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A/N:
okay hiii, una po sa lahat, sorry as always dahil ang tagal na naman ng update hahahahahahahaha
disclaimer lang po, regarding po sa mga medical terms used in this chapter and maybe in the next chapter too, hindi po ako professional at alagang google lang po hahaha
i have no intention of disrespecting the medical field, i only did this for the sole purpose of writing the chapter
i don't claim to be a professional just after a month of researching cancer related stuff (which i did in secret, cause i'd probably freak other people out if they saw me haha) i also tried watching tv series about doctors hhahahaha
and wait, fun (?) fact lang po
icymi, alyssa was actually 'holding' the paper plane in the story cover, then the huge letter 'S' in the word 'She' was intentional, kunyare yun yung pathway ng paper plane tas papunta kay den ahahahhahhzahahhhcxa ok ang corny
sana fun fact nga po ito para sa inyo,
kasi baka ito lang yung fun na mabasa niyo in this chapter
jokeeeeee, kinda
enjoy reading! :))))
-
That night, Alyssa held my hand as she walked me home.
We held hands until we reached my dorm.
It was the longest and most silent walk we had.
She squeezed my hand lightly before letting go of it.
"I'm sorry." Dennise apologized, assuming Alyssa cried because of their fight earlier.
She saw how quick Alyssa turned to look away. Trying to control her emotions.
"N-no... I'm sorry..." Alyssa barely said she almost whispered it.
Dennise was expecting Alyssa would say anything more about what happened but she didn't.
"I'll go ahead." Alyssa said but Dennise pulled her and kissed her goodnight.
"Goodnight." Dennise said.
After that Alyssa just stood there for a few seconds and held Dennise's hand again. She held it tight but not too much as if she didn't ever want to let her go.
When Alyssa let go of her hand, Dennise headed inside but Alyssa called her.
"Dennise..." Alyssa called so she turned to look at her again. "...I love you... I really do."
There was a relief hearing Alyssa say those words. Dennise thought they'd end their night without it. She smiled at her girlfriend.
"I love you too."
That night, our night ended.
Alyssa doesn't let us sleep knowing we're not fine.
Or at least when I'm not...
I assumed we were fine... because I was.
Whenever Alyssa tries to avoid talking about something, she changes the topic or cracks lame jokes, anything that would make me forget about it. But I just wait for her to tell me when she wants to.
Maybe I went overboard earlier, so like what I got used to, I'd just wait for her.
I thought Alyssa would be cracking jokes again tomorrow.
But that night, our night ended.
Without me knowing what really made Alyssa cry that night at the Gesu church.
Without me knowing how her reunion with her Auntie Jane at the cemetery went.
Without me knowing how she really was.
That night, I let us sleep without knowing one of us wasn't fine at all.
But I only realized it a few days later...
"Den," Alyssa picked her up after her class. "Let's visit our moms." she invited her.
Then on their way to the cemetery, Alyssa just stopped talking again. Whenever Dennise attempted to open a conversation, Alyssa didn't respond.
On the second chance she had to ask Alyssa how she really was, Dennise didn't take it.
Instead, it just pissed her off. How Alyssa preferred avoiding confronting conflicts.
Little did I know, she was just saving up her strength to break the news to me, to break me again.
At first, I found myself crying for her, I couldn't imagine the pain Alyssa was feeling after finding out the truth about how she got her guitar.
I felt bad because I had no idea how I would comfort her for that.
I couldn't imagine the guilt she was feeling wondering what could have happened if that guitar was never bought.
"You're right Dennise."
She smiled at me. Then I felt her pain even more... and mine too.
I found myself crying harder than I did before that day of the incident. I wasn't crying for Alyssa anymore, I was crying for myself.
"It really cost too much."
With that, my vision just went blurry and my mind clouded.
I remembered thinking how coincidental it was how Alyssa entered my life right after I lost mom.
So this was the reason why.
I might have blacked out a few times because I had no idea how I was able to walk away. Then just after awhile, Ella's already in front of me, no idea how she got there. She was asking me a bunch of questions I couldn't comprehend.
That day, I cried harder than I did when mom died.
-
Present Year, a week before Dennise and Gretchen met...
"She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma five years ago." one of the resident doctors explained. "She was treated with chemotherapy but now she's back, not feeling well."
"If this was five years ago, the chance of recurrence is very small." the other one said.
"Because she wasn't cured in the first place." Dennise said as she looked at the biopsy of one of the nodes. "It's not Hodgkin's lymphoma, it's Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma." Dennise said then looked at her co-doctors. The other doctors looked at it too.
"Right, the patient was misdiagnosed." the other one agreed with a nod.
"The patient can receive three cycles of chemotherapy. Let's see if she responds to it."
They all looked at the leader of the cancer center, Doc AJ Pareja for approval. The doctor just nodded at them.
As the doctors agreed to the best treatment for the patient, the meeting was dismissed.
-
Dennise stretched her arms and removed her coat. Finally the discussions regarding the cases were finished, now she could go home.
"Doc Dennise." Dennise turned to look at the doctor who called her.
"Doc AJ." she said.
"I'm really glad you decided to stay here. I know you had a great fellowship program in States."
Dennise smiled. "It's not about the greater opportunities, it's about where I want to be." she answered. "Maybe soon, but for now, I'm staying." she assured him.
"Thank God it's here." masayang sabi naman ni Doc AJ. "Right, I'll see you tomorrow." nagpaalam na sila sa isa't isa at nagsimula nang maglakad papunta sa office nito si Doc AJ habang sa kabilang direksyon naman pumunta si Dennise, to the cancer ward. Gusto niyang sumilip dito bago umuwi.
Then Dennise saw her again, that girl who she'd been seeing outside the cancer ward for days. Pacing back and forth as if waiting.
It wasn't her business but Dennise asked an intern nearby.
"Doc Pong, is she waiting for someone?" Dennise asked Pauline or Ponggay Gaston.
Ponggay shook her head. "Hindi po Doc, natanong ko rin siya ngayon-ngayon lang, akala raw niya dito 'yung daan sa room ng kasama niya."
Tumango naman si Dennise at binalik ang tingin nito sa babae na patuloy pa rin sa palakad lakad saka ito nilapitan.
"May hinihintay po ba sila?" magalang na tanong ni Dennise sa babae mismo kahit mukhang mas bata ito sa kanya.
Napatingin kay Dennise ang singkit na mga mata nito.
"Ah, I got lost po." diretsong sagot nito kay Dennise.
Nagtaka naman si Dennise sa bilis nito sumagot, it sounded defensive and rehearsed, or Dennise was just misjudging it.
