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I was awakened to the smell of bacon and batter, it was perfection. I roll over, patting the spot Ava laid and she is long gone. I rolled to the side of the king size bed in Henry's guest room, the yellow and pink hues through the girls belongings brightening up the mundane grey walls, I have to unpack our pictures to start getting those up around our little space. Honestly, Henry makes me feel like we're already burdening him.
I lean forward, letting out a stretch and a grunt while slip into the black bunny slippers Ava got me for mother's day this year. I'm an allowance mom because when our parents died, Henry and I learned, the hard way, what the real value of a dollar was. So, I started Ava on chores and allowance at 3 and she lives for it, saving up and buying things she wants. Her newest purchase? Black ballet slippers and a tutu for her new class.
Little does she know I found a ballet store around the corner and I'm taking her this week. I'm not the biggest fan of surprises, my daughter? Obsessed.
I tie my sloppy curls into a bun and make my way into the large minimal hallway. Henry's walls were mostly empty, I always pictured my home, if I had one, filled with photos and little items from trips and memories. I skip down the stairs and head for the insane black and cedar wood kitchen. The interior decorator of this place was really phenomenal, but Henry doesn't show too much beyond baseball within these walls.
When I spot Ava, she is with Henry in the kitchen. They are listening to Sweet Caroline from Henry's large, black hanging bluetooth speaker. Ava sings into a wooden spoon standing on a large stool next to my brother. She smiles up, watching Henry sing with a towel over his shoulder flour covering his grey henley, and bacon in his tongs. The stack of waffles is comedic, there was two and a half of us.
"Well, this is a sight," I smile and make for the overpriced espresso machine.
"Unc and me made your favorites!" Ava crossed her arms and nodded her head to the beat. I nod my head, copying her, "well aren't you two sweet. Henry, you're game was one for the books. Ava, here, thinks she's your goodluck charm."
He nodded, "I think she is too. So, Ava Rae. What are you girls doing today?" I always love how he calls her that, I may have given her a middle name in respect to my brother.
Ava smiled and spoke singsong, "starting with a new therapist."
I nod, "therapy, enrolling in a ballet dance class around the corner, and grabbing groceries. So text me what you need," I point to him. "Oh, and can I enroll her at school with your address?" I give him a look resembling pleading and he took in a deep breath, "yeah that's fine, I guess."
I let out a breath, its always the past bit, isn't it?
He nodded as we moved to sit down. We sat and ate waffles, bacon, and melon. I could tell Henry wanted to say something, fidgeting around in his seat, he always did have trouble delivering his truth. "That game was absolutely amazing Hen, we had alot of fun."
My brother looked at me, studying, like he wanted to know more about Ava or I. I couldn't blame him really... life since my brother and I were last regularly together is still a mystery to him.
Henry never pried, not anymore. He never asked too many questions about about our lives before we came and I never shared much for a reason. I'm embarrassed of what I let my stubbornness drag me into and through, along side my sweet little girl. Henry knew better than to dig, last time he pried into our life, I hadn't talked to him for a year. Well, not by choice entirely. After all, I am the product of being the second thought of my parents and abused by the father of my child; compartmentalizing is a talent I have mastered...most days.
Corey was the best and worst accident of my life, my brother was pitching a game for the Cleveland Indians early one afternoon, and I was watching in a Pub outside of town. I'd been living in Georgia, finishing my degree in photography and business, I was a semester from finishing early.
That game, was the first no hitter my brother ever pitched and I couldn't stop talking about it as I beamed with pride around strangers. Then I met Corey, he was great with words, decent with his hands, and about as manipulative as a person can be. I was so naive and hungry to be cared for, it made me blind. That blonde hair and blue eyes, it was easy to admire him, he was beautiful.
It was one night, one drunken night where a narcissistic asshole loved the idea of hooking up with Winter's little sister. But sometimes, all it takes is that one time. He knocked me up, I'd never been more scared in my entire life. I was young and always saw the best in people, even if there wasn't a single redeemable quality to them.
I finished school, and disappeared for nearly the first two years of Ava's life, waitressing at a small diner in a tiny town, taking photos of the people for cash. I had irregular contact with my brother, he pried alot, worrying about Ava and I alone.
The owners of the diner let me bring my baby with me. The owner was this old woman called Mable that adored babies and always offered free care, it was nice having help and a friendly face around everyday. But I never let anyone get too close.
