𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊⁰¹⁴
read with caution; things are only to get darker. synopsis of topics mentioned in this chapter: mentions of panic attacks, mentions of murder, mentions of hallucinating, paranormal activities, excessive crying, mentions of blood, marriage, guns, belittling, anger, sadness, megumi crying, talks of death + many more. tw: Toji.
"We're here, I've booked it for just us, so let's enjoy the day," Toji states in an unreadable tone, his nimble fingers greeting the tenderness of his scar as his eyes greet yours in the mirror, revealing his viridian eyes that gleamed with an unfathomable expression.
"'Gumi, let's safely get out. Let me get to your side first." You exit the car, removing your seatbelt whilst your eyes met with Toji's in an unfathomable way. His eyes made you rather uneasy, what was it he was planning? If he wanted to kill you, he would have done that will thrilling ease. But here you lay in a beautiful setting, getting ready to participate in fun activities with Megumi.
"I'm going to miss not being able to stare at the starry ceiling," Megumi's words cause you to chuckle as you close your car door, gesturing your way over to his side, slyly opening the door and unbuckling his seatbelt. His eyes gleamed as if there were glistening, cerulean butterflies moving in the tender wind, such lightness to it as it moved in its own path.
"The ceiling is beautiful, 'Gumi. C'mon, let's get out now, the rides are waiting for us," You speak in softness, placing your arms underneath his armpits to take him out of the car. You could feel Toji's eyes upon you as he stood beside you, feeling partially impatient, though a sense of happiness plagued him.
"Can you carry me in your arms, Y/n? I want to save all my energy for the amusement park," Megumi's lips age into a soft pout as you lower your body to greet his arms. You allow your bottom to extend out as you gradually lift his body, allowing him to wrap his legs around the side of your waist. Megumi couldn't help but smile at your kind gesture.
"Are you ready to go in, Miss L/n?" Toji's voice remains passive within your ear, causing your eyes to slyly meet with his, along with Megumi. He partially side-eyes Toji, attempting to come to terms with what it was his father had planned.
"I'm ready to go in, Mr Fushiguro," You reply with favourable quickness, gently adjusting an astray strand of Megumi's raven hair as the wind blew, tainting the efficiency of his hair in the wind. Megumi noticeably disdained it when his hair remained in sync with his features, sabotaging what it was that was in his view sight.
"Ladies first," Toji's voice is tinted with this unfathomable falseness. It successfully plagues you with subtle guilt and worries, as you weren't able to detect what it was that allowed him to be in a gleeful mood that contrasted the sorrowful mood he had always adapted to with ease. It encircled the genuine emotions he held as he rarely allowed them to stain the glassy window of truth you all held. The window of truth he had adapted to was tarnished with cloudiness that couldn't be settled elsewhere.
"It's nice to see you've adapted to picking up a slither of manners, Mr Fushiguro." You feel as he chuckles at your words, not a bead of anger writhing through him as he trails behind you, assuring himself no danger laid within the spots around you. After all, he did have a surprise planned out for you.
"Have I not always been a man with manners? I've always had manner, but it appears you're more sensitive than you let yourself out to be." Toji lets out a collected laugh as you scoff, exchanging mellow words that pierced his ego. You were never one to allow him to have the last say, even if it was set to get you killed.
"No, Mr Fushiguro. Your son is more honourable than you," You speak in a calm tone, making your way within the park as his smile partially faded; the sly silence becoming overwhelming.
"Because he's my son. And, I am an honourable man, it just seems I've tugged at a heartstring of yours," It felt as if pride bandaged around your corpse in this soothing moment. You were able to detect the fact that he was rather roughened up by the words you had allowed to grace the atmosphere.
"I see you're sensitive, Mr Fushiguro. Who knew you would get worked up over a few simple words? It seems you're more sensitive than I am." Toji didn't seem bothered by your words, rather, he simply just shrugged them aside, glancing behind him before you and Megumi were now settled inside of the amusement park.
"So, what do you want to do first, Megumi?" Toji questions his son, pinching his cheek as he stood rather close to you, his gentle oak scent adorning your nose.
