9. Letting the rain beat
We were sitting in a bench with Eevi, near the ocean. She was drinking some ice tea she bought from a cafe, I was just nervously playing with my couple rings.
It was cloudy day, but still warm. The wind was messing with my open hair.
Eevi put her other leg on top of another, mine were just shaking like always when I felt anxiety.
"So, Joonas wants to see you and get to know you better, what's the problem? You are the bridesmaid and he's the bestman. It could be good for you two." She shook her shoulders and took a sip of her cold drink.
I let out a long sigh, closed my eyes for a second and tried to sound not too mean.
"Yeah yeah everyone's saying that. But I see what he's doing. Soon he will wrap me around his finger and then I can throw the rest of my hope away. Even tho I don't have any hope left..." I stared the grey clouds, I think it's going to rain soon. She chuckled and I turned my head to look at her, she put her arm on the backrest and leaned against it.
She shook her head and that smile on her face didn't fade away, I frowned in confusion.
"And you have the worst thought of Joonas. He's nothing like that. He's one of the sweetest men I know. You have told me how he keeps telling you how he wants to know you better and get your number.. that's just sweet. I don't remember when was the last time he was like that." She told me and kept drinking her tea. I looked to the ocean and put my leg on top of another too so the shaking would stop.
We were silent after that, I had no words to say.
I can imagine how she feels when I'm talking like that about her friend.
"Hey, I understand you." She then touched my shoulder to get my attention back to the earth. I just looked at her quickly and nodded lightly, but she didn't buy that.
"You have big trust issues, I know it. And I hope you would talk more about your feelings.. to me. Like what you really feel inside of your mind and heart. It would help. And I hope you remember that you can trust me fully." She continued and I started to feel nervous, I felt that weird feeling in my throat. Like I would throw up.
Her words were spinning around my head, echoing in my mind. My vision started to get blurry, I was zoning out again.
She gave me time, she waited for me to open up.
She was waiting for nothing.
Minutes passed, first two, then five, then eight.
I heard her taking the last sip of her tea.
I took a deep breath.
"I see he's amazed by you." She then said, breaking the long lasting silence I was kinda enjoying.
I shook my head, amused. I turned to look at her again, her face was neutral, she stared the ocean.
My amused small smile faded away, she was serious.
Has he talked about me to her? I hope not.
But I know that she wanted me to talk to her, but I gave her nothing. I think she's disappointed.
Does she think that I think that I don't trust her enough? I was feeling bad. But I can't talk about my things like that, I need time. And that time can be forever.
"Amazed?" I questioned raising my other eyebrow.
She nodded slowly, then turned her green eyes to me.
"He admires you. He told me yesterday that you seem like an unsolved mystery. Of course Joel and the others started to tease him about it." She grinned in the end.
Unsolved mystery, huh?
Oh Joonas the things you don't know...
And if you would, I don't know would you see me the same.
Soon it started raining, Eevi headed to the boys rehearsal place, I decided to walk home.
It really was raining heavily, everyone were probably looking at me weirdly because I was all wet and I didn't have an umbrella or anything. I just let the sky beat me up.
I didn't care, I'm not made of sugar so why I would even try? Also a thunder started to show up too, I love thunder. The sound of it, that power what mother nature has is incredible. I wish I had that kind of powers.
I finally reached home, and my bed sounded better than ever before. I wanted to wrap myself up with the blanket, lay in a dark room while the thunderstorm is going on.
And I kinda wished I wouldn't be alone.
After a long shower I made some tea, took a gentle sip of it because it was so hot, and then I headed to my bedroom. I placed the mug on the bedside table and let myself fell on the bed, under the covers.
I took my phone and started scrolling it, not really founding anything interesting. I don't use instagram that often, very rarely. I don't post anything on there, I don't see any reason for that.
But still my account was private, and I saw several requests who would want to follow me.
One of them was Joonas, I frowned amused.
Either he asked my account name from Eevi or he searched it himself. I bit my lip, shook my head and let him follow me. I started to look at his account, thousands of followers and hundreds of pictures.
He really does live a life he wants to. I hesitated for a minute before I started following him back.
I put the phone aside and took another sip of the tea, then putting it back on the table.
I let myself sink into the bed and bury my head against the comfy pillow.
I heard the cars, trams and busses driving on the streets. Slowly my eyes started closing, I felt tired even though it wasn't late.
But because of depression, I'm always tired. Mentally and physically.
I saw a bad dream, I felt so cold. I flinched awake and with my clumsy moves I accidentally hit the tea mug on the bedside table. How is that even possible?
