holy grail."
Alucard: "Holy shit, how do you get one of those."
Walter: "Ah you y'know Nazis found it in their attic, so they told me I can use it to kill you."
Merlin: "Looks like we found our culprit."
Integra: "Walter."
Walter: "Ma'am."
Integra: "I'm saying this out of courtesy. If you've betrayed us. I will personally mount your head over a urinal in our men's room."
Jalter: "She's kidding right?"
Seras: "That explains the third floor restrooms! Which are now currently in the first floor restrooms."
Artoria: "Apparently, she wasn't kidding."
Alucard: "Now, now now. Before we start throwing around words like "betrayal" or "cucked"."
Mash: *sweat drop* "I don't think anyone said that last part."
Alucard: "Lets let Walter explain himself."
Walter: "I'm betraying you."
Alucard: "Aw, you cuck!"
Gudao: "Who could've seen that coming."
Integra: "You treasonous little dish-washer! after all these years, you're stabbing me in the back! And for what."
Walter: "I'm just doing my job, ma'am. What you fail to understand is that I'm a butler second, and a vampire hunter first."
-Small Timeskip-
Alucard starts bowing down to Integra
Alucard: "Integra. I want to hear you say. I. NEED. To hear it.
Integra pulls out a cigar and a lighter and begins to light it.
Merlin: *whispers* "This is needlessly dramatic."
After Integra takes the cigar out of her mouth she breaks it in half.
Integra: "FUCK HIM IN THE VAGINA!"
Alucard: "HEHE-HAH-HAH-HAH HAHA!!"
Artoria: "Was that really necessary?"
We then hear a speaker which was someone talking in a really stereotypical German accent. I look around to see a blimp come down somewhat crashing into the ground behind us. The door lifts up and ramps begin to descend down close to us, I see a catboy?
???: "Come ladies and gentlemen, Let's let them have zheir fun."
'Are we really going into a Nazi blimp without a plan?" I begin to sweat drop a little
Integra: "Come on everyone."
We begin to follow Integra into the blimp while Seras starts speaking to Alucard. After she was done talking to him she runs back to us going up the ramp up into the blimp. When we arrive to the entrance I see the catboy again.
???: "Everyone aboard the SS Schutzstaffel, or as ve like to call it, the SS SS-"
When he was still speaking Integra suddenly pulled out a gun and shot him in the head
Gudao: "Geez Integra, what the hell!"
Integra: "Sorry I just had to do it."
As we were heading into the blimp, we begin to see Nazis and obviously Nazis being Nazis, begin shooting at us. Mash comes up front and shields of from their gunfire, while Jalter uses her flames to kill a majority of them while Seras shoots back. While we fight them, I keep noticing they're always smiling even when they die its honestly very creepy. Apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed.
Jalter: "Can these weirdos stop smiling."
One of the Nazis who got shot started talking to Integra.
Nazi soldier: "You seem so angry, but you'd be so much prettier, if you smiled more"
Seras then sliced off his head after he finished his sentence
Integra: "These fools die with a smile on their face. Their religion is death and carnage. A cult of nihilism.
Seras: "Then I'll be their fucking Kool-aid!"
Then the speakers in the blimp turn on and the major starts speaking.
Major: "Fun fact: in Jonestown it was actually Flavor aid. A less popular competing brand"
(I'm skipping the majors speech honestly doesn't add anything to the whole plot of things, to me its just filler but I am going to add reactions to it. If you want to hear his speech go to Hellsing ultimate abridged episode 9.)
Artoria: "This isn't glory, this is just insanity."
Merlin: "These people are truly the worse."
Jalter: "Lets hurry so we can shut that guys mouth already"
Explosions can be heard in the blimp which begins to shake the blimp as the major finished his speech, I see one of the people from the court yard.
Seras: "Pip, was that Pip?"
Integra: "Oh sweetie no, Pip's dead"
'Who's Pip' I thought to myself
Seras: "I swear I just heard him"
???: "Hmmm."
Integra: "Maybe it was that guy."
Seras: "I kinda doubt it?"
Integra: "well if you excuse us, we're going to find out if my sword will fit in the major's glory hole. Do me a favor and clean up the rest of this mess."
While she was saying that she brought out her lighter and then a cigar but before she could, the guy in front of us pointed at a no smoking sign.
Merlin: "Pfft."
Integra: "Fucking, Nazis about everything!"
Gudao: "Jalter I want you to stay with Seras to deal with that guys. Merlin cast a buff on her to help."
They both nod, while Merlin quickly casts a buff on Jalter, Jalter gets ready to fight the man in front of us. After Merlin finished his buff we begin to walk to where the major is.
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POV Jalter
As master and the rest begin to leave me and "police girl" here to deal with this growl dude, police girl talks to him.
"Police Girl": "You wouldn't happen to be French, would you?"
Jalter: "I'm French."
"Police Girl": "Oh sorry I wasn't asking you, I thought I heard my dead French friend so I asked him."
She pointed at growl dude.