"I want to play the shooting game for a prize. I want that plushy over there! Since when did they have an Adrien plush? Papa, can we play?" Toji nods at Megumi's words. You couldn't help but feel yourself partially calm from the light nod he disrupted.
"Megumi, do you want to rest on my shoulders? I see Y/n seems to be tired from holding you," You side-eye Toji, unable to excavate why he had suddenly switched to using your first name, not formally referring to you. You were rather unsure about what pleasantry ran in his unsettling switch between the two simple, yet taunting words.
"Yes, papa. Only if you apologise to Y/n. You said we were going to crash earlier, you said it to scare Y/n. Please say sorry." Megumi doesn't show an ounce of remorse for his father's faltering brows. He had never seen such a gentle expression grow livid upon his father's face. It was rather confusing compared to the intensity of the average demeanour he had subconsciously maintained and adapted to with eerie ease.
"'Gumi, it's okay—"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean my words," Why did Toji's words hint at an indirect declaration of a situation that hadn't been disclosed yet? You couldn't help but feel rather untrusting towards the words that danced off of the tip of his lithe tongue. It layered a displeasing tension within you. An untreated feeling subsiding within you, as you permitted your eyes to settle upon his own — rather to imply not an ounce of his words could inch for you to feel intimidated.
"Sorry for tiring you, Y/n. I didn't mean to tire you out before the trip started. I'm sorry," Megumi is unknowingly apologetic, his heart thudding with distaste as he felt disdain towards himself for playfully tiring you out — you were the only person he yearned to stretch out that day with; he didn't fully yearn for his father's company.
"Hey, 'Gumi, don't apologise. I promise you I'm fine. I'll even pinky promise," You utter, interlocking your pinky with his own as he glanced at you with sullen eyes, an unknown tint of worry staining the wholesome heart he had maintained.
"You promise? Even though we pinky promised? Because last time you were tired, you didn't participate," Megumi feels tears well within his eyes as Toji remains behind him, somewhat yearning to know how you were set to portray this situation. How you were going to comfort Megumi, without him having to intervene and soothe his son.
"Come here. Just don't cry, 'Gumi. I'll go on as many rides as you want," You speak in a lulling tone as he slowly inched closer to your body, planting his arms around you as you held him. You were restricting your tears as you didn't want him to feel as if you had neglected him. You dearly loved and cherished Megumi; it was your tiredness that would etch at all the enjoyable things; you blamed Toji for your misfortunes.
"Please, keep your promise. I know you sometimes work overtime, but just this once, don't be tired," Tears cascade into your shirt as you held Megumi, rubbing his back as your knee remained on the ground. To him, you were the only person who guaranteed he lived and had a healthy, lengthy childhood. Nobody, but you, had shown him this normality.
"I promise. Even if I was tired, we can nap together, just like we did yesterday. I'll buy you ice cream, too. Because there shouldn't be a reason why you have to cry around me, 'Gumi. I promise to never make you cry again." You assure him, holding him with closeness as he continues to shed tears. You pull him somewhat away from you, glancing at his tear-stained features, clearing his tears with your fingers before you placed him within a hug once more.
"I want ice cream! Can we go on control first?!" Megumi questions in excitement as you lift him off of the ground, placing him within your arms as Toji's expression altered to one rather unpredictable. What was it he knew that you didn't know?
"Yeah, let's go!" You exclaim, dismissing Toji's odd behaviour as you gestured your way over to the ride in slowness, gently soothing Megumi as a slither of sadness rested within him. It was hard when your main aspiration was to make him happy, though you didn't have enough time to allow him to explore other chasms he found interest within.
"We already have tickets, right, Mr Fushiguro?" He glimpses at you with an approving nod, his demeanour fairly light as he glimpses around the serene atmosphere, observing as an array of butterflies sauntered above the three of you.
"Yeah, we do—"
"The butterflies, they look beautiful!" Megumi exclaims, his eyes growing illuminated as you held him, allowing your eyes to follow the butterflies that swayed around the three of you, only for one to grow abnormally close to you. You couldn't help but subconsciously swat at the butterflies, partially crumbling a single butterfly's wing; you glimpse at them with shock.
