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I look down at Ava, she has her little hand wrapped around my index finger. She skips, making her blonde curled hair bounce down her back just like mine does. She beams up at me with those perfect little chestnut eyes.
I love when she looks so thrilled with life, just taking a moment to appreciate the little pockets of joy; I taught her how to hold them close to her heart because for every day that life is stunningly beautiful, there will be days that feel cloudy and dark.
We did a whole spa night when we got settled into the bedroom inside Henry's beautiful apartment in the upper east side. He had so many things on his schedule this week, that we haven't seen much of him since getting in the other day. So, for Ava, I planned the whole nine yards, nails, hair, facials, I made it really special, to celebrate our new home, NYC.
She is the greatest little girl, starting preschool in the city this fall and she's not scared at all. I'm so happy she is so brave, I never was; not until motherhood hit me like a train and made me do what Mommas do and find a way to do what's best for my babe.
I am bummed we haven't seen much of Henry since getting here two days ago. My brother has always been the busiest person I know, I prefer long strings of laziness with spurts of productivity, but that's just me I guess. We didn't exactly have a plan for us coming. It was a long spurts of me procrastinating and moving around until we made it to New York City. I called him two weeks ago, ready to settle, hoping for his help.
Even without my older brother around, I feel like this is the first time she and I have felt at home. Which is pleasant after the rollercoaster of a year we've lived through, losing a piece of our past in the dust. Ava told me last night she 'enjoyed the loud noise of the city, everyone living free and wild.'
There are a lot of inconsistencies in life when you're too stubborn to ask for help like I've been. Yes, I admit to my stubbornness, I needed Henry since my little girl came along and I shouldn't have waited years to ask, everything is clearer in hindsight. But, here we are, I have a nice little savings, made it to the city of dreams with my little butterfly, we are free to start new, together.
Now, Ava and I are heading into Yankee stadium for the big game against the Red Sox. We're both dressed in light wash denim shorts and Winter 12 jerseys. My brother is an impressive talent, he got drafted right out of college seven years ago and has been playing ever since. Though, this is a special game for Ava and I, our first time enjoying his first season on the Yankees. Our Dad would have been so over the moon for him.
I'm so proud of my brother, he was eighteen when our parents died in a car horrible accident, getting wrapped around a tree in a storm. Without a second thought, Henry stepped up for me, because I needed him. I was only fifteen and without him I would have been put through group homes and more than likely never would have kept the grades to get into Georgia State on scholarship.
Now, here is my brother, photos all over Yankee stadium, pitching for our parents favorite team before the age of thirty. I look back down at Ava as she tucks our tickets into the side pocket of my brown leather satchel bag. We decided on stopping at her favorite food carts on our way up to the Winter Box that Henry insisted we watch from.
The box is fine by me, Ava likes to run, dance, and sing so this is probably the best option anyways. Gotta keep my little trouble magnet from finding too much to get into. I would like to actually watch my brother kick the Red Sox asses without chasing Ava around. My little butterfly.
So our matching little navy blue and cheeta converse patter into the large box with a beautiful view. Ava holding her popcorn and juice box and I have our pretzels and nachos, tucked my bottle of mountain dew into my bag. This little girl likes to eat just like me, we smirk as he walk in and I am immediately met with a pleasantly familiar face. The sight of round cerulean pools, I want to dive the hell into, stare into me, Sebastian Stan. I haven't seen him since before Ava was born, maybe Christmas six years ago. He looked good, black vneck, Yankees hat with long hair pushed back, and the way his dark wash jeans hugged his thighs, tree trunks.
"Hi, I'm Ava, and I'm here to watch my Uncle Hen kick the Red Sox asses," Ava smiled over at him proudly and waltzed toward the seat near the window.
I hear him chuckle and I look at him with a half smile, "Ava, I said to stop saying ass, please." I walk toward him, "Hi, that's my daughter and I apologize for whatever she does in this room."
"Harlow, wow, it's been a while." He looked at me like I hadn't been looked at in years and I immediately feel my cheeks heating up.
"Yes it has, Sebastian. I have an entire child now, and she is all sass and stories." I smirk over at her as she stands on the chair with her popcorn looking at the people below her like a benevolent queen.