Tumango tango si Dennise sa babae at nginitian ito. "Where are you headed? I'll help you."
"I-I'm fine, I already asked for directions earlier po." sagot nito at biglang nagmadaling maglakad palayo kahit parang ayaw pa talaga nito umalis.
Hindi umalis si Dennise sa kinatatayuan niya pero sinundan niya ng tingin ang babae.
Mga ilang hakbang pa ay tumigil din ito at muling nilingon si Dennise at nagulat nang makitang nakatingin din ito sa kanya.
"Doc." pagtawag nito kay Dennise.
"Yes?" sagot ni Dennise.
"Oncologist ka po ba?" mahinang tanong ng babae pero sapat lang para marinig ni Dennise.
Nginitian ulit siya ni Dennise. "Yes I am." sagot niya. Ngunit imbis na sumagot ay tinignan lang siya nito ng ilang segundo, saka tumalikod na ulit nang magsalita ulit si Dennise. "Why Oncologist?" Dennise asked. Napaharap naman muli sa kanya ang babae at takang tinignan siya nito.
"Excuse me?" the girl asked.
"You asked me if I was an Oncologist." Dennise said. "Normally people who see anyone with a white lab coat would assume that person is a doctor." Dennise said. "But people who ask if the doctor's an Oncologist either works in the field or know someone there." then she looked at the girl.
The girl was caught off guard with the doctor's observation. Then she looked at Dennise for a few seconds.
"Saw it on your nameplate." the girl said.
Dennise saw how the girl's shoulders somehow relaxed.
"You familiar with it?" Dennise tried to guess.
"Not really." sagot naman ng babae.
But the thing was, Dennise took her coat off and was carrying it on her arms. She was amazed how the girl was able to read it and remember an unusual word like that. Or the girl probably read it a lot of times a few days earlier when Dennise was passing by and the girl 'got lost'.
Dennise thought that question was too random to ask or the girl really came here for a reason. That was what Dennise wanted to know.
She smiled.
"Then why ask?" she asked.
The girl looked away, as if trying to think of an answer.
"Do you know someone there?" Dennise asked another one, referring to the cancer patients.
"U-uhm no."
It could also be because the person who asked know someone who had cancer before. Like a relative, friend, or herself...
Dennise, no doubt, felt like the girl came here for a reason, but again, she was in no position to force people like that.
"Alright, sorry for asking too many questions. I was out of line, I'll go ahead." Dennise said with a smile before she ask more questions then started walking away.
That made the girl feel uneasy.
"Wait." the girl said so Dennise turned to look at her again. "It's fine... you probably sensed I needed some help."
Dennise just stood there and the girl walked towards her. That kinda made Dennise feel relieved.
"Y-you're right." the girl said. "No one would ask a random question like that without knowing anything about Oncologists." she confirmed. "I used to be a cancer patient here before." the girl confessed. "But I've been cancer-free for years now but... "
"I see. You want to confirm something?" Dennise asked and the girl nodded.
"I'm sorry I lied, I asked you because I wanted to confirm who's the other Oncologist here aside from Doc AJ. I just didn't want anyone to know I'm here for this." mahabang paliwanag nito bigla at tumango tango lang si Dennise. "Can I set an appointment?"
"Aside from Doc AJ?" curious Dennise asked but the girl just scratched her temple.
"Uh..."
Dennise sensed the girl didn't want to tell her so Dennise just answered her question.
"Yeah, sure you can." then Dennise suddenly remembered something. "Were you his first patient?" she asked.
"He told you?" gulat na tanong pa nito. Dennise shook her head.
"Not exactly." sagot naman ni Dennise at nginitian ito. "But I think I'm gonna have to ask him for your medical records."
"I knew he'd eventually find out." sabi nito sabay buntong hininga. Nagulat naman si Dennise nang hawakan nito sa braso. "Okay. But if I got the results, please don't tell him." pakiusap nito.
"That's your right as a patient. I won't tell him." Dennise assured the girl and smiled.
The girl was relieved and let go of the doctor's arm.
"Now, what's your name?" Dennise asked the girl.
The girl smiled. "Deanna." she said. "Deanna Wong."
-
Dennise's Internship days...
"Time of death, 1:39 PM."
Nagmadaling lumabas si Dennise ng kwarto at tumakbo paalis.
She found herself on a seat while crying her heart out. Her face and hands were soaking wet with her tears. She couldn't stop it, she continued to cry.
"Doctor Dennise!" a doctor called her. When he saw Dennise he quickly sat beside her.
It was Doctor AJ Pareja the head of the cancer center. He rubbed the intern's back to comfort her.
"It's okay, it's okay." pagpapakalma nito kay Dennise.
"I c-could have done something Doc." hirap na sabi ni Dennise habang nakatakip pa rin ang mukha. Her cancer patient just died, masyado nang malubha ang sakit nito na hindi na masosolusyunan ng kahit ano pero hindi ito matanggap ni Dennise.
"You did your best, that's what matters." sabi naman ni Doctor AJ sa kanya. "First patient?" tanong nito kay Dennise. Referring to the first patient who died on her.
Tumango naman si Dennise. Still couldn't accept what happened.
"That's why it's tough." sabi naman ni Doc AJ. "We'll get used to it but doesn't mean it won't hurt. I'll let you be for awhile, but don't let yourself dwell on it for long." he advised the intern.
Doc AJ just sat beside Dennise. They were silent for a few minutes except for Dennise's sob until she found her strength to speak.
"W-why are you so cool about it?" tanong ni Dennise.
Napatingin naman ang doktor sa kanya at napaisip kung ano ba ang dapat sabihin.
"I don't mean to sound insensitive nor invalidate your feelings, I understand how you feel. We've all been there." paliwanag nito.
Hindi naman na sumagot si Dennise kaya naisipan na lang ni Doc AJ magkwento ng karanasan niya sa ganitong sitwasyon.
"You know what? The very first patient who died on me, died because she stopped fighting." panimula niya. "She lost her sense of purpose to do so." pagkwento ni Doc AJ. "I really took it hard because like you, I was thinking I could have done something."
Dennise listened intentfully and Doc AJ continued.
"On the other hand, my very first patient, was a pain in the head... a total headache. Don't worry, she's still alive and kicking." he chuckled. "She wanted to give up at first, but in the end she fought really hard for her loved ones." he shared with a smile.
"In your case, your patient got here a little late. Our part as doctors is to give our best and you did." Doc AJ tried to comfort Dennise again. "The thing is, every patient is different, as doctors we should help them as best as we can, but if the patient doesn't want that, even if we know we can help, we have no choice but to respect their decisions."