"The butterfly, Y/n," Megumi speaks in partial sullenness, his eyes sauntering to the tainted body of the butterfly that rested nearby your foot as you remained — it was beyond repairable.
"You truly are bad luck, Miss L/n." Toji chuckles as you smooth out your expression, fitting it into one where he was able to view the empathy that remained smeared upon your face as you glanced down at the tattered butterfly.
"I'm starting to think it died because you were here. I'm starting to think my bad luck stems from you, Mr Fushiguro." Your words are rather taunting to him, causing his brows to momentarily furrow as he glanced at the same expression you planted upon your features.
"Well, if I do, let's see how you'll handle your bad luck," Toji allows himself to taunt you as Megumi furrows his brows, gesturing for Toji to keep his words friendly for at least the occurring day.
"Papa, please don't be mean today!" You find yourself easing at Megumi's words, your mind occupied with the things you were able to treat him to. He deserved nothing more than the whole, mystical world. A blissful world where dozens of child-friendly melodies cascaded from the gentle lips of many who had their eyes set upon by Megumi.
"Mean? I'm not being mean," Toji speaks in a tone feathered with partial delight, yearning for you to move much swifter with Megumi towards the ride deemed as control. A ride that was supposed to heighten your expectations, testing your mental stability during cunning pressure occurring.
"'Gumi, you sure you want to go on this ride?" Your words were somewhat an unsought for plague to his attentive ears. He skimmed his fingers upon the bag that adored the side of you, heavily fascinated with the inbuilt materials that stained and moulded the entirety of the bag.
"What's wrong with it?" Megumi speaks in subtle meekness; such inability to think settles within him. In the crowded portion of the boy's mind, he desired to solely set himself upon a ride that you laid designated upon — he solely wanted to enjoy your infamous company. To the youthful boy, you were the mother he had always sought, to gift him a second opinion against his cunning father.
"I've done my research about the ride. It's a butterfly ride that shows how free the ride is supposed to make you. Butterflies are elegant, so as long as you remain in a beautiful trance, remaining light, you can get passed it without any consequences. One wrong mental move and you'll forever have broken freedom on the ride, that's control for you." You inform Megumi as he finds amusement within your words as you elaborate further, shifting closer to the ride as Toji remained behind the both of you, his eyes shifting to another severed cerulean butterfly beneath the heel of your shoe.
"So if I don't think, I'm fine? As long as I'm calm, I can live like a butterfly?" Megumi questions as you smile at him, chuckling as he pulled a face against you, attempting to show that he was tougher than the ride, but that beat its ulterior motives. You were supposed to be light to be free. If you heavily thought it through, a sort of mental death would occur — expect the unexpected.
"Yes, 'Gumi. You have to be light on the ride, think about what makes you the happiest." You remind him, clearing an eyelash from his face as you both arrived at the ride, glancing back to see Toji moving in slowness.
"You do. If I think about us playing subway surfers, I'll be just fine. I don't have any sad memories, it's all the norm," Your eyes widen at his words, resulting in you pulling him closer to you as you and he were similar in certain aspects like this. Guilt couldn't postpone itself as Megumi remained smiling, unaware of how he had caused your heart to ache.
"And I'll make sure you never have any more sad memories. I'm so sorry for not being able to protect you more than I've been able to. I promise I'll make sure to make everything safer for you, even if it means I'm in the face of death." You whisper your last words, holding him closer to you as you felt your heart wearily shatter at the innocence within his words.
"In the face of death?" Toji speaks beside your ear in a tone blanketed with intrigue at the words you had spoken of. He hoped you would maintain your promise, as things were only set to worsen after this day was to occur.
"I said what I said, don't act oblivious. You could point a gun at me right now, and I'd only think about Megumi's safety." Toji's eyes partially widen, only for him to regain his composure as you glance at him, somewhat shocked that he expressed bewilderment.
