.
Noelle
"Noelle, what's wrong?"
"Tell me: Do you know Damien?"
Silence.
"I may or may not have done the PR for the opening." He finally admits. "Please, don't be mad."
"Are you freaking serious? You lied to me! Well, not really but you didn't tell me that you know Damien! What the actual fuck, Finn? When I talked about him... Why didn't you say anything? You could have... Like helped me out a little? Since you know him you could have told me what he is like and ... Well, just anything...? But no... You just pretended that you don't have a clue who he is."
"Woah, there! I would've told you if he'd been a dick. So yeah, I know him and I like him. I thought he'd be good for you and I didn't tell you anything because... Well, because I didn't want to influence you or anything... You told me about him and I immediately knew that you liked him, but you needed to go for it on your own... I know you Noni, if I'd told you how great he was you would've shot me down immediately. You never listen to me when I tell you about a nice guy. Think back. How many times have you just not liked a guy because I tried to set you up with him."
Good point. Shit.
I take a few calming breaths.
Should I be mad at Finn for not telling me he knew Damien? For acting like he never heard of him? Actually, when I think about it, he did do me a huge favor.
If he'd told me about him and said what a good guy he is... I wouldn't have listened to him.
Last night would have never happened.
"Fuck. Ok, you're right. You would've screwed everything up by telling me."
I make my way to my bathroom to prepare the bubble bath I so desperately need right now.
"Noelle, I'm sorry. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I would never hurt you. I just knew that you two would hit it off... I wanted you two to have a chance without me screwing it up by talking to you about it."
"Okay." I sigh.
"Are you mad?"
I take a deep breath. "No, Finn. I'm not. I just wish I knew that you wanted to play matchmaker. Again." He laughs. "I really am sorry. I just... When I talked about you – and I mean just mentioned you and stuff. I just knew that you two... I just knew that you would be amazing together."
"You planned all of this, didn't you? You sneaky little shit."
That causes him to laugh even more. "I didn't know what else to do."
"Yeah, because introducing us would be such a strange and uncommon thing to do."
"Say what you want, but it worked didn't it? I am a genius, don't even try to deny it."
He is right. I am somehow really thankful that he always has his nose in my business.
"You're unbelievable."
"And you love me!" I roll my eyes. "Okay, so now tell me what happened yesterday. I want to hear every dirty little detail."
So that's what I do.
After ending the call, I can finally relax in my bathtub. That was one intense weekend.
I loved every second I've spent with him. He makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. He makes me feel beautiful, adored and wanted.
When he kisses and holds me it feels like so much more. Like he just wants to have me close, and just wants to connect with me somehow.
He makes me feel... Like I don't have to change in order to make him stay. He likes me just fine the way I am. Even though I'm an awkward nervous mess when I'm with him.
When you meet someone who takes you the way you are. Encourages you to show your true self. How can you let him go? How can you not fight for this person? I've never been one who liked the thought of not being whole without a partner. The idea of needing to find your other half, like you're somehow incomplete? It seems ridiculous to me.
So I've never thought of myself like that. And now having Damien in my life. I feel like I was right with that.
He doesn't fill out a part – it's more like... It's more like he makes the person that I am – My whole being into something more.
In this short time we've known each other he has been able to make me think about so many things differently. I've always thought that I need to change. That I talk too much, think too much, that I'm not nice enough, pretty enough.
Well, I'm still crazy and overthink everything, but if he's able to make me think about myself in a better way in one week? I can only imagine what he can do for me in the future.
Pretty scary thought.
He could change everything.
And that's exactly what I want. I don't want to think about my messed-up past. I don't want to think about all the things that have gone wrong in my life.
Is it really possible that my life can change so quickly? Just like that?
I start grinning like an idiot.
I think, yes. It is possible. And it's happening right now.
Damien
Stepping out of Noelle's building I need to close my eyes for a minute.
Who would've thought this would happen to me? Definitely not me.
I've never actually looked for someone. I thought if it happens – it happens.
