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"You walked into my life like you had always lived there, like my heart was a home built just for you."
- a. r. asher
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Luna's POV
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Instead of going back to my apartment after my second day of work, I head straight to my parents' house. If there's one person who can talk me through my thoughts and help me make sense of what's going on in my life, it's my mother.
The heavy weight of guilt has sat with me ever since last night at Oli's work. I don't like lying, but I lied straight to my best friends face when I told him I no longer needed him. It had to be done. What was the alternative? Admitting that I'm not as strong and independent as I say I am? Becoming dependent on him? Then he gets a girlfriend and where does that leave me? Alone. Again.
But I haven't been able to get his face out of my mind. The look of pure devastation he wore when I said I didn't need him anymore. I didn't think it would hurt him so much. But it did. He hardly spoke to me the rest of the night. We finished our food and I made some excuse for having to get home early, high tailing it out of there as quick as I could.
It broke my heart to tell him I don't need him. Because I do. I do and I hate it. Because in every aspect of my life, I handle being alone just fine. I often prefer it, in fact. I'm independent and I can make my own decisions. But having to constantly do that is tiring. So yes, after all these years, Oli's still the person I run to, the person I want to cry to.
And he might be fine with that now, but not for long. Who needs a clingy best friend weighing you down when you're trying to live your life and find yourself a girlfriend? Oli doesn't need that. And I can survive just fine pretending that I don't need him.
Mom notices something as wrong as soon as I walk in the door. She ushers Dad into the kitchen to finish making dinner while she guides me into the living room to talk. Once we're sitting side-by-side on the couch, she levels me with a knowing stare.
"Is the job not going well?" She asks softly, taking my hands in hers and holding them in my lap.
"It's fine. Hard work, but I'm enjoying it." I tell her with an honest smile.
She tilts her head, "Then what's got you looking so defeated, my love? What's weighing on you?"
It takes me a few minutes to gather my thoughts into coherent words. "Mom, what did you think when I first became friends with Oli?" I ask her quietly.
She frowns at me. "What do you mean?"
"Well, it's not exactly a conventional friendship - it never was. What were your thoughts on us being friends when I was a kid?"
She thinks about it for a moment before telling me, "I'll be honest, I was hesitant about Oli at first. I had no idea what he had been through before Claire and Zoey adopted him - what kind of trauma he had lived through. That has a lasting impact on a person, and it influences their behaviours. So naturally, I was weary." Her eyes find mine as she smiles. "But the second he walked into the house with you crying in his arms, I knew I could trust him. I knew I could trust him to be careful with you."
"How did you know?" I ask, my chest sinking at the memory of that day. For more reasons than one. I was terrified when I almost ran out onto the road. But that was the day I found him. I had never felt so safe as I did when I was in his arms.
"You didn't see his face when he walked in," She shakes her head, "That boy looked terrified. I thought you had gotten seriously hurt. You were too upset to notice, but when he gave you to me, he was shaking. His eyes wouldn't leave you. And he tried to act calm and nonchalant, but it took a while for us to get him to leave you with your Dad. He didn't want to leave you. Eventually we got him to follow us to the kitchen for some water, because he almost looked like he was going to pass out."
"Really?" I ask, my brows furrowed, "I never knew that. Why was he so scared?"
There's a knowing look in her eye, but she just shrugs, "I'm not sure, but when you came running into the kitchen calling his name, I've never seen anyone look so... I don't even know how to describe it. Fascinated? Enthralled? Smitten, I think is a good way to describe it. He was so attentive, right from the very beginning. And when he picked you up and you clung right onto him... I've never seen someone's face become so content so quickly."
I ignore my pounding heart and ask, "So you never had a problem with us being friends?"
"Never," Mom answers immediately, "He was always so good for you and he cared for you so much. I trusted him with you completely."
"You say that in the past tense." I point out.
Mom gives me a sad smile, "He made you so happy, Luna. But no one's ever broken your heart quite like he did."
I suck in a sharp breath, "He had to go to college, that's not his fault. I told him to go."
"That upset you, yes, but that's not what I mean." She tilts her head at me, "Do you remember when you told me about Jackson?"
I nod, "I called you and Dad and told you I had a boyfriend."
"And for how infatuated you were supposed to be with him, you sounded more detached and heartbroken than ever." She squeezes my hands gently. "That was two days after news got out about Oli and Georgia."
My heart sinks in my chest. "That was just a coincidence."
"Sure," She nods, "But then on your twenty first birthday, he showed up late because of her. You played it off, but I heard you crying later that night, Luna. He broke your heart by choosing her over you, even if he did it unknowingly. He hurt you."
I look down at my lap, unable to meet her eye, "It was always going to happen, Mom. Of course he'd prioritise his girlfriend over his best friend."
She doesn't day anything until I look back up and she levels me with a pointed stare. "You never considered that happening. Not really. And I never did either. I always thought... Well, it doesn't matter what I thought. But even if he didn't mean to hurt you, he did. My little girl was heartbroken. But it wasn't just any heartbreak, because you and Oli had been friends for over ten years. That's a different kind of pain that I've never experienced before. I didn't know how to help."
"I hope you never experience it," I tell her on a whisper, shaking my head, "But I couldn't even be angry with him. He's allowed to have a girlfriend and he should prioritise her."
"Not over his family," Mom disagrees.
"I'm not his family," I argue weakly, "Not really."
