In 2021
22 August 2014
Dear Dairy,
"Yale" is totally my dream and right now a dream come true.
I still can not believe that I became part of him. It seems to me that I am asleep and I am dreaming about it. It seems to me that all this is a joke. It seems to me as soon as I wake up everything I am seeing these days will disappear immediately. However this is not a dream and you know why? Because I bit myself for as long as I was in class while others looked at me like I was a psychopath. Am I?
It's true, I felt like a psychopath when I was constantly smiling for no reason. I felt like a psychopath when I used to dance in the big corridors and also kiss the long walls one by one. Well the truth was that in the eyes of people I looked like a psychopath while inside I feel like the most blessed and lucky person in the world..."
I stopped reading to get back to reality while a cute blue-eyed cat was cuddling on my leg to get some attention or to support me.
The truth is that cats are weird. And when I say 'weird' I mean the good side of it. Each time I see them I feel like that they can understand us, as if they give us hope, as if they support us, as if they know our pain...
-Come here you little girl- I leave the diary on my left arm and make an attempt to pick up the cat from the ground ,but cleverly she understands me again and makes work easier, she rode on her own.
-How smart you are ... you are beautiful, I will call you Melody. It reminds me a loved one, who disappeared mystically. Anyway ...- take a deep breath and open the bag to insert the diary and aslo to leave the cat a small reward for companionship.
-I believe you will like this- I talked her like she were a human and pulled out of the bag a type of chips with Omega 3 composed of fish, with tuna fish taste and normally with fish shape.
She meows as if to say thank you.
"Well cats are magical, they are just like girls. Most of the time they understand everything, stay close and often want gifts but they want more care, love and sincere words, just like her." I thought with nostalgia.
I would still like to hear the melody of laughter. I would still like to look at her blonde hair that always it slammed into the wind. I wanted to look at the black eyes focused on the celestial horizon when the sun setting. I would also like to hear her voice, to saying "I love you" but so far this is just a dream...I think ...
I decide to leave the place where I was sitting, leaving on the large and wooden park bench a beautiful pink rose. The color pink reminded me on her in her best and most innocent way. At least in that way let me remember her even that she's gone...
August 2014
She ran with the books in hand in the large corridor of the university, feeling little by little the panic on her chest.
-I'm late- she said blowing and blowing just like a pregnant girl.
She paused for a moment in the hallway to breathe. She had climbed all those stairs and had not allowed herself to surrender and stay halfway until now.
There were about 1000 problems, but in these 1000 problems that were surrounded in his head, all of them had to disappear and only one has to be left. Questions such as "Where is the classroom?" "I'm 4 minutes and 34 seconds late, will you let me in?" "If not what is my purpose in this school?" Arose in her head.
Feeling powerless she felt the weight of Failure to return from profit. Evil against good had won in her head and was now celebrating while Good, well she was huddled in a corner in her room and was crying just like a little baby.
"Have you fallen so low that you think you will not achieve your dreams? Melody, you have made most of the dreams on your wish list a reality, while now you have only one ... last and important thing" she remind the words of her mother who had accompanied her to New Haven by car the day she had to be transferred from New York to another house in a cold suburb of this city near university.
-My dreams ...- she said and looked at the clock. It was 7 minutes and 12 seconds late but who cares? She had to fight to get into that room where all that necessary lecture was taking place.
She had promised her mother that from there she would emerge victorious and now she had to keep her promise, she had to not disappoint her, she had to tell her that her little girl was the best in every subject and everywhere.
I started running. Mom had taught me that dreams to come true, people had to learn to run, control their breathing and have hope because hope dies last.
After a quick run down the empty corridors I finally reached the door of the hall where the lecture would take place.
She take a deep breath and after making sure that the breathing is as it should she knock on the door.
"Maybe they won't let me in," she thought, but fate smiled on her. The door was opened by the professor of criminology.
-And you are...?
-Melody sir ... Melody Sullivan.
Professor stayed thoughtful. He Put your hand on your head and stretch those little gray hairs by hand. As the girl looked him from head to toe. He was well dressed, clean and healthy.
-Come on, you must be that young girl from New York or I'm wrong?
-Yes sir-she said with a smile
-Pleasure for me to have you in class dear. You can go in, please take a seat - he showed understanding without asking for excessive and unnecessary accounts. With a smile he welcomed her to class.
As soon as she entered she looked at the hall. How big it was, even bigger than her own house. The banks were located in a "pyramid shape" in a staggered manner and were all full of students.
"Here I will have a lot of competition" she thought when she shyly took a seat at the beginning of the banks standing alone. She could feel the glances cast at her. She knew for sure that they would offend her because of the ugly look he had.
-Professor, where is Travis? Didn't he come with you today to help you? - asked a girl from the end, taking the attention of the young girl in the class.