"And when we can help them, sometimes it won't be enough and that's okay. It's not always sunshine for doctors. That's a fact that can take us a long time to accept."
Dennise removed her hands from her face and just let her tears fall down.
Suddenly a thought came into her mind. She stared at the floor.
"Doc." Dennise finally spoke.
"Hmm?"
"Which is worse..." Dennise spoke again. "...knowing someone is dying but you can't do anything to help..." then her voice cracked. "...o-or when someone suddenly died and you hoped you knew that person would die, thinking you could have done something."
Then it brought back a great amount of pain. Dennise found herself staring into nothing as she remembered the two most painful deaths she knew.
But Doc AJ just let out a genuine smile.
"Here's one thing for sure," he started. "The pain of death can't be measured on that. No death is comforting Dennise." he said dropping the 'doctor' to talk to Dennise as a friend. "Maybe for the ones who died, because their suffering will finally end and they can finally be able to rest in peace." he slightly shook his head. "But not for the ones who are left behind, because it hurts a lot to lose someone." he said. "I've had patients who wished they die a quick death instead, so they won't have to endure the pain longer, both from the cancer cells and leaving their loved ones behind." he shared. "Best we can do is try to live for them. By doing that, we can make ourselves better and help more people who are experiencing the same thing as the ones who died." he looked at the struggling and curious intern. "That's what we're going for, because we believe everyone has the right to live their life to the fullest, so that includes us too."
That pinched something on Dennise. Doc AJ's words let her see the same thing from a different perspective.
She remembered again what her mom had always taught them. To look at the positive side of the things. Ironic how she never forgot that, but never applied it on herself.
Then Doc AJ wiped Dennise's tears, Dennise felt embarrassed but she just let him. After that Doc AJ pulled her to look at the other cancer patients. There were patients who looked really sick but despite that, a lot of them still managed to smile and laugh.
"Let me just tell you this." Doc AJ said. "The most important thing I've learned from this is to stop focusing on what I could've done and just focus on what more I can do."
Again, that hit a spot on Dennise. She wasn't able to respond anymore. She was left staring at the patients' smiles and hearing them laugh.
She was too busy focusing on the tragic part of the cancer ward that she forgot to look at this side of it.
"Let's not forget those who left us but let's not also focus on them alone too, because it makes us forget about the great side of fighting cancer. Which is the relationships we develop with our patients for the rest of their lifetime." he continued and Dennise just kept on listening. "That's what my patients taught me, to live my life to the fullest because we never know what tomorrow might bring."
That was the thing about cancer, you can be cured from it but there would still be a chance it might come back.
"When I feel down, when something goes wrong, I just look at them." sabi ni Doc AJ habang nakangiting nakatingin sa mga pasyente. "I tell myself that I will do my best to keep those smiles on their faces." sabi pa nito. "Kaya 'wag ka nang malungkot Doc," sabi ni Doc AJ at siniko pa si Dennise. "Kaya ang daming nag-iisip na malungkot sa cancer ward eh. Hay." the doctor joked.
Dennise somehow stopped crying now and tried her best to smile as she was still stuck staring at the patients' smiles.
Like what she asked the girl Deanna, Dennise was also asked the same question. When they finally had to choose their specialization.
"Why Oncologist?"
But she couldn't say one exact reason.
Other future oncologists that time answered, "Because my bestfriend died of cancer.", "Because my father died too." and the likes.
When it was her turn,
"How did your mom die?"
Yes it was normal for them to talk about deaths by that time. For Dennise, she could finally talk about it without breaking down. Like what Doc AJ said, it would still hurt, but it wasn't as bad as before. Being around a lot of patients helped her.
"Gunshot." Dennise simply said.
It was an unusual answer.
"Why Oncologist?"
All along she was expecting she'd become a doctor who would heal gun wounds or anything close to that. But she didn't know why either, it just felt right at that time.
That girl Deanna was right, no one would mention Oncologist without a reason. In Dennise's case, she chose it, without knowing herself why.
But years passed by and Dennise still had no regrets about it.
-
"Deanna Wong?" gulat na tanong ni Doc AJ habang binabasa ang medical record request ni Dennise para kay Deanna.
"Yes Doc." sagot naman ni Dennise.
Inalis nito ang tingin sa papel at tinignan si Dennise. "Bakit hindi siya sa'kin lumapit? Where is she?"
"Seriously no idea Doc." sagot naman ni Dennise na kakakilala lang kay Deanna.
"Sabi ko na hindi talaga magsasabi 'yung batang 'yun eh." sabi naman ni Doc AJ.
"I'd like to have it Doc as soon as possible so I can study her case." sabi naman ni Dennise.
"Right." sabi ni Doc AJ.
Nag-antay naman si Dennise hanggang sa maibigay na sa kanya ang medical record ni Deanna.
"I'd like to have her as my patient instead."
"It depends Doc." sabi naman agad ni Dennise at mukhang ayaw ng pasyente niya mapunta kay Doc AJ kahit hindi niya alam ang dahilan. Nilahad naman niya ang kamay niya para kunin ang dokumento kay Doc AJ na nag-aalangan pa itong iabot.
"Doctor Dennise, sakaling kailangan niya ng operasyon at umayaw siya, would you let her be?" Doctor AJ asked.
"Like what you said Doc." sagot naman ni Dennise at hinawakan na ang papel pero dahil sa sagot niya ay parang ayaw nang bitawan ni Doc AJ ito.
"You see, Deanna is..."
"A headache?" si Dennise na ang nagtuloy. "Don't worry, it's fine with me."
Kahit labag sa loob nito ay binigay na nito kay Dennise ang medical record ni Deanna.
"Fine." Doc AJ answered in defeat. "Please just let me know what the result would be."
"I'm sorry to say Doc but I can't tell you." sabi naman ni Dennise na kinagulat ni Doc AJ.
"What? Did she tell you not to?" 'di makapaniwalang tanong nito.
"That's all I can tell you Doc, I'll go ahead." nakangiti pang sabi ni Dennise
"Hey." pigil ni Doc AJ pero tuloy tuloy lang sa paglalakad si Dennise hanggang sa makalabas ito. Nang makaalis na si Dennise ay gulat pa rin ang doktor. "I can't believe this kid..." sabi nito at napailing na lang sabay hablot ng phone nito sa bulsa. "Tignan natin kung hindi mo rin sasabihin dito." sabi nito at may tinawagan sa phone.
Pero natapos na ang pag-ring nito nang hindi sumasagot ang tinawagan ni Doc AJ.