Henry knew little of my life during this time, only receiving letters and photos, maybe the occasional phone call for 15 months. My older brother was on his own path at that time, dreams can leave people in the clouds sometimes.
Then, Corey found us around the time Ava turned two and everything safe I'd felt in my life at that time was ripped away from me. I let my daughter and I fall into the clutches of someone monstrous. He quickly took hold of our life, including contact with my brother.
It took me nearly a year of strength and resilience to get away from him, I held my almost three year old and ran. See, Corey has a talent for making me feel small and incapable, belittling me until I felt incompetent all together. Then I met, June, she was our neighbor, she heard what happened the worst night of my life and she helped us escape. She joined us, ready for change herself, or that's what she said. June died of heart disease about nine months after saved our lives. There is so much inside my little spitfire that reminds me of the greatest friend I ever had, June was the hardest loss I ever experienced.
Ava smirked up at me and then over at Henry, "yeah, and Sebastian is nice. He is also really pretty." She made her waffle and peanut butter sandwich as she spoke and picked it up.
Henry looked at me with a cheeky smirk, "Sebastian mentioned giving you two a ride home. That was awfully nice of him considering he came right back out with me and the guys."
Ava pat Henry's arm, "and to the grocery store for my coco pebbles too. I think he likes Mama." She gave me her cheeky little thumb point and I ran my hands down my tired face.
"No, he doesn't, he just felt bad." I shovel in my food and finish my oversweetened coffee.
I didnt realize he was going back out, that makes the entire sentiment even sweeter.
Henry was staring at me with those expectant blue eyes. "We were on our way to get a taxi and he offered. Ava insisted then she pulls a fast one on our way home with her grocery stop."
Henry nodded with a chuckle that felt suspicious, "he really is a good guy." I nodded him off and started cleaning, "stop, sis. I got this, go get ready with trouble."
Ava stuck her tongue out, "I am not trouble, Mom says I'm just good at finding it."
I shrugged, "that's true, I did say that." We chuckle as Henry shakes his head and started to clean the large cedar table.
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Ava and I were sitting in the backseat of one of Henry's cars, his driver Matthew taking us wherever we needed to go today. I think Sebastian have Henry a hard time for letting us taxi everywhere. Ava was dressed in her favorite black jeans and the yellow blouse I got her at the small boutique we stopped at in Virginia.
Her chestnut eyes look around the sights as we drive, I braided her hair in two just how she liked on days she felt nervous. Ava was so excited, therapy has been the thing that kept us whole and healing since leaving her father behind and losing June along the way.
Within an hour I'm sitting across from a new doctor, she is older, with kind jade green eyes. "So, it seems you are very honest with Ava about what you've both gone through, though she is only four. My professional opinion is... She is too young to understand."
I roll my eyes, looking at Ava playing at a table in the next room. She is building with Legos, beaming as she matches pinks and greens. "I know how old Ava is, I pushed her out of me...my honesty with my young daughter through her fourth year has helped her learn more about empathy and emotions than most do in a lifetime. It seemed only fair since she witnessed her father beating me for weeks and nearly taking my life right infront of her."
The woman stared back stunned, so I continued, "Ava has an EQ higher than most people I know. What I need from you, is guidance and a professional to bounce thoughts with... if that's a problem, I will search elsewhere."
She nodded quickly, straightening her posture, "absolutely, Miss, Winter, I will work with you. I'm sorry for my overstepping. I would love to talk with Ava now."
Then, I let this woman talk with my little girl. It's always the hardest part of therapy, trusting the process.
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I was cooking dinner for Henry, Ava, and I, later that afternoon. I always cooked or baked when I was stressed. After enrolling Ava in ballet and school, I feel a heaviness fall on my shoulders. I have been overthinking all afternoon and after a long walk to the grocery when Henry was able to watch Ava, I came to the conclusion I need to find more work.
I decided on making a roast with potatoes, celery, and carrots. I know Henry hasn't had a home cooked meal in a while and he is off for another series soon in Miami tomorrow.
I check the temperature and close the oven, "Hen, Av, ten minutes."
I finish prepping the tray of brownies just as my phone rings. I glance at the unknown number, it's nyc so I answer.
"Hello?" I hold it against my ear with my shoulder as I wipe the counter.
"So, it was your real number, good to know. Hi Harlow, how are you?"