"Growl Dude": "Uh-uh"
"Police Girl": "Alright, Didn't think so"
She picks up two machine guns on the floor and begins shooting at him, Which he then starts shooting back with his weird long stupid pistols. After the two stop shooting at each other it caused smoke to block each others view, I take the opportunity to attack him alongside "Police Girl". He countered her by taking off his coat and place it on her, after which he tried to shooting her but I used my flag spear to try and stab him but he dodges and tries to shoot me but "Police Girl" gets back up and uses her weird black and red arm thing. He dodges and jumps back but when he was about to get hit by said black and red thing, he suddenly crouches down and arches his back up emanating some weird white aura. When he lifted his face back up, half of it was what looked to be a wolf.
Jalter: "What the fu-
He then started to grow bigger while also turning white, now in front of me is a giant white wolf.
Seras/Jalter: 'He's a NAZI WEREWOLF?!!'
He lunges at me but I dodge out of the way (sorry its getting annoying to keep saying police girl the reason, why I did it in the first place is because Jalter isn't the type to remember names) Seras got bit instead. He throws her into the wall and quickly turns into a human wolf form and kicks her down through the floor, sending her lower into the blimp. He shortly jumps down the hole he kicked Seras through, as I followed after.
I land on the floor and see Seras on the floor not looking so well.
Jalter: "Jeez you alright?"
Seras: "Uh, well while it does hurt I'm a vampire so I wouldn't die from this. Also I hear my dead French friend in my head."
Jalter: "That's weird."
After I said that the Nazi werewolf guy tries to kick us both but we jump over him. Once we land Seras gets ready to attack again, she lunges at him with a kick which he dodges. Seras then uses her weird arm to pierce him but when she does the guy becomes a ghost??
Seras: "So he's also a ghost? What the fuck?!"
Jalter: "I honestly have no words."
The dude starts flying around in some ghost form and lands on top of Seras hand blades.
Seras: "Hey dark broody lady, Pip is telling me we need silver to pierce his heart and kill him. Unfortunately I left all me silver bullets back home."
Jalter: "Don't call me that, my name is Jalter"
Seras picks something up
Seras: "Jalter I found a silver tooth, we can use it to kill this Nazi werewolf fuck. I need you to keep him place so I pierce his heart with it."
I nod when suddenly he jumps toward Seras and kicks into a wall. When she recovers she grabs a giant bomb?! She throws at the dude but he kicks back to her, it causes a explosion and dust and smoke covers the area. I use my spear to attack him starting with a overhead slash down, he blocks and tries to punch me. I parry his punch then use my spear to stab in the chest and keep him in. When I see Seras come up behind him and then a man materialized next Seras which I'm guessing is Pip he flings up the silver tooth up and grabs it.
Pip: *in French* "Very sorry, Big Bad Wolf!"
Then jams his fist into the wolf dudes chest to where his heart is, causing the wolf dude to fall down blood spewing out of him. When the wolf dude lands on the floor I see him tilt his head and smile. He then does a high-pitched cry and turns into blue flames and dies. I look around and see the holy grail due to being in the storage area of the blimp, I walk over and took it.
Jalter: "That was certainly a manly scream."
Seras: "C'mon lets get out of here"
We then start walking out of the storage area of the blimp and back to everyone else.
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We come back to Gudao and everyone else walking into control room of where the major is.
POV Gudao
We arrive to where the major is and we see him sitting.
Major: "Ah, willkommen!, said the spider to the fly. I'd say you're more like a hornet-"
He was interrupted when Integra pulled out her pistol and started shooting at him, which was stopped by a bulletproof glass wall.
Gudao: *sweat drop* "Integra you really need to fix that trigger finger"
Major: "And unlike its modest brother, the bee, the hornet does not die after it has stu-"
Which again he was interrupted by Integra shooting her pistol again after she reloaded. She finishes the mag and begins to reload again.
Major: "It guards its nest with the ferocity and the tenacity of a-"
And AGAIN Integra interrupts him by shooting her pistol once again.
Major: "A MOTHER WHO IS PROTECTING ITS CHILD"
After she finished her last mag she pulls out a sword and lunges into the glass wall, which breaks the sword.
Artoria: "Sir Integra did you really need to that?"
Integra: "Sorry I really need that out of my system."
Major: "Okay, if the bullets weren't going to work, then why would the sword"
Merlin: "Hey at least she tried."
Integra throws he broken sword away
Integra: "YOU COWARD!"
Major: "Ah, we all have our own shields~ Some of us have tempered glass, while she literally has a shield."
He points to Mash.
Major: "Others have King of Vampires."
When he said that he grabs a remote
Major: "Speaking of whom."
He pressed on the remote and we see the screens all around the room turn on showing Alucard as a little girl? I can tell due to, her? Him? Laughing with his regular voice.
Integra: "Oh, Jesus"
Major: "Someone's on a binge after purging, and it seems like our dear Alucard is looking to get white-girl-wasted. Let's hope that nobody spiked his drink, ja?"
'What does he mean by that?' I asked myself.
