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District Twelve, the poorest district of all Panem, was also the home of Alder Caldwell, Dove's ally, friend, and supposed lover. As the train stopped at the station, a crowd received them. Everything was covered in pure white snow, but the people didn't seem prepared for the cold.
Barely anyone had even a jacket on, and the ones who did were either the rich ones, or the ones with old and patched up jackets. Dove could recognise the poor from the rich at first sight. It wasn't too difficult. Although it wasn't an attribute she wanted.
The poor people didn't show any emotions in their eyes. No happiness, fear, or sorrow. Not even hope. They had lost all hope. On what? Dove thought. Did they lose hope of having a victor? On anyone surviving the games? She continued to wonder.
However, there was something she hadn't seen. Indeed, District Twelve's people had lost many emotions, but there were some that had spread around rapidly since her victory. Respect, admiration, and determination. All of them were present in them.
They respected Dove as the new Victor. They admired her for not stepping down to the games' level by killing people mercilessly. She had given a decent death to her allies, and those who weren't. She had been benevolent enough to end their tribute's painful death by giving him the berries, making him die peacefully.
Alder wasn't exactly from the Seam, the poorest side of District Twelve, but he wasn't from the richest side either. He was a kind boy that helped people in need whenever he could. His death hurt almost everyone in the district.
They wanted to show Dove their respect. They wanted to convey their thanks for the beautiful funeral she had given him during the Games, before his body got to the family. What they had planned could be condemned as rebellion, but they didn't care at the moment.
District Twelve's town square was filled with people, from the youngest to the oldest. Everyone cheered as Dove stepped onto the platform, who wasn't sure if the cheers she received were being obligated by the Peacekeepers or if the people truly liked her.
The first thing she saw as she took her place was the platform specially made for the tributes' families. Dove stared at Alder's family. A father alone with two children, who wouldn't be older than seven, and another person who looked past twenty.
Dove wanted to get her eyes off them, at least to acknowledge the girl's family, but she couldn't. Her eyes were stuck like glue to the two little children, crying their eyes out as their older sibling tried to calm them down.
She had taken Alder from them. If only could she walk up to them and apologise. She would ask for forgiveness a million times, and it would still not be enough. Nothing she did would bring Alder back from the dead.
Dove's eyes landed on the father, his expression spoke by itself. He was still digesting his own child's death. But it wasn't only that. His eyes, although they reflected his sorrow, showed pity. He was pitying the girl who had fallen in love with his son, only to end up being forced to kill him.
Please, not pity. Be angry! Hate me! I killed your son! Dove wanted to shout. Tell him and his family to never forgive her. It didn't matter how many times she asked. Pity wasn't what she wanted. It was the least she wished to see from them, but there it was.
The major's speech in Dove's honour brought her back to reality. This time her teary eyes could finally leave Alder's family to acknowledge the other family who were suffering as much as them.
District Twelve's female tribute, the girl who Dove had tried to ally with even if she did not know the girl's name. The family was on the rich side, for sure. They all looked well-fed and not malnourished, contrary to the majority of the people in the square.
The girl had her two parents alive, which seemed an achievement. Dove guessed Twelve's mines weren't as secure as the Capitol made them seem. To be fair, everything was more dangerous than what they made it appear.
The two parents grasped a little child's hand. The only sibling of the girl tribute wouldn't be older than four or five. Too young to understand what was going on. The little one cried, not understanding why their parents were telling them that their older sister would never come home.
A tug on her dress got Dove back to reality once again. A sweet little girl was giving her a massive bouquet full of fresh flowers. She took it slowly, thanking the little girl in the process.
It was time for her scripted thanks. She knew it perfectly. Angel had coached for days until she got all the parts right. But it didn't seem right. Three children were in front of her, all three younger than ten. Two from Alder's side and one from the girl's. How could she say anything of what it was scripted to them, who didn't even grasp the concept of death correctly?
"I'm ashamed to say I didn't even learn your District's female tribute's name," Dove spoke up, looking at the girl's family. The mother locked eyes with her and mouthed 'Rye'. Rye, that was the girl's name.
"Thank you. Alder and I tried to make Rye join our alliance, but she refused. She was confident in her skills, which I admire. . . I'm sorry I didn't oblige her. I should have grabbed her and dragged her out of the Cornucopia. But I didn't, and nothing can change the fact that I didn't." Sobs were heard. Rye's mother was crying while hugging her little child as the father rubbed her back.