"Mukhang busy pa sa Japan."
-
The door opened and Deanna entered in a hurry. Nagulat naman si Dennise dito.
"Sorry I'm late, I had to check on my dad." paliwanag ni Deanna bakit ilang minuto siyang late sa appointment niya with Dennise.
Dennise just smiled at her. "It's fine."
"So you only had partial mastectomy before." Dennise said and started talking about Deanna's medical history. "We'll do imaging test for your breast."
Dennise continued to explain what was going to happen and Deanna just kept on staring at her. Dennise thought she was nervous so she smiled at her again.
"Hey, don't be nervous." Dennise said.
"Uh, sorry... no." Deanna apologised then shook her head. "Just felt like I've seen you somewhere before." sabi nito at parang inaalala kung saan.
Napatango naman si Dennise. "Hmm." Dennise said. "I used to play volleyball in Ateneo." Dennise answered.
It's been years and there were still people and fans who recognized Dennise. She encountered quite a few even during her years as a medical student and a doctor.
But Deanna shook her head. "No... I don't watch volleyball. My dad was pushing me but I didn't pursue it." nakakunot pang sabi nito habang inaalala pa rin kung saan niya nakita ang doktor. "I'm sorry, maybe that's someone else."
"I see." Dennise said then they went on with the physical exams.
When the result came out.
"There's a suspicious activity on your left breast." dahan dahang paliwanag ni Dennise at baka mabigla si Deanna.
"What should we do about it Doc?" alalang tanong ni Deanna. Pero parang hindi ito sa results nag-aalala, kung hindi sa ibang bagay.
"I suggest we do a biopsy to get more accurate results." suhestiyon ng doktor at napatahimik naman si Deanna nang ilang segundo.
Napabuntong hininga naman si Deanna bago sumagot. "Okay." simpleng sagot nito saka sila nagpatuloy.
A week later...
"Wait---" Ella stopped Dennise. "When you said you've moved on, which one are you referring to exactly?" Ella asked.
"Oh." Dennise said then looked up then back to Ella. She smiled. "Well I guess you better just figure it out yourself." she said then left her Ella and Gretchen hanging.
Gretchen's eyes followed Dennise until she was no longer in sight.
"Has she really moved on?" tanong ni Gretchen saka tumingin kay Ella na nakatingin din pala sa labas.
"Which one are you referring to?" pag-ulit ni Ella ng tanong niya kay Dennise kay Gretchen saka ito tinignan.
"About what happened first... why they ended."
"Kahit alin naman doon hindi ko alam ang sagot." pag-amin ni Ella. "She stopped talking about it for years, if that's how you will consider it then yes, she has moved on from what happened."
"And for the second one... has she moved on from Alyssa?" tanong ulit ni Gretchen.
"I never heard her say her name for years." sabi naman ni Ella. "So I'm as surprised as you are... 'yan lang ang masasabi ko."
Natahimik na lang silang dalawa at napa-isip din.
Out of the cafe, back to the hospital, Dennise was greeted by her colleague and friend, Gonzi. The one who just called her on the phone and invited her for lunch.
"Where have you been? I'm starving." Gonzi asked but Dennise just continued walking.
"You go ahead, I'm not hungry." Dennise said then walked past him.
"What? You just said, Okay, I'm on my way." Gonzi quoted her but Dennise already left.
Dennise went straight to the bathroom and washed her face at the sink to clear her mind. She closed her eyes tight then took a deep breath.
She opened her eyes then dried her face.
Yes, she just wanted to get out of there.
No patient was really waiting for her at the moment.
So why?
You mentioned her first Dennise.
Dennise told herself. She wasn't sure why either. She was sure she already moved on.
She went out of the bathroom and saw Doc AJ walking towards her.
"Oh Doc Dennise." bati pa nito pero alam naman ni Dennise na inaabangan lang talaga siya nito. "Nakita mo ba si Deanna?" tanong na naman nito at napabuntong hininga naman si Dennise.
Doctor AJ had been bugging her since he found out Deanna was here. Though he never saw Deanna because the kid was probably hiding from him, so he bothered Dennise about her instead with the hope of Dennise telling her what the result of the biopsy was.
Maybe it was because of the week of Doctor AJ bugging her and what happened at the Cafe earlier that Dennise wasn't in the mood at that moment.
Dennise crossed her arms. But she also smiled.
"Hindi ko po alam kung nasa'n si Deanna. Everytime na lang, hindi po ako assistant or PA ni Deanna para alamin ang schedule niya sa bawat oras ng araw."
Mahabang sabi ni Dennise habang nakangiti pa rin pero alam naman na ng kausap nito na hindi 'yon dahil natutuwa pa si Dennise, kung 'di dahil naiinis na ito.
"Right." na lang ang nasabi ni Doctor AJ at tinuro pa ang hintuturo nito na parang nakuha ang gustong iparating ni Dennise. "I'll go ahead." medyo kabadong paalam nito saka agad na umalis.
Napabuntong hininga ulit si Dennise para pakalmahin ang sarili saka nagdesisyong pumunta sa pathology lab. The biopsy result should be out by now so she decided to check.
When she got the results, Dennise quickly called Deanna.
"So do I have it again?" agad na tanong ni Deanna sa doktor pagkakita niya rito.
"Have a sit." Dennise said then Deanna sat across her. "Based on the results..." Dennise said, again trying to tell her slowly so Deanna wouldn't get too surprised. "You have early onset breast cancer."
Napatango tango naman si Deanna pero hindi sumagot.
"You can have double mastectomy to prevent it or reduce the risk." Dennise recommended.
"Should I have that?" Deanna asked.
"I recommend it." Dennise advised.
Napaiwas naman ng tingin si Deanna. "Is this urgent, or can I think about it for at least a day?" tanong ulit niya.
"Yes," tumatangong sabi ni Dennise. "sure you can."
Agad namang tumayo si Deanna.
"Can I go now?" Deanna asked again, when Dennise nodded, Deanna quickly left.
-
After that long tiring day, Dennise decided to go home.
Dennise opened the door to her unit when a familiar face greeted her.
"Gretch!" gulat na sabi ni Dennise. "How'd you get in?"
Nginitian naman siya nang malapad ng kaibigan saka sumagot. "Kinda borrowed the duplicate from Jus." sabi naman nito sabay pakita ng susi.
"Kinda?" Dennise asked and her brow was raised. "You mean she didn't know?" tanong niya ulit at napamewang na lang.
"Doesn't matter, I just wanna have chitchat with you." pag-iwas naman sumagot ni Gretchen.
"Shut up, I know why you're here." pagbuko naman ni Dennise. "I told you I'm fine."