"Don't act shocked, Toji. I'm praying this ride doesn't hurt," You listen to him chuckle for the first time at something you had spoken of, causing you to somewhat turn as he matched your pace.
"I think this is the first time you have ever laughed, Toji. We'd get on swimmingly if you laughed at what I say more," He allows himself to tense within the moment, his viridian eyes puncturing the side of your face as you faced ahead, somewhat relaxed with Megumi.
"Start saying funnier things, maybe then I'll laugh." He taunts you, allowing himself to be concealed in a calloused demeanour. You sigh as he slips away a slither of vulnerability he had ever shown to you; he was so hard to reason with. So hard to understand with a mere glance of him. He was such a callous, yet uptight, thorn buried within a bleak rose.
"This ride looks somewhat uncomfortable." You note as you began to prepare Megumi to sit within the ride, along with yourself and Toji, based on the way the workers had gestured you to do so.
"Name something you might hurt yourself riding on?" He questions as you are all buckled in, glancing ahead as you attempted to maintain your composure.
"There's nothing I can hurt myself on. What were you attempting to suggest? Is there a hazard here?" You question him, attempting to receive his ulterior motive. A sly smirk remained embedded upon the gentleness of his callous features.
"If you don't mentally treat this ride correctly, yes." Toji's blunt with his words. Megumi puffs his cheeks out, attempting to take a hold of your hand as he grew nervous.
"'Gumi, are you ready?" You question him as you hold his hand, assuring him he was set to be okay as the ride occurred. You allowed yourself to calm as Toji remained beside you, somewhat reclining in his seat as he remained stoic, not an ounce of fear resting within him.
"You're not scared, Toji?" You question him with a gentle tone, somewhat turning your head so your eyes somewhat met with his own.
"Why would I be scared? I'm not one to be afraid of a rollercoaster," Toji attempts to assure you, his tone so unjustified as he allows himself to further the mental distance between the both of you — he was so unpredictable.
"Just don't scream, that'll confirm everything I need to know." You say with bluntness as the ride begins to shift in slowness. It allows a sort of music to play as you all descended into a place that seemed to illicit events within the past to surface. It also eerily guided words to allow themselves to bury themselves within your ear.
"You know I love you, right? Y/n, I need you to protect your brother and sister. I fear that we might not be able to be here for this long," You hear your father's voice, attempting to keep yourself relaxed as the ride occurred. It seemed as if this was a psychological terror to allow you to falter, being crazed by the ride.
"Please, just don't kill us. Please," You heard your mother's scream as you allowed yourself to envision the dark sight of the both of them being shot in your kitchen. You attempt to allow yourself to remain mentally calm, but you couldn't do so.
"Y/n, I love you," Your mother speaks as you scream, screaming for her to get up, for her to fight to live. You whisper no to yourself, attempting to bury your head within your hands, as you did that very night. But you were locked in, feeling yourself grow somewhat frantic.
"Y/n, one day I'm going to marry you. You're my one and only," You hear Satoru's voice within your head, as you envision him resting beside you, within your bed, his words light as his eyes met with yours lovingly. You felt tears form within your eyes as your thoughts warped with another, painting Satoru over with splatters of blood before altering back to normal.
"You know I love you? I'd die for you if I have to for you," You feel tears escape your eyes as you're overwhelmed by the sight of Satoru wounded. You were altering the severity of his wounds, cleaning them up as he planted a kiss upon your forehead, groaning as you remained sullen at the fact that he was injured.
"Y/n! What happened to mama and papa?!" Your younger siblings ask as you come upstairs, drenched in blood, a sullen expression painted across your fifteen-year-old self — you were lifeless. You allowed yourself to somewhat lose yourself, unable to mentally remain calm as moments of trauma lingered within your view sight.
"I didn't do enough for all of you, I'm sorry," You mutter to yourself, attempting to close your eyes to erase the sight, but their voices, their screams, their asks for help were within your ear as you were strapped down to the ride, rather close to pleading to be released.
