Applause fades. I hear piano chords in my headphones. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to wash away the last bits of nervousness. Right now my name is Marc Fontaine, I'm lost, I'm lonely, I'm desperate - everything but nervous.
As silence fills the room for one short moment, I take up the microphone and start singing:
Mon ami, mon avenir
Ma vie, pardonne-moi...
I wave my hand up, like defining my invisible mask.
Ce visage inexpressif rempli de tristesse...
I get up from my chair, anxiously noticing that my leg tries to protest. So I slowly, carefully walk towards a white spotlight in the center of the stage, while the verse continues:
De nombreuses fois j'ai du te mentir
Ou me mettre dans la peau d'un autre
Des kilomètres entre la parole et l'acte
T'as fini par voir mon petit jeu d'acteur
And here we go. My voice goes up, then down, and keeps flowing in a raised, almost hysterical tone. It's not very strong - my voice, I mean, but I have a different kind of power. And I put it in words, my own special meaning, making every single of them weighty:
Mais laisse-moi, j'peux tout t'expliquer
Des fois j'fais des choses que j'comprends pas
La nuit m'aide à méditer
C'est dans ces moments que j'me dis que j'vais changer
For me it's not just words, it's a true story of things that I don't like remembering and times that I wish I could forget. But here I am, saying it out loud, sharing it with the whole world. I feel naked, I feel stripped down to the bone. But I also feel... Right. Like this is how it should be in the first place.
Sending the first feels of numbness, coming with this overwhelming awkawardness, I repeat:
J'vais changer .
Then - subsidence. I realise that my hands are still shaking, and - oh well - my shoulders are tensed, so I straighten my back and, as the bridge plays, have a look around. Spot my friends in a front raw and can't help smiling. Damn, focus, Alice!
To not be distracted any more, I close my eyes and sing the second verse like that:
Mes ennuis, mes envies
Mes désirs, mes plaisirs
Ont pris le dessus sur ma vie d'famille
Jusqu'à m'en détourner...
I heard my father saying that. When we had hard times, and he wasn't around, he used to say it. And then he would give promises which he never kept.
So I never give promises and I never lie. And these words I pronounce, almost laughing at their inanity. Never thought I could sound that evil.
...L'argent détruit le cœur d'autrui
Je n'peux dissocier l'ennemi de l'ami
Tant pis je n'veux pas de leur empire
Je préfère ton sourire dans un trou d'souris
And here we go again. All the things that I wanted to say to him, all the grievance that I nursed against this man, I sing it out now, giving the words a whole new meaning. I spit them out with anger, slowly turning into pity and sadness. This time I throw my arms forward, as I go up the melody:
Mais laisse-moi, j'peux tout t'expliquer
Des fois j'fais des choses que j'comprends pas....
I turn into something pathetic and miserable, letting everyone know that I don't believe in what I'm saying myself.
La nuit m'aide à méditer
C'est dans ces moments que j'me dis que j'vais changer
Change, yeah, right. Although we know how it ends, right, dad.
J'vais changer .
Change. I just hope he will change. Maybe then I'll find the will to forgive him...
Phew, it's almost over. I'm even surprised, how intense it was. Perhaps I got too personal. Letting myself to calm down, I look at the judges - and, as it happens, can't quite read the expression on Mika's face. Is he impressed, is he bored, is he disgusted? The other judges seem to like it, though. I think I'm doing good.
It should be enough to make Mika keep me in the team. I hope.
So, the bridge. The most emotional part. I start quietly, saving my energy a bit, slowly following the moving spotlight on the stage. This time I look at the audience, hidden in the dark:
Assis dans le noir
Occupé à compter mes défauts
Au fin fond du couloir
Accroché à un atome d'espoir
...And then shit hits the fan.
I should have watched my step instead. Of course, happens what I feared the most - I make one wrong step, my knee gives out and when I realise that I fall, it's too late.
Damn it.
The only thing I manage to do is change the direction of my fall - forward, so my knees will soften the landing. Sharp pain gores my right leg, and before I make a stupid thing that will make everything worse, I continue singing, using the pain as fuel for the next lines - I almost cry, repeating:
Assis dans le noir
Occupé à compter mes défauts
Au fin fond du couloir
Accroché à un atome d'espoir!