I roll my eyes and run my hand through my curled hair, I can feel his eyes on me, and it feels intense. "So, Stan, how is the acting going? I saw you in the Captain America movie, that old uniform looked good on you." I winked. Who the fuck am I?
He let out an airy chuckle, "thanks, ah, acting is good," he rubbed the nape of his neck and all I can focus on is the size of his arm. He tucked his hair behind his ear, I felt like I was staring and felt the heat in the pit of my stomach. "That's good, I always love to hear when people get to live on their dreams!"
I turn on my heel and go sit next to Ava for a break, "Mom, he is Uncs friend?" I nod and take some popcorn, "yeah, he is. You excited to watch the game?" She nodded and turned around to look at Sebastian, "hey you, mister, you, sit over here."
I facepalm, she is so bossy, "Ava, you can't tell people what to do."
He walked over with a smile and sat down, "well, little tinkerbell did, didn't she."
Ava looked at me with a wide grin, I could see her wheels turning as she whispered, "he called me tinkerbell." Then I noticed the light pink hue joining her perfectly freckled little cheeks. She loves Neverland and fairies.
"He did, that's a good name, you are tiny and always find trouble, plus you do love the color green and you have dreamed about Neverland for a long while." I tickle her side. I could see him watching us in my peripheral and I felt flutters. He leaned forward to get a good angle to look at Ava. "So, Ava, tell me about your favorite things."
My jaw fell open, what a man. She looked at me with those round chestnut eyes, the sun always shows the sprinkle of caramel in her orbs. I nodded for her to go on and share with him, truthfully there hasn't been any men beside my brother in her life. I haven't dated since her father and I truthfully can't process bringing someone into my little girls life that could leave, especially after everything she has seen at such a young age.
Ava looked up at the handsome brunette I couldn't stop checking out. "Well, I love rabbits and reindeer a lot. Christmas rocks. Chocolate ice cream is the best food in the planet but also sometimes pizza. I like to sing in the car with Mom and dance. Mom likes to dance and sing too." I cringe and put my face in my hands before looking out at the diamond.
"Mom takes pictures and I like to do that with her when she brings me. I'm excited to see what kind of new york city things we get to do. Mama says I can start dance classes before school begins in the autumn."
The way Sebastian just watched her talk sent an unfamiliar tremble through my stomach, he smiled and nodded. "I have lived in this city for a long time maybe I can help you and your mom find your way around, sometime?"
He and Ava looked at me with eyes that melted me. "Of course, that would be great since Henry hasn't done much with us yet." I looked back down as Ava is eyeing him, "Sebby, what do you like to do?"
He made a silly thinking face, "I like to pretend, it's kinda part of my job. I like to make people laugh, oh and I love dogs."
Ava clapped, "your job is to pretend? How awesome and I love dogs too!" He nodded proudly and then looked into my eyes with the sweetest smile on his pink lips.
Then the door opens and three more guys walk in, 'oh damn, now I gotta share.' I mentally scold myself, I have a kid, no one wants to take that on. I smile and watch Ava admiring the view from where we sat. Her tiny white and navy manicures fingers were fidgeting and tapping along the window in front of her, I love her and all her little quirks, most of which she picked up from me and her Aunt June, my oldest friend, or she was, before she passed away last year.
Sebastian tapped my shoulder, I quickly turned and stood with a knee on my chair. I smiled at all the handsome men my brother must be friends with.
"Harlow, Ava," Ava turned around and looked up at Sebastian as he spoke, a cheeky grin on her lips. "This is Russell, Jack, and Blake. Guys this is Harlow and Ava, Henry's little sister and niece."
We all shook hands. Ava smirking up at them, "hello boys, I'm Uncs goodluck charm even if he doesn't know it." I scoffed and tease her with a poke to the side, "or it's me...we'll just never know."
Ava poke me back, "we both know the truth, Mama."
The guys laugh at us, the mother daughter pair that never stopped busting each other, she may be four but she really is my best friend. She and I were sitting and eating before the game started. The guys started drinking at the small bar in this nice size room.