"So what if that happened? Only you're to blame," You hear from a distance, only for a distasteful phrase to rest against the base of your ear:
"It should have been you who died. How were you fifteen but unable to save your parents? Didn't you say that you would die for them in a heartbeat? You're useless, Y/n." Those words were the very words your aunt had spoken of before she was brutally murdered a few hours later, leaving her home in your hands, despite her twisted ways of showing that she truly wielded platonic love for you.
"You promised you wouldn't leave me, Y/n. You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid. You promised that no matter what happened, we would always be together. You even said that I always made you happy, so why?" Megumi speaks, tears darting down his cheeks as he remained in front of you.
"The ride was so fun! I can't believe I got chased by octonauts!" Megumi speaks as the ride comes to a halt, leaving you unable to fully comprehend what he was murmuring as you sat in silence, tears darting down your face.
"Y/n? Y/n? Are you okay?" Megumi questions in worry as you allow yourself to get out of the ride, helping him out. You remained in silence as you place him in your arms, attempting to wipe your tears.
"The ride was just too good, 'Gumi." You utter, attempting to keep your tone steady.
"Let me wipe your tears," Megumi branches an arm out, allowing his hand to rest upon your cheek as he cleared your tears. He observed as you gave him a light smile, somewhat dismissive of the fact that Toji lingered nearby; his face was perched in subtle anger.
"It seems you were the one afraid in the end," Toji announces as Megumi gifts you a kiss on your cheek, leaving you in awe at his gestures as his cheeks grew flushed — you loved him so much.
"If someone placed out every single thing that went wrong in your life, I'm pretty sure you would at least express your emotions. I saw you grow angry, and anger is an emotion that shows vulnerability. Your anger just shows how you were afraid in a way, using your hatred to build up a barrier to protect yourself. You showed your vulnerability, something that you're afraid of showing, so you were afraid, too. Anger and sadness contrast each other, but they can both turn into each other, so what you're saying is somewhat invalid." You announce to him as Megumi remains snickering against you, observing as his father grew stunned at the words you had spoken of.
"..." Toji remained silent at your words. A stoic expression rested on his face — it seems you had efficiently silenced him.
"I'll win you plushies, Megumi. Let's go to the other stalls available. I'll win you all the plushies you want," You assure him, speaking lightly as he remained gleeful against you — he glee kept you going.
"Yes! Let's go!" Megumi speaks, gesturing for his father to come with the both of you. He didn't desire for his father to remain alone; it wasn't like him to leave him.
—
It had been hours since the three of you remained at the amusement park. The skies were now heavily plagued with bleakness as you rested upon your covers, tears cascading down your face as you glimpse outside of the cracks within your curtains. Megumi remained heavily asleep, tired from the day you had to spend with another.
He was currently fast asleep, but not an ounce of blame could be shifted upon him as the day was extremely tiring. However, at least he was able to gain the dozens of plushies you and Toji had acquired for him. He felt ecstatic over the fact that the both of you had been able to ally for once.
Despite the heavily overwhelming day, you were somewhat grateful you were able to have a few hours for yourself as Toji had dismissed you for your tiredness. For some eerie reason, it seemed as if he was slowly easing his strictness towards you. Just that, that in itself, didn't feel right.
You desperately wished you had someone who was able to calm you in a matter of seconds; you didn't yearn to have a panic attack at this moment. A panic attack over the fact that you were dealing with an array of moments before disaster had occurred — you desired for it to all lay itself over. To smooth itself out as you rested within someone's arms.
You couldn't help but desire for Satoru to be the person you lay with. You were able to comprehend his reasoning for him making it seem as if he had cheated on you, all so you would allow yourself to be independent. Though it hurt to break you in an undeserving way, with the help of his friend, Geto, he knew it would all somewhat be for the better. He was aware you were destined to discover your way back to him, even if he had to hurt you slightly. Even if he had to observe as you remained in denial, trashing up your shared apartment as he cried with you, afraid to admit the truth.
Even if your lungs burnt as you were set to give into allowing yourself to remain in death's arms. Even if you constantly questioned what it was about you that wasn't enough, along with everything else that occurred in your life. He knew you would eventually come back to him; he would wait for billions of stars to pass by if he had to. You were aware of why he did such a thing, but it made sense. It made sense as he wanted you to realise your worth outside of him entirely — even if it hurt him.
