Life was a wild fickle creature. So persistent and resistant, and yet so fragile and delicate. Helena often wondered how different her life had been if her loved ones didn't leave her one after the other.
What if her grandpa has never had a heart attack? What if her parents and grandmother decided against rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night to see him? What if they had never gotten into a car accident?
Then Helena would ask herself, what if they had taken her with them? What if she'd passed almost twenty-one years ago? Would it have been better?
Ironical as life was, the thought only plagued her when she was going through her worst. Never when she was happy, full of joy and laughter. Then the thought vanished one day, that was the day she'd found out she would be a mother. In twenty-one year, not once did the thought cross her mind. She was filled not only with a desire to live, but an urgency and need to continue existing. For her children, undoubtedly. Maybe her selflessness was proof of how little she'd grown from the trauma of losing all her loved ones so young. She probably never recovered correctly. She'd started to despise her self-sacrificial ways when she'd ended up in a stagnant miserable place in life. Out of fear -she called it selflessness then- Helena hadn't changed a thing, because she could lose it all. It would have killed her. Then, there was Xavier... and god he was so courageous. He was everything she lacked, all she wanted to be.
Helena used to think she was so in love with Zach, so sure of it that it'd keep her full for the rest of her life. Oh how ridiculously upset she would get every time she saw Xavier. Every time she felt empty when he'd left. Who was to tell her that growing doubtful of her love was normal? That it was okay and justified? Who was to tell her not to be too harsh on herself, to see reason and admit she couldn't still love a man who tossed her aside like an old pair of worn out socks? She died a little bit inside every time she would talk to Xavier, when she'd crave him like an addict deprived of their narcotic substance.
Xavier would ask her if she were okay. Helena would lie and say she was. He told her she deserved better. Helena didn't believe him. That she should leave before it got worse... and well. It had gotten as worse as could be.
What if I had left? Helena thought, looking down at the girl sleeping in her bed, her chest rising up and down with deep steady breaths. Helena was so used to brushing her fingers through her hair without halting that it almost became second nature. Something she would do without thinking too much about it. If she stopped, the little girl's eyes would twitch, her face would scrunch up and her muscles jerk. Then her body would start trambling and sweating. Then two minutes on the dot, the girl would let out a cry capable of waking up the entire house, and it would take precisely twenty minutes of cooing and gentle coaxing to get her to calm down and settle. Helena then would turn to the nightstand and pour half a cup of water, hold it to the girl's lips and make her drink it slowly. When she'd finish it, Helena would lift the comforter and slide underneath it beside the girl. She would bring her so close to her body and hug her tightly, singing her favourite lullaby aproximately seven times before she would feel her steady heartbeat and deep relaxed breathing again.
How many times had she gone through that same routine? Enough to have it memorized to the T. Nowadays, she would just get Ophelia to sleep in her room. She would stay up running her fingers through her hair until she fell into deep slumber. For an hour maybe? Then, Helena would get up and sit by the desk, getting out a fresh blank paper and ink pen. She had approximately 30 minutes to write what she would, then 10 more minutes to get ready for bed and slide back in to hold Ophelia.
~
He had woken up on the wrong side of the world. That's what the first few minutes of consciousness felt like. He had a strong urge to close his eyes shut and go back to sleep, but god did he refuse to. He blinked through the burning in his sensitive eyes, and although the room was dimly lit, it was still enough to make his eyeballs itch and water. He grunted groggily, then instantly broke into a fit of coughing. His throat burned as well. Screw it. Everything hurt and ached. A machine started beeping loudly beside his bed, the sound of it making him want to tear his ears off. It seemed he was sensitive to sound just as much. Nothing to do about it. He relaxed back down, simmering in annoyance, but his brain just seemed to fully comprehend the thought. A machine? Why would there be a beeping machine in his room-
The door clicked open and footsteps rushed in making him groan again, trying to cover his ear but he couldn't feel his arms let alone make them do anything.
"-regory." A voice sounded distantly, "Mr. Gregory, can you hear me?"
It was muffled, as though he was hearing it from underwater. The ringing in his ears was so loud and only made worse by the machine. He grumbled, "F*cking make it stop beeping." At least that's what he intended to say but he couldn't actually hear himself. Although it seemed whoever was speaking to him understood what he said and eventually the additional beeping stopped. The ringing continued for awhile longer but slowly he was gaining back clarity both of sight and hearing. He cracked his eyes wider open and looked to the side to see a doctor checking machines and taking notes on his clipboard. A nurse was fussing by his head, attaching and detaching tubes, taking his pulse, checking his blood pressure. He was in a hospital.
Why the hell was he in a hospital? The last thing he remembered was the event then Zach- Zach. Suddenly his memories all came back at once like a flood of water rushing in after the gates had been cracked open. Too much too soon. He winced as it physically hurt him to think of so many things at once and he shut his eyes tightly, involuntarily living through his memories of that terrible day.
Helena... She wasn't okay. No. His eyes flew wide open and as much as the movement pained him, he looked helplessly to the doctor, failing to sit up or support himself. He whispered frantically. "Helena! I- where is she? You need to get to her. She'd injured."
"Mr. Gregory please calm down." The doctor pleaded. The nurse gently trying to keep him back. "All's well with Ms. Quinn. In fact she'll probably be here with the little girl to visit you in.." The doctor raised his wristwatch and concluded, "thirty minutes."
"She will?" Xavier asked confusedly, settling down at the nurse's urging. "She's okay?"
