Liam
I never used to think too much about it- love, romance- those things were always on the back burner, something that could wait for later. For me, the priority was always the game or my friends and family. Romance wasn't high on my list of significance.
For years, I just wanted to focus on my career, making myself the best player I could for my team. So, that's what I did. I hardly dated since college, and that never bothered me. It never got under my skin when the boys would try to rattle my cage about it, either. They could joke and taunt me about it all they wanted, and I never once cracked. I had more important things to worry about.
I watched as the guys around me would pick up girls and screw around. They had fun doing whatever the hell they wanted, but I could see that those kinds of relationships weren't made of substance. They were just a waste of time- nothing I wanted to get myself mixed up in.
Rob and Drew asked me once why I never took advantage of the many girls that threw themselves at us. They acted like I was crazy- like I was missing out on the biggest high of my life. I knew that wasn't the case. I got my high from winning, from playing hard and throwing myself into the game I've always loved. Nothing else compared to that. At least, that's how it used to be. It's what I always told myself.
Now, I'm not so sure.
Over the years, I've seen a few of the guys meet their match. They found the one person that makes them feel better than the game ever could. That's how Dan and Tyler described it to me once.
Dan was already married when I came to the team. He met his wife two years after going pro. They had their ups and downs at first, but now, they're happily married with a couple of kids. His family never misses a home game, and the look he gets when he sees them out in the stands is priceless. It's a look that says he's still winning even if we lose the game.
It's the same for Tyler. He and his new wife are expecting their first child any day now. When he talks about her, he goes off into his own little world. When that happens, I can imagine that nothing in the universe could take away that man's happiness.
When other guys on the team got wifed up, I was happy for them. I still couldn't imagine anything feeling as good as the game made me feel. Back then, the game was still my top priority. And I never felt like anything was missing.
Looking further back, I wonder if I had always felt that way or if I was lying to myself to protect my heart. I dated in college but never thought those relationships were end game. No one I dated had been more important to me than hockey. Going pro was the one thing that mattered to me besides my friends and family, and no girl ever held a candle to the game.
I thought I was just wired differently, and I was okay with that. It would make me a better player. I'd have fewer distractions. One of my best friends messed around a lot back in the day. His antics proved that skirt-chasing could cause problems when games rolled around.
Chase would get distracted or irritable when one of his bunnies started drama. They'd act as though he promised them the world when he was blunt about his intentions. Even when he told them it was only for a night, they'd hear something different, and it would only cause trouble for him. Most of the time, he could put it out of his mind and play his best. Sometimes, though, you could tell that the consequences of his actions far outweighed the reward.
He's still a helluva hockey player, and he kept his mind in the right place enough to make it to the pros with me and our good friend, Justin. These days, even Chase has settled down. He found the love of his life when I introduced him to my sister. Now, they're about to get married and start their future together. I couldn't be happier for them.
I remember back when Chase and I got an apartment with Justin after we all got signed to the New York City Cobras. Those days were incredible. Justin was one of a kind. He was always settled. He never took part in the girl-chasing like most of my teammates did back in the day. No, Justin was always a class act.
He found love early, and he never let it go. I guess you could say he was one of the lucky ones. He and Mel were always set to be something spectacular.
I remember when they first met, back in college. He was such a sap for her. She was a few years younger and was heavily involved in figure skating. That's the reason they met. One day, Justin forgot some equipment at the rink and had to go back to retrieve it. As soon as he stepped into the arena and saw Mel out there on the ice, he was done for.
He had the pros dangling in front of his face, and I was sure their relationship wouldn't survive long because of it. Chase and I both thought the distance after he got signed would be too difficult for their relationship, but they proved us wrong.
After that, the future they had set before them was never under question. It became clear to everyone that they were supposed to last forever. Nothing was supposed to come between them. Then, something did.
Death.
It was the worst time in my life. My best friend and teammate- someone I saw as a brother- was taken from this world in such a terrible way. It wasn't fair. I wished it was a nightmare, but not all wishes come true.
I sank into a dark hole buried myself there for months. The only solace I got during that time was because of Justin. He's the reason I met her- Taylor, Justin's younger sister. We leaned on each other so much back then. I started to wonder if maybe I was wrong. Perhaps I did need someone in my corner to depend on when things went sideways.