-Cut to Schrödinger-
Schrödinger starts laughing as he cuts off his own head and jumps into Alucards horde of souls
-Back to everyone else-
We watch Alucard on the screen.
Alucard: "Look at me, Walter! I'm sucking everyone but you! So in celebration of your wasted attempts, I'm going to give you the little death you deserve. And before you ask, YES! This IS a JoJo reference!
Back to where we're at Merlin says something.
Merlin: "I'm sure Blackbeard would love this."
Looking back to the screens Walter seems more young.
Walter: "I gave up everything to kill you! So just lie back, AND THINK OF HELL!"
Walter jumps toward Alucard and uses one of his strings to split Alucard in half, blood starts spewing out of him.
Alucard: *girlish voice* "Ah, yameru, Walter! You're splitting me in two!
Alucard starts speaking again but with both voices overlapping each other.
Alucard: "Now do it another 3 million times, why don 'cha!?"
The major starts speaking again.
Major: "Ah, poor Walter, Each second ticks his life down due to him using the holy grail, all to grasp a victory that never belonged to him. A piece of our puzzle, three million, seven hundred und eight thousand, nine hundred und seventeen pieces large. Und now, it falls to Millennium (the name of the Nazi organization) to finish it."
Integra: "What is going on!"
Major: *laughs* "Fraulein, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?"
Integra: "I SHOT Schrödinger's cat!"
Gudao: "That person was Schrödinger's cat?"
Major: "Indeed! and yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, one of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet, to consume a thing is to know a thing. Alucard is now partaking of warrant officer Schrödinger's paradoxical existence, und as our dear cat-boy stares into the abyss that is within Alucard. That abyss. Stares. Back. The wave function collapses, uncertainty becomes certainty, the proverbial coin flips, und~
As me and Artoria minds explode trying to understand what the major was saying we suddenly see Alucard go
*POP*
And vanishes.
Integra: "ALUCARD!"
Gudao: "WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ALUCARD!"
Integra: "What did you do!?"
Major: "I CALLED HEADS!!"
Suddenly the screens break and fire surrounds us
Integra: "Whatever you've done with him. You're not making it out of here alive."
Major: "Then my last meal, shall be victory!"
An explosion happens behind us, as both Seras and Jalter come up through a hole and land causing the flames to disappear.
Seras: "Status report:"
Jalter: "Killed a Nazi werewolf."
Seras: "Pip's inside me."
Integra: "He's inside us all of us, Seras."
Merlin: "No he is literally inside her, I can sense it."
Integra: "Oh, also, where did you find a Nazi werewolf?"
She said asking the major.
Major: "Where did you find Dracula?"
Integra: "In a basement."
Major: "Oh how poetic, we found both the Holy Grail and the werewolf in an attic. I mean we find lots of things in attics."
Seras: "Holy shit!"
Major: "I meant antiques! The Juden was out Fuhrers obsession, not mine! Anne Frankly, I'm insulted by the insinuation."
Jalter: "Funny how I found the Holy Grail in your storage area."
Hearing this I didn't have to worry about looking for the Holy Grail, since we needed to find the Holy Grail to end the singularity.
Integra yells out Seras name to which Seras starts shooting at the glass wall, once she saw it wasn't working she used her red and black arm and thrust it down through the floor suddenly bringing up a giant canon.
Mash: "WHAT!?"
Major: "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! COME ON, BITCH!! SHOW ME WHAT YOU LOOOOVE!!
Seras then aims the canon at the major and shoots the giant bullets hits the glass wall breaking now hitting the major, exploding a part of the room.
Gudao: "Jeez."
Romani pops up
Romani: "Apparently Walter has died, and since you have the Holy Grail, you have stopped this singularity. I'll shortly ray shift you back to Chaldea."
Gudao: "Alright then. Well Integra thank you for aiding us with our quest."
Integra: "Oh please it was nothing, I should rather be thanking you for helping me kill these Nazi fucks."
The smoke clears and see the major, with half his body gone and he looks to be.... Mechanical? HES A ROBOT NAZI??! 'This has to be one of the weirdest singularities I've ever done.' I thought to myself. We all then start to ray shift back to Chaldea.
--------------------------------------------------------------
POV Gudao
We all arrive back to Chaldea, and we are all exhausted.
Gudao: "Alright everyone, we helped stopped the singularity, Lets all go get rest seeing how exhausted we are. Mash let's quickly meet up with Romani and Da Vinci and report what we've done."
Everyone nods, while everyone leaves the ray shift, me and mash went to where Romani and Da Vinci are in the control room.
-Timeskip-
After reporting everything to Romani and Da Vinci, me and mash go to the cafeteria since we're pretty hungry. Luckily EMIYA is still here, I haven't seen Gudako since I've come back I'm guessing she's doing her daily tasks.
After finishing my meal, Mash leaves to some things while I go to my room for some sleep.
I would never expect the series of events that were going to happen tomorrow.
TO BE CONTINUED
(I'm really enjoying what I have at the moment, and I hope you feel the same. Again any feedback is appreciated, it helps me improve since this is my first fanfic. See you in the next chapter.)