Sometimes I do miss those days when drinking was always an option, or just forgetting life for a night. Having Ava changed everything, while she gave me a purpose I never knew I needed for clarity. I think most of my life I just went through the motions, or did what I thought I was supposed to. Then, I stared into a set of eyes that matched mine after a one night stand with a broken shell of a man, but that's a story for later.
Ava smiled, leaning up on her knees and wrapping her arms around my neck, I felt her look over my shoulder with a small quiet giggle.
"What are you doing, Butterfly?" She rubbed her nose against my cheek, "I think the pretty one likes you."
I wrap my arm around her and put her in my lap as the game is about to begin, "oh sweet girl, no he doesn't."
She shrugged, "fine be stubborn Mama." I look at her with a pressed brow, "who taught you that."
She rolled her eyes dramatically, "you." Then she jumped up and danced to the quiet music playing in the box. She slides on the sunglasses I bought her and does the hilarious dances I never should have taught her sassy butt.
"She is awesome," Sebastian sits down right next to me and points to the twirling blonde in navy blue converse. "She is..but she is also a handful. Good thing she's worth it," I smile over at him and meet his intense eyes.
"So, you're living with Henry now?" He smiled at me as he leaned on his knees, I nod quickly. "We needed a fresh start, new place for our best chapter yet, and this city is insanely expensive."
"I like that, and this is a great place for it, though expensive," I smile and hope he is right. So far Henry is so busy I just don't know. Anything is better than Tybee Island, the town that nearly trapped us with the darkest part of our life.
The speakers start to play some of the classic sounds of the game, memories of my childhood with Henry and our parents filling me. "...And the starting pitcher, Henry 'Toots' Winter, his first season with the Yankees."
I hear all of his friends cheering as their friend was announced, Ava and I doing a little dance as we see him run onto the field. "Uncs looks small from up here, like a little ant," she giggles and proceeds to squish her tiny fingers around him from where she sits.
The game started and I immediately fell into old habits, cracking my knuckles as I watch Henry pitch, scoffing every time the umpire calls it a ball, and doing the hand signals Hen and I used to when we were kids before every pitch. I felt my anxieties rise through the second inning. Ava was dancing to the music that played in the room around us as the guys were drinking, chatting, and cheering along to the game.
I could feel the way those cerulean orbs studied me through the first few innings, but I fought every urge inside myself to meet his gaze. I just watched my brother and all the men I see him with all over the place.
"Mama, I want cotton candy," Ava smirked up at me with those doe eyes, this little girl is too good at working me. "Ava, I'll get you some in a little bit, I want to watch Unc finish pitching this inning."
Henry was pitching a perfect game, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He really found what he was meant to be doing and he was damn good at it. I wish I could have seen the joy on Dad's face watching this game, we may not have the best childhood memories but baseball was the one thing that kept us all smiling back then.
Ava huffed, "I need sugar, Mama. I need to be wired so I won't miss the Yankees winning." I roll my eyes, "Ava, patience, please. We just ate our weight in food."
Ava scoffed, "I need a sugar high. You know how these things work, Mama." I run my hands through my hair and look at her sweet little face.
Sebastian must have been listening, he made his way over with a chuckle and smiled down at Ava, "blue, pink, or green cotton candy?"
She glowed up at him, "hmm...green!"
He smiled over at me, "is it alright? I'm going to grab something from the gift shop anyways."
I felt my brows press, "you didn't have to do that. But that was very sweet. Ava, you better thank Sebastian."
She nodded, "yeah yeah, I know lady. Thank you, Sebby." He chuckled and nodded down to her, "I like to watch baseball on a sugar high too, kiddo. You better share."
She nodded, "just with you, not mama." I only roll my eyes and keep my vision on the diamond below.
Sebastian leaves with his friends and Ava and I are left in the private box alone as the Yankees start batting in the fourth inning. Ava skips over to me after the door closes, "I like Sebby, he knows just how to make a gal smile, he is awfully pretty too."
I look down at Ava, "who taught you to speak like that?"