Yeah, I wanted someone. I wanted to belong to someone. I didn't want to be alone anymore.
The thing is, you can screw woman after woman, but there always comes the time when you go back home to your empty apartment.
You can't escape being alone. Never.
I've always tried to spend as little time as possible in my apartment.
But it starts with waking up. It begins with opening your eyes and looking at an empty space next to you. You get ready. You brush your teeth with a second unused sink next to yours. You don't have anyone to talk to. You get dressed in silence. You can't surprise someone with an already prepared breakfast. So you try to get the hell out of there as quick as possible. You eat in silence. You pack your stuff and you're out. You fill your days with working out till every part of your body hurts. You spend as much time as possible in your office.
You become a workaholic. You get told 10 times a day that you should take a break because you work too much and that making money isn't everything.
Oh, if they only knew.
But I don't hate everything. Working hard and a lot does have its perks; I make a shitload of money I don't even need. I'm successful. I can practically do what I want and don't have to worry about a thing.
But then again the women I meet just see that... A rich single guy.
I've never cared enough for any of them so it hasn't bothered me that much. I had fun for one night and moved on.
But when you don't have a thing to do. And you sit back on your couch and you think about your life. It does hurt thinking about the fact that they didn't see more in me.
Noelle is different. I know that.
She's interested in me. Just me.
Not once did we talk about money. She just doesn't give a shit about how much I make with my clubs. She doesn't give a shit about how much I made with selling my paintings. She was more interested in why I paint. What inspires me.
And because she cares more about the guy that I am. She already knows me better than anyone else. And I intend to let her get to know me even better.
I want it to be her who knows me inside out.
And I want to know everything about her. Is it what her favorite chewing gum is or her favorite TV show. Fuck just every ridiculous little thing.
I want us to have that with each other.
Is it crazy that I want that after a few days of knowing her? Yes, it is. Do I give a shit? No, I don't!
I shake myself out of my little daydream and walk over to my car.
I hate the fact that I had to leave her.
Just thinking about how she made me feel and how unbelievably good I felt just by spending time with her. That she had cooked for me had me almost on the floor. That she wanted me at her place. And was comfortable with the fact I was there.
For other people, it might seem like nothing, but in my world it's everything.
The women I've met in the past always wanted to be taken to some fancy overpriced place. They wanted to be spotted at my side. More interested in everything else than in the actual person they have dinner with. Not so Noelle... She impressed me with her killer cooking skills and her personality.
As cheesy as it sounds, it just was like that.
She didn't fake anything. She was herself. And that made me even more crazy for her.
And opening the door in her casual all black attire with only a little makeup on. Just thinking about how fucking beautiful she is... It's almost painful.
And I'm going to feel like this again. I'm going to see her again. Just the thought of that is going to get me through a couple of hours of work.
The sound of my phone ringing makes me snap out of my thoughts.
It's Finn.
Fuck!!
"Hey, what's up. Please, tell me nothing happened with Noelle." God, please don't tell me something's wrong.
"Well not quite. I forgot to think about one little thing in my master plan. Noelle is not stupid. Well, now she knows that we know each other."
Ohh, fuck I knew it. I fucking knew this was a bad idea!
"I'm going to rip off your head. Fucking hell, Finn, I told you. I told you."
"Will you please let me finish before you freak out. Jesus, you're worse than her. I've got this ok. I told her I didn't want to influence her by telling her I know and like you. I have a history with her not liking someone just because I told her I did. Anyway, we're good. I just wanted to warn you... Damien, don't screw this up."
"So, she's not mad?" Thank God.
"No, she's not. Damien, she really likes you, but I'm sure you know that already."
"I really like her too." I tell him.
After we end the call I see that I already have a text from her.
–Noelle–
You and my best friend teaming up to woo me over? Very sneaky, Mister Warren.
Fuck it.
I more than like this woman.
As I drive down the busy road to my main club V.I.P., my thoughts drift away. I can't help, but keep thinking how different Noelle is. I can't help but keep thinking how lonely I was before her.