I smirk and grab my phone, putting the glass tray of the chocolate goodness on the counter. "Sebastian, Hi. I'm alright. Finishing up a few things, how are you?"
I could almost hear the smile, "I will be better after this phone call, hopefully. I was hoping you'd like to go out with me tonight?"
I know my jaw dropped, but all I can think is how easy it would be to get hurt. I cringe. Truth is, letting people in is hard with kids, you never know who will really stick around. He seemed sweet and genuine, but his life is alot different than ours. I watch Ava trot down the open style steps, her braids long gone, hair a messy mop on her head. She wears pink overall shorts and white tank, she starts ballet tomorrow, so she's been twirling through the apartment.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Seb. I appreciate the thought. I am actually about to serve Ava dinner." My daughter skips up and hops next to me, "Mama, are you making chocolate?"
I smile, "yes, brownies." Then I walk to put them in above the roast. "I gotta go, maybe some other time." You wish Harlow, but you're never gunna open up. I scold myself.
"That's too bad, maybe I'll see you later?" He chuckled, "bye Harlow."
Something about the way he sang the last bit made the flutters tremble through my core.
"Goodbye." Then I hang up and finish dinner as Harlow tells me about her dollhouse remodel upstairs. I hope she didn't find glue or break anything, Henry walks from his office in the back of the first floor.
"Damn, smells good Har." He smiled and gave my shoulder a squeeze. I walk to pull the roast from the oven and move the brownies down. I bring the large clear baking dish to the counter with the large roast, potatoes, and plenty of vegetables.
"I hope you don't mind, I invited some friends." I stare in utter shock, "it's the first night we're all together and you invited friends?"
My hands meet my hips, a mean grimace on his face. "Seriously Henry?"
Then there is a knock at the door, Ava shook her head, "awkward."
Henry starts to stand and I put my hand up, "I'm upset with you Henry Ray." Ava made a 'oh' face but I gave her a warning look as I look at myself by the front door mirror.
My brother has the audacity to not tell his sister we have company coming, dick.
I'm wearing black leggings and a white dodgers tank top. I have my hair braided in two for wavy hair tomorrow. No makeup, but here we go. I open the door and there stood Russel, he had the prettiest caramel skin and the kindof dark brown eyes that make me curious, like he holds some sort of untold knowledge.
"Hey Russell," I open the door and he walked in with a bright smile. As he passes me, another set of feet patter up the steps behind him.
Then, there are those eyes I would happily drown in. "Hi Sebastian," it flowed from me like honey.
He beamed at me, "he invited me first. So I decided to take him up on the offer."
I roll my eyes and snap to look at my brother, "yes, my brother that didn't tell me he invited you until about five minutes ago."
He walks in looking unsure and I close the door. "It's nice to see you Sebastian." Fuck it, Henry wants to play this game, inviting people over without asking, whatever. I don't stop my eyes wander his body, he wore the perfect hair of black jeans, a white tshirt and a denim jacket I really wanted to feel wrapped around me.
"Hi Sebby!" Ava yelled as she jumped up from the table and ran toward him. "Hi Tinkerbell, how were the coco pebbles?" I watched the way Henry gawked at the interaction, Sebastian bending down to meet her eyes.
She smiled and I swear her cheeks tinted pink, "best food ever. Thank you. Glad you took us to get 'em or today woulda been a wreck."
She skipped back to the table, "come on, Mama made roast! I'll let you guys have all the potatoes!"
I shake my head and check the brownies, pulling them from the oven and turning it off. I sit next to Russell and Ava, Sebastian and Henry across from me, perfect. "You made this?" Sebastians stare at the large roast glistening in the light as Henry started to cut it.
I nod proudly, "yeah, cooking and baking are kinda my favorite thing, kinda how I keep my mind straight sometimes."
Ava nodded and tickled my side, "she's the best cook there is, I'm going to eat so much food in my life." I chuckle and look at her. She seems so full of joy here, I love it.
As everyone digs in, I stare at Sebastian with a tilt to my head, I love watching people close their eyes when they first taste something I made. It's a euphoric feeling to know you've pleased someone. Maybe it's the feeling of rejection through my life, but I like to think my love language is giving and gifting.
As he ate, Seb was staring unapologetically back at me and I felt myself getting hot. "This is fu- so delicious," he smiled at me. Henry nodded and groaned, "so good Harlow."
Russell smiled and nudged me with his elbow, "thanks for cooking for us." I nodded with a smile as everyone enjoyed their food.