She smirked and plopped down next to me and shrugged, "I watch tv Mama and you love to talk. Plus, Aunt Juny loves soap operas...loved them. I know my way around a good quote."
I shake my head, "I am so in for it with you, aren't I?"
She gave me a tight lip smile, "oh for sure."
We finish the rest of our nachos and lean in our chairs as my brother continues to do what he does best, shock the world with consistency and pitching perfection. The day felt euphoric, like one of those moments you feel the fresh possibility wash over you.
"The bullpen is on fire today!" I smirked down at Ava as she grips my hand in hers. She has been dancing through the game, now she was feeling it, how absolutely epic Henry was performing. She and Sebastian ate a large amount of cotton candy. But, here I am with my four year old, actually sitting an appreciating the amazing view of this unforgettable game.
Severino had 3 up and 3 down all 6 innings, and now Henry is up on the mound. I can say with pride that my brother was made to be the closing pitcher, ice runs through his veins and nothing shakes him when he is out there.
The game has the making to be a no hitter, but there's absolutely no way a single soul in this stadium will say a word about it. At least, that's what I thought until Seb started to speak, "hey, you think this game could be a-".
He's immediately cut off by Ava, smacking his arm and yelling, "we do NOT talk about fight club, dum dum!" He blushed red at the seriousness in her little voice, his friends laughing on the other side of him.
Yes, I did teach her that so the words 'no hitter' do not leave her mouth, ever. We're a superstitious bunch with zero shame about it.
Seb looks at me with wide, surprised eyes, and I just shrug in response. "She's right, we don't wanna jinx it. So keep those pretty lips occupied with something else and don't speak about it until the game is over, capiche?"
There is that pink hue across his cheeks, I made Sebastian blush and I knew this would be fun, but I don't think this confidence will last. God, I always get more confident when I watch how absolutely epic my brother is, what is wrong with me?
The batter steps in the box, and I see the fire in Hen's eyes from here. He's throwing a sinker first, I can feel it. I was right, "strike one!"
He throws a curveball, "strike two".
Then a breaking ball, "strike three!"
"Yeah bub!" I hum, now 'Rinse and repeat' for two more batters, then our boys are up to bat.
Hen is batting a cleanup, the bases are loaded. I was cracking my knuckles as Ava copied me, making her own crack noises to the entertainment of the guys. My eyes are focused on my brother, my hands clenched together infront of me.
All of our eyes are on the diamond below as my brother makes his way to the plate. This is where Henry shines, always one to thrive under pressure. Paxton throws him the perfect pitch, he swings, and I hear the most beautiful sound of the bat cracking against the ball.
Walk. Off. Grand. Slam. This was the game, the big one. My brother did it,
"Henry Winter just won the game for the Yankees! Yankees win!!" Sounds through the speakers.
Ava and I shoot up out of our seats, I lift her into my arms as we scream and jump around in sheer excitement. This was the moment that dreams are made of, seeing my brother play such an intense game as his friends watch beside us. Ava is shrieking, as she tosses more cotton candy into her mouth, "we picked the best game to finally come to, Mama. I told you I was his good luck charm!"
I put her down, "I could still argue it's me, Ava. But I will let you have this one." I cross my arms as she stomps over to Sebastian, pulling on his arms as they all stood around talking and drinking.
She crosses her arms when he looks down at her, "Sebby, do you think I'm good luck?"
He chuckled and squatted to be at her eye level, his friends watching with chuckles. He nodded, "I think that's the best game I've seen him play yet, and it's also the first time you've been here too."
She beamed and looked at me, yelling with a honeyed tone, "told you, Mom!" She sticks her tongue out and skips to eat the rest of the food on our table. "Hey, I gave you life, Butterfly, any luck you carry came from me."
She stopped and stared are me with that comedic raised eyebrow she learned from my friend June. "Mama, luck isn't something you're born with, it's gifted to you by fairies...duh."
My jaw fell open and I could only shake my head, muttering. "Fairies?" As I shove our trash into the can nearby and put some of our stuff into my large brown leather satchel.
I tossed my bag over my shoulder and walked toward my little blondie twirling around on a sugar high. I smile at the guys, "it was nice to meet you all, I hope wensee eachother again soon."
