10. Slow dance with a stranger
I was walking alone in the middle of the night at outside. I had been okay again for a couple days, not feeling sick anymore. Joonas took good care of me at the first day when I got sick. But when he accidentally said that he should've had a practise, I got shocked and almost mad. Or I was, only a little bit. I said to him millions of times to go there because it's a lot more important thing than taking care of me, he just didn't listen.
I almost kicked him out of my apartment to go there, then he gave up and lifted his arms up and accepted his sentence to go there. And since that day he has texted me every day, making sure if I was feeling okay. Luckily he didn't get sick.
But now it was finally time for me to go outside, take some fresh air and trying to get my thoughts to somewhere else. At midnight, yes. There was a lot of people going to bars and getting out, they all were with their friends and having fun.
It's making me jealous for sure, but when then I remember that I have a new friend, Joonas.
It's still complicated. I haven't talked about myself, but he has told about his life more.
I know that he wants to know me better so much, but I just.. can't let him in. I have always kept myself safe from everyone, and my thoughts dance alone in my brain.
It would kinda feel wrong if someone else knows about them.
A warm wind was hitting my face while I got closer to the ocean, but then I decided just to turn to some street and continue my way away from it.
I saw a bar getting closer to me, it was the one where we had the afterparty. A very small smile appeared on my face while I was thinking about the night.
Now the bar was on my right, I saw people there drinking and having fun. I swallowed, licked my lips and suddenly my throat started to feel dry and thirsty. I stopped.
I was trying to fight back against my thoughts.
Beer, shots, cigarettes.. anything started to sound too good for me now.
I could almost feel the alcohol running down my veins, my head slowly starting to spin around and my voice being more and more unclear.
I saw people going in, laughing and cheering.
Then I saw a couple coming out, completely drunk, leaning against each other and giggling. They kissed.
With my side-eye I started to stare at them while I almost leaned against the building's wall.
The man had his other arm wrapped around the woman, while he was calling for a taxi. The woman was slowly closing her eyes, but forced them to be open. I remember me and Joonas being in that condition.
I looked away and took a very deep breath. I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, I had made an decision.
I started to take steps towards the door of the bar.
I opened it and stepped in.
I leaned against the counter while I sat on the bar stool, drinking my third beer. Time was probably flying, I don't know because I haven't watched my phone in a while. Couple men has tried to make an conversation with me but I have only gave them a bad look.
The bartender kept an eye on me, there was few completely drunk men around me and he probably wanted to make sure that they won't harm me.
Better try, I would kick them where the sun is not shining.
I sighed very deeply, I leaned my head against my hand while the other one was strongly keeping a grip of the glass of beer.
I felt someone's hand touching my back lightly, I flinched and looked to my left. A tall, blonde haired man looked at me and sat on the bar stool next to me.
"Sorry." He mumbled quietly and then ordered something for himself. My eyes looked at him up and down, well dressed and hair looks almost too clear.
He had a small beard and when he turned to look at me again with a smirk on his face, I rolled my eyes while looking away.
"Why a woman like you is alone in here?" He then asked. He wasn't drunk, or it sounded and looked like it. I took the last sip of my beer and when the glass hit the table, I looked at him.
"Woman like what?" I responded, raising my other eyebrow on him. His drink was handed to him, and he gave a nod to the bartender before landing his eyes on me again.
"A beautiful one. I catched my eyes on you a while ago, now I got the courage to come talk to you." He explained himself and it didn't make an impression to me.
I looked at my empty glass, then the bartender who was in hurry to make all the drinks.
"You know, I'm not a woman who is flattered by strangers words." I sighed and started to look around, trying to find an escape.
But then, my eyes catched the front door. Two very familiar man came in. I frowned when I got it that it was Joonas and Joel. I almost got excited because they would be my escape, but I saw couple women with them.
The other woman was close to Joonas, she was smiling and she had a beautiful smile. She giggled because Joonas said something.
I felt an weird feeling in my stomach and throat.
Like someone hit them. I saw them walking further, and they didn't saw me, there was so much people that they couldn't.
The man next to me kept talking but I wasn't listening. I turned to lean against the counter again.
"You know what?" I interrupted his talkings, and he listened me right away.
His brown eyes scanned my face.
"I don't care. I don't fucking care about anything. I agree to stay here with you if you pay." I suggested and his lips moved into a smile.
"I'm happy you decided that." He lifted his finger up to the bartender, I think he ordered the same beer for me what I have been drinking all night.