Then Dennise suddenly remembered something. Dahil nasa pintuan pa rin siya, napabukas siya ng pinto ng todo at napalingon sa paligid.
"Sino hanap mo?" tanong naman ni Gretchen at napalingon din sa paligid. "No, Jus is not here." paninigurado naman nito saka binalik ang tingin sa kaibigan. "Hinablot ko nga lang 'yung susi."
Dennise stopped. "No, I thought everyone is." sabi nito nang nakatingin pa rin sa paligid.
"Everyone?" takang tanong ni Gretchen pero hindi na sumagot si Dennise. "Oh." Gretchen said when she realized what Dennise was talking about. "You mean like that day right?" tanong naman nito pero hindi na ulit sumagot si Dennise at tuluyan nang pumasok sa loob. Dumiretso ito sa couch at sumalampak saka pumikit.
Nakita naman ni Gretchen sa tabi ni Dennise ang isang teddy bear na kulay blue. She also saw the other one at Dennise's office when she visited her earlier, the pink one.
Sumunod naman si Gretchen at tumabi sa kabilang side ni Dennise. Dahan dahan naman nitong sinandal ang ulo ni Dennise sa balikat niya. Hinayaan lang siya ni Dennise. Gretchen brushed her hair.
"How are you doing since that day?" tanong nito kay Dennise na payapa lang na nakasandal sa balikat niya.
After Alyssa and Dennise broke up...
"M-mom died..."
"A-anong nangyari?" tarantang tanong ni Ella kay Dennise na kanina pa humahagulgol habang nakatakip ang mga kamay sa mukha nito. Magmula pa sa pagsundo nito, hanggang sa taxi at hanggang sa nakarating na sila sa unit ni Dennise ay panay ang tanong ni Ella kung anong nangyari sa sementeryo.
Halos 'di niya rin maipasak ang susi sa pinto ni Dennise kanina dahil sa taranta at pag-aalala.
Kanina pa siya nagtatanong pero paulit-ulit lang ang sinasabi ni Dennise.
"M-my mom s-she died..." hirap at nanginginig na sabi ni Dennise.
"Okay, okay... kalma Dennise." alalang sabi ni Ella.
Agad namang pinaupo ni Ella si Dennise sa couch at hinimas ang likod nito.
"Kukuha lang ako ng tubig Besh." paalam niya at kumaripas ng takbo sa ref ni Dennise para kumuha ng inumin at agad inalok 'to kay Dennise.
Pero patuloy lang sa pag-iyak ito at hindi tinanggap ang tubig kaya nilapag na lang ito ni Ella sa lamesa sa tapat nila.
Akala ni Ella ay kaya ito sinabi ni Dennise dahil kagagaling lang nito sa sementeryo. Sanay naman na silang nalulungkot pa rin at minsan ay naluluha si Dennise kapag dinadalaw ang ina pero ngayon lang niya ulit nakitang humagulgol si Dennise dahil dito.
"Nag-message sa'kin si 'Ly, sunduin daw kita at nag-sorry pa." pagsabi ni Ella pero walang naririnig nang maayos si Dennise na tuloy lang sa paghagulgol. "Magkasama ba kayo kanina? May biglaang lakad ba at hindi ka man lang naihatid ng jowa mo?" kunyari'y inis pang sabi niya para mawala sana ang isip ni Dennise sa sakit sa pagkawala ng mommy niya. Dahil na rin sa taranta kaya wala siyang maisip na gawin para i-comfort si Dennise. Patuloy pa rin siya sa paghagod ng likod nito pero hindi pa rin ito kumakalma.
Dahan-dahang inalis ni Dennise ang mga kamay niyang nakatakip sa mukha niya pero nakayuko pa rin ito. Nakita naman ni Ella ang mugto nitong mga mata na tila walang bakas na tatahan ito agad.
"N-no way." hirap pa ring sabi ni Dennise.
"Ha?" naguguluhang tanong naman ni Ella.
Hindi agad makasagot si Dennise dahil sa paghahabol ng hininga. Nakita ni Ella kung paanong pinilit ni Dennise ngumiti kahit nanginginig pa ang mga labi nito. Pero hindi ito 'yung ngiti dahil sa saya, ironically, dahil ito sa sakit.
"I-it's because of her Ella." pagsasalita ulit ni Dennise. Dahil sa lito ay hinintay ni Ella na magsalita muli ito. Lalong lumalin ang paghinga nito. "There wouldn't have been a robbery... mom wouldn't have died..." lumakas ang boses nito, ramdam rin ang sakit na nararamdaman nito. Nawala na rin ang pekeng ngiti nito. "If it wasn't because of her..." kung may ilalakas pa ang iyak nito ay lumakas pa. "Of all the fucking people..." napatigil siya saglit na parang bumwelo. "...why did it have to be Alyssa!" she cried. "Why..." mahinang sabi nito.
Ella was stunned upon hearing that.
As she saw her bestfriend break for the nth time, it broke her too. Ella started breaking into tears too. She quickly hugged her bestfriend tight, not caring about how loud Dennise was crying.
It wasn't the noise that hurt Ella's ears.
It was hearing the pain in Dennise's tears.
And again, she had to be there for her.
For a different pain this time, but still from the very same person.
Alyssa fucking Valdez.
-
"I'm doing just fine." nakapikit na sabi ni Dennise at bahagyang napangiti. "Because I have you guys... you were all there for me." sagot nito kay Gretchen na napangiti sa sagot nito.
-
Dennise opened the door and was surprised with what she saw outside her room. She saw how crowded it suddenly was.
Nanigas na lang sa kinatatayuan si Dennise nang makitang andito lahat ng mga kaibigan niya. Thirdy, Jirah, Kim, Vic, Sheila, Gretchen, Ella, Synjin, and even Laura.
"Hello Den." bati sa kanya ng lahat.
Dennise tried to look away so they wouldn't catch a glimpse of her bloodshot eyes but it was already too late and everyone knew what happened already.
She'd been locking herself up for days. Curling up in her bed for hours, crying and just crying. Then she'd fall asleep from the exhaustion of crying only to wake up to find herself crying again.
Especially after her Dad visited her yesterday and talked to her, she had nothing else to do but cry her heart out the whole night.
From their circle, only Ella came to check on her constantly until Ella finally told everyone what happened. Ella had no idea how Dennise would react to it knowing Dennise didn't want anyone to know. But for Ella, she wouldn't want Dennise to feel this pain alone.
And when everyone heard about it, no matter how important what they had to do was, they cancelled everything and ended up at Dennise's tiny living room. Because for them, this was more important than anything else on their schedules.