I entertained the possibility of starting something romantic with Taylor for a while, thinking that was the way to heal after losing one of my best friends. Then one day, we both realized that what we had wasn't romantic. It was a friendship drowning in sorrow, using elements of a romantic relationship to mask our pain. We both knew that we were using one another to cope with the agony of losing Justin.
I felt horrible. I knew I crossed a line. Using Tay like that- Justin's sister- I felt like a colossal piece of shit. How could I be so selfish? How could I use Justin's sister like that, even if I was in pain? It had to stop. We had to. If we didn't, it would be as if I was dishonoring Justin. That was something I couldn't live with. I couldn't do that to him- not when I owed him so much for bringing so many amazing people into my life.
So, Tay and I stopped using each other and started healing in more healthy ways. I put all my focus back on the game and my career, and Tay made herself the best rep her company, AthletaWear, has ever seen.
Years later we had all mostly healed from the shared tragedy, but I couldn't help but feel that something was missing. After Chase and Lindsey got together- and admitted their relationship to me- I wondered if maybe I was ready to give love a chance.
I thought maybe after all these years, I was finally ready to give love a real shot. It wouldn't be like it was when Taylor and I messed around to distract ourselves from the pain of losing Justin. This time, it could be something real.
I briefly entertained the thought of starting something new with Tay. It wouldn't be dishonoring Justin if we came together with clear minds, right? It wouldn't be like before- not if we truly came to love one another.
It was foolish of me to think like that. It was a fleeting thought, brought on by temporary insanity. Finding out that my sister and best friend were getting together behind my back made me a little crazy. While I was getting used to that, Tay was there, helping keep me in line. It didn't take long for me to realize that what I had with Tay was only ever meant to be friendship.
Now she's dating one of my good friends and teammate, T.J. Levine. I was skeptical of their relationship at first. T.J. was a known womanizer before he signed to the Cobras, but when he met Tay, she turned his world upside down. She made him a one-woman man. The two of them are inseparable.
When they announced their relationship to everyone, I found myself again wondering if I should take another shot at romance. I mean, if T.J. could find love and settle down, couldn't I?
My feelings must have shown more than I thought, at least to Tay. I think she could tell that I was starting to get tired of the bachelor lifestyle. So, when Mel came back to town for a visit, Tay made sure to push the two of us together. She'd talk to me about Mel a lot and ask if I could help her convince Mel to move back to the city. She had a twinkle in her eye like she was planning something.
Looking back, I really should thank her. I think she knew before I did how I really felt. Or at least, she knew before I was willing to admit it to myself.
The first time I met Mel, back in college, I remember thinking she was beautiful. She had a body that showed she spent hours upon hours skating in the rink. Her muscles were soft but defined. She still had curves, but her figure bragged on her athletic capabilities. Her dark red hair fell below her shoulders, and she had the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. They sparkled like fresh ice and made my heart stutter.
I knew what I was thinking was inappropriate. I shouldn't think such things about my best friend's girlfriend, but I couldn't help it. Mel was a beautiful woman- even a blind man could tell that. I hoped with all my might that her personality didn't match her outer beauty. I was sorely disappointed.
Not only was she beautiful outwardly, but she was also immaculate inside. She was kind, thoughtful, generous, and brilliant. She held herself well and didn't let anyone walk all over her. She was, in essence, the perfect woman. And I had to distance myself. I would never betray my friend like that. He loved her more than anything.
So, I made myself scarce when she was around. I threw myself into the game even more than I had before. I thought maybe what I felt was based on lust, but I couldn't take the chance that it was something deeper. I refused to let myself get close to her out of fear I would betray Justin. That could never happen.
After his death, Mel moved back to Florida. She couldn't cope with everything while living in the city that stole Justin from her. Over the years, Tay and Mel kept in touch, but I still distanced myself. I was afraid I'd somehow dishonor Justin's memory by getting close to the love of his life- even after his death.
Maybe that's why I haven't been interested in anyone romantically since college. Maybe all this time, it's been because of her. I tamped down my thoughts and feelings back then for Justin's sake, convincing myself that I didn't need a partner, that all I needed was that game.
What if I was wrong? What if I needed someone all along?
Either way, I know what I felt the moment Mel walked back into my life. When she came to visit Tay, and I saw her again, all the thoughts that plagued me in college came rushing to the surface. The only difference- she'd somehow grown even more beautiful than I remembered. And I knew this time, I couldn't push away everything I was feeling.
A/N:
**This is the unedited version, final edited version is available on Amazon.**
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