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"We're drawn to each other beyond our understanding; there was a natural pull neither of us wanted to question."
- n. m. sanchez
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Oli's POV
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When my phone lights up with a notification on the coffee table in front of me, I glance away from the TV to see what it says. It's a notification from Instagram, which surprises me. I get too many messages on there, so I have almost all notifications turned off. Except for one account that I always keep up to date with.
I lean forward and open the notification to see what has been posted. There's no way of stopping the smile that lifts my lips. Luna has posted a mirror selfie of her and Alana doing face masks on her close friends story. I pause the screen, spending way too long staring at my best friend. The longer I look at her, the more my heart races. My faces heats up, my stomach drops and I feel butterflies in my chest. All that just looking at a photo of her. I take a second to think about what these feelings mean.
I quickly come to the conclusion that I'm either having a heart attack, or I'm developing feelings for my best friend.
I would almost rather experience the former, because the thought of ruining my relationship with the person who means the world to me actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. Sitting alone on my couch, I find myself wondering how I got into this position.
My thoughts take me back, trying to pinpoint the moment I started feeling this way. All throughout high school, I thought of her as my adorable kid best friend. When I came back for the first time, she was thirteen and I thought she was growing up too fast, but I never thought of her in any way other than platonic. Obviously, because that would be creepy as fúck.
During her senior year, when I'd just started in the NBA, I realised she was getting really pretty. So pretty, I thought I'd be fighting teenage boys away from her left and right. But she didn't need me for that. She knew what she wanted and it wasn't them - she wanted to be a lawyer and she didn't want distractions, so that's what she did. I still didn't feel anything but platonic love for her, despite thinking that she was growing up gorgeous.
The first NBA game she came to was a couple months before she turned nineteen. I remember meeting with her before the game and hugging the shít out of her because I just couldn't help myself. That night was probably the first time I even considered that I could feeling something more than platonic for her. But it wasn't because of her, it was because of something Rick said.
Here I was thinkin' you were datin' this gorgeous little thing, but she's just your best friend.
He thought that she and I were together. Maybe it was the long hug or the kiss on the cheek before the game, but somehow that was the conclusion he had drawn. I quickly corrected him, but that thought played on my mind a lot after that. The thought that Luna and I could be something more. Never in my life had I even considered that as a possibility, then suddenly it was.
It was a year later that I started dating Georgia. I liked her, she was a nice girl. I didn't see her that often at the start of our relationship because of my busy schedule, but she liked to talk about her life and I liked to listen. I thought she was sweet until she started coming between Luna and me.
Only a little while later, Luna started dating Jackson. That's when I realised that she would eventually prioritise other men over me. I was just her best friend, after all. I knew that would happen eventually, but it didn't really hit me until it finally happened. Of course, you could say I was doing the same with Georgia, but I never meant for that to happen. To me, Luna was always top priority. In my mind and heart, at least. But maybe not my actions, and I will always be regretful of that.
That day I met her and Jackson for lunch with Georgia, I realised just how not little my Little Luna was. Grown up and gorgeous and successful and independent and strong and talented and intelligent - I had no idea what to think.
On her twenty-first birthday, I saw Luna and was completely flawed. Dressed up all pretty with her hair pinned back and her wide eyes staring up at me, I thought she was the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen. I realise now, that I should have taken that as a sign to break up with my girlfriend, rather than waiting another year.
I think it was that night that I first felt something other than pure platonic love for my best friend. For the first time, I found myself attracted to my best friend. I didn't know what to do with that thought, so I shoved it away and didn't think about it again.
But that thought didn't just disappear. It manifested in my mind for the last five years. Every time I saw her, that thought grew. That feeling I felt towards her intensified. I didn't know what it was. I hardly saw her in this time, so I never got the chance to understand it. But now that I have the chance to pick apart this thought - this feeling, I can understand.
It's infatuation. Adoration. Attraction. Fascination. Temptation. Longing.
Because I've always been completely enamoured by Luna Carter as a person. She's funny and smart and considerate and kind. She's my best friend, I love everything about her personality. So when physical attraction is added into the mix, that's where I find myself with a problem.
The problem being that I'm besotted with her. Fúcking smitten.
So I have two options. Option one is to bury this feeling because she clearly has lost some of her trust in me and I would rather not ruin our friendship. Or option two is I confess and hope that she feels even a little bit of what I feel for her.
Option two terrifies the shít out of me. But that's also why I think it might be the right one.
Two nights ago, when Luna told me she didn't need me anymore, it felt like a punch straight to the gut. But I realise it was probably well deserved. No matter how hard I tried to hold on to it, I lost her trust. I went to college and left her all alone, then I unintentionally prioritised my ex-girlfriend over her. That would have hurt her and I realise that. I just didn't realise the extent of the hurt I had caused.
That doesn't mean I'm going to give up though. Luna Carter is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll be damned if I let her slip through my fingers. I've always been determined and attentive, but I also play basketball for a living. I'm fúcking completive as hell, so I'm not just going to give up on our friendship. On the possibility of it being more.
I shake myself out of my thoughts and turn my phone off before setting it back down on the coffee table. With a groan, I rub my hands down my face, squeezing my eyes shut. Deciding it would be better to be productive rather than sitting around and moping over my best friend, I get up from the couch.