Dove got her eyes off Rye's family. There was nothing else she could say about her. The girl hadn't passed the first day, and Dove barely had any contact with her during training after the alliance refusal. Now it was Alder's family's turn. She closed her eyes for a slight second, letting the tears stream down her face.
"However, I didn't do a much better job with Alder. I loved him, probably since the first moment I landed my eyes on him. He was a caring person. I loved him so much, yet I lost him so easily-" Dove stopped her speech abruptly.
No. I did not lose him. I killed him. It doesn't matter if he has forgiven me. I still killed him. I could have tried harder to stop the bleeding, but I didn't. She rambled inside her mind. However, she couldn't say those words out loud for everyone in Panem to hear. Alder's lover saying she had killed him instead of saying it was bad timing? That wouldn't be fitting for the helpless girl in love she was.
"I. . . I will always have him present in my heart. He was the love of my life. . . My soulmate." Dove was sure her own speech was going to make her puke her breakfast. She was getting sick from the lies she was spitting. But she had to compose herself. It was no longer for herself. She had to act like the puppet she was for Melo and, most urgently, for Finnick.
Dove considered it funny. She was in District Twelve, professing how heartbroken she was for her soulmate's death, how much she loved him. And yet, the only person she wanted to see, the only one that would witness her break down crying after all that was done, would be Finnick. The only person she wasn't allowed to have feelings for.
"I would like to show my gratitude, my admiration, and my deep love for him, in the exact way he taught me. . . Not only for him. For Rye, too." Dove paused before continuing with her speech.
"This is to Alder and Rye, District Twelve's 67th Hunger Games' tributes. They will forever be remembered and loved by their families, friends and lovers. And I pray that wherever they are, they are happy." Dove spoke up for the last time before raising her three left middle fingers. No one expected her to do their district's salute.
As she saluted Alder and Rye's families, there was yet another surprise. The families did the salute back, followed by everyone in the town square. Their plans had changed. It no longer looked like they were thanking the new Victor, but as if they were saying goodbye to their tributes.
It could still be counted as rebellion, but anyone doubted the Peacekeepers would punish them when the one who had started the chain reaction was the Victor herself.
The major stepped forward, trying to give Dove a plaque as a gift, hoping that would keep the attention from the commotion. But she didn't take it immediately. Her three middle fingers were held to the families for an entire minute. If she stopped sooner, they could cut the scene back in the Capitol.
This time, Dove wouldn't give that pleasure to President Snow. This is what I'm going to do about it. She stated in her mind.
A Mockingjay's chirp echoed around the town square, closely followed by others. They were singing her and Alder's song. Even the Mockingjays were saying goodbye to the tributes of District Twelve. "I see trees of green," Dove sang, letting her tears fall and melt in the snow as the people inside the square joined, singing what they remembered of the song.
Once the song was up, she took gratefully the plaque from the major. They said a few words of dismissal, and finally, a last round of applause filled the square, allowing her to go back into the Justice Building.
"You did beautifully!" Delia beamed once she saw Dove entering, who only nodded in reply. She wanted to go back home. All the progress she had done weeks before, even days before, was lost. Luckily, she could still glance at her own hair without breaking down.
Finnick was next to Melo, faking his cocky act perfectly. He didn't seem to care for her in the slightest, which both knew was a big lie. Dove couldn't lie. It hurt her to watch him act like that towards her, but she couldn't let that get to her.
That boy she saw wasn't Finnick, it was a Capitol puppet. Just like she wasn't herself at the moment. She was President Snow's easily disposable puppet for the Capitol to enjoy.
"Of course she did. She's my sister, after all," Melo intervened arrogantly, placing his arm around her shoulders. Dove was thankful for that subtle gesture. It reminded her she wasn't alone. Her brother, although he couldn't do much, would always be by her side to make sure she was alright.
"Hey, she got it from me. I'm her mother," Librae spoke up, too, stroking Dove's back.
"Yeah, yeah. You two are awesome. Can we move on?" Finnick asked with his Capitol tone. Dove agreed. The sooner the events happened, the sooner they would be back on the train. And the sooner she could throw herself into his arms, sobbing until the day came, or she passed out from exhaustion. Whichever came first.
The next stop was her room. The prep team would work on her again before Ohan could dress her in another mourning dress. Maybe it was because of her desire to go back to the train soon, or it was the little time until supper. But it all seemed to pass in a blur.
Dove fought the urge to shut down her feelings. If only she could sit wherever and look pretty. No talking, no conveying of feelings, no thinking of any kind. It would be the best, but she had to carry on with her role.