It hurts. Dammit, it hurts!
I can't stand up, so I take a more comfortable and - as I think - good-looking pose and continue with the chorus, hoping that I'm credible enough for everyone to think that it's supposed to be like that:
Laisse moi, j'peux tout t'expliquer
Des fois j'fais des choses que j'comprends pas
La nuit m'aide à méditer
C'est dans ces moments que j'me dis que j'vais changer
I get a bit distracted at the end, so yeah, I confess - the last chorus sucked a bit. I missed some notes and didn't care about the intonation and everything. Hope the audience will forgive me for that.
The last line I pronounce as well as I can to smooth out the impression:
J'vais changer.
As the outro plays, I close my eyes sigh in relief. Can't believe it's over. Feels like I've lived a whole life in these 3 minutes.
The roar of the audience wakes me up, and I quickly forget about my mistake. I watch them stand up, like at the Blinds, and applaud in a unified mass. They don't sit down, they just clap and clap and clap. And for the first time their chaotic noise makes me feel safe. I'm heard, I'm accepted. I showed them emotions that I don't usually show, and not only do they accept it - they appreciate it.
And I understand what Mika meant - it feels so good. It's healing. And all my insecurities and doubts fade and become insignificant in these waves of pure human emotions.
Then I see my coach - he is the one standing too, then Garou and Jenifer join him. This Mika's expression I read easily - it's pride.
- Wearing her heart on her sleeve, it was Alice Fontaine and her original interpretation of Maitre Gims' hit, - I hear a comment from Nikos, as he comes up and looks down at me:
- Are you okay?
- Uhm, - I try to come up with the reason why I'm still sitting, but then give up and reach out my hand, - Can you help me?
Some people in the audience giggle. Aliagas pulls me up on my feet. I immediately take off my shoes - out of harm's way, you know - and no one says a word about it. Then we finally leave the stage.
- Are you sure there's nothing to worry about? - insists the host. I try to wave him away, lying, probably, for the first time in a while:
- Yeah, absolutely, - and, seeing the he's not convinced, add awkwardly, - It's a part of the show, after all, looks dangerous, but it's not, it was rehearsed and I'm totally fine.
Stupid girl. Now I notice that Mika starts to frown, but quickly washes that expression away, as Nikos turns to him:
- At one point you seemed a bit worried, - he says to my coach, - Was something wrong?
- No, not at all, - Mika objects enthusiastically, and changes the topic - In fact, I'm really surprised. I was nervous a bit, because this song is quite hard to interpret, but considering Alice's talent to "turn songs into her own", everything was just fine. I'm completely satisfied.
Audeince agrees with another round of applause.
- Very good, - says Nikos, switching to other coaches, - Garou, what do you think?
- I love this song, - Pierre Garand replies, - And I adored this version. It had a new, fresh sound, you know, a bit more aggressive, even ironic than the original, but still, very interesting. Alice has a very solid, unique style, she's aware of it and she knows how to use it on her own way, which makes her an outstanding performer. I saw it on the Blinds, and I'm glad that Mika saw it too.
Wow, so many words, and about me! I feel like characters from teen fiction, when they're told they're the chosen ones. Don't know if I should accept it or what. So I just nod and smile, as Jenifer and Florent say their short speeches.
Oh, and they didn't really notice anything wrong or just don't want to point it out? 'cause the fall was quite hard. It still hurts, and, what's worse, I feel like it's bleeding. Dammit.
Nikos talks some more, like "To vote for Alice, send number 7" and blah blah, while he leads me back to the balcony, accompanied by some more friendly noise from the people in the studio.
Carefully, slowly making my way upstairs, the first thing I check is my injury - yep, it's bad, very bad. I ask one of the interns to find me something to bandage it, because I still need to go down there again - the team performance and the voting.
Meanwhile, it's Wizard's turn to sing. And, oh well, he sings Sia's She Wolf (jealous!), and he does it brilliantly. I have no idea why was he so worried before we parted - unless he talked about something else and I didn't get it.
When Gaspard is finished, Nikos announces that the third and the last performer today is Emily, and it's only this moment when I realize that Mika will have to choose between us three. And we all seem to be his favorites.
And I think I know who is going to be eliminated today.