Ava nodded and slid her hand into mine, "Mommy didn't yell as much as she normally does at the TV, so today was good. Thanks boys." She did a little wave and bow of her head, such a showboat.
Russell smiles, his crooked white teeth and kind hazel eyes beaming at us, "it was nice to meet you two as well. We're heading to a pub around the corner with Henry, you should come."
Ava nodded, "yeah mom...we should come."
I look at her with a half smile, "you need a nap and have piano tonight, and I have work to do." I smile at them, "thank you though. Maybe next time."
We all make our way out of the private box as many fans had already left. Ava and I were set to grab a taxi toward home, turning to wave at the guys as we make our way toward the large exit. Then I felt a hand on the small of my back, "let me take you home."
Sebastian was standing beside me, his large hand still sitting on my lower back, the heat rising in my cheeks. "It's fine, we were going to get a taxi."
Ava slid her hand from mine and skipped ahead of me, turning to face us with so much sass, "Mama, you told me yourself, when someone shows kindness to you, you show it back. We should accept the ride because Sebby is being kind.. shouldn't we be too?"
I huffed, "little girl, you listen too much." I smile up at Sebastian, "that would be really nice. Thank you."
Ava giggled, "good because some taxi's smell like old food. I bet Sebby's doesn't." I shake my head, "nicely said, Ava." I look at Sebastian as he chuckles next to me.
We walk toward the large parking deck, I could feel his eyes tracing me with those intense orbs of cerulean. Ava was a few yards ahead, skipping to the beat of her own drum, as always.
"So, what's with Henry? He isn't showing you around or...?" His question was quiet, as if he wasn't sure if he should ask. How sweet.
"Well, our moving here was a bit of a split second move. He had a crazy week planned and I didn't want to bother him. I'm just happy to finally be here...safe...with Ava." I smile at her little converse clacking against the pavement as she skips slowly. "Safe?" I heard him mutter just as Ava stopped walking.
She turned around with wide eyes, "Mama, we forgot to get cereal. I need cereal for tomorrow and milk." I facepalm and look at Sebastian, "I really can take a cab, I need to take her to the grocery."
He waved me off as we walk up to a white range rover. Ava runs her little pointer along the side, "nice ride, Sebby." He chuckled, "thanks tinkerbell."
I lift her up and put her into her seat, buckling her in. "Don't be a wiggle worm, sit still and I'll get you whatever box you want." She grinned and nodded before I closed the door and climbed into the passenger seat.
"It is a nice ride," I admire the light brown leather interior and the clean smell. Though, he seemed to be admiring me as I did. His gaze was piercing but it didn't bother me, more confusing than anything.
He opened his mouth to speak but then my phone rang, I pull it out, 'Henry is facetiming'.
I click the green answer button and smile at him, "good game bruv. Still frigging soaring for you!"
He nodded with a wide smirk, "did Ava watch it or just eat the whole time?"
I aimed the phone at her in the backseat, she scowled while holding her belly. "I'll have you know, I ate AND watched you kick ass Unc. But mom's making me go home and nap."
I aim the phone back at myself, "yeah, sorry. I have to finish my last Georgia project, I have a meeting tonight, and she's got piano."
"Breakfast tomorrow?" He asked as he looked to be distracted by the team, I nodded, "Ava and I have an appointment at eleven but before that, yes."
He nodded, "done. See you ladies tonight." Then he ended the call and I looked back at Ava with apologetic eyes, "I will make waffles tomorrow, okay?" She only looked out the window and nodded, I know she felt slighted by Henry not being present the past few days.
I could feel the way Sebastian wanted to check on me or ask questions, but when little ears are around, those conversations had to wait. I shrugged and turned on the radio, "so Stan, what's life look like for a big Hollywood actor these days?" I tease and watch him shift in his seat.
"I'm not a big actor, but it's good. Working with marvel is fun and I made some good friends, auditioning for a few roles here and there. Mostly just trying to stay busy." I nod and look out the window as he makes his way slowly through the busy Sunday streets toward Henry's building.
