...
It shouldn't have come to this...
Yet it has...
...I could, no should, have stopped him.
Yet I didn't...
It's funny how many times I've told myself this. How many times I have wallowed in a now almost comforting guilt. There is nothing I can do but to do what he says... and allow him to control me when he sees fit.
Maybe then I'll see her again.
No, I will see her again.
My little Belle...
The feeling of hard plastic between my hands sends a jolt of guilt into my heart.
I need to feel this guilt. Otherwise I will lose sight of my goal. I cannot lose her. She is all that I have left. Even if she and I can't see each other, we are still connected by heart and mind... even when my own are wasting away.
My finger spins a wheel on the toy I have in my hands. It whirs gently, reminding me of when she played with it in the RV back when life was simpler for us.
I want that again.
I just have to do a few more tasks...
Then he will let her go.
But...
I glance into the rear view mirror of the car I am sitting in, my irises red and my hair a black crow's nest.
...Will she see me as her father? Or... as her captor?
The sound of the wheels on the little car as I spin them with my fingers bring me back into focus. However, all this time I spend by myself in this... cage gives me time to think. And the only thing I can think of is how this all went so downhill.