When Dennise realized it was useless to hide it, she looked at them.
"Why are you all here?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be there for her? She's your best friend." a mix of pain, confusion, sadness were in her tone.
No one had the right words to say to that.
Jirah took the first move and stood up from the couch and made her way to her ate Dennise. Then she hugged her.
Dennise's body tensed.
"So are you." sabi ni Jirah.
Sumunod namang tumayo si Thirdy. "We're here for you." he said at lumapit din kay Dennise. "So stop thinking about anyone else and just think about yourself." he added then joined the hug. The rest of them followed Jirah and Thirdy to join the hug.
Thirdy was never the one they could rely on when it came to comforting someone or giving advices because most of the time, he couldn't keep a straight face during serious talks.
But tonight he didn't ruin the moment,
or did he...
"Wait--- I can't see!"
Suddenly they heard a voice with an intercom-like sound.
"Oh!" Thirdy was the first one to react and quickly lifted his hand where he had the phone.
They broke the hug then they saw Kiefer was facetime-ing his brother who was in US at that time.
"Sorry bro." sabi ni Thirdy at agad tinutok ang phone kay Dennise para makita siya ni Kiefer.
"Goodmorning Denden." bati naman ni Kiefer kahit gabi na.
Nakita naman ni Dennise na gulo gulo pa ang buhok nito na parang kagigising lang at maliwanag pa sa paligid nito, dahil na rin sa different timezones ng US at Pinas.
Hindi man nila inaakala, ay natawa nang mahina si Dennise, grateful for her friends. Dahil doon ay sinabayan nila siya at nakahinga nang maluwag kahit papaano.
Just when they thought they'd be all serious tonight... Ravena brothers were there, but not to ruin the moment.
That night, everyone decided to sleep over at her crib. They just let Dennise let it all out, both through laughter and tears and let her know they were there for her.
It helped Dennise lessen the pain somehow.
After that night, they all made extra effort to help Dennise move on from the pain as best as they could.
One of them would try to accompany Dennise at least most days in the week.
Like Thirdy, who helped Dennise move out from her dorm as a medical student in Ateneo, since Dennise decided to take a gap year because of what happened. They'd also go shopping together sometimes.
With Jirah, sometimes she would take Dennise on her gigs, usually at the Synj, Synjin's restobar where she would watch with him.
For Vic and Sheila or Kim and Mela, sometimes Dennise would thirdwheel on their dates but they wouldn't let her feel like one.
With Ella and Gretchen most of the times, it could be the most random things and nonsense topics that they talked about for hours.
With Kiefer, he would sometimes check on Dennise but then Dennise would just get annoyed because he'd call at 3AM forgetting the different timezones of the Philippines and US.
With Laura, the most unexpected thing happened, they got real close. They did girly stuff together and bonded really well.
But when their schedules forbid, they would just call or message Dennise.
But all these little gestures and huge efforts made it all easy for Dennise to overcome the pain she was feeling.
Or maybe because everything became easier after that night her dad, Mike, talked to her.
That night when Mike, Dennise's dad, talked to her, the night before her friends gathered around in her tiny living room...
After Dennise asked his dad if she could take a year off from med school, his dad let her right away.
She was surprised when her dad didn't ask her what was the reason behind it but it was a good thing because Dennise knew she might not be able to handle it and lose her pretense that she was okay.
Like in the past few days, she came back to her unit after that and continued what she had been doing... cry.
But that night, she was forced to stop... for awhile.
"Dennise, 'nak?" someone called on the door along with the knocking. It was loud yet calm enough to call her attention.
"Dad." mahinang nasabi ni Dennise na may halong taranta.
Agad siyang napapunas ng luha, pero dahil sa pagmamadali ay marahas ang pagkapunas niya na lalong nakadagdag sa pagkapula ng mga mata niya.
Binuksan niya ang pinto at nakita niya ang tatay niyang nakatayo sa labas ng kwarto niya na may lungkot sa mga mata.
"Dad, y-you're here." sabi naman ni Dennise at pilit itinago ang lungkot sa tono ng boses niya, umaasang kahit doon na lang ay hindi mahalata ng tatay niya.
Napatingon sa paligid ng kwarto niya si Mike at nakita ang gulo-gulong kama, mga gamit na tissue dahil sa iyak na nakakalat kung saan-saan at kung ano-ano pang kalat. Dahil dito ay nagmadaling tumakbo si Dennise pabalik sa kama at sinubukang ayusin ito pero sa taranta ay lalo lang itong gumulo.
It was the complete opposite of Dennise who was a neat-freak and wouldn't let not a single sight of dust in her space.
It was also enough to say how Dennise was a mess, inside and outside.
"Dennise." sabi ng ama at hinawakan sa balikat ang anak para patigilin na saka ito pinaupo sa kama.
"D-dad sorry, I'd clean it later." paumanhin naman ni Dennise.
"Pasensya na 'nak." biglang sabi ni Mike na kinagulat ni Dennise. "Ngayon lang ako nagkalakas na kausapin ka."
"W-what do you mean dad?" litong tanong ni Dennise. Umupo ito sa tabi ng anak saka ito tinignan.
"Tungkol sa hiwalayan niyo ni Alyssa." sabi naman nito.
"You don't h-have to Dad. It was mutual." pagdadahilan ni Dennise dahil wala pa siyang sinasabihan tungkol dito bukod kay Ella na kasama niya noong araw na 'yon.
"Alam ko ang nangyari." sabi na ni Mike para ipaalam sa anak niyang alam niya ang totoong nangyari at dahilan kung bakit nagkakaganito si Dennise. "Sa kanila ko mismo nalaman, kay Ruel at kay Alyssa."
"S-she told you?" tanong ni Dennise at tila nagbago ang ekspresyon nito sa mukha. "W-why did she tell you?" tanong pa ulit nito na tila nakatuon lang kay Alyssa ang mga tanong niya. Unti-unti ay bumalik na naman ang galit na nararamdaman niya. "How could she?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong pa nito.
Sa ayaw ni Dennise masaktan ang pamilya sa katotohanan ay kaya pinili niyang itago sa mga 'to. Kaya gano'n na lang ang galit na naramdaman niya bigla.
"'Nak." sabi ni Mike at niyakap ang anak.
Dahil doon ay kusang tumulo ang mga luha ni Dennise at niyakap pabalik ang ama.
"I should've known Dad." umiiyak na sabi nito. "I-I'm sorry." sabi pa nito.