I noticed the way Ava smiled at Sebastian, then when I made eyes at him, he locked his gaze with with mine. "So, how is photography going here?"
I shrug and finish chewing, "I have a few gigs that may happen and a processing contract with the children's museum as well. It's looking promising."
Henry tapped his plate with his fork, but I brushed it off and focused on the way Ava was beaming. I know I need to get my work going to make money, I don't need reminded with little sounds, reminds me of how our father liked go communicate, with grunts and gestures.
Sebastian smiled at me as he finished chewing another bite. His eyes searching my expression.
"Winter, you make a mean roast," I smile. "You should see what else I can do...make." I cringe and bury my face in my hands.
"I'd like to see that too," Sebastian teased and leaned on the table. I looked up just as Henry smack his shoulder and shook his head. I giggle and smile, looking to my right as Ava shovels in carrots and celery. Picking up a piece of potato, god she hates potatos, and prepping it for flinging. I screw my eyes shut.
"Ava," I warn as she smirked at Henry. He was talking to the guys about something, "hey Unc!"
Then, as soon as he looks at her, she flings a chunk of her dinner and it hits him right in the forehead. She raises her hands in success with a giggle, before he looks at her with anger.
"Ava!" He blurts out loudly, she coward down in her seat, fear filling her poor caramel eyes. I put my hand on her thigh, running circles with my thumb. I watched the way his friends looked at him, his tenper must be an issue. Another trait he must have been given my dad.
"Mommy, I wanna go to bed." I watched tears fill her eyes but I shake my head, "no, we aren't going to bed sad. Henry," I lock eyes with my brother, he looked at me confused and I wanted to punch him. She just wants fun Unc, but he takes life so seriously sometimes. She didn't need men yelling at her, not at all.
"You're niece and I have food fights all the time, life is too short not to laugh, Hen." I pick up a large chunk of potato from my plate, with a mischievous smirk, I toss a piece of mush at him, hitting him on the chest as we giggle. Sebastian and Russell laugh to lighten the tension.
"Shoulda just laughed Henry, stop taking everything so seriously." I shrug.
Ava and I do a little dance as she takes her last bite of carrots and hops off her chair. "Goodnight, Sebby. Bye Russ," she looked at Henry sadly and he immediately softened. We are walking up onto the steps and she let's out a sad sigh.
Henry ran up next to me, "please let me?" He looked at her with a sad face, "I'm sorry Ava, I'm not used to having my little lady around."
She slid her hand from mine and into my brothers and he nodded, mouthing, 'sorry' as he scooped her up in his arms and brought her to our room.
I run my hand down my face and trot down the steps, letting out a deep breath and walking directly to the kitchen, pulling out the bourbon. I pour myself a glass and hold it up toward the guys, Russel stood, "I gotta go. Work in the morning."
Sebastian stood and gave him a hug, Russell came over and wrapped me in a gentle hug, "thanks for dinner. It was really good."
I hurry and scoop a large brownie out and wrap it in foil. "Take a brownie!"
He smiled and grabbed it, "tell your brother I'll see him for lunch tomorrow." I nod and he is out the door and when I turn toward Sebastian he is right across the island from me. His eyes are scanning the room, his tapping fingers tell me he is nervous and I can't stop my smirk from spreading.
"Bourbon sounds nice, your brother always has the best too." I pour with a chuckle and nod, "that he does."
He lifts his glass and we clink, I toss mine back quickly and grab the bottle on my way toward the couch. "Henry will be sober tonight, so I will not."
I smirk over at him, "dinner was very good. Sorry we sorta surprised you."
I shrug, "Henry doesn't often think about me when making plans but it ended up being a nice time. Plus, Ava was happy to see you."
His cerulean eyes follow me as I pour another large glass and set the bottle down before me, lifting the glass to my lips. His stare was intense, the heat between my legs even more so. I run my tongue across my lips as I let myself hold his gaze. He bit his cheek and the way it sharpened his jawline made me press my thighs together.
Oh shit. I was washed over with the realization I was alone with him, I knew Ava would work Henry for atleast half an hour.
"Then I'm glad I came, I am sorry he doesn't tell you thinks he should," he spoke in a low tone.
"Me too," I whisper and lift my drink, moving my gave to a small stain on the grey rug beneath my feet.