"And what makes family, Luna? Blood? If so, Oli hasn't had a family since he was a baby. Claire and Zoey are his family. Your Dad and I are too, he's like a son to us. And you're his family too, just in a different way."
I tilt my head at her, "What do you mean in a different way?"
"Well, have you ever thought of yourselves as siblings?"
"No." I disagree immediately, "That's not... We're not... He's-"
"I know. That's what I mean. You're different. You and Oli..." She trails off, shaking her head, "It was almost like you were meant to know each other. From the moment you met, anyone could see it. As if your souls were made of the same stars." She looks at me then, head tilted and eyes curious, "Why did you ask me about your friendship with him, Luna?"
Tears well up in my eyes and I try to blink them away, "I hurt him, Mom. I said something... I lied. I told him that I didn't need him anymore but I do, I'll always need him. Now he's probably upset with me. He wants me to trust him, but I don't know how."
"Is that the only thing weighing on you?" She asks softly.
I stare down at my lap for a moment before whispering. "Did I ever tell you... I used to um, have a little crush on him?"
Mom is quiet for a second, "I noticed that when you were little, of course."
"Yeah, well... I don't know what happened but," I sigh, tilting my head back to look up at the ceiling, still avoiding her gaze. A laugh gets the better of me, "Have you seen him, Mom?"
I look back at her and she smiles, "I have, yes. Quite a few times."
I shake my head. "He's just... He's tall and he's strong and he's got such kind eyes and he's handsome, did you ever notice that? And he's so good to me. He knows when to reassure me and when to help me but also lets me handle myself when he knows I can. When he smiles at me my heart races and when I hug him I feel safe. I've always felt safe with him. Always. But he also frustrates me because how can someone be so perfect in every way and still so mine? Because he is mine. My best friend. My person. He could be friends with anyone - models and celebrities and sports stars. But he still chooses me. How can that be? He's my best friend and yet I feel like I've lost him. Like we're so close to something but it's not there. Something's missing and I don't know what. I don't know what to do."
After that little rant, Mom looks at me for a second. Really looks at me. Then she says, "You love him."
I scoff, "Of course I do, he's my best friend. I thought we just went over this?"
"No," she shakes her head, "This is... This is exactly how I felt about your father. For years, we were best friends. Inseparable all throughout high school. And I had the biggest crush on him for years. I was in love with him and I thought he would never feel the same. It was torture, because he was right there the whole time, and yet I couldn't have him how I wanted to have him. Of course, I didn't know at the time, but he had feelings for me too. The rest is history now, but... Luna, if your feelings for Oli are stronger than friendship, you need to tell him."
"And get my heart broken? No thanks. Look, Mom, you and Dad got lucky. But that's not what would happen between Oli and I. I'm five years younger than him, he just doesn't see me that way." I argue.
"He never used to, no. But I think his thoughts on that might have changed since you both returned home."
"No way," I laugh, "Oli King does not have feelings for me."
"And what if he's saying the same thing about you right now?" She points out, "Telling himself not to make a move because he's older? Because he thinks you'll never see him that way?"
"He'll break my heart, Mom." I tell her bluntly, "Intentionally or not, he will. I can't let myself think on these feelings for him. He'll find another model girlfriend or something to marry. But I can't be with him. I just... I don't think I can give my heart to him again."
"Oh, my sweet girl," She murmurs, leaning forward to wrap me up in a hug. I squeeze my eyes closed so as not to let the tears fall. "I understand you're scared. But the best things in life are often the most terrifying. I understand. But I think you should think about letting him in. Just slowly, at your own pace. Let him be your best friend again - for real, this time. Because calling him your best friend, does not make him so. You need to let him in. If you want things to work - even just friendship, you have to try."
"I know," I whisper, holding onto her tightly. "I will. I- I can't lose him. I can't. He's everything to me."
Mom laughs softly, "He always has been. You were just the cutest when you first became friends. Used to go on and on about him whenever you got the chance. You were completely enamoured by him."
"He was my hero," I tell her softly, "I hope he knows that."
"Maybe you should tell him."
"He might not want to see me." My heart beats faster at the horrid thought.
"That man will always want to see you. I can guarantee it. Do you not remember your fourteenth birthday? When he spent more than twelve hours at the airport waiting to get on a plane just to see you. And he had to leave only two hours later." She tells me, her voice fond. "He was so distressed when he walked in here late that night. So upset."
"He's the best best friend a girl can ask for," I agree. "I haven't been so good to him."
"You've supported him, Luna. In everything he's done, you've always been his number one supporter. You think he didn't notice? Because I'll tell you right now, he appreciates that more than anything. You were the first person he ever told anything to. The first he turned to when he won a basketball game, or beat his friends playing video games. He always turned to you."
I sigh softly, more content now after talking to her. "I need to tell him that I'm struggling with this. Struggling to let him in. He'll be upset by that, but..."
"But then he'll do anything to make you trust him again." Mom finishes for me, pulling away from our hug to look me in the eyes. "He will understand, Luna. He will be grateful that you confided in him."
I nod, "I know. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I need to sleep on my thoughts a bit more first."
"Good idea. You need some food in you too. Staying for dinner?" She asks with a smile.
My own smile mirrors hers, "Absolutely."
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A/N
Hello wonderful readers!
What are your thoughts on this chapter? What do you think will happen next? Let me know, I love hearing from you!!!
Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read my story! I love you, have a wonderful day!!!
~ Pink Flamingo