As she got dressed with Ohan's help, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her dripping-blood hair was getting worse, but maybe it was more worrying that she no longer cared.
Before, she screamed and tried to evade it, but now, she felt nothing. Was it because she had fully accepted her fault in Alder's death? No, she hadn't. She hadn't because, deep down, she wanted to believe it wasn't her fault. She wanted to believe it was for survival only. That she had been coaxed to do it. But she did not acknowledge those hopes.
Every time she thought about that moment, when she let go of her hair to sing for Alder, strange feelings clouded her mind. But she had nothing to compare them to. Dove only had people she considered family. She had no romantic feelings towards anyone until last year.
Finnick Odair was a living mystery to her. First, she was attached to him by pity, then need, and now? Love? Which kind? Was it even real? Yes, there was no mistake about her feelings for her mentor, but what about Alder? Were they similar to the ones for Finnick?
"Dove, do you want the marbles on your hair to be sea-green or soft blue?" Ohan asked, making her come back to reality. Choose. Dove thought as she glanced at her stylist. He's telling me to decide between them. But what is there to pick? I have to pick Alder for the cameras. Her rambling started again. It was bothersome to think about it.
"Relax your shoulders. Any colour will look beautiful on you. OK, let's make it easier. Sea or sky?" He asked again, grasping her two hands with his own.
Sea represented her district, where she came from. Where all her loved ones were and the colour that cheered her up. No, it's not the colour. I never cared about sea-green like this until Finnick appeared in my life. The sea-green means all that to me for him. She thought.
Whereas the sky represented her songbird nickname. A nickname given by President Snow. Apart from that, it was Alder's eye colour. The Games were the only thing she could link them with. In reality, even before the Games started, everyone was playing their roles, even Alder and her. Their relationship, their chats, everything was because of the Capitol.
With Alder, everything was fake. She only knew about him because of the fragments she caught between their safe conversations, nothing else. With Finnick, however, everything was real. The only moment when they were being fake was in the Capitol. But the rest was true. He had opened up to her the same way she had with him. Taking too long to decide was an insult to him and everything he had done for her.
"Sea," Ohan nodded, happy he had helped with her indecision. He could only guess how confused Dove would have been until that point. A young girl being forced to love someone for survival, when she already had feelings for another person? That would break anyone.
"Then sea-green marbles it is. I have to say it's a good choice. It looks wonderful on you, as if it was meant for you," Ohan commented with a chuckle as he placed the marbles on her hair carefully.
Oh, please. Don't start with the soulmate thing again. Dove prayed in her mind. She didn't want to think that whatever was between Finnick and her was because of fate, but because of choice. Just like her family was because of choice, her love for him was like that, too.
She had many opportunities to run, to leave him, even before they had their first conversation. But she never did. She chose to stay by his side, not because of fate, not because of destiny, but because she loved him.
All dressed up, Ohan walked Dove to the entrance where they would eat supper. As usual, first, the crew would enter, then the escort, after them the stylist, followed by the mentors, and finally the victor.
As Dove watched everyone enter one by one, she glanced in Finnick's direction. His smile implied he was happy to be there, but his eyes were tired. If only she could hold his hand or hug him. They did not need words to convey feelings.
His name got called before hers, and as he was about to enter, he turned his head around to face her. His Capitol smirk changed to a reassuring smile. No one would be able to tell the difference except Dove, and he knew it.
He knew she could catch his message, how he knew how she felt, and how he was in the same position. And just like he expected, she noticed immediately. What he didn't know was the realisation he had just given her.
This is it. This is what love truly feels like. When they're happy, you're happy. When they're struggling, you suffer with them. And if Finnick were to die. . . If he had died instead of Alder, I would never get over it. I would never forgive myself. Because I love him. Dove thought as her name was called.
She had to blink rapidly to stop tears streaming down her face. The melancholic feeling of pure love, something she hadn't felt since her days at Four's beach, was back again. A pure and innocent love that hadn't been stained in the hands of the Capitol or President Snow. An emotion she thought was long gone reappeared for the first time in almost two years. Joy.
Dove Ogilvy, one of the youngest Hunger Games victors in history, was overjoyed to recover a part of her innocence. One that President Snow couldn't touch or harm. One that was only for her to know and keep.
I'll add it to the things I owe Finnick Odair. Dove thought with a chuckle as she entered the room, being received by Finnick's loving sea-green eyes.
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