"Yes." The doctor nodded enthusiastically. "She is perfectly fine. Her injuries weren't too serious luckily and she only needed a couple days of rest before she got on her feet... You, on the other hand." The doctor gave him a pointed scolding look. Xavier furrowed his brows like he didn't know what trouble he caused to warrant that look. The doctor sighed, "You've been shot, Mr. Gregory. In a very dangerous and delicate area too might I add. It's quite lucky that you are awake and among us again actually."
"Shot..." Xavier trailed off. Remembering the last thing he saw was Ophelia's terrified face and cries. He shook his head violently, asking the doctor. "Ophelia?"
"Ms. Quinn's little girl?" The doctor hummed thoughtfully. "She is well, she is well. She comes with her mama here everyday to see you. She must really love you."
Xavier exhaled in relief, although he didn't like how the doctor was sounding more casual like he'd known him for months.
"Well, a month, to be precise." The rambling doctor said, which caught the attention of Xavier. "It's a wonder really that you are doing so well. They brought you in a bit too late. You had already entered a coma, and we weren't sure what could happen.
"A coma?" Xavier exclaimed. "A month? F*ck, it can't be.." How could it be? He's been unconscious for at least four weeks. He didn't remember being shot. He couldn't have known what happened afterwards. It all felt like it happened just hours ago, but it's been four weeks. Xavier sighed. It must be true then.
Still in his post-wakeful haze, Xavier tried to answer as many questions as the doctor had for him, and sit through as many examinations as they deemed necessary. Apparently he had fallen asleep for about an hour feeling exhausted, and when he woke up he realized the hospital had called his family. Xavier looked at the clock on the wall facing him. It's been two hours, and Helena didn't come. Was the doctor lying? Was she not okay? He sat up with the help of the nurse who asked him if he'd like to see his family as they were waiting outside. Xavier nodded, and a minute later his dad and younger sister both stepped inside. He tried reassuring them that he was perfectly okay when they scolded and fussed about him. As happy as he was seeing them and catching up, he had many unanswered questions that occupied his mind. He could only find relief when Terrance stopped by after his family left.
"You're alive." Terrance said in a matter-of-fact voice. Xavier shook his head with an amused look to which his friend sighed, "F*ck, you made us all worry you lucky bastard."
"Ter," Xavier cleared his throat. He didn't know what to ask first. "Helena, is she.."
Terrance nodded cutting him, "She's fine Xavier. Her and Ophelia are.. okay."
"If that's so why the f*ck are you hesitating for?" Xavier clenched his jaw, feeling irritated. He hated when people tiptoed around him, and especially when Terrance did. "What the hell happened?"
His friend sighed and relaxed back on the chair with his cup of coffee in hand. "What happened is that you're a f*cking moron who just stormed inside without a care in the world for your safety. I even specifically told you to wait for Jones and his unit. The f*ck were you thinking?"
"Helena was there Terrance." Xavier kneaded the bridge of his nose. "Don't f*cking tell me you wouldn't have done the same were it Amber in that situation."
Terrance clenched his jaw and regarded his friend with a contemplative gaze. they both sat in silence until Xavier broke it. "The doctor said Helena comes everyday with Ophelia to see me.. If she was okay as you both say, then... why is she not around?"
"Hell if I know," Terrance scratched the back of his head. "It's complicated. Ophelia hadn't been mentally okay since that day, and one can only imagine how Helena is dealing with it all. Even if we know what happened that day, nobody had witnessed as much horror as that six year old must have. She is terrified, Xavier."
Shit. He cursed under his breath and balled his hands tightly. "Tell me what happened."
Terrance sighed. "There isn't another way to put it but what happened is you were shot. Helena was found unconscious and bleeding as well. The leader of the special unit gave a detailed report to Jones and after getting Helena's input, and a lot of convincing later, he finally told me what happened. The sharks had kidnapped Ophelia, and they didn't exactly mind roughing up a kid. She was scared to death before even Helena got there. The sharks got intel that the police were onto them and they clean up quite nicely because they took advantage of Zach's instability to make it look like he was behind it all. They basically handed an insane man a weapon and he'd used it first to shoot you and then.. Well- shoot himself."
Xavier's eyes went wide with shock, "He.. What?" He trailed off, not knowing the right thing to ask.
"The man was out of his mind, I couldn't tell you why." Terrance shrugged, taking a deep breath. "What nobody can get over though is the fact that he's done it in front of Ophelia... His f*cking six year old daughter had to watch her father first off shoot you, then blow his brains right in front of her eyes."
"F*ck." Xavier sat up straighter, skin crawling, "F*ck, no. Ophelia, is she-
"Okay?" Terrance shook his head regretfully, "Physically maybe, but Amber said that she couldn't be left alone for a single waking moment. She's barely saying a few words to Helena and she's having a lot of trouble sleeping."
Xavier exhaled heavily. He couldn't begin to imagine how hard it must have been for the both of them. His only regret is that he wasn't there by her side all this time. "God.. Helena must be suffering."
"She's been visiting you everyday to my own knowledge." Terrance said. "She might drop by later."
"What about the others?" Xavier asked. As far as he could remember, Terrance had joined Ales to manage the situation at the company.
"We tried to cut some losses." His friend nodded, "The company's been sold to another group, but fortunately It's one of our acquaintances. He expressed how much he'd like Rober and Ales to stay a part of the team, and I think they're slowly adjusting. Obviously they managed to get some shares but it's nothing that significant."
Xavier nodded his head in understanding. The shock of it all might be the factor that's affected them the most, although he wouldn't be too worried about the kids. Ales had a good head for business, and Amber would make her own way. Lennon was much too young to be thinking about any of that. Plus, as long as he'd live, they'll never have to worry about struggling in that sense. It was the least he could promise.