It's been two months since she started teaching in our school and only two months left. I'll go to college and face the reality. I don't think I can call my day better without nagging her. Her little attention she has given to me was now completely gone. It's all my fault, no one I could blame but myself.
I'm currently in a coffee shop with these two, Cath and Margaret. I already told Catherine what happened, she was shock of course.
"I knew it, Ariella! From all the people, bakit si Ms. Marcos?" She almost choked. Margaret laugh, "Alam mo, ang kabaklaan walang pinipiling edad." Wow, these bitches is really helping.
Ms. Marcos sometimes glancing at me at school or never at all. She doesn't call me on recitation, but my weekly grades is quite good on her subject.
"You've never been in a girl to girl relationship, Ariella. You may be attractive to women, but I'm hoping you not to use Ms. Marcos to find what's missing about you." Cath seriously uttered. What she said once bother my mind. What if this is just infatuation? What if I'm just too overwhelmed? Too many what ifs in my mind but I didn't even give time to answer one of them. You will probably be afraid to your own answer when your actions and emotion are speaking louder than your words. I've fallen harder.
"I agree with Catherine." Margaret sustained, "If you really love her, you will make a way to make her love you. But I suggest you to keep your adoration lowkey since she's still our teacher. Kapag naka graduate na tayo, why not diba? If you're really serious lang naman about her. Pero kung hindi, stop it already. Don't waste Ms. Marcos time. We didn't even know kung may asawa, boyfriend siya o wala." She said like there's a big chance to make it happen. Finally, these two said something matters.
Cath and Margaret is right. I have to find it myself without involving her. She's too precious to be hurt by scumbag like me. Wait, she don't have a feelings for me tho. I'm dreaming too much.
After my serious session with them, I asked them to come with me to do my grocery. I love doing it and buy whatever I want without looking to my list. Cath couldn't come since her mother called her for emergency.
"I'll come, I'm not busy at all." Margaret wiggle her eyebrows. Catherine bid goodbye, and we decided to parted ways.
From the very first time, my parents allowed me to drive. But before that, too many reminders I've received from them.
"What do you want to buy, Maggie?" Yes, I have my own nickname for her, Marga sounds mataray it doesn't suits her personality since she's kind and jolly. Maggie would be nice.
" Don't mind me, I have my own money. I come with you because I don't want to stay at home. Visitors come in and go. That kind of situation that every politicians daughter need to endure." She cackled. By the way, Margaret is a daughter of Makati Mayor and I didn't know that until she told me herself.
" Maybe a gift? For coming with me." She shook her head and look at me, "Nah, it's fine. Don't mind me." She murmured.
I parked my car and we proceed inside the supermarket. Once I step in inside the store, my hand can't stop shaking. My anxiety again. Margaret noticed it and stop for awhile, "You good?" She asked and look at me. I just nodded in response. " Akin na. Let me hold your hand." She smiled and I let out a shaky breath. That calms me down a lil bit.
As we walk to beverages area, Margaret telling a funny stories that made us both laugh.
"My grade two teacher asked him what's 2+2 and he answered 'butiki' because he kept on looking at the lizard in the ceiling." She chortled while holding her tummy. This girl. Her laugh is contagious so I laugh as well.
"He said that?" I asked while chuckling, she nodded and laugh again.
"Wait, is that Ms. Marcos?" She stop laughing and pointed someone. I slowly nodded and stare at her for a second. She's wearing v-neck white plain shirt, tuck in with black squire pants paired with flat sandals. How could she be that stunning with her simplicity? I don't want her to see me. I just don't.
I diverted the direction of my cart and proceed to another lane of milks. "Where are we going? Akala ko ba we'll buy cookies? Wala naman dito e." Margaret stop the cart. "Iniiwasan moba siya?" She throw me a teasing look.
"No!" I guiltily said.
"Okay then, wait me here. I'll just look for fruits ha." I nodded and continue to shop milk.
After a minutes, Margaret hasn't comeback yet. Well, this store is quite big. You can't call it supermarket if it's small like sari- sari store. I can feel my hands is shaking again. I look at it and continue to put groceries in my cart. The milk shelves is on my knees level, so I have to bend down to get it.
I was about to push my cart since I'm finished, when I saw Ms. Marcos heading to my direction and she's looking at me. I play it cool and proceed to coffee shelves without looking at her.
She also stopped where I am and we both get the bottle of coffee. Our hands touched. I look at her and back to our hands. To all saints around me, why it have to happen like this? I groan mentally. She was the first one who let go at the coffee bottle and took the other one. This is so awkward.
"Can't believe you're here doing this." She uttered before letting out a soft chuckle. What she think of me? Duh, I do my responsibility kaya.
"Good afternoon, ma'am." I greeted and slightly bow my head. She stopped in front of me, " I thought I'm not your teacher when we're outside the school?" Her sophisticated aura flashed in. Oh shoot. I remember I said that to her when I was drunk. My tongue seems tied and I couldn't answer.
"Doing groceries while holding hands huh?" Is she talking about me and Margaret? Oh goodness, is she jealous? What, no.
"It's not what you're thinking." I defended. Why am I even explaining to her? Does she even care? I can feel my hands' shaking and my breath hitched. I couldn't pull myself together and the deep heavy breath keep on coming out on my mouth.
"Hey, are okay?" Ms. Marcos asked me and hold my hand when she noticed I was being unusual. They are keep on shaking, I heard Margaret's loud footsteps coming.
"It's a panic attack, ma'am" I heard Maggie's worried voice.
"Goodness gracious, hand my bag." Margaret took her bag and Ms. Marcos wrapped her arm around me while the other one is on my arm for support. We walked slowly through the exit while Maggie is following us.
"Shhh it's okay, everything will be alright." I heard Ms. Marcos voice while we're on way to parking lot. She softly caressing my back.
We reached my car and Margaret open the shotgun seat door, Ms. Marcos carefully guide me to sit down while my feet is on the ground. I couldn't breathe properly, and my tears already fall down.
"Ms. Margaret, kindly take my bottle of water in my car please?" She calmly asked and tell the instruction to her which Maggie gladly follow.
She immediately divert her attention to me and take my hands, "It's okay..just take a deep breaths." She tucked in the strand of hair behind my ear and wipe my tears using her thumb.
"Look into my eyes, sweetheart.." She softly whispered and gently squeezed my both hands. Did she just call me sweetheart? Despite of my panic attack, my whole system just feel something. I nodded tho my chest felt so heavy.
"It's okay, you'll be fine. I promise." She smiled and continue to squeezed my hands. I feel okay a lil bit and I focused on her eyes. She slightly bending down to level me.
After a minutes, Margaret came back with Ms. Marcos water bottle, " Here, ma'am." I also can sense the worry on Margaret's voice. I'm glad she's my friend.
"Take some water, sweetie.." she whispered, enough for me to hear it. Did heaven already saw my kindness for me to witness this, despite my panic attack?
She put her palm under my chin if ever the water leaked. Oh goodness, I'm melting with her gestures.
She smiled when she noticed that I'm getting back to normal, " You're doing great." she uttered.
Margaret is still worried behind Ms. Marcos. Biatch I'm fine, you're more dramatic than Catherine. I close my eyes and rest my head into the headrest of my car seat and everything slowly went to pitch black.
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To be continued..