It fell, and the cold tea was running down to the floor. I sighed.
"Fuck." I let out, I also felt sick. It was dark, so it was middle of the night.
Quickly I took a look on my phone, and it was almost 4am. I also saw that I've got a message from someone, but I didn't look who it was. My eyesight was blurry.
I put my hand on my forehead, it felt sweaty and cold. My throat was also hurting, carefully I swallowed and then closed my eyes because of how bad I felt.
But I forced myself to get up because I had to clean the mess.
I just walked around the dark apartment, and finally found some paper towel.
The tea didn't smell good, of course not. I didn't like how the paper towel just god wet and I felt it all on my bare hands. But I let it be, I just wanted this to be clean and go back to sleep.
Quickly I looked at the clock again from my phone and I also paid attention on who send me the message.
Well it didn't suprise me that it was Joonas, he has sended me it in instagram. I decided to watch it.
"So, finally you followed me:)" He has written few hours ago. First I wanted to let it be and not answer, but my fingers were already writing something.
"Yeah. I'm not feeling good, I think I have a flu. We have to move the meeting." I wrote back, feeling a bit bad.
I almost closed the phone but he messaged me back, what? At 4am? Frowning I pressed the notification and I was back in our conversation.
"Oh no.. I can't get any sleep, you want me to come over to take care of you?" He texted. I had to blink few times and read the message again and again.
Is he really asking that? My hands were shaking because of how cold I was feeling, my fingers were also deadly cold and it made writing harder.
"You don't have to, really. I don't want you to get sick anyway, you probably have gigs soon..."
But my words were something he wasn't listening.
Quickly he texted back.
"I'm on my way."
I closed the phone and hold it in my hand, I was staring at the black screen.
It didn't get a long time for Joonas to appear behind my door, he was already knocking it. I was glad he didn't ring the doorbell.
Slowly I stood up from the bed, I felt dizzy and walked towards the door eyes closed.
I opened it and the gentle light from the stairwell got me open my eyes again. He stood there, black hoodie and the leather jacket on, and black jeans.
I let him in into my dark apartment, he closed the door.
"You look bad.. have you taken any painkillers or anything?" He immediately asked and took his shoes off while I kept standing in front of him.
I just shook my head and gently he lifted his arm up and placed it on my forehead. His warm hand in there made shivers to my body.
"You're cold.. you should go to sleep, in the morning I will make you some warm tea and stuff.. you need sleep." He told me with gentle voice and started to lead me towards my bedroom.
He made me sit on the bed and I layed down, he put the blanket on top of me.
I was shaking.
"How you suddenly got sick..?" He asked quietly while making sure that the pillow was fine, and also everything else.
I looked at him while he looked so focused.
"I let the rain beat me up." I mumbled and smirked a very little bit, he just sighed and shook his head.
Then he stopped and looked at me while he kneeled so he could look at me better.
"Sleep well, I will be your personal nurse tomorrow." I saw him smiling and it made me smirk too while my eyes were slowly closing, little by little.
"You should wear a housemaid costume or something." I quietly mumbled while the blanket was covering my face almost completely.
He chuckled, and then stroked my forehead quickly before leaving the room.
The morning came, faster than it should. Or it felt like it.
My throat was hurting a lot, headache was killing me. I heard someone doing something in my kitchen, I almost forgot that Joonas came here early in the morning.
I was too weak to get up, I wanted to though.
But before I could even move I saw Joonas opening the door a little bit, he looked at me and I stared at him back.
"Morning, how you're feeling?" He asked quietly, he tried to be as silent as possible. Maybe he thought that his voice would break me.
"Not good." I mumbled with my sick and raspy voice. He disappeared then, but soon he came back with a cup of tea, painkillers and some juice. He put them on the bedside table while I forced myself to sit on the bed.
Carefully he sat on the edge of the bed, making sure that he's not sitting on my legs. I took the juice and painkillers. His eyes studied my face and every move I made.
I was still so confused that he really wanted to come here to take care of me. Isn't he scared that he would get sick too? I would blame myself then.
My eyes met his, he gave me a sweet smile.
"I'm sorry that I don't have the housemaid costume." He made a sad puppy face, I just rolled my eyes amused.
Joonas taking care of Saga, how sweet is that.
Thank you so much for reading this story, and leaving votes and comments <3
Remember you all that everything will be alright, it has been hard days for me again, but I think that slowly it gets better. Also I didn't get tickets on Ville Valo's gig.. it hit me hard. I was too slow...
Stay safe and strong, sending hugs🖤