Flashback
I swallow, the expensive liquid burning its way down my throat as I look at my best friend and his fiancée sitting next to me in the VIP lounge of my club.
How they look at each other with so much love and passion even after all this time... I didn't even think it was possible, but it seems like after everything they've overcome together they love each other even more, they've become even stronger as a pair and I can't help that disgusting, overwhelming feeling rising up in my chest.
Jealousy.
It's not like I'm not happy for them... Hell, these two deserve nothing but the best – I want nothing but the best for them, but...
I can't help wanting what they have, can't help wishing it was me and not Chuck who found the love of his life so early. You'd think I have it all, the looks – money – women... but I can't help but feel empty like there is something missing.
"What's with the face?" Chuck asks, interrupting my train of thoughts.
I clear my throat and try to shake those feelings off. "Nothing, just work..." I say, but I can tell that he and Milli see right through me.
"Guys, honestly... I'm good." I try to assure them, but they're not having it.
"Damien,–" Milli reaches out to take my hand. "I'm really starting to worry about you." As she says this something at the corner of my eyes catches my attention.
"You don't have to." I stand up and lean over to kiss her cheek. "I'm fine... If you'd excuse me. There is someone I'd like to talk to." Without waiting for a reply I walk over to the bar.
"I wondered when you'd finally say hello to me." Nora chirps.
Nora, a little too skinny for my taste but these boobs and these mile-long legs combined with white blonde hair and ice-blue eyes... Are more than making up for it.
I put my hand on her hip and lean in to whisper in her ear. "Let's get out of here."
She looks at me through her thick eyelashes and chews on her red lower lip. "Don't you take a girl out for dinner before you take her home with you?"
I cock my eyebrow at her. "You know there is this new Italian restaurant. The opening is tonight–" Her voice got impossible high, sounding almost like a little girl. I cringe at her failed attempt to sound hot and seducing. "With you at my side... I wouldn't have problems getting in and then you can take me home and fuck me senseless."
"You want me to get you into the restaurant and in return I get to fuck you?" I ask, my tone flat and my temper rising. I remove my hand from her hip and take a step back. "Nora, if I needed to get laid that bad–" I lower my voice. "I'd call a prostitute." I turn around and walk away – heading straight for the back exit.
Yeah, tonight is done for me.
The thing is, I don't even have a problem with taking a girl out for dinner and dating in general. But I'm not someone's fucking golden ticket to New York's high society, not someone's fucking accessory.
The last time I took a girl out, we went to my favorite Mexican restaurant, it's more of an insider tip – hidden in some small street, I stumbled across years ago. It's small and cozy, but most importantly – far away from paparazzi and gossip – drama. So we went in... And not even 5 minutes later she started complaining about how we wouldn't even be seen here and how we're not going to meet anyone here. Well, needless to say – that was the first and last time I took her out.
I'm just sick of it.
I just want someone who wants me because of me. I want someone who wants to spend time with me because of me, and not because of my name, social status or bank account.
I'm sick of not getting a chance, sick of people just seeing a handsome face and nothing more.
Sick of people not even trying to see more in me.
When I finally get home I make my way to my bathroom and immediately strip down.
I step into the shower and turn on the water. It's a little too hot at first, but after holding it out for another few minutes the biting pain stops and my muscles begin to relax.
I take a deep breath, rest my head against the shower wall and close my eyes.
All my life I believed that love does exist. I saw it, even though I was a little boy back then.
My parents, I remember looking at them – seeing the way they looked at each other and I knew that this is love.
After their death, I swore to myself that I wouldn't let the tragedy destroy me – I wouldn't break down. I would find what they had once. I would find this kind of love. That one day I would have a home and a family again.
So, I'm not going to close my heart. I keep looking, keep trying to find the thing that will fill out the void within me.
I'm waiting. Waiting for the day, everything finally starts to change. The day I really start living.
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thanks for reading xx