"Dennise..." Mike called her. "Nandito ako para sabihin sa'yo," sabi nito. "na hindi kasalanan ni Alyssa ang nangyari... o ng tatay niya." sabi nito. Saglit namang napatigil si Dennise at naguluhan.
"W-what?" tanong niya saka dahan-dahang humiwalay sa yakap ng ama. Tinignan niya ang ama na nakatingin din sa kanya.
"Walang dapat sisihin sa nangyaring 'to kung 'di ang mga magnanakaw sa bangko nung araw na 'yon."
"What did she tell you?" again, Dennise referring to Alyssa alone.
"Si Ruel ang nakausap ko Den." sabi naman ni Mike. "Hindi niyo na dapat maramdaman ang sakit na naramdaman namin nang mawala ang asawa namin."
"What are you saying Dad?" hindi makapaniwala at mapait na sabi ni Dennise. "It's their fault." sabi nito nang may halong galit. "If only that guitar was never bought, only if her father didn't go to the bank that day." sinubukang magsalita ni Mike pero pinutol siya ni Dennise. "If only he didn't flash his money to the robbers and run back to the bank. If only he didn't run when they were all kneeling on the floor." sabi pa nito at nagbagsakan nang muli ang mga luha sa mga mata nito. Tumayo ito mula sa kama at bahagyang dumistansya sa ama. "Mom wouldn't have been shot... MOM WOULDN'T HAVE DIED!" puno ng galit at sakit na sigaw nito, pero tinignan lang siya ng ama na parang inaasahan na na maging ganto ang reaksyon ni Dennise.
"Tell me Dad. What did they tell you? Why aren't you mad?" tuloy pa rin ang pagtulo ng mga luha ni Dennise habang puno pa rin ng galit ang tono niya. Nasaktan naman si Mike na makitang ganto ang anak niya.
Tumayo si Mike bago nagsalita. "'Nak... plano talaga ng mga holdupper nakawan ang bangko na pinagtatrabahuhan ng mommy mo nung araw na 'yon." mahinahong panimula niya.
"Yes..." pagsagot ni Dennise at tumango pa. "...because Alyssa's Dad attracted them with the money in his hands."
"Ang pagpunta ni Ruel sa bangko ang hindi planado." pagtuloy ni Mike. "Paano nila malalamang pupunta siya ro'n ng oras at araw na 'yon?" again, kalmado ang pakikipag-usap ni Mike, hindi kagaya ng pakikipag-usap niya kay Ruel nang puntahan siya nito at ni Alyssa.
"What are you trying to say Dad?"
"The robbers brought huge bags and guns." paliwanag ni Mike. "Kahit hindi nila kilala si Ruel, at hindi nito inaasahan ang pagdating nito."
It made Dennise stop for a second with the realisation, but then she harshly looked away.
"That changes nothing Dad. Mom still died trying to save him!"
Sinubukan ni Mike maging maunawain sa sitwasyon kagaya ng yumao niyang asawa. Alam niya kung gaano kasakit ang nangyari kaya hindi siya umaasang makikinig si Dennise sa kanya.
"Nakausap ko ang mga pulis 'nak at doon nalaman ko rin ang statement ng mga magnanakaw." pagtuloy niya. "Doon ko nalamang plano talaga nilang patayin lahat ng nasa loob ng bangko para makuha ang pera."
"But Dad, not a single life would've have lost because Mom already called for help!" Dennise screamed again in frustration. "If he only waited... but no, he chose to be selfish and ran!" referring to Ruel, Alyssa's dad.
Dennise was in huge disbelief hearing her Dad defend Ruel and Alyssa. She had no idea what they told his Dad for him to do this.
Napahinga ng malalim si Mike, pinipigilang tumulo ang luha dahil sa nangyayari sa anak niya ngayon.
"Kung ang tawag ni Arlene ang nasagot ng mga pulis..." sabi ni Mike pero napatigil ito saglit. "...baka wala nang naabutan pang buhay ang mga 'to."
Napatingin na lang si Dennise sa ama sa sinabi nito.
"W-what do you mean Dad?" Dennise asked. Confusion was written in her face.
"Pumunta ang mga pulis dahil sa tawag na natanggap nila bago pa man mangyari ang holdup." paliwanag ni Mike. "Dahil sa pagtimbre ng isang babaeng nagngangalang Jane."
And yes, that name was familiar to Dennise.
"Si Ruel ang nagsabi ditong papuntahin ang mga pulis..." sabi pa nito. "...nasabi rin niya kung ilan ang mga magnanakaw kaya mas napadali ang operasyon para sa mga 'to."
Hindi nasabi ni Alyssa ang parte na 'to ng kwento.
Dennise wasn't able to say anything more, she was trying to let all the information she heard sink in. She was just too stunned to speak as her tears didn't even bother to stop from falling.
"Hindi ito nangyari dahil sa gitara ni Alyssa, o ang pagpunta ni Ruel sa bangko ng araw na 'yon Dennise." nagsalita ulit si Mike. "Dahil pumunta man siya no'n o hindi, masakit man, ay may mangyayaring nakawan, at may buhay na mawawala."
Napatingin lang sa kawalan si Dennise, hindi niya alam ang dapat sabihin, isipin, o gawin tungkol dito kaya nagsalitang muli si Mike.
"Pero nang malaman kong si Ruel pala 'yon, na sa kanya rin nanggaling ang perang inabot sa akin ng nurse, dahil gusto niya ring masalba ang buhay ng asawa ko, pero huli na ang lahat. Ang perang 'yon, na ginamit kong pangburol kay Arlene, hindi ko rin napigilang magalit. Napagbuntungan ko siya ng galit, hindi dahil sa siya ang iniisip kong may kasalanan, kung 'di dahil wala akong mapaglagyan ng sakit na nararamdaman ko sa pagkawala ni Arlene." pag-amin ni Mike.
Huminga nang malalim si Mike bago muling nagsalita. "Dennise... Ruel wasn't able to save my wife, your mom, and the other two employees." Mike's voice cracked. "But he managed to save the rest of them."
Napahinga rin nang malalim si Dennise.
"Alam ko kung gaano kasakit kaya hinding hindi ko gugustuhing maramdaman niyo 'to, kaya patawarin mo ako 'nak kung pakiramdam mo ay pinagtatanggol ko si Ruel. Ramdam ko rin ang sakit nang mawalan ako ng asawa noong araw na 'yon. At masakit para sa'min na kayong mga anak naman namin ang nahihirapan ngayon." sabi ni Mike sa anak at nagsimula na ring tumulo ang mga luhang pilit nitong pinipigilan. Hinawakan niya sa balikat and anak niya. "Pero inabot ako ng ilang taon bago matanggap 'to kaya naiintindihan kita 'nak. Take all the time you need, pero sana tandaan mo itong mga sinabi ko sa'yo."