I got home an hour ago after finishing work and picking up some takeout on my way home. Really, I should be making more of an effort to eat healthy, but sometimes it's hard to find the motivation for that. I've already showered and changed into a pair of sweats. Making my way into the kitchen, I busy myself by stacking the dishwasher with the dishes that have collected in the sink from my breakfast this morning. Then I wipe down all the benches, and stare at my clean kitchen.
In the moment of quiet, my mind drifts back to Luna and I curse quietly under my breath, spinning on my heel and heading towards the bathroom. I'll just have to keep myself busy tonight so I'm not constantly thinking about her. When I walk into the bathroom, the fan and the light are still on from when I took a shower. I turn the fan off with the switch on the wall and the room is immediately quieter. I busy myself for the next few minutes by shutting the shower door, hanging up the bath mat on the rack and clearing a couple things that I've left on the counter top. Then I'm left with nothing to do again.
Because I can't keep my thoughts off her, when I glance at my toothbrush I find myself thinking back to the times when she was little and she would be too tired to brush her own teeth. Of course, I knew she was just being dramatic and that she was actually perfectly capable of brushing them. But still, I took every opportunity to show her I cared, and so I would brush her teeth for her. I would sit on the closed lid of the toilet seat and she would either stand between my legs while I brushed them, or when she was really little, she would sit on my knee. And after, I would always carry her to bed.
"Fúcking hell," I mutter, scrubbing a hand over my eyes as if to rid the thoughts and memories from my mind. The hold this girl has over me-
I quickly turn and walk into my bedroom, deciding to make myself useful by changing my sheets. I've been here a week, so it's probably about time I changed them anyway. I strip off the old sheets and walk through to the laundry room to put them in the wash. Once that's done, I grab fresh sheets from the linen cupboard in the hall and head back to my room to remake my bed.
The day that I outgrew the couch in Luna's bedroom will always remain a vivid memory in my mind. At seventeen years old, I was over six foot tall and starting to pack on the muscle with all the basketball training I was doing. For almost five years, I would squish myself onto that couch whenever I stayed over at Luna's, just because she asked me to. And anything Luna asked of me, I would do in a heartbeat.
But one night not long after Luna turned twelve, I stayed the night at her place. We had watched a movie together which made her all sleepy, so I tucked her into bed. Then I moved over to the couch with a couple blankets and a pillow, ready to go to sleep. I set it up like I always did - and it was a comfy couch, I never had any problems before. Even with my height, I usually managed to get a good sleep.
That night though, I had clearly grown just a couple inches too many since the last night I stayed over. My feet would always hang off the edge, but that night, almost half of my legs were over the edge of the couch. The blankets didn't cover me and my back ached. I tried for a couple hours, but to no avail.
I decided eventually that I had to move to the spare bedroom. I knew Luna's mom, Bella always kept it set up for me, especially during the last year or so before that night. She knew the time would come and so did I.
I'm not sure why Luna and I insisted on staying in the same room for so long. I guess it was just the comfort of having her right there. And she liked knowing that I was just a few feet away as well. I did always sleep better when she was near me, I knew that for certain. For years, I suffered from nightmares - sometimes I still do. I experienced many things in the foster care system that I don't care to repeat to anyone, but they've stuck with me still. Whenever Luna was in the room though, I was nightmare free. Maybe it was the fact that she calmed me, I'm not sure, but never once did I have a nightmare when she was near.
That night, only a few hours after I had moved into the spare bedroom, I was roused awake by someone crawling into bed beside me. Even in my sleepy state, it took only a few seconds to realise that it was Luna. It was a cold night, so when she crawled over and curled up into a ball on my chest, I didn't complain. Hell, I'm sure even if it was 100 degrees, I wouldn't have said a thing.
In the dark, I heard her whisper, "You left me."
And I lifted a hand to rub up and down her back, to reassure her that I was there. "I thought you were asleep."
"I was. But then I woke up and saw you were gone. I don't like being away from you, Oli." She whispered to me in her sleepy voice, face pressed into my chest.
That night, I got the best sleep I'd ever had. We only got to have a few sleepovers after that before I left for college. I had no idea just how much I could hate being away from her too.
When I finish making my bed, I realise I've spent that whole time thinking about her. Annoyed with myself, I walk back down to my living room and sit myself back on the couch. The TV is still on, playing a show I don't recognise. I check the time on my phone and see that it's just past eight o'clock.
Before my thoughts can stray to my best friend once more, there's a knock on my door. I'm not expecting anyone, so my brows furrow with confusion. Nevertheless, I get up and walk over to open the door. My heart catches in my throat at the bright turquoise eyes that stare up at me.
"Hi, Oli," Luna starts, giving me a hesitant smile, "Sorry to show up unannounced - Your Mom gave me your address, I hope that's okay. I just, um, I have something to talk to you about. If you're busy, that's okay, I- I can come back later. It's fine if you are-"
"I'm never too busy for you, Little One," I tell her with a smile, stepping out of the way and opening the front door wider for her to come in. At the same time, I'm telling myself something else in my head.
There's no fúcking way I can go through with option two. Option one it is.
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A/N
Hello wonderful readers!
What are your thoughts on this chapter? What do you think will happen next? Let me know, I love hearing from you!
Thank you so much for reading! I love you, have an amazing day!
~ Pink Flamingo