"So.. are your golf friends in some corner watching us? You look rich." I looked to the direction where he came next to me. He only chuckled when I stared at him again.
He shook his head lightly, I also got my beer in front of me.
"No, I came alone. It has been a tough week at work. But I do play golf, I could teach you sometime if you want." He smirked and I just let out a short chuckle and took sip of my new beer.
That's definitely not going to happen, but when I saw Joonas walking with that woman to some corner of the bar, it was my time to have some fun too. Or even try.
"What do you do for work?" I asked, like it would actually interest me. But it made me kinda angry what Joonas was doing. I don't know what he was actually doing, but I see his patience wasn't as good as I thought. Or as good what Eevi has told me about him.
The man next to me tilted his head a bit to the right and then started talking again.
"I'm a dentist. What about you?" I was a bit shocked about his career. But it didn't care me at all to be honest.
I saw the two women walking to the counter and order some beers and drinks. It made me anxious so I took a long sip of my beer while the man was waiting for my answer. I bet he looked at me weirdly when my eyes were staring at those womens, and my gaze wasn't friendly at all. What the heck Joonas was doing? I wanted to know, but I don't want to spend my time to that. But why I was feeling like this, we are only friends. He can do whatever he wants.
I was focused again to the dentist who was looking at me, a small smile was on his face. I frowned to him.
"Your gaze is something else. Your eyes resemble me of a wild animal or something who is hunting. And it looks like you can judge people only by your eyes, but when you look at me you don't seem so scary then." He talked and he sounded like he knew a lot about others eyes. Why he isn't an eye specialist then?
"That's my defense mechanism. I keep people away from me by my gaze, I learned it from my mother when I was little." I took another long sip of the beer.
The voice in my head was screaming that I have to leave now.
"Don't fucking reveal about anything from your life!" It keeps repeating.
And I listened to it. That was enough information what I just told him.
He slowly nodded, took a sip of his drink and looked a bit around. Then his eyes landed on me again.
"Want to get wasted?" His other eyebrow lifted up as he asked that. First I hesitated, but when I saw those womens walking away with their drinks, something in my brain clicked.
"Definitely."
Almost couple hours passed, me and my companion were pretty drunk by now. We haven't talked about ourselves, but we've had conversations about what's happening in the world. He has seem nice guy, he has good opinions and he's actually very calm and understanding person.
Many people have left already and I could see better to every direction. I also saw Joonas, Joel and their womens. I don't think that they saw me. They all had fun, laughing and I saw the other woman touching Joonas often here and there. I rolled my eyes when I saw her placing her hand on his thigh while she giggled.
"I've seen you have watched over my shoulder often, is there someone you know?" The man mumbled while I catched myself watching them again.
I blinked few times and focused on him and my beer again.
"Well.. yes. There is one man who desperately wanted my number and get to know me better but there he is with another woman." I explained and his face got confused, but somehow pleased. He watched to the direction and then me again.
Now it sounded like I'm interested in Joonas, but while being drunk you say things you don't mean.
But this man doesn't have to know things, I let him assume what he wants because we will not see again after this night.
"Want to make him jealous?" He asked grinning, that idea sounded good. Not that I wanted him to be jealous, but I wanted him to know that I've seen them. And I want him to know that I will not let him in.
"Let's go dance, this is good song." He suggested and took the last sip of his drink. I did the same and he offered his hand to me, and I placed my hand on his.
He led us to the dance floor and placed his hands on my waist. I put mine on his shoulders. Slowly we started dancing, my back faced the direction where Joonas was.
"Where he is?" The man asked quietly while looking around.
"He's the one who has blonde and curly hair, black clothes and jewerly, sitting on a couch." I described.
"I see him. A rock'n roll guy, huh? He looks familiar, like his friend too." The man said curious, I smiled a bit when he said that.
"They have a band. Does he see us?"
The man was silent, slowly we started to turn around so I could see in the direction. I saw them all.
Joonas was laughing, I already missed his smile.
Wait, no I didn't.
I saw his eyes wandering around the bar, then they landed on me. I was drunk and the world spinned around me, my head hurted a bit.
But when our eyes met, it felt like the whole world stopped. His face got serious, the smile he had faded away. I couldn't look at him anymore so I watched the floor then.
"Did he saw us?" The man whispered to my ear. I only nodded and made a fake smile.
Our eyes met with the man, he looked at my lips and then my eyes again.
We clearly were drunk, I saw it in his eyes.
Then I felt his lips on mine.
Oh Saga, what is going on?
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