Gaya magmula pa kanina ay wala nang masabi pa si Dennise, alam ni Mike na masyadong nabigla ang anak niya sa mga narinig kaya iniwan niya muna ito mag-isa sa kwarto.
Hindi maipaliwanag ni Dennise ang sakit at ng gabing 'yun ay buong magdamag niyang inisip ang mga nangyari, lalo na ang sinabi ng tatay niya.
The whole night, she was curling up in her bed again, crying for hours. All she could mutter were the words,
"I'm sorry."
But she wasn't sure who she was saying sorry for...
...for her mom?
...for her Dad?
...for Alyssa's Dad?
...for Alyssa's mom?
... or for Alyssa?
She was not sure. She did not have a single clue.
But she felt like the world needed to hear it.
-
But when she cried hard again the next day, when everyone surprised her on her tiny living room with the other one being with her from US through phone... she could finally tell it wasn't as painful as it was yesterday.
And everyday she cried, but the weight felt lighter and lighter as days went by.
And then just one day, she realized how great she had been doing.
When she finally decided to visit her mom.
And she looked at her tomb,
Not a single tear fell from her eyes.
When she finally had the courage to go back to med school for her mom...
When she had that talk with Doctor AJ when she was an intern...
And when she finally had the strength to talk to Ruel, Alyssa's dad...
"I'm a licensed doctor now." Dennise announced with a smile.
Ruel, Alyssa's dad, smiled with hurt, hurt for Dennise who finally came to meet her after years. "Congrats, Dennise. I'm really proud of you." he said to the person he treated like his own daughter too.
"It's because of my mom." Dennise said that instantly made guilt rush through Ruel's body. "When she left, I told myself I'm gonna be a doctor." she continued. "I want to save people too, like how she saved the others. And also save people like her, who also needed saving." she took a long pause, trying not to break as she remembered her mom. "And I came here because I've finally accepted what happened." Ruel continued listening to her quietly. "Like my mom, you were just trying to do the same thing Pa." Ruel smiled in both sadness and joy upon hearing Dennise call him Papa again. "The only thing that will continue to hurt me is the fact that I know mom didn't regret any of it and would do it again if she could. That's just the kind of person she was."
With that, tears started falling down her face. Ruel hugged her.
"You mom was a great person. I will never be able to thank her enough." dahil doon ay naiyak na rin si Ruel. "You don't deserve the pain 'nak." sabi nito at humiwalay na sila sa yakap.
"None of us do, Pa." sabi naman ni Dennise at nagpunas ng luha. "But I just wanna ask."
Tinignan naman siya ni Ruel at hinintay ang tanong nito.
She took a long pause before asking.
"When you told Alyssa about what happened, did you also tell her it's not her fault?"
Nagulat naman si Ruel sa tanong na ito ni Dennise pero agad din niyang sinagot.
"Oo." Ruel firmly said. "Hindi niya dapat akuhin, lalo na't wala siyang kamalay malay sa mga nangyari nung araw na 'yon. Wala siyang alam na bibilhan siya ng gitara ng mama niya." sunod-sunod na sabi ni Ruel at bakas ang pag-aalala nito sa anak na sinisisi ang sarili sa mga nangyari.
"S-she didn't ask for that?" bahagyang natigilan si Dennise. Referring to the guitar.
"Hindi Dennise, asawa ko ang nagdesisyon dahil alam niyang wala nang magagawa ang pera para isalba pa siya, pero 'di ko pa kayang tanggapin ito noon."
Dennise was still kinda stunned but she spoke again.
"Knowing her, she's still taking all the blame in the world." Dennise said and snorted. "But she seems fine now, we're both doing better now." she said, as Alyssa continued her success with the Portmanteau as Dennise continued hers in being a doctor.
Or Alyssa was just pretending to be again.
"Pa," mahinang sabi ni Dennise.
"A-ano 'yon 'nak?" tanong naman ni Ruel.
"'Wag niyo na pong sabihin sa kanyang nagka-usap po tayo." pakiusap ni Dennise.
"B-bakit? Alam mong mahal ka pa rin ng anak kong si Alyssa, kung ano man ang nangyari, sa akin ka lang magalit dahil---"
"Pa," pagputol ni Dennise dito at hinawakan sa balikat upang kumalma. "I know," kalmadong paninigurado nito.
Nagsalita siya ulit. "But if she wants to talk to me..." sabi ni Dennise.
"If she still wants me back..." pagtuloy niya. "She has to make all the efforts herself."
Dennise said with a small smile of sadness or perhaps longingness, no one was sure. After that, Dennise just left.
She got through that talk with Ruel, Alyssa's dad.
She got to talk about what happened,
She got to talk about Alyssa just fine.
So she was sure, she'd been doing fine for years, she had already moved on.
-
"You have nothing to worry 'bout, Gretch." Dennise said, still with her eyes closed. "I'm doing fine, I've moved on."
Gretchen didn't say a word and just smiled for her best friend.
Dennise opened her eyes.
She got to talk about what happened,
She got to talk about Alyssa just fine.
So she was sure, she'd been doing fine for years, she had already moved on.
So why did she leave the cafe earlier?
Why did she want to escape?
She suddenly remembered Ella's question earlier.
"When you said you've moved on, which one are you referring to exactly?"
I don't know.
-
a/n:
Next chapterrr kay Alyssa naman po, and then happy happy na ulit at sobrang namimiss ko na rin magsulat ng happy happy lang gaya sa paper planes hahhhaha, malapit na pong matawid yung malungkot na partttt hehe :)))
again, sorry ang tagal po bago nakapag-update ulit, sana po nagustuhan niyo yung chapter na 'to kahit hindi siya masaya hahhhaha
sorry din po for grammatical errors, i wasn't able to read this chapter as a whole in one sitting like what i always do before publishing, pero kung hindi ako makapagpublish now, hindi ko talaga masasabi kung kelan pa ulit kung sakali
lemme know kung magulo po! hahahhahahaha
ps.
naalala ko lang din, nung napanood ko kumu ni ponggay with ly tapos sinabi niyang si emma watson yung girl crush niya
naalala ko lang bigla kasi when i was still writing paper planes, yung chapter V, i was thinking of possible female celebrities alyssa might like then ang naisip ko talaga si emma watson, hahaha wala lang medyo proud moment ko lang as a writer loool
ayun lang thank u po sa mga nagbabasa pa rin! labyuol
'til next update! :))))
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