He smiled down at me as he scooted closer to me on the couch, "have you been able to do any photography in the city yet?"
I pout and shake my head, "nothing paying well." I chuckle, "but I did some beautiful pieces for single mothers in the city at the woman's shelter but they only donated their faces." I smile and cut the brownies, placing them on my favorite glass cake display.
I lift one to my lips and smile at him, lifting toward him, he quickly took with a nod. "Bourbon and brownies, good combination," he smiled before he took a bite and made that beautiful face with his eyes closed.
The bourbon was loosening my inhibitions, "I like when you make that face." I bit my lip immediately regretting my word choice, but when he gave me a cheeky smirk I smiled back.
"So, I gotta say, yesterday was really fun with you and Ava. I'm not used to layghing so much at baseball games."
I felt those damn butterflies and harnessed them real quick. "We had a good time too, Ava really likes you and she isn't always so sweet." I let out a chuckle remembering the one guy I met through work, it was platonic but she was so protective. She made him nearly cry with how she picked him apart, poor guy. That was just after June died, she was carrying most of my lost friend's sass at that point. "Well, with or without my spawn, I am a hoot."
He chuckled and smiled, "definitely a hoot."
I toss back the last of the dark liquor, the alcohol tingling in my throat as it goes down. "So, Henry told me you really went out of your way for us yesterday?"
I watched the way his eyes darted away from mine, nervous, he took in a large breath. "I just wanted to spend more time with you, so it wasn't entirely selfless."
This man is too smooth, I lean back on the couch and sigh. "And is that why you asked me to dinner?"
He smirked and finished his drink, "that was me wanting to take you on a date and get to know more about you."
I laughed, snorting, quickly covering my nose with my hands. His eyes trace my face as he bites that perfect bottom lip, a smirk tugging his lip. "Well, that was adorable."
I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks and ears, shaking my head. "It was the sound of a pig, I'm not a fan."
I rub my nose and huffed, pouring a final glass and looking at him intently, my eyes studying his features like it was the last time I'd see him. "I don't know, pigs can be cute," he shrugged.
As my eyes trace every feature, to lock them away in my mind. The way his jawline shaped his face, and the way I'd love them to slice me open. I look at the way his forehead wrinkles when he's thinking or curiously studying me, how he bites his cheek as he listens to me, oh and the chin dimple I adore. I peak at the round cerulean pools that drew me in, those pink lips, plump enough to....stop it. He is just a friend, only a friend.
"I don't really date, Sebastian," I finally whispered. "I haven't since she came along." He looked up at the stairs, "that, I get. I can't imagine doing it alone has been easy."
His eyes were brighter, full of a curiosity as he looked from my eyes to my lips, I want to kiss him, but I can't. I pick at my loose braid, "I can't imagine dating would be easy in your line of work, either."
I felt my eyes wandering him, the wide way he sits, the way his jaw ticks with my movement.
"I've enjoyed spending time with you, but friends is all I can give you, right now, Seb." I pat his hand and stood up, my arms reaching up in a stretch, I caught his eyes glances over my bare belly showing when I lifted my arms.
"I gotta get some sleep, I have a meeting tomorrow bright and early for a possible new client."
He stood and walked towards me, "thank you, for tonight. I'm sorry I surprised you," he ran his soft hand down my bare arm and I felt the goosebumps rising under his touch.
"It was my pleasure to watch you enjoy what I cooked, but heads up, I hate surprises."
His eyes widen, "hate surprises?!"
I felt the frown pull at my lips, "loathe them, I always like to be prepared and aware...trauma response." I whisper the last bit but I can see he heard me. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, "gunna go get that little fairy to sleep. See ya, Stan."
"Next time, Winter," he smiled as I turned to walk up the stairs.
"Counting on it," I look over my shoulder with a smile before making it to the hallway and into my bedroom door.
Henry was asleep next to Ava, his mouth wide open as he snores. Ava had her hands tucked under her face, sadness still looming in her expression.
I quickly tap Henry's shoulder to wake him, he shoots awake and I stifle a laugh. "Seb is downstairs."
When Henry disappeared out the door, closing it behind him, I look down at Ava. I am met with wide round caramel eyes full of hope and curiosity.
"How did it go with Sebby?" She asked as I snuggled into bed neside her.
"I think he and I are gunna be the best of friends," I hum and kiss her head.
She beams, "same."
But I know I could never look at that man as only a friend, but I would die trying.
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