-Beatrix I know that you do not like me teaching you lecture anymore because you like to watch Trevis in class but I'm sorry to tell you that he could not be part of our class. He said that he had some jobs in the school.
-It was useless for me to come -he said chewing loudly a gum.
-And where did I leave it? Ah yes and if ...- he began to explain the lesson in the best and most comprehensible way possible. Good professor with a lot of work experience. These are the ones we need in life.
-Psstt ... onion head- she thinked they were not calling her but in fact for them "Onion Head" was the young girl in school, which means her.
She looked nervously at the boy behind the bank but did not make a sound. She was silent for a long time while listening to the bullying laughter of many people behind her.
-What is there to laugh about here? -Asked the professor immediately while everyone stopped laughing. He rolled his eyes on the class to controll it and managed to spot carefully what had happened, and this only from Melody's brilliant eyes who held back tears trying not to give feedback.
Uninterested he turned back to the table. Even though he realized that the newest student was bullied, he hadn't move, he had not spoken, he had pretended that he had no idea what had happened to her in his class.
-This lecture hour is really boring today-Beatrix complained again.
-You can go out if you do not like it. The door is always open - it is for this, the professor that I react immediately while Beatrix immediately apologized by closing her mouth and looking at her phone.
***
The lecture ended as she came out of the classroom in a hurry. She had felt bad all hour though he had not said a word. She felt tears flowing one by one through the great hall of corridors. She wanted to stop those tears but she could not, she decided to leave them free to the endless spaces of hurts she felt in her soul.
What else could she say? She felt bad about how he was being treated and could not find the strength to stand up for herself. She felt bad every moment as she was bullied and treated as if she were an orphan. She knew it was not beautiful but at least people had to treat a little respect for everyone. She stopped the step and took a deep breath seeing in her hand a big party invitation that was going to happen tonight.
Remembered the moment when the annoying boy came back and told her that in the evening there would be a nice party and the latter being in their class and part of the school was invited.
"Not that we're really interested in whether you're alive or dead but we would very much like our holiday to look Cool. I believe I know that in the variety of these holidays interesting things happen so ... however I belive that you're not interested but anyway you can take the invitation and make a fire, you probably do not have the light and you do not have the opportunity to look at yourself in the mirror" she managed to remember those words that were gradually filling her even more. How powerless she felt.
She ran again. She ran without turning her head back, without looking left-right or right. She was blinded by all the negative feelings she felt inside. She ran to go away, not to return. She ran to feel free, to escape to that cruel prison full of selfish people who valued only the appearance of a person with a pure heart."In what reality do we live" she thinked along the way and immediately collided with someone.The books immediately slipped from her hand as well as the sheets which were immediately distributed on the ground without anyone asking.
All school supplies were distributed just like clouds distribute rain when they are overcrowded with water. She raised his head so high that he could feel pain in the neck bone. She could certainly get sick with cervical spondylosis from an angle that had taken up the space of her neck and chest.
To her the boy in front of her resembled a Mount Everest as it was itself a meter and a sausage, for her often she looks like a piece of meatball on a stranger's plate or like a small porcelain dwarf in a beautiful green garden of a nursing home.
-Excuse me- she said immediately as he just shook his head uninterested. He saw that girl and did not like her. She was different from those girls he was used to seeing. She was ugly and looks like her grandma.
"In which centry she live?" he thought, leaving indifferently.
-You are sorry, just do not forget to put those glasses well on the nose otherwise you will crash even worse.
He did not expect another reaction because he could miraculously distinguish his type from the destructive dress he had. Torn jeans, this was the first thing one might think of this man as irregular and also from the approach he made to a girl nearby he looked like a playboy because he did not love her but another girl. He was ready make these two girls quarrel and finally to feel victorious. This was the one for him, a piece of clown that scares children. That was enough for her. Everything had come to the tip of his nose, every slanderous behavior of feelings, every unpleasant word, every slight bullying at first sight but depressing.
Without thinking for a long time she collected the letters that had fallen on the floor and went home.
***
In the dim light of the sun coming in through the windows and throwed arrows to the curtains in order to enter inside the room, she managed to look at herself in the mirror.Small and regular body, medium length, small chest, small arms, long and thin fingers just like a pianist, white skin just like a ghost, small oval head, beautiful nose modeled wonderfully from the hands of God. Thin face, very white and with so much freckled scattered throughout. Indistinguishable cheeks, very thin lips and normal beard. Black raven eyes, long and very natural eyelashes and of course a smile. A terrifying wire smile. This was what really scared boys. Long hair just like horse hair but too brown and of course always caught ponytail.The girl had beautiful features but she don't know how to carried them, she was never interested about her apparence until now. If someone would send her to a stylist he would surely turn it into a sexy woman and for sure she was ready to make that change
-Hello Regina, you have full permission to make me the most sexy female in the world ...