Hyunjin was on his knees , staring at the engraved stone that was decorated with flowers around it.
He couldn't read what was engraved on the stone , it hurt him too much .
He wished he could take it all back .
His whole purpose in life was taken away from him and he blamed himself for it .
Hyunjin placed his bouquet down with the pile of other bouquets and dared to take a glance at the name on the grave stone .
In loving memory of
Lee Felix Yongbok
Hyunjin screamed as he buried his face into his plams , the cold empty graveyard echoed with hyunjin's mournful sobbing .
Hyunjin didn't know how he was ever going to live like this . They were so in love , they went through so much together and nothing could come between them . They thought they'd last forever. Felix was all hyunjin had .
But then one night hyunjin was driving Felix home and there was an accident and everything changed . And even though everyone told hyunjin it wasn't his fault he refused to let anyone else take the blame .
I'd been a week since Felix passed . Hyunjin was practically living in the graveyard . He'd practically sob his heart out and drinks till he passes out on the grave , and then someone would go and try to get him home in the morning and it would most probably be Chan or Minho .
"Hyunjin" Chan called out , making hyunjin look up to see him standing there .
"Get up . You can't continue this . You'll get sick . " Chan said as he tried to get hyunjin off the floor .
" Like it matters so much if I'm alive anyway "hyunjin pushed Chan away and crawled closer to the stone .
"Hyunjin You can't go on like this !" Chan said , trying to be strict for the sake of hyunjin's health even though he was hurting as well .
"Your right . I can't go on like this . I can't go on without Felix !" Hyunjin said , his voice cracking .
"I know it's hard hyunjin but you have to get through this " Chan said .
"Get though this ? GET THOUGH THIS !? Are you fucking with me right now ? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THROUGH ANYTHING WITHOUT HIM !? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE CHAN ! JUST LEAVE " Hyunjin screamed at Chris .
"Do you think Felix will like seeing you like this !?" Chan asked , his anger building up .
"Felix is not watching me . Felix is not here ! Felix is dead !!" Hyunjin screamed louder each sentence .
There was a few minutes of raging silence before Chan grabbed hyunjin's arm and tried to get him off the floor aggressively.
"Get the fuck off the floor hyunjin !" Chan strained as he fought hyunjin .
"Why the fuck do you even care when you know I caused this in the first place !?" Hyunjin screamed as he tried to get out if Chan grip .
"FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME HYUNJIN ! YOU DIDN'T CAUSE THIS !!" Chan yelled at the top of his voice as he let go of hyunjin .
Hyunjin looked up at chan and saw him crying .
"Leave" hyunjin said quietly as he looked back at the grave stone .
"Hyunjin let's see a therapist . Please . You're going to get sick this way" Chan said sweetly as he squatted next to hyunjin . His voice evidently showing that he was crying .
Hyunjin didn't answer but stared at the grave sone with tears flowing nonstop .
"Hyunjin listen to me please" Chan begged as he held Hyunjin's hand.
"How long as it been since you've attended college ? How long has it been since you saw your parents ? They're worried hyunjin . And so are Felix's parents . You need to stop this and go home . I swear this will get better and-" Chan was cut off .
"You swear ? You fucking swear ?" Hyunjin asked as he chuckled fakely .
"That's a fucking big promise to make" hyunjin said .
"Just TRY to co-operate hyunjin! " Chan started to raise his voice again .
"Hyung....." Hyunjin started off softly .
"I know I have to . But i- im- " hyunjin had a painful lump in his throat that prevented him from finishing his sentence .
"im- I'm just not ready yet !" Hyunjin began sobbing painful and Chan immediately pulled him into his chest and hugged him tightly .
Hyunjin's body was cold and trembling . It was winter and going to be snowing anytime soon and it was not the best time to be outside without proper clothes .
Chan squeezed hyunjin tighter and rubbed the bare skin on hyunjin's arms , trying to warm him up .
"Hyunjin let's get you home you can't stay out like this" Chan said in worry as he slowly stood up and pulled hyunjin off the floor . Hyunjin was too weak and mentally exhausted to fight Chan right now .
Chan took hyunjin home while hyunjin stayed quiet the whole way. Looking out the window as he shivered with the cold .
"C'mon we're here" Chan said as he opened Hyunjin door and they both got out .
Chan immediately took hyunjin inside as it started snowing .
"Chan! Hyunjin !" Hyunjin's parents immediately pulled both of them in and closed the door .
Hyunjin's parents immediately hugged hyunjin while hyunjin just stood there numb.
"Oh my god you're freezing" mrs.hwang said as she let go of hyunjin and ran to find something warm as Mr.hwang took hyunjin to this room .
Hyunjin's weak body fell on the bed on his stomach as he hugged his pillow and closed his eyes , remembering all the times he spent cuddling Felix just like this .
But something kept digging into his hip , he grabbed it and pulled it out from under him in annoyance and there it was . Felix's hand gaming console .
Chan snatched it out of hyunjin's hand immediately and hid it behind his back , not wanting hyunjin to remember Felix by these things .
"You know if he was here , he'd be on that thing right now " hyunjin smiled sadly .
Mrs.hwang barged in with hot soup .
"Here I brought soup . c'mon sit up " she said .
"I not hungry right now eomma" hyunjin said as he stuffed his face back into his pillow and hugged it .
Mr.hwang looked at Chan who was not surprised by hyunjin's behaviour . Chan had a look of sadness in his eyes as he stared down at Felix's gaming console in his hands .
Mrs.Hwang saw how this immensely broke them . Felix always made everything better and she knew she'd miss him laughing and annoying hyunjin in his room .
"You'll feel better once you have some" Mrs.Hwang tried once more .
"Eomma...Soup is NOT going to make me feel better" hyunjin answered .
Chan tapped mrs.hwangs arm and mouthed "let's go" while pointing to the door .
"He just needs some time alone." Chan said once they came out of hyunjin's room .
"Thank you for bringing him home Chan" she answered as she rubbed his arm .
"No don't thank me . And don't worry Mrs.hwang He'll be fine" Chan assured even though he had a feeling hyunjin wasn't going to get better any time soon.
"Let's hope so" she answered sadly .
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Yes.
And credits to the fanart omfg <3