"You're quite good, after we met that Christmas, I watched a bit of your work. You play 'mentally unwell handsome man' quite impeccably." I joke, watching the way he squirms a little. Ava smiled up at me, I notice in my peripheral, "Mama, cereal?"
"Fuck!" Sebastian muttered and turned quickly toward the corner store nearby.
I wide eye stare at him and pinch his arm, "language, Stan." He cringed, "sorry. Don't say that word Ava."
My little blonde, talking diary, laughed loudly, "Mama acts like cussing isn't her first language. I know not to say those words unless it's necessary."
I narrow my stare at toward, "and when is it necessary?"
She smirked back toward me with a tilt to her head, "when it's serious or I'm dying."
Seb and I chuckle, shaking my head, she isn't wrong.
I laugh and look at her as Sebastian parks perfectly on the side of the street and hops out. Seb opens the door and Ava immediately jumps onto him, "surprise!"
She laughs as he sets her down, "jeeze tinkerbell, I need a warning." I shake my head at her and smile up at him, "sorry Sebastian, to be fair, I said she is a handful."
I couldn't help but feel sad about my brother not putting in too much work for us since we arrived. Now, he barely asks us any questions on FaceTime, like..why bother? Ava seemed super excited as we walk into the cornerstore, so I focused on that smile.
"Ava," she turned to give me attention as we stand before aisle 1, "one cereal, one snack, two fruits, two veggies." She smiled and grabs her basket, "she is only four?" Sebastian asked with a pressed brow as we watch her pulling her items from the shelf.
I smile proudly and look back at him with a nod, "she turned four on valentines day." He and I look back at the tiny skipping blonde in her uncle's jersey.
I look up at him, "I work extremely hard to make sure she is independent... girls need to know how to take care of themselves. I wish I'd have been taught sooner." I grab almond milk and tea bags, then reach for a bottle of wine.
He smiles at me and I shake my head, making my way to Ava. "Did you get your goodies?"
She nods proudly as she sits the basket on the counter, "coco pebbles and chocolate cookies. I see fruit and vegetables so that's good but Ava, are you sure you wanna run on chocolate this week?"
She gives me a dirty look, "Mama, you get something sweet with breakfast everyday and wine with dinner. Pot and kettle?" She says matter-of-factly with crossed arms as the young cashier laughs.
I sit down my items and shake my head, "Ava, you paint an ugly picture of me way too often infront of strangers." Ava laughs softly with a shrug, "I only paint the truth."
I pay for our stuff as we make our way out of the grocery. Sebastian pulling the bags from my hand before I can protest, "come one then, ladies."
Soon, we were parked infront of the high rise in the upper east side that Henry bought this year. I smile at Sebastian, "thank you for the ride, it really was sweet of you."
I look at Ava and motion for her to come to the side closest me. Sebastian leaned over the center console, "may I help you in?"
His words were almost flirty and I couldn't shake the feeling they actually were. Ava was standing next to me when I leaned onto the passenger seat with crossed hands, "I think we'll manage. You, Mr. Stan, are a lot sweeter than I thought you'd be. Thanks again."
I winked and turned to lift my bags, he quickly added, "can I get your number?" I smiled and Ava quickly stated, "yes you may...her number is [718-445-0011] call anytime."
I facepalm, "that is my number. Have a good one Seb, thanks."
Ava turned from where she stood next to Norm, the door man. She gave a big wave at his white car, "bye Sebby!"
I shake my head, "Ava, you really are a wing woman." I tease as we make our way inside.
Ava has virtual piano lessons and some work to get done in tutoring before bed. I had to edit up my last photos from my jobs in Georgia to get my last paycheck from this family that still owed me.
Henry hadn't gotten home until well after Ava and I were in bed reading our story book of powerful and rebellious woman, tonight we read about the Brontë sisters.
Ava looked up at me with tired eyes, "do you really believe I can be anything?"
I think for a moment, "I think dreams are limitless and hard work is just that. But I know my little girl is stronger than most, my butterfly will fly high." I softly boop her nose as we snuggle into bed, "I know it." I kiss her forehead and turn the light on the side table off.
"Lub ya Mama."
"Lub you too butterfly."
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