Even if it cost the trust you wielded within the relationship, you knew he would never cheat as the two of you were each other's first everything — going through hardships with one another. He was the only person who was set to hold a deep understanding of the situation. With every fibre within your body, you were able to swear he was the one who understood you the most, along with Nanami, but you were sure he was set to be asleep, too overrun by the extreme workload he would allow himself to take on.
You desired to call him, your heart yearning for him as you remained here, unable to allow yourself to take the hardship of attempting to remain stoic and taking on a large load of work. You rarely had two hours free, outside of sleep. It was the briefest two hours, you would mainly spend them with Megumi, tiredness subtly plaguing you as you remained with him, attempting to keep yourself within a mindset that was far from suitable.
Truly, you were only really able to allow yourself to go on because of Megumi. Besides, you had to or else Toji would allow himself to engrave a bullet within your head, clearing out the chaotic thoughts that remained, and unattained vengeance.
Clearing the sorrowful thoughts you held, you grasp onto your phone, clearing the tears you held, silently sobbing within your pillow as you attempted to surface his number with shaky hands. Afraid, that was what you truly were. Afraid to go on in the night without the assurance; the job was too much for you, but you feared for Megumi's safety. However, your safety was also placed on the line if you were to step out of place or attempt to quit, all as you now knew more than a normal assistant was set to know — death was inevitable.
It was either he kills you, or you kill yourself.
Though your hands were shaky, unable to comprehend what it was you truly attempted to do; you managed to call his number. You listened as a few pings occurred, only for Satoru's tone to infiltrate your phone as you attempted to remain calm — you were failing horribly.
It was embarrassing to you, but if you were to be honest, this was the first time in weeks you had had time in the week to weep to yourself. To allow the vulnerable little girl within you to take control of your body, crying in the same way she did when your parents had perished right in front of your eyes.
"Y/n, what's wrong?" Satoru questions with an immense amount of panic, his tone causing you to partially soften as you lay on the bed, sprawling out as you placed the phone beside your head — upon your pillow.
"Can I come over? It's just all too overwhelming, Satoru. I haven't been able to see you for a few days because of my lack of freedom." Your tone is troubled, causing Satoru to tense behind the phone. He could sense there was more to the wretched cries you had allowed to flee from your lips, against your will.
"Do you want me to pick you up? I don't want to see you like this, it hurts. I love you, you know. I want you to be safe," Satoru's words allow you to remember the moment he had once spoken of the time he was set to marry you. How he was set to be the only person to see you wearing an extravagant pale white dress, tailored in a way that left you extremely beautiful to the eye. No, you could have worn his shirt down the aisle and he would still feel the same as you dressing up.
"I want you to, but you have to be somewhat far away from the mansion. I don't want Toji to see you, Satoru. I don't want him to try to hurt you. And, I know you love me." You speak, unable to imagine the worse to occur to Satoru as the both of you bundled up with one another — you couldn't do it.
"No, I love you back? I'll meet you, we just have to be extremely careful. I won't get hurt, it isn't in my nature. You know this, my love." His words cause you to chuckle as you ready yourself to meet him, only before you were to check if Megumi was asleep. If he was deep in his sleep, you would be sure to cancel your plans with him, no matter how much it caused your heart to ache.
"Promise me you won't get hurt, Satoru?" You utter, your body feeling rather tired as he maintained his voice — you could tell his heart ached for your own.
"I promise, Y/n," Satoru returns, his tone softening as you listen to him, somewhat readying yourself to smile at the words he had spoken of. Satoru was rarely one to promise when it wasn't important, so your heart remained soft at the words he had spoken of.
"By the way, I love you," He adds on, signing as you allow yourself to remain in stillness. You adored the words he had spoken of, but you held heavy fear in returning the words he had spoken of, all because your safety was potentially at risk.
"I know you do, Satoru," You allow yourself to somewhat falter as tears continue to stream down your face, unable to downplay the severity of the situation.
You truly did love him.
—