Y/N,
I can't live without you.
Please come back to me.
I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done to your family, your friends.
I cant forgive myself until you forgive me.
I get it, I really do.
You only wanted what you fought for, and seeing you so driven, I loved every second of it.
I couldn't sleep at night when you ran through my mind. You were in my dreams, you were in my nightmares.
When I lashed out at you a few weeks ago, I couldn't understand why. I love you so much, and I think I was just going insane.
I am going insane, Y/N.
So, all I want to give you is an apology, no matter how weak it may be. I want you to know how truly sorry I am. And if you ever want to, please talk to me again.
I love you.
-Clay
My nose scrunched as I read the letter. That fucking snake thinks he can just apologize and everything will be okay!
That piece of shit scarred my back twice!
I was literally just stood in shock, the fingerprint stained letter in my hands. I wanted to rip the sheet to shreds, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
It hurts knowing Clay had this much impact on my life. It hurts knowing that I can't really even bring myself to let him go after everything he's done.
At night, I find myself wide awake thinking about him.
I think about the way he held me.
I think about the way he genuinely cared for me, especially when no one else did.
I think about the time we spent together in this house.
I think about his tear-stained face when I left that day.
I see myself questioning whether I really loved him or not.
And usually,
I think I do.
I wake up again and again, hoping for something to click in my mind, telling me that he didn't love me.
But I can't.
I know he did.
I was the only one he would listen to and protect.
And even though what he did to me was wrong, I still find myself guilty for loving him.
I may have been foolish, or even stupid, but I know that what I felt for him was not forced.
I really did love him.
And I know he did too.
Clay just had a horrible way of showing it. He only wanted me to be safe, protected from the harsh reality from the world we lived in, even though I was more than capable of protecting myself.
He's always had issues, though. When I visited him in prison, I was shocked at his words to me.
"You're a goddess. Half, at least, who has no idea how to control her own power! You just fuck around all day with no sort of guidance, and cause destruction to the SMP that I built! You're sick in the fucking head, Y/N. Absolutely. Fucking. Sick."
I thought he was right.
I reflected enough to figure it out. I've had two years to do it, at least.
I've come to the conclusion that I have, in fact, been entirely out of control with my power. I've hurt a lot of people, and it can never sit right with me anymore.
The power that I have possession of is dangerous.
And I strive to be in complete control of it.
I never decided my fate, but being the daughter of the Goddess of Death isn't what I wanted it to be.
But it's who I am, so I've got to put up with it whether I want to or not.
On bright morning like this one, I don't have time to think about Clay, but instead I take the time to make my way back to the prison and see him again.
Sam was giving me shit about visiting again, even after Clay attacked me. I simply didn't care, and I made it very clear to him.
So, with the letter in hand, I was, again, traveling across the magma pit into the obsidian cage.
Clay stared back at me the whole time with the glint of hope in his evergreen eyes. He smiles lightly, genuinely looking happy after I meet his eyes and smiled.
I waited until I reached the cage and the lava began to fall again to speak.
"Do you mean any of it," I asked him, eyes meeting his. His expression softened, "every word, Y/N."
I swallowed a lump in my throat, "then tell me. Tell me to my face you love me. Tell me you didn't use me to gain trust from other people."
The silence was deafening.
Clay came very close to me, standing directly in front of my shorter figure. He placed his index finger under my chin and his thumb on my bottom lip, then moved his lips very, very close to my ear,
"You are my whole world, Y/N. I love you with my whole heart."
And I believed it.
Every. Fucking. Word.
I smashed my lips to his, kissing him in a fit of passion. He kissed back harder, taking control of the situation. We stood there, holding each other whilst partaking in a battle of teeth and tongue.
In the midst of our kiss, I felt a moisture touch my cheek. I opened my eyes and separated from Clay to see him staring back at me, eyes soft and tears staining his own face.
I shifted onto my toes, making myself able to reach his face with my own, and laid a kiss to the salty trails.
He took one of my hands and brought it up to his lips, kissing it slowly.
We sat for a few minutes, smiling, crying.
I love him.
He loves me.
We love each other.
"Y/N?"
I looked up into his eyes, shining.
"Yes, Clay?" I ask.
He inhaled slowly, "Isn't it funny that this all started because I was so infatuated with you during the L'Manburg war, that I just had to capture you?"
I chuckled, "That's why you did it?"
He nodded, chuckling as well, before going silent.
We sat for a few more minutes, watching the lava fall together.
He broke the silence, "I'm sorry."
I quickly turned to him.
"I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. You never deserved any of it. You're a beautiful woman whose strong, independent, smart, loving, talented.., the list goes on. What I'm trying to say, Y/N, is that I can't imagine living a life without you.
"You changed me. You helped me grow, become a better person. My only regret was hurting you. I don't understand why I was in the mindset I was... I don't know why I didn't listen to you! I don't know why I didn't settle down with you!
"All I want is to spend the rest of my life with you."
I was in shock, to be honest. Especially the last sentence he spoke. Does he mean it?
"I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. I want a family with you," he spoke again.
I gasped deeply, hugging him tight and tackling him to the floor, "I want that too, Clay. I want a family. I want you.
"I promise that I'll get you out of here one day so we can."
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1254 words
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i am alive barely rn 😮💨😮💨
i have finals in a few hours and i'm totally not prepared hahahahaha
poetry is going to kick my ass on so many levels tbh❤️
but anyway!!!
Y/N + TECHNO REDEMPTION????
MIGHT THEY BREAK OUT DREAM TOGETHER HMMMMMM??????
stick around... might not be too long before the next update... :)
-autumn 🍂